40-Plus Brides — The Knot Community

Leave this Weekend! Wow that went Fast!

FSForever — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 14:23:47 +0000

We leave for HI this weekend. I think I am in shock that it is finally here after a year and half of planning. Everyone keeps asking if I am excited. I am!!!, but I have this lingering feeling of worry that we are going to mess this up somehow. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to marry "my best friend", "soul mate", "dear hubby", "second and last marriage", etc... but I obivously don't want this marriage to fail. FH is being really great asking me about my feelings everyone once and awhile but not too often to bother me. Last night I just asked him to stay strong for me as I am already nervous about the flight and I have a tendancy to relax and just go with the flow once we are at our destination.

How did those of you that have married a second or third or more..times feel right before?

I'm 60!

mskat1721 — Tue, 08 May 2012 23:48:38 +0000

I am 60 and getting married for the second time! Anyone else out there? Just starting to plan.....

57yo bride on 3rd marriage.....help on acceptable plans

sharonbelveal — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 05:42:28 +0000

Hi, I am getting married in Nov 2012 for my 3rd marriage and my fiance's 3rd marriage also. We want a church wedding in the afternoon around 2pm. I seriously doubt we have more than 100 people attend. We aren't planning on having anyone stand with us. I don't want to wear a veil but I have purchased my bridal gown in ivory that has a short train. It's not really a chapel length but a little shorter than that.
Anyway, my fiance would like to be comfortable and wear a black suit.
I just want to make sure that will be acceptable at our ages.
My colors are eggplant purple and sage green. What color shirt and tie would be best for him?

Introducing myself...and older bride with an even older Matron of Honor

rhonnie1961 — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 21:19:08 +0000

I'm 51, he'll soon be 61. This is my 2nd, his 1st. We became engaged 2 weeks before last Christmas, and planning a 2nd wedding is something that I never thought I'd be doing. Happily that's not the case. We'll be getting married on July 28 of 2013, smallish wedding with family and close friends.
My problem is that I decided to ask a friend and former employer whom I became very close too to be my Matron of Honor. She'll be 66 next year. I forgot when I asked her to be in the wedding how picky she is about her clothes. She's a plus size, but not as plus size as she thinks she is. I think she looks great. The problem we're having is finding something that we both like. I already have my dress, and I'm trying to find something that is not the same as mine but at least goes with the simpler idea that I had for our wedding. We're looking at Mother of the Bride dresses because the Bridesmaid dresses are geared to the younger girls.
Any suggestions on this would be really helpful, or if anyone would just like to share their experiences with me that would be great!
Thanks so much!

No new posts in a week? Wow.

anna.oskar — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 15:28:06 +0000

What's up ladies?

How's a girl supposed to lurk over here if y'all aren't posting anything? ;)

Wanna chat? Topics?

*recipes (especially yummy fall ones)

*estrogen

*hobbies (anyone want to teach me to crochet?)

*gifts for hard to buy men

*vents

*what do you judge?

Take your pick. Let's talk.

Striking a balance

depotmode — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 20:37:01 +0000

Hi y'all,
I will be 42 when I finally get married in April 2014. (I'm turning 41 next month.) I'm also a first-time bride. My question is, how do you strike a balance between not looking like an older woman trying to look younger, and looking too old? This is more from a dress perspective--I feel like I'm at that weird in-between age where I'm too old to be considered young, but too young to be considered old.

I'm not traditional in the least--I'm probably not going to be wearing a white dress. We're having a destination beach wedding, so I'm eyeing blue dresses. I don't want to look like I'm my mom's age (mid-60s), and a lot of dresses I've been looking at seem to be MOB dresses. Or prom dresses (which falls into the "too young" category)...not quite right either.

How does one get it "right"? I want that flirty "I'm a bride!" vibe without looking like I'm in a dress that's too young for me.

Processional Advice Needed

kellyw1973 — Sat, 02 Jun 2012 09:52:17 +0000

I've decided that I don't want to go with the traditional processionals, because I cry at other people's weddings when I hear them, so I could only imagine what it'd be like if I was walking down the aisle to it. LOL. I've researched processionals through iTunes several times, as well as online in general and am having a difficult time deciding.

Don't want anything "new age" and prefer something along traditional, just a bit more upbeat (if that's possible?).

Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance!

Going to be a Grandma!?

FSForever — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 03:11:35 +0000

Ok, so I was kind of waiting for this call but I think it really hasn't sunk in yet. My oldest daughter married last Jan. and then in June moved to KY with her new hubby who is in the Army. FH kept telling me that it was only a matter of time before she called to say she was preggers. Well I was talking to her today and she started crying that her new hubby knew she was pregnant and had her take 3 tests just to make sure. He is so excited but she is really scared. Which I get. She is very much like me, in that the growing a human inside me freaks me out but the parenting isn't such a big issue. I know she will be a great Mom. Her hubby will be deployed next fall so part of me is glad he will be near when she gives birth. Anyway, althought FH has a few grandbabies, that he says I will inherit when we marry in Oct. , it really is different when its your own. So much for the Hollister bikini I just bought her for our Maui wedding trip. lol Just had to vent. Any comments on how you ladies handled your first grandbabies greatly appreciated.

Bridal party .... Or lack thereof.

southofnormal — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 23:53:57 +0000

I'm getting married next month (Monday, 9/24). Groom has a best man and a groomswoman. I wanted my two brothers to stand up with me as bridesmen, but one brother can't come to the wedding. I'm not who to have stand with me. It's a small wedding (we expect about 35 people), outside on a lake, we've both been married before. I know that I don't have to have anyone stand up with me but I sort of feel like I should. My two sisters will be there and my other brother. I feel like all three would be too many siblings if I nclude all three. I don't want to exclude anyone. I almost want to have everyone stand up with me. :-) Sigh ... What to do, what to do .......

Makeup. Including: to air brush or not?

jrkubr — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 21:51:28 +0000

I've done a few makeup trials. This is not something I know much about. And noticing the lines on my face (yup I got some) look worse/deeper, especially around the eyes. Is this an airbrush issue? Or just a makeup issue?

Thoughts? What can I, if anything, ask the makeup artist do? Primer? Don't airbrush? Do airbrush, but use less concealer? I keep getting different answers from them. "Airbrush fills lines." "Use traditional." "Less concealer" etc.. But the results are, frankly, the same.

Long hair and wedding hair

JoFoster — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 20:28:41 +0000

I have mid-calf length hair. My man LOVES it down.

I should also mention that I am an older bride (50 when the wedding is planned), and while this is my third marriage, it will be my first "wedding".

Lots of discussion on 'to veil or not to veil" too, though that is less important to me than a way to wear the hair down (to please him) and still have it 'done' for me.

ideas?

Small Wedding at home or destination Wedding in Hawaii

audreyecu61 — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 17:22:55 +0000

We are both 51, 2nd wedding for both.

I never had a wedding when I got married the first time and would like one.

But looking at the cost for a small classy wedding for 50 people, I thinking practically, a destination wedding in Hawaii with just us and our kids would be cheaper. Our kids are older so no need to baby sit them or share rooms, etc.

The only problem, do we have to pay to fly in our mom's both pushing 80 but in great shape.
Then we know we would have to baby sit the mom's and this drives up the cost and they will drive us crazy.

I'm in Pasadena and all the venues seem to be so pricey for just the rooms.thanks for listening.

Is Hyphenating Outmoded? (XP)

PJSPJS — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 16:34:58 +0000

Does anyone hyphenate anymore? I'm thinking of using Jane Smith-Doe rather than Jane Smith Doe. I also want to keep my middle name, so Jane Karen Smith-Doe.
Is hyphenating still done, or it considered outmoded?

Kids, Wedding, Friends, Relatives...someone PLEASE advise

ciligirl — Sun, 24 Jun 2012 14:54:26 +0000

I am going to try to keep this as brief as possible.
Both me and FI are 43 so a lot of our friends are already married with kids (many including mine who are in college and some who are in high school but some who are still in grade school).
Want to invite my close friend's children regardless of age because we actually have relationships with these kids.
Will have our younger nieces and nephews in wedding party (6, 9 and 10).
FI has lots of 1st cousins with kids. If I open it up to their kids we are talking a LOT more kids, some who I couldn't even pick out of a line-up.
The big issue is the age cut-off relationship cut-off dilemma. Some of the cousins kids are older than some of my friends kids. But I need to draw the line somewhere. Then I also have a nephew with young kids and FI has one 1st cousin who is about 4.
Is anyone else out there facing this issue? Part of me says do whatever we want, part of me worries about being rude.

Ski?

Marrin713 — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 16:02:08 +0000

Is today THE day?

Ooops, just read on E that it's in 4 days. Best wishes for a wonderful day!

5 Days Until the BIg Day and I just have to vent

itzfoxfire58 — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 03:08:01 +0000

5 Days until the BIg Day, I can't wait until its all over it seems like it came so fast. Today is the first day that I wasn't out all day and had a chance to get in a three hour nap today. I'm still not happy about the uninvited quest that I have staying with me for the last few weeks. I still don't understand why my fiance cousin who wanted to move to Texas decide that her and 3 kids had to come two weeks before the wedding. My fiance and I have been arguing for the last week and a half, he doesn't understand that I'm already stressing about the wedding and that I got laid off the end of May. He says that I'm being mean, but I told him that I didn't want them coming and how come the couldn't come after the wedding. Oh well I have been managing and they are supposed to be moving by the 1st of August and I'm going to make sure of that, what is the saying Happy Wife Happy Life and believe me he will be unhappy and they will be too. LOL

Morning Thread with The Garter Brides!

Knot Lili — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 13:46:39 +0000

Hey Knotties,
The Garter Brides will be here starting in just about 10 minutes! The Garter Brides are three friends who met and married men later in life and authored the book Love for Grown-Ups: The Garter Brides' Guide to Marrying For Life When You've Already Got a Life! You can learn more about them by visiting their site (thegarterbrides.com) and Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/TheGarterBrides).

We will be giving away 5 copies of their book. To enter to win, just participate in the discussion! We will be picking 5 winners at random!

So let's talk about incorporating your children into your wedding, how to pick bridesmaids, and anything else you want!

Weight loss

Bunnykins59 — Fri, 06 Jul 2012 07:43:03 +0000

I have 4 stone to lose by sept 24th 2013 when I get married in Gretna green , uk. Is it possible to lose this weight and tone up in this time and how much exercise should I be doing a week HELP!

The right type of wedding???

PamB55 — Wed, 20 Jun 2012 00:51:45 +0000

I am engaged to a wonderful, caring man. We have both been married before. In fact, this will be our third time. Even though we feel like kids again, he is 60 and I am 55. Of course I don't see a big formal ceremony. Possible suit and I will wear a short Ivory wedding dress. His son is 23 and will stand with his dad. My daughter is 30 and will stand with me. My son, is 24, an he will give me away. My problem is what type of ceremony would I have. We want a party reception with wine, etc..... the church will have to be out of the question. Please HELP me!!!!!! We have so many friends that want to join us and our families.
PamB55

What type of wedding are you having?

RKwedding2011 — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 22:56:11 +0000

What type are you having? How do you think being a 40 plus bride has shaped the style of your wedding?

We are having a small 50 guest wedding and reception at my church. We are both divorced single parents. We are both chefs so we are doing our own food. We have friends helping as well. I had a bridal shower and a bachelorette party. My fiance had a bachelor party. We are doing everything that a larger dream wedding does, but on a smaller, simple scale. We have spent under $3,000 total for everything for our wedding. I am miss cheep frugal. I've had fun making do it yourself projects.

Happy weddings everyone!

Katie

HAVE YOUR ADULT KIDS MOVED BACK HOME?

daytime5 — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 14:13:05 +0000

Have your adult kids hit a rough patch and you’re thinking of letting them return home? Enjoying an empty nest until you let your grown kids move back in? Does it seem like it’s taking forever for them to get back on their feet? Did they bring any baggage (bad habits, boyfriends, grandkids) with them? Are you tired of supporting them?

If cohabiting with your adult children is causing a family feud, a new daytime show wants to help! PLEASE SEND YOUR STORY AND THE INFORMATION BELOW TO: DAYTIME5@DEEPDISH.TV.

NAME

LOCATION

PHONE NUMBER

EMAIL ADDRESS

THREE CURRENT PHOTOS

know what I want..is there a more stressless....

scorpio407 — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 15:12:22 +0000

Hi everyone
New to this web/posting site. Kind of got engaged but because my fiance has no clue on shopping if it doesn't involve electronics he felt it's better to let me shop around at a few jewelers to see what I like. Then I will show him my decisions and he will pick out one of my ring choices as a surprise plus at the same time he knows I'll be 100% happy with my special rings. Problem I'm running into is having a 3 stone princess cut ring as my wedding band. I may have to end up getting what I want hand made but when I convey my ideas to male jewelers they only focus on the princess cut engagement ring, have no concept of what I envision on my finger or they just want to sell me the usual expensive basic stock rings they want to unload. This is becoming a nightmare alone!
This is my second marriage..first 'wedding' and his first everything! I'm an older
(51) single parent, he's a younger (36) single parent. I'm not doing the 'traditional' bridesmaid, matron of honour or any of the ceremonial perks that only cause drama. He's agreed to hold everything in his backyard and will be a very small intimate gathering of no more than 25 family/friends. He wants to stick to a budget, but the budget is only in his mind and has agreed to pay for everything excluding my gown! I'm trying to keep things simple but he keeps adding more costly items to our wedding but tells me stick to this secret 'budget'.
I don't want nor am I trying to be stressed or a bridzilla over this happy occasion especially when I know what I want but have no clue or time to plan other than on paper. I think I should just hire a wedding planner, give them all of my details/ideas of what we want to have happen from start to finish. I'm taking care of my sick mom, my disabled child as well as my own health issues but I want to be physically able to enjoy this day this second time around!
Once we discuss an official date will I be able to find some reasonable planners who will take the reins, arrange my ideas off paper and still keep costs down?
HELP....my plate is full!

4 days to go!

[Deleted User] — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:24:51 +0000

Wow, after all the planning we are down to 4 days before my wedding! I can't wait to finally be a Mrs. I have waited a long time for this!!! It was amazing to see that out of all my side of the family - only 12ppl said no (8 of those ppl are from out of state). I guess they have been waiting for this big day to happen & nobody wants to miss it... LOL

the ex?

runningmare — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 18:14:17 +0000

I posted this here because I'm an older bride and I've been to the rodeo twice (and am divorced 2x). I have two teenagers, one from each marriage who are very happy with my choice to get married again. My delimma is this...

Do I really have to or how do I "notify" my ex's after I elope? One is still angry so I try to just deal with him when we need to discuss our child. The other has a long term girlfriend and probably doesn't even care, so why bother?

My opinion is that I've talked to my kids and they are fine with it and I don't want it to seem like I'm rubbing it in to my ex's. What do you think?

Who Gives this Woman?

mjones1010 — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 17:20:35 +0000

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to get some advice from the more mature brides on the knot. I'm getting married for the first time in November (I'll be 46) and was wondering how you all handled the giving away of the bride. Our officiant asked us the other day about what, if anything will be said after my dad walks me down the aisle. Is it still appropriate for him to ask "who gives this woman"? I've been on my own since I was 22 so I wasn't sure if this still applied.

Any input would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Where did my honeymoon post go?

2dBride — Wed, 30 May 2012 20:12:41 +0000

The post is still up, but seems to have disappeared from the board. Is The Knot having issues?

SPIKE~!

Marrin713 — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 02:04:19 +0000

Is that a blueberry I see?

"Honeymoon" at last!

2dBride — Wed, 30 May 2012 02:20:05 +0000

So it will be nearly three years after our wedding--not sure what the cutoff is on a honeymoon. But NotFroofy and I have decided to take a road trip rather than just fly to my daughter's wedding in Oregon this September. So we've started accumulating stuff for our trip.

First purchases:

* An 8-person tent. Yes, there will be only two of us plus a dog. But I'm tired of trying to wedge myself into the kind of tent I can carry in a backpack or on a bicycle. This one is big enough to stand up in.
* Two sleeping bags. Yes, we already own one sleeping bag. But if this is going to be our honeymoon, the least we can do is have sleeping bags that will zip together to make one sleeping bag big enough for the two of us.
* A portable popup gazebo. We actually got that one free. When we bought the gazebo we used to make our chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy), there was some fraying on the cover. Rather than replace the cover, the seller sent us a whole second one. While we've long since sold the chuppah, we never even opened the second gazebo. We figure we can put it over a picnic table to eat on a rainy day.
* A Coleman 56 Quart Wheeled cooler.

We already own a tarp which I'll be patching up so we can use it under the tent. We have a couple of camp chairs that we usually use for the Fourth of July. A friend has offered to lend us a queen-sized air mattress. We've got a bunch of extension cords we can use to enable us to power cell phones, computers, etc. inside the tent. (No, we are definitely not roughing it!) We'll probably buy a small Propane stove, but otherwise I think we have most of what we'll need.

I decided to test out the tent by putting it up in our back yard this afternoon. Apparently, this resulted in thunderstorms and flash floods throughout the DC area. At least we will find out whether and where it leaks before we're actually trying to sleep in it!

Why Won't People RSVP Properly?!

alexiahudson — Wed, 30 May 2012 17:52:27 +0000

My fiance and I are 41 years old. This is a first marriage for the both of us and we've opted to to a destination wedding in the Caribbean this summer.

Forgive me for the upcoming vent:

We postponed our wedding one year due to my fiance's stepfather's death but at that point, all we sent out were e-save the dates which were later updated. Then a few months after the death, certain family members and "friends" started hounding us for the rescheduled date and wedding details.

We took a trip to the visit the property where we're getting married last summer and told people to keep their eyes open for all of the details. We sent out a new e-save the date (listing the name of the property), followed it up with a printed save the date (which includes our wedding website with more information), then mailed printed invitations with loads of travel ready details (including the name of a relative that is providing FREE travel advice and is a certified travel agent).

Some people thought it was appropriate to RSVP verbally which we quickly shut down via email (politely of course). We included a self addressed stamped envelope with each invitation. We mailed approximately 65 invitations and expect between 30-35 people total. We are having a welcome reception, the wedding, and a wedding dinner - for all of which we need headcounts.

Our RSVP date is tomorrow but WHY do I have more than 20 outstanding RSVPS at this point?! A lot of these people are supposed to know better and, they are also aware that we need to confirm details with our vendors.

The good news is that we gave ourselves extra "cushion" time knowing that some people would delay in responding. But it's it sad that we had to go to these extra lengths?!

My fiance is a bit ticked off and doesn't want to call people to follow up - but I'll work on him with this because some people's invitations may have gotten lost in the mail *wink wink* However, many of these people who have yet to respond have acknowledged receipt of the invitation.

So, I decided that I'll start banging the phones next week but boy, this is sooooo frustrating!! Our wedding is in late July but all confirmations have to be in by the 3rd week of June.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies!! UGGGHHH!!!

Give me snark

ljbutton — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 07:59:12 +0000

By the time FI and I marry next year, I'll be 41. We hope for kids, but don't have the financial resources for medical procedures or adoption if things don't happen naturally. Now that we're engaged, everyone is understandably asking about our plans for children. Most get the hint when I smile and say, "We'll see." But when people start getting persistent, I get all flustered and say stuff like "How should I know? It's not like my eggs are farm fresh." So... does anyone have other suggested responses? Polite or otherwise? I'm getting frustrated.