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I have 7 bridesmaids. 3 are my childhood friends. One I am not that close with but included in the Bridal party because I thought it would be hurtful if the other two were included and she was not. She got engaged 4 months after me, is getting married a year after me, and told me today that I will not be included in her wedding party (our other two friends will be)Now I’m very hurt and regret including her since she obviously doesn’t feel the same way. Is it wrong to ask her to step down?
There I was blabbing on about my morning annoyance with USPS.
But bright spot of the day! One of the engineers I occasionally work with, who is super nice and always appreciative of the work I do, brought me a small gift this morning. It's one of those cute, mini pumpkins. I put the little guy under my monitor, where he can be the festive decoration I see all month.
Ah! Good question, flantastic. I have to get married in a different state than the one I live in (and yes, 'have to' is the operative word here - my fiancé and I are two different religions, and the diocese in the state we live in refuses to marry us). We told this couple that we would need their help with some wedding-related errands because they live in the state we are getting married in, and they agreed to it at the time.
I’m getting married in August of next year, and several months ago, I had eagerly picked out my bridal party. Two of the people in my bridal party, ‘Phillip’ and ‘Beverly' are married to each other, and have been my closest friends for almost a decade. I adore them and was a bridesmaid in their wedding five years ago; they have been together for over fifteen years and I naively didn’t think anything could ever come between them. I was wrong. Phillip and Beverly separated a few weeks after I'd asked them to be in my bridal party.I've been trying to be considerate of their feelings as I plan my wedding. I've been careful not to bring up anything wedding-related that might trigger some difficult emotions on their part as their marriage ends and have tried to make myself as emotionally available to them as possible. That being said, it's been almost nine months since their separation began, and I'm at the point where I could really use their help with things. I don't want to be a selfish bridezilla; I realize that I can't possibly imagine what they are going through and that my wedding is (understandably) not really on their radar, but I'm having some serious second thoughts about them being a part of my wedding. Not only have I not been able to talk to Phillip and Beverly about wedding-related topics, they also are having difficulty being civil with one another. They fluctuate between being best buddies-with-benefits and crying and shouting at each other, and I can't possibly predict when their arguments are going to happen. Are they going to decide to air their drama at the wedding or reception? Are they just going to be stressing me out on the one day I need them to be supportive?Also, I realize that when people are hurting, they say hurtful things, and Phillip and Beverly have said some things to and about me during this time that I haven't been able to work past. One day, when I was discussing Phillip's professional goals with him, he said that I couldn't possibly understand his struggles because my parents are 'loaded', so I don't have to worry about failure. Not only is this not true, it was really hurtful.Beverly has also said some things about me to other people about how I struggle with certain bad habits the most out of our friend group (no crazy bad habits, they mostly have to do with me being a workaholic, but still not a great thing to say about a friend). When I confronted her about it, she said she 'couldn't help saying these things' because she just is excited about evangelizing and gets carried away with her words (we aren't the same religion). These are things I don't think either of these people would say if they weren't already coming from a place of hurt, but it's difficult to feel supported by these two right now. My question is this: do I keep them in the bridal party or do I sit down and have a conversation with them about the fact that I don't trust them to be supportive of me on the big day? I feel like such a jerk and that I'm kicking them while they're down, but I'm also really frustrated with the situation.
Hugs @sparklepants and @climbingwife.I didn't realize I was a victim of assault until the 'Grab em by the P*ssy' moment. I never forgot those moments, and knew they weren't right, but never labeled them as assault until then. Hearing all of the "why didn't she come forward earlier," makes me ragey.
Thank you. I have been trying to make sure I stay away from triggers lately, but especially today I will be taking time to care for myself. @NBSquared2017 your thoughts and support are really appreciated. Hugs to everyone who is also a survivor. We can get through this together - and hopefully justice will prevail!!!ETA: Ironically, today is actually the 20th anniversary of my rape.