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Re: Discuss your fears, but there's no reason not to go for it.

I think you need a lawyer. Immigration status through marriage is not what it used to be; you may well find yourself married and forced to live apart (or live together in her country of origin.)

Get married if you're ready, but you need to face the real possibility that she may be forced out of the US for some amount of time in the future. You need to figure out what you will do if that happens.

MyNameIsNot

Re: Monday

@VarunaTT healing vibes your way (your way too @mrsconn23)

Spent a lot of time outside this weekend enjoying the beautiful weather, and probably about as much in the kitchen, made a huge pot of meatballs since it's cooled off so much, in addition to a bunch of other things. ExH is in a misbehaving flare up which is always fun *eye roll*.

ei34

Re: Monday

Hi...I'm sorry you're still struggling with your symptoms @VarunaTT. I'm glad you feel OK enough to work. ((hugs))

We had a decent weekend. Friday we looked a couple of houses really close to us with BIL/SIL and got some BBQ for dinner. The houses are a no-go, unfortunately. The BBQ was great. LOL

Saturday, we had a low-key morning and then did some shopping. We had a bonfire and s'mores after dinner.
Sunday, normal football Sunday. My dad and nephews came over. It was really nice day.

Emotionally, we had a really up and down weekend. DH had a panic attack Friday night. I was really out of sorts for over half of Saturday. The dregs of all of that kind of hung around a little bit yesterday.

I got my paperwork on Friday. I read it over and submitted it this morning and got my work phone and computer all cleaned off. I talked to my manager. This layoff was massive. I actually feel bad for the people who are left behind. That's got to be so stressful and they can't be feeling motivated to do shit.

In other news, this Mormon MomTok show on Hulu is wild. Ha.

mrsconn23

Re: Monday

I camped with Chiquita Fri and Sat with the GS for their annual weekend where the entire service unit comes together. We had to leave for her soccer game (another win) and I went to FIL's 75th birthday. Saturday night I didn't sleep well so yesterday we were up, showered at home, went to church and I crashed hard after I started laundry.

banana468

Monday

Good morning. I have covid and it has knocked me on my butt the last week. I am back at work today (thank goodness for working from home) and hopefully can put in a full day's work. Just took my last dose of paxlovid, but I still have a low grade fever and congestion, so I'm not bothering to test (and won't go out) until the fever stops.

Other than being sick AF, I watched Twisted Metal (solid fun, entertaining, and has some heart), caught up with some other shows (Extraordinary, Futurama, and Foundation), crotcheted, and sat on my butt while trying to keep Harley away from me so I wouldn't give her covid too. How was everyone else's weekend.

VarunaTT

Re: If this is a big problem, you have a charmed life, LW.

People in need are not suffering from a lack of merch t-shirts. There is already enough clothing on the planet. No one wants this. Just use them as rags.

flantastic

Re: If they're paying, it's their say.

You are absolutely right @banana468 and @levioosa. If parents claim a college student as a dependent, their income is considered when financial aide (including loans) is dispersed. Being a dependent also means if they are included on their parents health insurance policies. I remember going through all that 40 plus years ago. I was trying to get financial aide for summer school (college) and my father would pay for it. I was SOL because I was still a dependent so his salary was considered in the package.

It also irks me that, parents have to be included as financially responsible parties but can't have access to college records but that is a whole other topic.

edited to add another thought

ILoveBeachMusic

Re: Friends wedding too close?

Let it go. Getting married is not an accomplishment or a race. By that I mean, being NOT married does not make you a "childless cat lady" and there's no rush in getting to exchange vows.

If this is what she wants to do, it's her life. If it looks like she's getting married before you then instead of looking at this as a competition, smile and be happy for her and then take notes on all the things that didn't go well so you know not to do them when your wedding comes up.

banana468

Re: If they're paying, it's their say.

banana468 said:

Casadena said:

If LW is 18, is emancipation even something in play?

Maybe things changed but when I was going through college it was a huge PITA to try to qualify for loans and any additional financial assistance. At that age you can still be claimed on your parents' tax returns. So unless OP opts for the GI bill as tuition assistance then the OP needs to cut through a ton of paperwork if they want to qualify for loans that they would sign on their own and that would not take their parents' income into play.

My HS into college BF had a PITA time getting the loans he needed because he was on his own financially per his parents but both parents financial records were used when calculating the paperwork. A different friend in college went through similar issues getting the financial aid he needed when he was saying that his mother was not supporting him or in the country but it didn't matter on paper - the colleges looked at the financial records and saw what could or could not be allowed.

I'll have to dig in more as this is is literally less than 4 years ahead for us but I don't think it's as simple as 'just take loans out in your name'.

I remember being in literal tears doing my FAFSA and trying to get aid because my parents "made too much" to qualify for any grants, but they also told me they weren't paying and I was on my own. And FAFSA literally requires your parents info (which I still feel is a massive pile of bullshit) so there was no way to bypass that for grants. Your parents have to sign that they won't be helping you and if they won't do that (and mine wouldn't sign because of the tax implications) you're up shit creek without a paddle. It is a huge mire of insanity, especially when you are 18, trying to be independent, limited in funds, but struggling to get anywhere. It's a monumental process to bypass it. It can feel absolutely overwhelming. So I do have a lot of sympathy for LW.

levioosa

Re: You should have friends that value your time.

That length of time with no check in is inexcusable.

I'd start the texting with a follow up that quantifies the time, "OK if you're running late when do you think you'll be here? I left already so any time updates are appreciated."

And if this persists stop being available. Invent a reason to leave and stick to it "I Have to be out by 4 so I understand if you still have issues with the kiddos but it's 3:30 so please let me know if I should just head out now."

banana468