Moms and Maids — The Knot Community

My MOH is feeling second rate...

sockmiser — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 16:33:25 +0000

I need help ladies. My MIL is throwing me a shower later this month in my FI's home town. Guest list consists of my Bridal party and the females from the FI's side of the family. Its an all weekend event and really pretty over the top. I'm sure it will be a blast, but the issue is my sister/MOH. She is a) crushed that she can't make it due to a work event. (My MIL did not check the date with me before sending out invites or I would have fought for my sister to be able to come) And b) a birdy has told me she is feeling really awful that the shower she is hoping to throw will pale in comparison.

And I feel awful that she feels awful! My sister is a wonderful mother, loving wife and works her tail off every single day. Plus, right now she and her husband are so close to being able to afford their first house, the last thing I want is for her to blow money on a shower for me. I mean, even before the invites for this other shower came I would have said the same thing. How do I ease her worry and make this more affordable for her? I've asked to help bring treats to the shower as I love baking. And when she asked for ideas I suggested we do a simple party in the backyard of my parents home. But these efforts have been brushed off. I just want my sister to know that no matter what she decides to do I will love it, and her.

How to honor moms

crltx — Wed, 19 Feb 2014 06:20:29 +0000

I would like to honor our mothers who both raised my FH and I. He doesn't like the rose ceremony idea or having them come up to the ceremony at all. I am having my dad walk me down the aisle. And my FH doesn't want the candles, or sand. Is there any other way to honor them without making our dads feel horrible but make the moms feel special? Please help!!

It's My Fault

devinsberries — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 19:20:42 +0000

So when I got engaged I asked all of the ladies and sent them a color sample. I said they could get any dress they felt comfortable in but I wanted the color to be as close to the color sample as possible. Well, most of the maids went to Davids Bridal and got their dress in the same color (Horizon). One of the ladies. is planning on using the dress she wore to her Junior prom (shes a college sophomore). The thing is that the dress is a lot darker than everyone else. It's a darker navy blue. It's my fault because I should have said everyone get Horizon. Ugh I feel like she is going to stick out in her much darker dress.

How to accommodate BMs of different builds (bride needs advice)

ksn1989 — Sun, 02 Mar 2014 20:33:00 +0000

Hello Everyone!

I've been trying to get some help on how to support and encourage one of my bridesmaids who is plus size. I chose all of my bridesmaids based on how much I love them and now my great friend is getting cold feet because she doesn't want to be the "fat bridesmaid" as she puts it. She has recently sent me articles/blogs posted by plus size women about their woes of being the bigger bridesmaid. She and I met at fitness camp and she has been the one friend who has really stuck with me while I lost 100 lbs... we both know what it is like to be self conscious about our weight and therefore I really want to make sure I find a dress that suits her body that she feels comfortable in. Many people have said that I should pick out a dress with her depending on what she feels comfortable with and then my other 3 bridesmaids can just go along.... I have also considered getting 4 different dresses (made of the same fabric and same color- yellow) that suit each of my ladies' needs. She is comfortable discussing this all with me but I don't want to put her on the spot with other people around. I know she would want something with a bit more coverage around the arms. I have been searching and searching for a store (or dress company) that has a wide range of options for different body types and haven't been that successful.

I know it's my day but I want my ladies to be up there standing proud and comfortable with me (I know if the tables were turned and I had to wear a dress I didn't feel comfortable in, my night would be ruined).

Does anyone have any words of wisdom, store recommendations... anything?!

Perhaps another bride (or groom) has done this successfully and would like to share their secrets?

That escalated quickly.

ssl2pd — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 05:48:16 +0000

Everyone posting here is assuming I've been a total bridezilla during the wedding planning. Just to clear a few things up:

1. I've never cried about the girls not being able to come to my appointments. I was bummed but not that bummed. Them not being there didn't affect my dress experience at all. It just would've been nice for them to be there with me.

2. I was never angry that they couldn't come either except for when my MOH bailed last minute. It annoys me when people flake. Just be responsible. If you tell someone you're going to do it, do it. I've never once mentioned it to ANYONE that I felt this way- that is why I posted it on here. To get it off my chest and all I've got was judged.

3. I'm pretty positive I haven't been a bridezilla at all. My entire motto when planning this wedding has "It'll work out. Whatever happens, happens." ..all the bridesmaids have got to chose everything when it comes to them- dress, shoes, accessories, hair, and makeup. The only thing I picked was the dress color. I've never demanded or asked for anything.

4. I'm not planning my own bridal shower. Jeeze. My MOH brought it up and picked the day, booked the venue, and told several people about it via word of mouth. Now, it is only a little over a month away and she hasn't thought about invitations, food, if there if will be games, etc. That's what I mean by "planning". I'm a "planner" type person and she's not. So that's why I think about these types of things.

5. I totally understand they aren't as excited as me. Duh. You all are assuming I'm a selfish little b****. I just said that I was disappointed/bummed. I have no idea how that got translated into all the things you all were saying. I just wanted to spend time with my best friends and share this experience with them. I feel like if you asked someone to be a MOH or bridesmaid and they agree, they are obviously a close enough friend that they should want to do more than just "stand up there" during your wedding day. What's even the point of having MOH/bridesmaids then? They told me in the beginning they WANTED to go to the dress fittings since they couldn't go when I picked it out. So, when I told them what day is was and the response I got back was, "I can't go, I'm busy." it hurt my feelings a little. They didn't say sorry or acted liked they even cared. I just feel like if I was in that position I would at least apologize or act a little more enthusiastic.

7. It hasn't affected ANY of the my relationships with the girls. The only relationship that has been strained is the one between the two MOHs. They don't like each other but they're adults. Sometimes you have to work with people you don't like. That's life. Get over it.

8. I also completely understand that we are all busy. Personally, I've taking 17 credit hours and work two part-time jobs. I've never once complained about them not being able to do something because of work or school. Like I said earlier though, if you say you want to do something or will do something, I expect you to follow through. I was raised to keep my promises.

9. I wasn't expecting a "sugar coating". I was looking for some real advice like "Why don't you try talking to them and seeing what they want to participate in" type of thing or looking for someone who had a similar experience.

10. It's not like I think about this 24/7. My 2nd fitting is just next week so I recently thought about it. Like I said, I just wanted to get it off my chest. It's not like it is some huge ordeal.

11. I am planning my wedding with my fiance but obviously he isn't going to go to dress fittings with me. I wasn't wanting to plan the entire wedding with my MOHs/bridesmaids--just get ideas and opinions from them. Like for decor and flowers. Things a guy shouldn't care about. I don't think I ever said I "dreamed" about planning my wedding with my friends. I guess I just thought that's how it was planned.Then again, I've never got married before so I have no idea!

I appreciate the comments that were helpful, I just don't want people thinking I'm some crazy b**** bridezilla. I just wanted to get some little thing I was thinking about off my chest and since I wasn't going to tell my best friends (my MOHs/bridesmaids), I thought here would be a good place to do it.

So I did something terrible... and now my mother isn't speaking to me

jenijoyk — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 19:37:33 +0000

Hi everyone. I've got myself into a terrible situation, which I realize is 100% my fault and I'm desperate to fix it. I'm recently engaged, and in the excitement of it all, my fiance and I ran full steam ahead on wedding planning. We've been together for a long time, but recently got some bad medical news and realized we are short on time in the babymaking department. So in a rush to get it all together and move on to the next chapter of our live together, we started booking wedding things immediately. I've had the attitude that our wedding should be this fun, fantastic party that we are hosting and just want all our friends and family to come and enjoy themselves. I also assumed that no one would really be happy to take on "work tasks" - because wouldn't it be more fun for everyone if they didn't have to worry? So, long story short, I never sat down with my mom and asked her what her expectations were and how she'd like to be involved. Being a polite, hands-off mom, she never said anything like, "Gee, I have so many thoughts on what I'd like!" Or "I can't wait to go wedding dress shopping with you!"

So (you probably see where this is going), my best friends visted a week after I got engaged, and we went dress shopping on a whim. I had no intention of buying anything, but the second dress I tried on was pretty, and was discontinued, and was about 50% off. So I bought it. I didn't think much of it, because I wasn't sure I was enamoured, and figured that it would just be a good backup.

Anyway, my mom found out I bought a dress without her, and she was DEVASTATED. She hasn't spoken to me in the three days since. I can tell she is just brokenhearted. I feel so, so, so terrible. I've apologized about 10 times, each sincerely, and she's having none of it.

The worst part is that I would have loved to shop with her! She lives far away, doesn't like to travel, and never mentioned it, and so I figured I wouldn't trouble her with it. The other worst part is I don't even know if I love the dress I purchased! I had every intention to keep looking. But if I tell her this, she won't believe me.

I miss my mom, I feel terrible that I hurt her, and I have no idea how to make it better. Anyone else been here? Said or did something in the heat of engagement that hurt someone you love? I need to fix this, STAT. But just have no idea how.

Alternatives to Bridesmaids Dresses

[Deleted User] — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 15:37:46 +0000

I am a fairly young bride (23) and so my maids are also young. I want to be sensitive to that and the fact that we're all on tight budgets. They are all ok with 100$ dresses we've looked at, but I really like the idea of something they can ACTUALLY wear again. Recently I've started thinking about separates. I'm planning a June wedding with dark purple as my main color.

I'm looking for advice on skirt/top color combinations so that what my maids buy will be actual contributions to their wardrobes, or any other advice about how to do this.

Multiple Wedding Showers?

randerson123 — Thu, 27 Feb 2014 19:30:21 +0000

I've never been to ANY wedding showers in my life other than my own, so I'm kind of bumbling through this wedding showers thing in the dark.

Wedding is at the end of May. Last month, my bridesmaids threw us an awesome co-ed wedding shower. One of my girls even flew out from across the country to do it, I was so flattered.

His parents live 3 hours away in LA, mine live about 14 hours away with no direct/cheap flights. His mom wants to have her friend, that I've never met, throw me a wedding shower in LA in early May. Future MIL showed me the guest list she's come up with so far. The guest list is future MIL's female relatives and friends, some that I know, some that I don't.

Future MIL emailed me and asked who else I want to invite. Her friend said she is really looking forward to meeting my friends and family. I'm just not sure how to approach this. I don't feel right asking my mom and other female family members to buy a $400 plane ticket, rent a car and hotel to come to this shower when they'll be doing the same thing in less than a month. Likewise, if I invited my local friends, I think they would have to get a hotel for the night since it's 3 hours away (I will stay at his mom's house but there's not a ton of space).

What would you do?? I'm leaning towards just inviting one or two of my closest friends ... even that I feel kind of weird about doing.

PEACH dresses!!!

SLPlummer — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 16:41:16 +0000

Hey Brides,

I'm recently engaged and I am wanting my colors to be Peach and Gray(charcoal). I haven't officially decided on these colors bc I am so picky about bridesmaid dresses that I want to make sure I find a dress in the shade I want in the price range I want before I say "that's it". Anyway, I'm having a hard time find shades of peach dresses in the $250.00 and under range. Anyone have any suggestions?! I might have to just choose gray dresses and peach flowers but the mens suits will be gray and in pictures I thought it would look best with peach dresses. Thanks ladies!

Ok

osarto — Tue, 25 Feb 2014 18:32:54 +0000

Info on showers for the bride?

ShannonH — Tue, 25 Feb 2014 06:48:11 +0000

I'm a bridesmaid in a close friend's April wedding. I and most of the other maids live in the same city as the bride, but her maid of honor lives on the other side of the country. None of us (the bridesmaids) know each other very well, and so far there isn't a lot of coordination or communication between the group of us. It's my first time being a bridesmaid, and I was married 11 years ago, so I'm not sure if it's just that trends have changed since I got married, or if there's a ball being dropped here...

My question is, how many showers are typically given for the bride now? When I got married, I was given a lingerie shower, a housewares shower, a stock the bar shower, and a bridal shower. I've tried searching online and when I find articles on "bridesmaid duties" they only mention the bridal shower - so have multiple showers fallen out of fashion? And if there is only a bridal shower given now, when is it typically held, and who usually hosts it?

The wedding is about a month and a half away and none of the other girls have mentioned planning any showers, I haven't received any invitations, and I'm wondering if I should plan something myself. I just want to make sure that my friend doesn't miss out on anything, but I don't want to step on any toes by contacting the others and asking the wrong question.

Thanks for any input!

Ideas for Bridesmaids / Mother-in-law gifts

RiffRandell6 — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 23:20:43 +0000

Hey everyone,

I really want to do something special and show my bridesmaids what great friends they have all been. I would like to do something for each one, (there are 5) and they are completely different. Since we're having a beach / destination wedding, I was thinking of doing a personalized beach tote, a beach blanket, a beach read, then maybe something nice like jewelry or something. Since my fiancé and I are so laid back, I don't want to get anything too over the top but I do want to show how much I love my ladies.

Do you guys have any suggestions?

Also, is it customary to get a gift for the mother in law?

Thanks in advance!

Bridesmaids dresses

emmaaa — Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:57:19 +0000

My wedding is going to be December 27, 2014 in the evening in a Methodist church. I plan to have the ceremony dimly lit and the rest of the lighting done by candlelight. I want the feel of my wedding to be very romantic. I am in the process of finalizing my colors. I was originally doing blush, navy, and champagne accents. The guys are wearing navy suits and the girls bridemaids dresses will be floor length. I wanted them to wear blush, however one of my bridemaids thinks this may wash everyone out too much. Some of the blush colors I have found are too "nude" colored. I would like the material to be chiffon or charmeusse and chiffon. Since there will be seven bridesmaids, I really want them to pick the style of gown they like the most. I really would like to stay in a soft pink color or a muted rose. I attached a picture of my dress to kind of refect "me" and the style I want and also a few bridesmaids dresses I had looked at (the are petal and suede rose by Bari Jay). Any suggestions on brands and colors? Thanks in advance!

Also, please excuse my face, I was being sarcastic with my momma. Hah!

Rant: FMIL issues

mrsbanany — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 02:10:47 +0000

My FI and I are Catholic but he comes from a much more religious family. I would consider myself and my family more spiritual than religious. Anyway, he wants to get married in the church where as I don't really care either way so I am willing to do it. We decided to get married in the church that he goes to and while I haven't talked to the priest yet I have gotten an earful from my FMIL about how it is going to be really difficult for us because I don't go regularly. She keeps making it seem like it is going to be this huge problem because you are supposed to get married in the bride's church which means that I would need to get written permission from my priest but she says that will be difficult too because I don't really have a priest since I don't go to church every week. I know that the permission thing is the policy if neither of you are members of that particular parish but I mean my FMIL goes regularly to that church and my FI used to when he still lived in the area. Part of me makes me think she is being passive aggressive about the fact that I don't go to church regularly. The other part of me is seriously wondering if it is this difficult to get married in the church if you don't go regularly. Those of you who did get married in the church, did you experience any of these hurdles that she is warning me about?

Today I got a phone call from her and she had told me that she had just been to the church and spoke with the priest and that the priest "groaned" when she told him I was not a member of the parish. First of all, I don't know how much of that I believe, I refuse to believe that a priest groaned at the fact that someone wanted to get married in his church, especially the son of a pretty generous member. When my FI's brother got married (her stepson) she complained constantly that they weren't doing it in a church. They had a wine ceremony that she was invited to participate in and she refused because she thought it was honoring another god (which it was stated multiple times that it wasn't) and thus did not follow the church. When my FI's sister got married (her daughter) she got married in the church but only had a ceremony, not a full mass, and FMIL complained for weeks about that too. Honestly, the more I talk to her about it and the more I think about it, the less I want to get married in the church. As petty as this sounds, part of me wants to do this just so she doesn't get what she wants because I literally cannot take the constant hounding.

FI and I had dinner at his parent's house on Sunday and she said prayer before we ate and she actually stood up and yelled "please please please God let them get married in the church". Like it is just so intense it is driving me nutty. Also, when she was being walked down the aisle by my FI at her daughter's wedding she actually stopped him in the middle of the aisle and raised her arms up and down because not enough people were singing along with the opening hymn. Believe me, I am a big promoter of "whatever floats your boat" but I just don't want her creating a scene at the wedding because not enough people are actively singing to the music. My mom is a reiki master and takes classes on angel guides and all that stuff, stuff that my FMIL thinks is heresy. Again, whatever floats your boat, but I get emails on the regular from her with articles about how the church does not believe in reiki and that I should try to get my mom to stop because she will end up in purgatory. Then we were out for dinner last week and she and her daughter started making fun of reiki and the people who believe in it, right in front of me. They were laughing hysterically about how it is all fake and the people who do it should just go to church so they can get some real healing and real guidance. They were basically making fun of my mom without saying it specifically and it made me very uncomfortable. FI, like many other guys, just sits there and says nothing. She also gave me a book about purgatory when I started doing yoga because that apparently is against the church. I didn't know stretching was bad for the soul.... I don't believe in reiki but my mom does so I would never laugh at her for it. I would never laugh at anyone for their beliefs, regardless of how I felt about it. Believe what you want just don't push it on others. My mom does not push her reiki on my FMIL so I don't understand why my FMIL is taking such a huge issue with it.

The phone call today is what really sent me over the edge. I just cannot deal with this intense, exclusive, judgmental attitude that she has been putting out ever since we got engaged. She was never like this before but now it just doesn't stop and I feel like this is the first wedding related thing that is actually pushing me over the edge. Her passive aggressiveness is too much for me to handle. I just feel like I am an inch away from just exploding the next time she subtly mentions how those who believe in reiki will end up in purgatory. Ok, done now... thanks for reading if you made it this far

New Step mom

[Deleted User] — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 01:16:11 +0000

My fiancé has lost both his mother and his step mom (of 28 years). Now is dad is remarried for a 3rd time. They have only been married for about a year, and its only 2 years since his step mom passed away. This new wife is nice and we like her, but she will never be his mom. how much/little should we include her in the wedding? Do we give her a corsage? He is doing his mother/son Dance with his biological moms sister. Is this wrong? What do we do?

Matron of Honor troubles....

xxBrittanyLB — Sun, 16 Feb 2014 05:10:20 +0000

Hey guys! So, I need some opinions.. I am having a matron of honor, a maid of honor, 4 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls.

I've asked them all and they said yes, and I was SO excited.. but I am starting to stress out a little.

My matron of honor, my MIL and my Mom all went to a David's Bridal and picked three dresses of two different fabrics. We did this because I'd pick a fabric and then whatever fabric I picked, the girls could choose whatever dress felt the most comfortable and looked the most flattering on them.

A couple months later, I took all the girls except my SIL who lives about 3 hours away up to the dress shop for them to try on, pick, and order their dresses. My Matron of Honor did not tell me until the NIGHT BEFORE that she would not be ordering her dress because her and her husband were having financial troubles. I told her that was fine as long as she ordered it soon.

The next evening we had a heart to heart and I told her that her and her husband, who is also in the wedding, meant more to us with their friendship than them being in the wedding. She told me they had 5 credit cards maxed out and two hospital bills from two different surgeries to pay for....They also have 2 kids (which are her step kids), rent to pay and insurance, and all that jazz. Accepting the responsibility of Matron of Honor means you have to buy your dress, pay to have your hair and nails done, and I also want them to wear cowboy boots which she does not own either. Another responsibility is the bridal shower, which the other maid of honor, and my Mom's offered to help with...but still. She had MONTHS to save up for the dress that they got which the one she was looking at was only $139.00. Most of my bridesmaids and my maid of honor were concerned as to why she didn't get her dress... and I am just worried that if she can't even pay for her dress... is she going to be in the wedding. We are 8 months and like 28 days away from the wedding, but still she has a lot to do. She said they are a couple thousand dollars in debt and with their jobs right now I don't see how she will be able to do all of this.

So like I said, I had a conversation with her that basically gave her an out. I told her that their friendship was more important to us than being in our wedding, and if they couldn't be in the wedding I totally understood. I also told her that she was still more than welcome to come with us to get ready and participate in all of the festivities as I still want her there...I had this talk with her a couple weeks ago. She told me she was going to get the dress with her tax return money. But she also has bills to pay and I can't consciously sleep soundly at night knowing she is struggling BIG TIME with money yet she is just going to make things worse by being in our wedding. I haven't heard from her since I have talked to her, not one text to ask me how planning was going, if I needed anything...nothing.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be a total monster and kick her out of the wedding but she obviously didn't get the hint the first time...I don't necessarily want her OUT of the wedding but she has all these bills and 2 kids to pay for and I just don't see how she can pull this off...

Sorry for babbling, hope you could follow, but I am just at my wits end.

Does anyone know how to help me and what I should do?

Thanks in advance,

From A Desperate Bride To Be.

MIL Drama

MamaAlly89 — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 21:03:22 +0000

On the day of the wedding my bridesmaids, my mom and I are all going to get our hair and makeup done at a salon. I am footing the bill for this since to lessen the financial burden on my bridesmaids. My fiance asked me if I would invite his mom so that she wouldn't feel left out. I invited her to come along since it was important to my him. The problem now is that my soon to be MIL invited the grandmother to come with as well, with out even asking me! I am really offended by this since I was going out of my way to invite her in the first place. How can I handle this situation? I wanted this to be time I could relax with my girls but now I feel like its all wrong.

MOB drama

aschwartz21 — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 19:52:10 +0000

Not needing advice as much as a place to write this all down and vent some steam...

My FMIL is such a stressful person. She didn't seem thrilled when we got engaged. I attribute most of this due to the fact that I'm the "evil yankee" marrying the Southerner. We moved to IL from TX where we met, which she hates. She just generally isn't very nice to me even though I get along very well with the rest of his family. My FFIL and I used to go to lunch a few times a week when we lived near them. She's retired and never wanted to join us.

Now that wedding planning is in full force for our July wedding this year, it's been even more difficult. I try to bond with her. I asked her if she'd like to go look at an outfit for her to wear at the wedding when we were there for a week over Christmas and she said, "well I'll probably be so much fatter in July, Do you think I can just wear a black pant suit?" I've tried to involve her in other ways as well from looking at invitations, picking the food and venue for our rehearsal dinner (which she grumped about paying for even though they offered to do so in the first place), and looking at jewelry and honeymoon destinations. She just has no interest whatsoever. This wouldn't bother me if she hadn't broken down crying in front of me before we left and said that she wished we were closer and that she thought I was good for her son, etc. So I invited her to my bridal shower that was three months away. Later when my FI called about her coming, she said she wasn't because she was so "busy" (again....retired and doesn't do anything), and it was "too expensive" (she has a great pension, a very nice house, buys a new car every 2 years, so on...).

Luckily I have FI in my court and he actually got very upset at her. He called his dad and talked to him about it, and now she's coming, although not willingly. This is just so frustrating because of the completely mixed messages that I get from her about us being closer and being friends. I try to reach out to her so much through texts, calls, and trying to involve her in the planning, but it doesn't seem to matter.

This week I asked her for a list of people that they would like to invite from their side and she told me "not to bother, no one is interested, and no one will come." Even more upsetting about this was the fact that we had just had a holiday party at their house and many of their close friends and family told us they were excited to come and were making it their family vacation over the summer (we live near Chicago). My FI finally worked with his dad and grandpa to make a small list of family and friends, but now that we have the list, getting contact info and addresses has been even harder.

I don't know why she's being like this. The mixed messages are so frustrating and I really feel like I try to make her happy and involve her. Really IMHO, she's not a very happy nor pleasant person, but I'm generally cheerful and polite I believe so I'm not sure if our personalities are clashing or what. I've never had such drama issues with a person in my life and it's very hurtful. Sometimes the whole thing makes me just want to save our money and go to the courthouse and not even bother with the wedding. Besides the fact that I'm excited to be marrying my FI, the whole day is just not sounding fun to me anymore.

Anyone else having these issues?

MOB regrets

zaralin — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 07:42:33 +0000

My daughter was recently engaged and we couldn't be happier.
[Edited to reflect my sincere and true feelings.]
The take away message:
1. Ask daughter if she wanted my help and if she did, how would she like me to help.

2. Throw all expectations of what I perceived my role as the mother of the bride to be out the window.

3. Ask myself first if my "helpful advice" is truly helpful at all. Ask myself if it comes across as advice, criticism, or my agenda.

4. Be thankful and praise often.

5. Love unconditionally.

What role should my step-daughter have at the wedding?

MuttiSigyn — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 13:10:06 +0000

Not really sure what board this should go under, so I'm putting it here.

My step-daughter-to-be, who I have raised since she was 11 months old, doesn't know what role she would like to have in her father and I's wedding. She will be seven 1/2 at the time of the wedding, but is currently only 6. We asked her if there was any specific role she would like as soon as we set the date and she immediately said that she wanted to be a flower girl, which was absolutely fine. Then, when I asked my best friend to be my Maid of Honour, she changed her mind, and said she wanted to be a bridesmaid, which was also completely fine. Then, she changed her mind again when my FI asked his sister to be his Best Woman, and said that she too wanted to be the Best Woman. Again, this was fine. However, almost every week since then she has changed her mind as to which role she actually wants. We thought it might be because she wanted to be the Maid Of Honour, but when we asked her, she said she didn't want to be the Maid of Honour.

We are both happy for her to do whatever she wants; she doesn't even have to be in it, if she doesn't want to, but we do need to know what she wants so we can get on with everything else. Can anybody help?

MOHs makeup

Llikotdesserd — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 15:59:43 +0000

So, I'm DIY my makeup, and I know my bridesmaids probably will too, especially my MOH. However, my MOH loves wearing dark lipstick, or bright red lipstick, and I think it looks absolutely terrible. I'm surprised that she thinks it looks good, because she's worked for a few makeup/skincare companies, so she's definitely had training in makeup application. How can I (politely) ask that she stick to a more natural palette?

Bridesmaid Dress question...

PennyBlossom2311 — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 23:46:45 +0000

Hello everyone,

This one is actually not for me but rather a friend who has run into a situation. A friend of mine is a bridesmaid for a friend of hers and has run into, well an issue that she would like to have some advice on.

She is in a wedding that has six BM They all had a deadline of ordering their dresses a little over a month ago. Well two of the the girls got their orders in pretty quick. (From my understanding the style kept changing and changing again, so that was the reason no one put their deposits down. When the decision was finally made, the dresses turned out being on the expensive side. I'm gathering that there was a chunk of money due for a deposit that some BM were not expecting.) Now the deadline has passed for the dresses to be ordered/made/shipped/altered on time and my friend is in panic mode. She and another MB have purchased their dresses but none of the other girls have. She would like to know what is the protocol? If the bride goes with another dress bc the orders were put in late, should she pay for the two that did order in time? I've never been in this situation so I am not sure of the protocol. She doesn't want to make waves but will not have an expensive dress she won't be wearing on top of another dress she won't be wearing again. Those are all the details I know, but I told her I would ask.

Thanks!

Replace or Stay the Same?

JeanieLyn — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 16:55:19 +0000

One of my bridesmaids recently dropped out of my wedding, which is April 5th of this year. I'm torn if I should keep it as 3 bridesmaids and have one groomsmen walk down alone or if I should ask one of my older best friends if she would be in my wedding. I'm just worried about getting a dress in on time and altered. Help please! I know in the end it's my choice, I just like to hear options...

Is it okay to ask my best friend to be my MoH in front of everyone at our engagement party?

PottersBridetoBe — Tue, 28 Jan 2014 18:32:48 +0000

My best friend and her fiance are hosting my first (and significantly smaller) engagement party in their house, and I was going to toast her and ask her to be my Maid of Honour in front of everyone. However, I ran this past my sister-in-laws (I have five) and three of them thought it was a bad idea, that it would embarrassing for her, insulting to my other close friends, and that she would probably decline, since she is engaged herself (they are waiting five years to get married though, so I thought that wouldn't be a problem?).

What do you guys think? You probably know the proper way to do this better than me...

MoB doesn't understand how important she is to the wedding, and it hurts.

shannym87 — Mon, 16 Dec 2013 16:38:44 +0000

My mom and I were talking about the accommodations for my wedding next summer- I'm getting married Labor Day weekend at a resort near where my mom lives. We're all going to be staying out there for two nights, arriving on Saturday, with the ceremony on Sunday, and checking out Monday after breakfast together. It wasn't until my mom mentioned that she and my notoriously late stepfather would have to make sure to leave early to ensure that they arrived to the ceremony on time that I realized that she had no intention of staying at the hotel the night before. I was stunned, because we've already planned the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner (both to be held on-site) as well as the bonfire after. When I asked about her plans, she told me that they were planning on going home after the rehearsal dinner and arriving back at the venue with the rest of the guests just before the ceremony.

I was absolutely flabbergasted. I explained how important she is to the wedding (she's the freaking Mother of the Bride!!), let alone how important it is to ME that my mom is present while I am getting ready for the biggest day of my life, and she was completely dismissive ("Why would I pay for two nights at a hotel when we live 30 minutes away?"). I tried to explain and said something to the effect of how the wedding isn't just the ceremony and reception (I feel like every element from the rehearsal dinner to putting on the gown contributes to the significance of The Event, you know?), and that it hadn't even occurred to me that I would be getting ready without my mom present. She flipped out, saying it is ridiculous to expect her not to get ready at home and telling me how selfish I am to expect our wedding party to pay for two nights at the hotel for my wedding. She kept focusing on the cost of staying two nights instead of what I was actually asking: that my mom be fully present for the most important day of her eldest child's life.

I've always known that my mom considers traditional weddings extravagant wastes, which is absolutely her right. She's not paying for any of the wedding; I never expected her to. If she doesn't want to stay at the hotel the night before, I will of course respect that. But I'm just stunned that didn't think I'd want her there during the morning of, and even more stunned that even after I flat out told her I wanted her there, she is still so dismissive.

I've always loved wedding and really value the traditions that go along with them, and throughout the planning process, I've had to remind myself that my mom just isn't going to be excited about things like flower arrangements or finding my gown. We have very different values, and I know that. It doesn't necessarily make it sting less when I show her the gown that made me cry and she doesn't react with more than a 'that's nice', but I've always know that and I can deal with it. This revelation, though, TOTALLY threw me. I never expected that she wouldn't be present for all of the wedding-related events, including getting ready that morning, and I can't figure out if I have any right to feel this way.

I think I'm even more hurt that even after I explained why it was important to me that she be there, she was still totally dismissive. Am I in the wrong here? How do I help my mom understand how important she is to my wedding, and how much it will hurt me if she's not there for all of my wedding, including the moment when I put on my gown and become a bride?

Step down as MOH???

paf001 — Sun, 19 Jan 2014 23:21:46 +0000

A friend of mine asked me to be her MOH for her wedding this May. We were very close and lived together all throughout college, everyone at school thought we were life long friends even though we were randomly assigned. Of course we had our moments, as anyone would, but we were always there for each other. I along with my husband helped set her up with her fiance. I was married 4 months ago and she was in my wedding but being I have 2 sisters they were my attendants of honor, which she had no problem with. I did my best to help her get her wedding plans rolling while finishing up my own wedding including dress shopping for her dress and BM dresses. I also helped her look up various venues. etc. From the moment I was engaged I tried to maintain a good relationship with all of my friends in my WP always trying to as how they were and do non-wedding related things at times, though my one friend who asked me to be her MOH seemed to become more and more distant. At first I thought maybe she was overwhelmed, but it has been several months. I try to make plans with her wedding related help and otherwise, but she always seems to blow me off. The only time I see her is when her fiance makes plans with my husband ( my husband is his best man). I even went as far as giving her a christmas gift which involved doing a activity that she likes together just so we can hang out. To add insult to injury I am trying to plan her shower/ bachelorette with her other BMs and they are little to no help at all. I have been trying to get opinions/ ideas from them for months and they just kind of say whatever you want, so I turned to the MOB for help/ ideas as I do not live in the same town as the bride. Together we narrowed it down to 2 places which I presented to all of the girls along with costs and I have not received any responses. I have done my best to keep it reasonable ( its not like I have unlimited funds either after paying for my own wedding) and I gave each girl my personal info so they could contact me directly if they didn't want to express concerns to the group. I also told them to offer any other options which may be more affordable as 4 of the 5 others live in the same town as the bride and still nothing. I am growing more and more frustrated and the plan for the bachelorette/ shower is March 22 as the one BM has bought her plane ticket for that weekend. I knew her childhood friends were a little flaky, as per the bride, but I don't know what else to do. The bride has also made comments like well I couldn't pick between my childhood friends so you have to be my MOH, which also makes me feel like she knew none of her childhood friends would step up and do anything. I don't want to go running to her and complain as I knew how that felt several months ago when I was a bride. If push came to shove I could swing throwing the shower alone, but considering the bride's overall attitude towards our friendship I just don't feel justified spending $1,200-$1,400 on just her shower when I am trying to buy a house. Am I being completely out of line?

Sister Has to be Center of Attention

Sammyantha13 — Thu, 30 Jan 2014 02:42:24 +0000

Hey everyone! I'm having an issue with my younger sister, who is also my MOH. Let me just start by saying that I'm 25 and my sister is 22...we've always been competitive and she's always felt kind of inferior to me (I know from her telling me, I'm not just being conceited, haha). But she's always been much more outgoing than me, and since she's been in college her confidence has sort of skyrocketed...a bit too much. She can be very manipulative in the way she sucks up to people, whereas I am more of a brutally honest person.

Anyway, last fall my fiance proposed to me after being together for 5 years, and I could tell my sister was a little miffed that she wouldn't get to have her wedding before mine, even though she's only been with her beau for two years. Despite that, she is still my sister and I asked her to be my MOH. She is also making our cake as a wedding present to us (she's in culinary school). But her need to be the center of attention just drives me up the wall. Any chance that she gets to show me up she takes, and I'm concerned and pretty positive that she will be like this at our wedding. She's already sort of tried to take over in deciding what the bridesmaid dresses will be. She threw a hissy fit when she found out that our first dance song is the same song that she considers her and her boyfriend's song...she started crying and hung up the phone with me. I told her that should they get married, I'm perfectly fine with them using the same song, because it has a different meaning to both couples. But she refused saying that she wouldn't use it because she didn't get to first and all she would be able to think about is me and my husband dancing to it. It's getting to the point that I'm starting to regret asking her to be MOH, which makes me feel terrible.

So what should I do? Should I have a stern talk with her and tell her she needs to just take a chill pill, because it's my day and she can't be acting like this? Do I just let it continue and if it gets too out of control I'll ask someone to be 'co-MOH'? I can't just take the job away from her, since I already gave it to her, no matter how crazy she's making me. But I don't want her ruining our big day...

How late is too late?

melbenso — Tue, 28 Jan 2014 13:28:48 +0000

So one of my bridesmaids had to drop out of my wedding because of health issues. The wedding is still 5 months away and she may be feeling better by then. As things stand now, she is not planning on attending the wedding either (but that can be finally decided by RSVP time, so I'm not too worried about that.) If she is, I know she would like to be in the wedding. I would very much like her to be in it as well, if she is feeling up to it. She hadn't purchased her dress yet. If she is able to do so, how late is too late for her to decide to be in the wedding? Just enough time for the dress to be purchased?

As an aside, do I still include her on the list of people to be invited to the bachelorette party? (I plan to send her an invitation to the wedding, even if she can't be in it, unless she explicitly tells me not to - which is a possibility.) She had originally been planning it, but that has been passed off to another bridesmaid.

z

mrsbizzz — Tue, 28 Jan 2014 16:10:22 +0000

How?!

staceyycky — Fri, 15 Nov 2013 23:20:13 +0000

I'm wanting all my bridesmaids to wear the same dress (I have 3), how on earth did you other brides/brides to be manage to meet up with them all to discuss and go try dresses on? I would like us to all go together so I can see what they look like obviously.