Catholic Weddings — The Knot Community

Friday!!!!

Resa77 — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 13:58:11 +0000

Happy Friday everyone!!! What are your weekend plans?

My weekend should be mostly uneventful. H has a job interview early Sat morning, and it's probably going to last well into the afternoon. That means he'll want to get to bed early tonight. So tonight we'll stay in and get to bed early. Saturday H will be gone, which means I will have alone time for the first time since I got married. I'm looking forward to relaxing in a hot bath, doing a nice face mask, giving myself a mani/pedi, and maybe reading some. Nothing too exciting, but I'll enjoy it! Saturday night we don't have plans as of yet, but I'm thinking we'll hit up the vigil Mass. Sunday afternoon I'm going shopping and getting coffee with my good friend who got married in June. We haven't really hung out since the weddings, so we're looking forward to it. A nice, simple weekend is just what I need!

My nephews is yet to be baptized.

lindsaynewbride10 — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 16:23:18 +0000

And it's killing me. Down to my core. My nephews is 3 1/2 years old.

A little background, my sister and I were raised Lutheran. I was baptized and confirmed in the Lutheran church, and recently in 2010 became Catholic, receiving all of my sacraments and I now attend Mass on a weekly basis.

My sister kinda fell off the wagon back when we were attending the Lutheran church because basically my Mom stopped insisting she go to her classes to be confirmed in the church, and she's just a pistol and refuses to "conform" to what anyone would like to see her do/accomplish, even if it's in her best interest.

Soooo fast forward to her getting pregnant with my nephew outside of marriage, which I understand is becoming a more widely-accepted scenario, however I don't feel too warm-and-fuzzy about it, but whatever.

The only part that I'm terribly concerned about is the fact that he's now 3 1/2 years old, and she's yet to get him baptized. I don't even care what church she gets it done in, I just feel it needs to be done. I've asked her about it maybe 4 times within the past few years and she really just shrugs it off. At this point I'm not even asking HER to be involved in the church, whichever one she may choose, but only to do the "right" thing and get her son baptized.

How do you all feel about this? Is there anything I can do or say that would persuade her to do the right thing here? I mean she grew up going to church, she knows what it's all about, even though she didn't complete her confirmation and whatnot. Why wouldn't she want this for her son?

Provide hotel for officiant?

stantokm — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 13:16:23 +0000

We've asked a friend of ours who was recently ordained as a Deacon to be our officiant for our ceremony. He won't be a full priest yet which is fine because we're not having a Mass (FH is Mennonite so I'd estimate that 75% of attendees won't be Catholic and we don't want people to feel excluded because they won't be able to receive Communion--including the groom!).

Our wedding is two hours away from our home parish so our Deacon will have to spend at least one night, possibly two if he doesn't want to drive back after the reception. Do you think that we need to pay for his hotel costs? I think that priests sometimes stay at the local rectory of wherever they're going, but I also don't want to assume that. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Recommend your favorite blogs

Resa77 — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 14:59:31 +0000

What are your favorite blogs, Catholic or not?

US nuns and the Vatican

Karen's MOH — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 17:38:24 +0000

I've been following the story about the issues between the vatican and the US nuns group (LCWR) pretty closely. As someone who was educated by nuns for most of my life, I find myself taking their side. However, I am fully aware that I'm only reading mainstream responses to the discussion. I eventually found the very wordy official document from the Vatican, but still found it pretty vague and hard to digest. Could anyone here point me to Catholic responses to all this, or generally more information aside from mainstream news outlets?

I tried Googling but keep coming up with the same stories. I thought, if anyone, the ladies on this board might have more info.

Books!

Resa77 — Wed, 22 Aug 2012 15:05:38 +0000

What are you reading? What books have you read that you love and would highly recommend?

Right now, I'm reading Good News about Sex and Marriage by Christopher West (recommended by several of you ladies!) I'm not super far into it, because so far it's the kind of thing that you really want to pay attention to and take your time with.

I'm also reading One Fifth by Bushnell, with H. It's got some sexually graphic moments here and there, but otherwise I'm enjoying it for the entertainment factor. It's about the high society scene in NYC, following several characters.

Speaking of books with sex scenes/innuendos, promiscuity, etc., how do you determine whether it's something you'll read/watch? I know some people who won't expose themselves to any tv, book, etc., that treats sinful behavior as okay, and I totally respect that. For me, I don't go quite that far. I'll read a book that I find entertaining or enlightening in spite of immorality being portrayed, as long as I don't feel like it's leading me to sin, or to have a casual attitude toward sin.

Happy Hump Day!

ootmother2 — Wed, 22 Aug 2012 13:25:06 +0000

I'm feeling quite accomplished this morning! It's not even 9:30 and I have called the IRS and my accountant to settle a problem about a missing document.

I wrote an email to Gilt City because one of their vendors didn't accept their voucher for dinner on Monday. (No reply yet)

Perhaps it's a good time to tackle upcoming bills while I'm on high energy.

What are you all doing today?

Vent...

Resa77 — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 15:54:01 +0000

Ok, I need to vent...I had my Creighton follow up, and my cycle is just a huge mess. Apparently my Napro doctor didn't follow protocol, so I'm not really getting the help I need. My instructor gave me some recommendations, but they're all far away. I don't understand how long-distance medical care works. I can't even imagine how much this will all cost, and I am not even sure how much my insurance will be able to cover. It's so stressful. I really wish I could just have a normal cycle. It's really frustrating.

My instructor is awesome and supportive. She is keeping us on a more frequent follow-up schedule, rather than going 3 months without meeting, since my chart isn't managed. I just really wish this was more simple!!

Anonymous poll about annulments

Calypso1977 — Thu, 16 Aug 2012 19:35:25 +0000

what was your situation? (clicky poll below)

Resa

bibliophile2010 — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 16:36:04 +0000

YGPM :)

Engagement Encounter

kgrawedding — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 16:49:25 +0000

FI and I attended an Engagement Encounter weekend this weekend, and it was awesome. It really reaffirmed how much we do want to marry each other. We had done some really in-depth work with our priest before hand, so we had already sorted out almost all of the issues covered, but the weekend was still powerful. Just wanted to share my positive experience.

Biblio

shawna127 — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 21:43:29 +0000

YGPM :o)

uh oh

ootmother2 — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 07:11:07 +0000

Today's New York Times carried a gay wedding announcement. No biggie, I think that they have done even since they were called "Commitment Ceremonies"

" Mr. Roger Danforth and Mr. Richard Termaine were married on Friday night by Luitherin minister, xxx along with Revend Michael DeVito, a Roman Catholic priest and cousin of Mr. Termaine"

although I am very pro commitment ceremonies to protect the not "legal" spouses", I think that bringing in a Catholic priest could backfire. In this case, I hope not because he was family.

www.NewYorkTimes.com/Vows

Happy Monday!

Resa77 — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 15:50:05 +0000

How was everyone's weekend? Mine was fine, but nothing super exciting. It's just good to spend time with H :)

H is still on the job hunt, and while I am not anywhere near a point of resenting him for not working, he's getting to the point of being really down about it. He keeps assuring me he's okay, but I can tell he's feeling sad. I'd love some prayers sent his way, if anyone is looking for intentions :)

Okay, I have to ask

Chloeagh — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 14:00:05 +0000

There have been a lot of posts about annulments lately and this is bothering me. Can someone please explain to me why annulments are good? Everyone on this board seems to be 110% supportive of annulments and congradulates people on annulments and that is not something I understand.

I understand how in certain circumstances they make sense, but I was raised to believe annulments are horrible. Even my very Catholic grandma, thinks it's better to get a divorce and not be able to take communion than to say that the marriage never happened. And this is the woman that convinced my grandpa (who can't hear the sermons anymore) that he needs to keep going to church because you go to get the sacrament.

My parents divorced when I was young and both are remarried. While, from what I've heard, they would have been granted an annulment, neither of them ever wanted that. My mom married for life, and although she is happily remarried, a part of her still loves my dad because she married for life. And you can't just say those 12 years of her life didn't happen.

My mom also knows someone who got a call saying her marriage had been annulled. Just that. Even though it was her marriage, they wouldn't tell her the reason her marriage was invalid. You may say she can now be happy and have a valid marriage like her ex-husband, but she doesn't want to. That first marriage was 100% valid in her eyes, so she can't remarry, even if the church says she can.

I think what really bothers me is that until yesterday, I had never heard of someone seeking an annulment that didn't get one. That is much too high a percentage of invalid marriages for me. I was raised to believe that when you marry, you actually get married and no one can take that away from you. That's why you don't get married on a whim and you do pre-marital counseling, because marriage is for life and it isn't easy to break. When you marry someone and consumate the marriage, you become one flesh. You can't invalidate that.

I don't want to make any of the women on this board who have gotten annulments feel bad or like I'm judging them. I don't know your situation. And I understand for some people it's very important to get remarried in the church. I just would like to prehaps hear the way annulments were described to other people, and why you think they are good. However, I don't want to hear, "Well, the church doesn't invalidate marriages unless they are invalid." I've seen that a lot but it isn't enough for me because I personally don't believe a marriage can be invalid unless one or both of the parties was unable to give consent, and I've seen marriages annulled when both people were fully capable of giving consent.

Friday....questions??

Resa77 — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 13:54:26 +0000

Let's play questions today!! I'll start out with a few, but feel free to contribute (especially lurkers and newbs!)

1. How would you describe your FI/H in terms of machismo? Is he into stereotypical guy stuff, or does he have a softer side?
2. What initially attracted you to him -- looks or personality?
3. Is there much of an age difference? Do you notice the difference?

Paul Ryan Thread

MedStudent13 — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 17:42:37 +0000

I saw this article and thought of the past thread about Paul Ryan and thought you all might think it's interesting:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10000872396390444375104577592892933747400.html

Sponsor Couple Recognition

amber&kevinG — Sun, 19 Aug 2012 16:54:50 +0000

Hello ladies-

I am a non-Catholic marrying a Catholic in October. I’m super excited, and want to make sure we are doing everything correctly. We opted to have a sponsor couple, instead of the weekend retreat. Can you please advise if I should be getting the couple a corsage and boutonniere for the day of the wedding? Thanks!!!

Not Catholic, fi's family is and would like thoughts/opinions

coopsbaby — Sat, 18 Aug 2012 11:01:08 +0000

I'll try to keep this short, and I'm not quite sure what I'm really hoping for here, so thoughts on any part of all of this is very welcome!

My fi was rasied Catholic, parochial school all the way, etc. He is lapsed and has no intentions on ever going back to the church. His mom is very devout and FFIL goes to mass on a semi-regular basis. I was raised Lutheran. My mom's family is all Lutheran, my dad is also a lapsed Catholic (he hasn't gone since my parents married in the Church.) My sister has converted to Catholocism when she married her h. My first husband was baptised Catholic, but never made first communion or was confirmed or anything. So I've been around the Catholic faith a lot and know it's not as "laid back" as the church I was raised in.

Fmil knows that fi does not attend church and has no intention to do so. I know that she prays for us, especially for fi to go back to church. She's a lovely woman, and I know it worries her that fi had not been to mass in about 25 years. She doesn't mention any of this to me, but fi frequently gets an earful.

Anyway, we are getting married in Vegas in a small chapel. The officiant is an ordained minister, but we are having a civil ceremony. When fmil heard that we would be getting married in a chapel by a minister she was happy that we "at least believed that part is important." She believes we are having a religious ceremony and is pleased about it.

The thing is, I feel like we're misleading her by not correcting her thought that we are having a religious ceremony. Fi does not want to tell her, and doesn't think she'll even notice. I think she will notice that there are no prayers or mentions of God in the ceremony. Do you think it's hurtful to keep letting her believe that? We're going to visit them this weekend and I know it will come up again. I know it will be disappointing to her that we're doing a civil ceremony, and I don't want to lie to her about things.

Fi and I have also discussed if we are blessed with children that we will not be raising them in either of our faiths. I know it will bother her if we don't get them baptised, and it's not that I'm against doing it (my older 3 are all baptised Lutheran.) I just don't have a church to go to do it and neither does he.

I guess what I'm kind of asking is- do you think it's better to correct her when it comes up (like I want), or let it slide and hope she doesn't notice that we don't do the church thing (like fi wants). Does any of that even make sense? I feel sneaky about it all, like we are intentionally misleading her. I respect her faith completely and don't want to upset her, but I think maybe it's something better done sooner than later. If it were your child and his fi, would you want to know now or find out by accident later?

I know it's hard to give opinions on things sometimes when you don't know the people, but any thought are appreciated. Thanks so much!

Marriage to somebody you had an affair with...

afrenchprincess — Thu, 16 Aug 2012 18:57:43 +0000

If you and your fiance or spouse met because both of you were in an affair with each other. Can you still have a valid marriage? How do you reconile this with God and the church?

You have an annulment so it is valid. But somebody was tellig me that God does not approve of this marriage. I know that what happened was wrong however it is still a valid marriage.

A parent doesn't want to attend the wedding as they feel as it is a
sinful marriage"

catholic but not a catholic ceremony?

Michish — Thu, 16 Aug 2012 14:25:58 +0000

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a dilemma here. I was raised a Catholic and my fiance is Greek Orhodox. We are looking to have the ceremony at the Protestant Bay Head Chapel in Bay Head, NJ. While I would not call myself a "practicing Catholic", I still plan to raise my child and baptize him/her as a Catholic. I've done a lot of research on this but I want to make sure I can still baptize my child in a Catholic church despite where I am married.

Monday Question - Bridemaids

erin5286 — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 14:35:19 +0000

Happy Monday all! I'm so excited to be a bridemaid in my best friend's wedding this Saturday, so I thought that would be a good topic for a discussion - an easy one to start the week with!

1. How many times have you been a bridemaid?
2. Favorite part about it?
3. Least favorite part about it?

I'll start:
1. How many times have you been a bridemaid?
Other than the upcoming wedding, I've only been in one other wedding - MOH for my sister last summer. I'm just getting to the age where a lot of my friends are starting to get married, so I expect the number will increase in the next few years.

2. Favorite part about it?
I loved being MOH for my sister, it was the first wedding in our family so it was really exciting. I planned a more non-traditional bachelorette party (shopping at the Mall of America and then a murder-mystery dinner theater) which was right up her alley.
It's been fun so far being a bridemaid for my friends upcoming wedding - we're planning weddings at the same time, so it's been great being able to bounce ideas off of eachother.

3. Least favorite part about it?
The MOH in my friend's wedding hasn't been particularly welcoming to me or the other bridemaid. She hasn't been rude or anything, just hasn't made any attempt to socialize with us at the bachelorette party or shower. I guess it's not that big of a deal, but it would have been nice if the three of us could've gotten to know eachother a little more.

new mass

tmeyer621 — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:55:09 +0000

Anyone putting amy of the new mass info in their programs? Creed, response, etc? If so, can I see an example of your wording? A lot of Catholic guests are not regular attenders and Ii don't want them to bie lost. Thanks!

Politcal thread....ahhh, beware!!!!

Resa77 — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 17:36:04 +0000

Political threads can get scary, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. What are your thoughts on Paul Ryan? I don't know much of anything about him. I've seen some people post on FB that he's great, and I've seen people post about how the Catholic Bishops have spoken out against him...I'm confused!! Just wondering what you all know?

My weekend starts at 4pm today!

Calypso1977 — Thu, 16 Aug 2012 14:47:23 +0000

im off tomorrow, and heading to Montreal for the weekend to see a college buddy, his wife, and their new house. what's everyone else got on tap?

officiant and nun tip

TheSlowskys — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 11:30:16 +0000

I posted on my local but didn't get much insight so I guess I will ask here. What is an average tip/gift for the priest and nun? There is a 200 donation to the church, and a 200 charge for their musician. I know we are supposed to give something to the priest and nun as well but I had no idea how much.

Happy Wednesday!

Resa77 — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 16:24:13 +0000

How's everyone doing? I'm still struggling with being back at work and away from the beach! How are wedding plans coming for the engaged women? How is post-wedding adjustment going for the rest of the newlyweds? And to you Old Marrieds, how's married life/work/babies/etc?

Public holding Catholics to a higher standard?

danij30 — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 11:07:03 +0000

Hello. I'm just a lurker, but had an interesting discussion with some friends and wanted some more thoughts on it. Sorry for the length!

One friend calls herself a "Liberal Catholic". She believes that the faith life she experienced while living in Latin America for a few years is the (for lack of a better word..) "best" version of Catholicism. In her view, the most imporant aspects of the faith are emphasized and lesser aspects are downplayed in that culture. So she seeks to continue that version in her life, which means she is "picking and choosing" pieces of Catholicism to follow and pieces to disregard.

A non-religious friend (never practiced Catholicism) errupted in anger over this. Calling her horrible names and screaming that there is "No such thing as a 'Liberal Catholic!'" His view is that Catholics must make unreasonable efforts to follow every single piece of doctrine and belief in order to be allowed to call him/herself "Catholic". If you pick and choose, you are no longer a Catholic.

I was struck by the impossibly high standard that he (the public and media as well) set for Catholics. But other faiths are not expected to live by the same standards. In his view, Catholic women that use birth control pills are not truly Catholic. But a Jewish man that eats a non-kosher meal is still Jewish. And a Muslim woman that misses one of her five daily prayers can still call herself Muslim.

What are your thoughts?? Is he just misinformed about Catholicism and religion in general? Have you experienced judgment when going against your faith...no matter how small a discrepancy? Has Catholic become the Voldemort of religions in discussions with people of other faiths?

reader question

TheSlowskys — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 00:28:17 +0000

Fis uncle declined doing a reading because he is uncomfortable speaking in public. In place of him FI was thinking of asking his best friend who is a groomsman but not the bm. I've never seen a member of the wp do a reading. Would it be weird to ask him, or should he ask another friend not in the wp?

Does anyone else wish we'd get a board name change? :-)

Jasmine&Rajah — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 00:45:20 +0000

Perhaps, "Christian Catholic Weddings"?

Just me, then? ;-)

(It's a topic I get all sensitive about, that's all.)