South Asian Weddings — The Knot Community

Well, here's an interesting turn of events.

HisBelovedOne — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 20:50:43 +0000

Now, there IS a small possibility that a closer teaching job will call him back and none of what I'm about to tell you will happen, but in all likelihood, FI's dad is a few weeks away from signing a contract with the Hernando County school system as a teacher. This is about an hour and a half commute one way from where they currently live, and driving three hours a day just isn't practical for him. So FFIL and FMIL are planning to move up there. They're looking for one bedroom apartments up there, and they don't want to sell the house. Also, it would require quite a bit of rearranging lives - FI, his brother DJ, and the friend of ours who is living there now (J) would all need to find a new place to live.

To prevent all that hassle, FI and fam haggled things out and came up with a plan. When FI's parents move up to Hernando County, Kidlet and I will move into the house with FI, J, and DJ. The four of us adults are to collectively pay for the rent (and, I think, utilities) for the parents' apartment, and they will continue to pay the mortgage and utilities for the house. This is because the mortgage and house utilities are already in their names, and this way they don't have to transfer anything to any of us. They plan to come back to the house on weekends, but during the week it just isn't doable to drive all that distance, and FFIL understandably doesn't want to live apart from his wife. Once FFIL has been employed by Hernando County for a year, maybe two, he can transfer back to our county if any jobs are available, and they can move back.

His parents are not thrilled about us living together before we're married, but they also don't want us to get married "for the wrong reasons." Not sure what the logic is behind that, since we've been engaged for 7 months already and this plan was hatched five hours ago. FI and I are currently trying to decide if it would be best to just do the courthouse wedding thing now and have the big wedding later, or wait and do it all at once. I'd rather elope now and have the wedding later, but FI is torn on it, so we have some discussing to do. We also have some basic moving logistics to handle; Kidlet is on Supplemental Security Income due to his disability, so once we move that has to be reported. (Another reason to get married now - I can get all that stuff handled at once. Until Kidlet turns 18 I'm the caretaker for his SSI stuff and if we move or I get married, the living/income arrangements change and I have to report that.)

Also, there will have to be some discussions at my house. Mostly transportation for my youngest sister, N, who will be 16 in a little over a month. My mom can't afford a car for her right now. I'm currently N's primary transportation. We may be able to work that out, because Kidlet's school is near N's school and their start and end times are similar, so I could probably manage her school stuff still. But some financial stuff will need working out too - I share some bills with my mom, and moving out/getting married will affect those.

So, yeah. There's that, then. I'm happy, thrilled, even. The logistocs need handling, but I'm pretty sure we'll get it all covered.

Where can I shop for bridal lehengas in NYC??

tsukhee03 — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 02:36:14 +0000

Hey, im new to this website. I am getting married on July 1, 2011 and I have been engaged for about a month. I have started planning the hindu ceremony but I have no clue where to begin looking for bridal lehengas or sari's. I live in NYC does anyone have any suggestions?

Does kill it with niceness/kindess concept actually work or is it just that a concept

jnsaini — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 13:53:07 +0000

So if you ladies got to read about my bridal shower/bach party drama this is linked ot that- so I am using the concept of kill it with kindness/niceness and I sent a thank you email to the girls that showed up for dinner and then caused drama between FI and his best friend. I want to test if this concept actually works or is it just a bs saying. Have you ever tried it on someone?? Do you think it works??
Will update you ladies on what type of response I get back.

check it out....

Hinaj — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 20:25:01 +0000

Marigolds and Mithai

http://marigoldsandmithai.blogspot.com/

They have an E-pic session from Chicago!!! Yay!!!

While you are at it, also look at for invitations....

http://www.aliadesigns.com/

Checking items off the list! What am I missing?

mkjasani — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 03:06:19 +0000

WOW - I just finished writing the escort cards and the menus are printing as I type... I actually feel... dare I say... like I am finally close to done???

Finalizing Day Of timeline Thurs after I talk to Photog and DJ...

Have reviewed Banquet Event Order and finalizing with Ceremony/Reception site next Thurs

Confirmed all spa appts

Waiting for items for welcome bags to arrive so we can put them together...

What am I forgetting? Any thoughts ladies are greatly appreciated!!

rajkumari

Hinaj — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 12:08:13 +0000

Hi,

I PM'ed you!

For reading lovers....

Hinaj — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 12:35:30 +0000

Is anybody on goodreads.com? I just found the website recently. Pretty cool about keeping track of what you read and offers a lot of stuff I wouldn't have thought of reading.

Thought I post something NWR. LOL.

How many reception venue did you see...

Hinaj — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 16:14:22 +0000

before deciding on your current venue?? Also, as a desi bride, what did you look for in those reception venue to be desi friendly? I am wondering if there is anything we should look for apart from that the space is big enough to fit our guest list, the indian food, what else?

Another Indian/Asian site

kpwedkk — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:34:32 +0000

I found this looking for some more turban/reception suit pictures in a different thread -

http://marriagesinasia.com/articlelist.asp?vt=SubCategory&SCID=839&Asian-Brides

There's 10 pages of articles and pictures :)

Personalized cake toppers

SonaliPop — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 02:56:55 +0000

I have seen a cake topper on Maharani weddings (I have the photo here) where the Bride and Groom are turned into a cake topper. We are trying not to splurge on almost anything for this wedding and I really want to be the economical bride...but I can't resist at least indulging my mind and figuring out how much this costs! Do any of you know where this came from or how to find one of these? Have you ever used a website that has them? I LOVE it. If it's too pricey, we're going with a monogram cake topper. It's not that important to us, but, I think it'd be a nice little touch and something we'd hold onto after the wedding on our mantle or on a shelf in our bedroom or something.

Bhanu

SonaliPop — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:56:29 +0000

I responded to your older post about Seating charts. I'm not sure if you can see it cause I can't see it, so I wanted to let you know it's there...if it's not, I'll PM it to you.

Question about Groom's outfit

meelabeela — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 02:16:52 +0000

So for my wedding ceremony I'm wearing a Western style gown with Indian jewelry and my fiance is thinking about getting an Indo-Western style sherwani. We looked at some suits in this style in New Jersey and one shop said that this style shouldn't be worn with pagri (I think that's what the turban is called) or jutti (sp?) and another shop said they special ordered and indo-western suit with both of those accessories. So I'm wondering would the an IndoWestern suit look ok with the pagri and jutti or should he just stick to dress shoes and nothing on his head?

Gift for your hubby to be

jnsaini — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 16:13:33 +0000

Hi Ladies

Just want to get your opinion on this, so I dont expect a wedding gift from my future hubby, are you ladies exchanging gifts with you future hubbies?If so what are you ladies thinking of getting or have gotten?
He is tight on money and has so much to do like several interviews and fly for these interviews, by the end of this yr for his upcoming job next yr.
But would it be wrong for me to get him a wedding gift, I love spoiling my loved ones.I got a movado watch in mind, I know he loves watches and wears them and really uses them, so its def. a practical gift he will use. But I dont want him to feel bad if he doesnt get me anything. Should I wait till our aniversary to give him or at the wedding, would that be more appropriate?

Engagement shoot pictures...

Bhanu&Anuj — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 15:42:47 +0000

Hi Ladies

I put some of my e shoot pictures on a picasa album...but like Nicki... I don't want to share with the guests of the wedding until the reception...

So these are the ones I liked...FI will choose the ones he likes then we'll compare...but in the mean time for your viewing enjoyment.... :)

http://picasaweb.google.ca/110744443993452142308/Eshoot?authkey=Gv1sRgCLmilpnM4_nvzQE&feat=directlink

(Let know if the link doesnt work)

Wedding Ceremony Jewelry

Hinaj — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 16:18:28 +0000

I have been looking jewelry for a while, and I think I have come across something I would like to buy for the wedding, but I couldn't decide between a raani haar or just a regular necklace. Which one do you guys like?

I really like the raani haar and I would like to wear that for the wedding, but after the wedding, there is barely any place, you can wear that again. Although, the top necklace can be worn alone. The other necklace is a bit heavy so I am sure my mom will be fine with it, and I could possibly wear it to other places. I am trying to be practical, but having a hard time of it.

Which one do you guys like?

The family dog

SonaliPop — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 13:22:57 +0000

I want to include our family dog in wedding festivities. Since we're Indian, though, that may be a bit difficult. Any idea where I can put her or how she can be included? Maybe she can just sit and keep me company during the Mehndi night if I have it at home, eh? :)

Would you ever...?

SonaliPop — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 13:10:49 +0000

Would you ever want your wedding featured in a magazine or on a website? I know a lot of brides who have said no to this. My bf says he isn't sure about the idea either, but I don't know. After all that planning and all those hours, I can't blame a bride who wants to share her big day with anyone who wants to see it!

Money-saving tips

SonaliPop — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 12:31:03 +0000

So, girls...

Since we're all big on saving money for our big days, what measures are you taking to ensure you save some cash for your wedding festivities?

Are you walking in instead of being carried in?
Are you making some events at home?

I am trying to figure out how to scale down as much money as possible...and we're not even engaged yet! Share your tips!!!

And, how far off your budget are you?

Breakthrough with FMIL

SonaliPop — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:52:10 +0000

I forgot to mention this, but it was a pretty big deal to me...

I often call bfs parents in London and talk to them, at least once every two weeks to say hi and see how they are. Yesterday, my Mom and Dad were out with my Grandma who is visiting (and very nosy and doesn't know about our relationship...she's not...the super sweet Grandma you'd want to tell everything to) so I took the chance to call his parents when I was alone.

His Mom is pretty shy when we talk seeing as we've only met a good four times or so because we're so far apart, but she likes to talk to me on the phone. Also, my Gujarati is not great so we have to speak English, although it's not her first language. Often our conversations are very short and are about the weather.

Yesterday, I was determined to talk to her longer and gave it a shot. We ended up talking about a lot of things and I confided in her and told her how worried I am or sad I am about leaving my parents...and I couldn't hold in any tears and I just was crying a bit. Not sobbing or anything. And she comforted me quite a bit. She told me that after 30 years, she still cries over seeing her family, that I can go see mine and our home is open to them whenever they want. That she wants us to have ONE big family, not two separate families and that she understands very much how I feel. In addition, she told me that if I am ever upset with her, she wants me to say, "Mom, you said __________ to me" and she wants to be able to say "I'm sorry" so that we can move on. It was a really nice talk because we hardly talk about anything serious mostly because we are shy and are uneasy but this was a big step forward. His Dad also knew I was upset (he was in the room and could hear her talking to me) and also comforted me and told me that they're only a flight away.

It felt good and I really think it was good step in the right direction for both of us, not to mention I think it made bf pretty happy as well as he had no idea I was calling and was not at home himself.

Affordable Mandap in NYC?

NCJW — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 18:09:16 +0000

Hi everyone,

I am having my Hindu ceremony at the same restaurant where we are having our reception. Does anyone have suggestions about how to get a mandap inexpensively? There are bunch of mandap companies in NJ or Long Island, but they are charging at least $1500. We are on a tight budget, so I appreciate any ideas. I am not very good at DIY projects, otherwise I would try to make one mysef.

Thanks!

Emotional Mess

SonaliPop — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 03:32:12 +0000

The thought of getting engaged is a happy one...

But BF wants me to give him some sort of sign that I'm ready to get engaged so he can move whatever plans he may or may not have forward to pop the big question.

But whenever I think of an engagement, I want to push it back another million years (well, maybe not a million) because the thought of being THAT far away from my family kills me.

In fact, I cry about it. All the time. I don't know what is happening...I am in tears whenever I think about it.

Someone help me. Or hug me. Or get me a glass of champers. I could use it. HELP! :(

Need help with transportation logistics....

Hinaj — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 17:54:50 +0000

So FI and I had decided to have our ceremony and reception in downtown chicago, but recently decided to do a mayon/mehndi. Since we really didn't want to spend a lot of money, doing it in downtown, we looked for places in the suburbs and there is a great place that is all inclusive which includes decor, food, etc and its completely affordable for us.

The problem is the transportation for our OOT guests. Since majority of the events all in downtown, we are going to do the hotel blocks in the hotel we are using for the ceremony probably, or close to it and the reception is not really that far off, maybe a less than 15 min cab ride if that. So the chances of OOT guest renting cars are slims, since the parking charges in downtown are super high. But the mehndi/mayon venue is about an hour or so drive away from Chicago. So we would probably need to rent a vehicle or bus to shuttle them back and forth.

The problem is that I wasn't planning on doing this for everyone else, just the OOT guests. The others are familiar with the area, and they can drive since they all live in the city or suburbs. Would they find it rude or something if we are providing transportation for some and not for the rest? Also, we are not providing transportation for the wedding and reception either, so the guests will have to park and pay a discounted parking fee, which we can absorb the cost of if needed or provide a bus to shuttle everyone back and forth. I think paying for parking on two different occassions is a lot so we want to try absorbing some of it, but which one would be better and cheaper for us to do? Pay the discounted rate of parking their cars in downtown or just get one of those bus to pick up people by our house and shuttle them to downtown???

Is any one else doing one or the other? What are you doing?

Who should make grand entrances?

Bhanu&Anuj — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 00:15:30 +0000

Hey Everyone

I wanted to get some input on this...We are including family entrances...

FI's brother is married with a kid. My sister is not married.

Should FI's brother walk in with his family if my sister is walking in by herself?

What have you seen at other weddings when one of the siblings is married?

Thanks ladies!

Wedding Planner or DOC

Hinaj — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 12:51:03 +0000

Did anyone use or are planning on using a wedding planner and/or DOC? or did you use someone to help you with booking the venue. When did you book your ceremony and reception venue?

Song you're excited to dance to at a wedding reception

SonaliPop — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 04:05:32 +0000

I'm compiling a list of 'must have' songs for the reception.

What's one of your favorite songs to hear at receptions? 'The Boys are Back'? 'Aaja Naachle'?

I figure we can swap good Hindi / bhangra / top 40 / hip hop ideas here!

Open bar / booze at reception

SonaliPop — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 03:36:06 +0000

My future In-laws to be (when that happens!) don't drink. Their oldest daughter had a very simple wedding without a modern reception about ten years ago. Their youngest daughter is set to get married in India ...also in a traditional way, without a reception.

My BF and I are the more modern couple. We like the idea of having a big party to celebrate being man and wife.

I'm not sure how to bring up any drinks at the reception. I certainly do not want anybody to pay for an open bar all night because my wedding reception isn't Tao nightclub in Vegas and my family and future family members are not the rich friends who foot the bill. I also don't want a dry reception. How did you guys bring this up to your family members who don't drink? He and I both drink and both of our parents are aware of that. My parents are a lot more understanding...especially considering my Dad doesn't mind a drink here and there.

Wedding locale drama

SonaliPop — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 13:15:03 +0000

Since we're both in two different countries with family and friends who may not / most probably not all be able to travel back and forth for our ceremonies, we are in a bit of a pickle.

I want us each to be able to have people we love at our weddings. If we have the wedding here, we want the reception there so that his family and friends can also make it. The majority of my family (and his) is in the UK, anyway. We are avoiding having the wedding in the UK because of all sorts of issues. We want to keep the wedding small and if it's there, we will surely have all those guests who are distant relatives that we wouldn't normally have if it was in the States.

BF wants to keep both wedding / reception on the same day in one place becuase he is worried about the long distance planning, but I want to keep it fair and make sure that neither of us is alone on our wedding day.

Maybe we could do the engagement and the reception in the UK and the wedding in the US? Does anyone have a better or different idea?

I don't want to miss out on sharing my big day with my family friends and my friends here and family here and I don't want him to be celebrating the wedding without his family and his boys because they can't afford to travel. I'm just looking for a compromise. My Mom has said she understands and would definitely have one big event or two there so that his family and friends can also be a part of it.

How do I word this?

SonaliPop — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 13:09:58 +0000

Since our events will be taking place in various places (in terms of country) and our guests will be giving gifts from both sides of the pond, we don't want any boxed or wrapped gifts and will not be having a registry. Also because we don't really need to register for anything. We will be living in his parents house and the only things we need to be are stuff for the bedroom.

So how do I write this?

Do I just write 'No Boxed Gifts Please'? Sometimes people ignore that.

Are you placing a large card box at your reception?

If so, are you making it? Buying it? What does it look like?

To the ladies getting married soon or already married........

Hinaj — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:59:49 +0000

I was just wondering about the ladies getting married who are either a month away or about 4-6 months away, What is left on your to do list at this point? Was there anything you wanted to do before, but are probably not going to do because of time constraints? Do you wish you did somethings sooner or somethings later? If so, what are those?

Much needed bridal shower/b party wkd and need your advice

jnsaini — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:51:02 +0000

Hey Ladies
I need your advice ladies, I know I can rely on you girls you can understand what I am going through...
so the good first, I am back from my shower and bach party from NYC this wkd, what a great wkd, I was happy to be surrounded by gf's we joked a lot and were in great mood all wkd , the best thing was the agenda was planned so perfectly for entire wkd by sis which put my mind at ease and its nice to take a breather from the word planning. She went all out and gotten a limo (to my surprise) from her house in Philly to NYC (4hr drive) we were relaxed the entire trip there.
Bad Drama that happened-There was some drama created at dinner by 2 girls that showed up (they are FI's best friends gf's) they werent speaking much with me at dinner I dont know why,regardless I thanked them twice politely (at end of dinner) with a hug for showing up to dinner but they didnt say thank you once for the invitation, I told FI a little bit of it but didnt have much time I was upset that they just walked away not acknowledging the invite at all.. During dinner, I tried to not leave them out and I tried hard to get them in convo with our group. Little did I know that would come to bite me in the ass. I was talking to one of the girls, (attempting to have a convo) so I thought I would think of a funny subject to losen them up. I mentioned to her about of this video that was taken at FI's bach party of her bf smashing beer cans with his head, and if she had seen it was funny. She commented by responding her bf doesnt share anything with her like that. I didnt have much to say after that, seems like she didnt want to talk. I tried other times but it was FAIL after that..
So same night these girls met up with one of FI's friends and mentioned about the video (they hadnt seen) and the girl acted so upset about it. So FI's friend had a fight with him saying it shouldnt have been mentioned to her, FI said to him that he never thought it would be taken wrongly because they(his friends) have shared embarassing or funny things like that before about FI with me and it never hurt anyone.I felt so bad and wanted to apologize to FI's friend which I did but my gf's disagreed saying I shouldnt have and that the girl is too uptight to let her man be, and do what he wants to do and have fun..what do you girls think?? I havent stopped thinking about the situation at all till then!