Moms and Maids — The Knot Community

Order bridesmaid dress from dressfirst.com?

maddiet09 — Tue, 14 Jan 2014 02:48:39 +0000

Has anyone used Dressfirst.com to order bridesmaid dresses? A family member is getting married and suggested using this site to order our dresses. The company "appears" to have good reviews online, but I am skeptical of all these rave reviews. If the site is legit, it would be a great price for the dress -- esp. to get a custom fit one -- but I have doubts.

If anyone has ordered dresses (or anything) from this site, did you have a good experience? Thanks in advance!

[Btw, if this question has been asked already, I apologize. Please send me a link to the discussion. I did a search, but could not find anything on any of the wedding boards. That being said, I realize that I may have missed something.]

Future Monster In-Law

firegirl1013 — Sun, 17 Nov 2013 15:26:15 +0000

I need a little reassurance that this happens to other people when they are planning their wedding, or maybe to be informed that this is not normal and I should run for the hills to get away from my FML.

My fiancé and I are planning our wedding for this coming summer and we decided together that we would foot the bill for the wedding and not ask our parents for help. His parents kindly offered to pick up the cost for the photographer, which I completely appreciate and am thankful for.

The issues all started with my dress. My mom and I went dress shopping together and picked out the one. It was a great time for the both of us and a really bonding moment because my father just passed away 6 months ago so this whole wedding thing is kind of hard knowing he won't be here. But shopping for the dress really just brought us together and made it special that even though my dad couldn't join in the fun we did it together and made a fun day of it. Once FML heard I picked the dress she was really mad and upset. She said I was leaving her out of the wedding planning and she couldn't believe she wasn't invited to go dress shopping with me. FML and I are not close. There are many people I would put ahead of her if I was choosing people to go dress shopping with. My fiancé tried to explain to his mom that I didn't want other people to go it was just a me and mom thing, but no she is upset and claiming I'm leaving her out.

Then the bridesmaid dress got picked without FML being invited. Once again, bridesmaid dress shopping was a special moment for my MOH and I. We made a day out of it and I made the day all about my MOH and encouraged her to pick whatever dress she loved most and made her feel most beautiful and we had a blast with it! I wanted it to be just MOH and I because once again when my dad died this girl was by my side through it all I wouldn't have made it without her. So this was such a nice thing to do together and it was so fun and happy and such a change from the past few months that she has helped me through. FML is mad I didn't invite her. FML asks me what color are the bridesmaid dresses and I gave her my honest answer, I don't know right now. We are still deciding between a few colors for the wedding, so we picked the style of the bridesmaid dress just not the color. FML didn't believe me and DROVE TO THE BRIDAL SHOP ON HER OWN and asked them to pull out the bridesmaid dress for her and give her a color swatch of it. Who does that?!

To try and make FML happy we asked her if she would like to be involved in the making of the centerpieces. She says yes so we purchased the supplies and explained what we wanted and gave her everything she needed. We truly are trying to let her be involved we just don't have that much to be involved with.

FML offered to purchase stamps for us now because the cost of stamps is going up in 2014 apparently by 3 cents. I said that would be great thank you for thinking ahead. But then she wants to know how many do I need? How many will each invite take? How many invites are being sent? This conversation occurred about 2 months ago so that would make it 11 months before the wedding. I have a rough guest list but it is by no means complete enough for me to know how many households would be getting invites and I haven't even considered what style of invites yet to know if they are going to require extra postage. I explain all of this to her and say since we have some time until the stamp prices rises could I let you know in a few months before the first of the year? She then proceeds to text me every single week asking if I know the number yet. I was getting more stressed over how many stamps to purchase than any other part of this wedding.

Finally the guest list. FML wants to invite 10 guests of her own, which she has offered to pay for. She wants to do this because she is feuding with her family and she doesn't want to have to sit with them so she figures if she invites 10 of her friends she can sit with them instead. I would be fine and dandy with her inviting them since she offered to pay, but our venue only holds a certain amount and we are nearing that amount. I'm already trying to cut the guest list of my close friends just to make the cut let alone adding 10 of hers. Which, my fiancé doesn't even know the majority of these 10 people. We tried explaining this to FML and once again it's another tantrum about how we aren't including her and it's her big day too her son is getting married why can't she brag and bring her own friends? and blah blah blah.

I know what you're going to say. You're an adult stand up to her, don't let her walk all over you, this is OUR wedding. The problem is when we do stand up to her it's constant text messages saying my fiancé is a terrible son and is breaking her heart. That she can't believe she raised such a coldhearted young man and all these terrible things. We end up getting more stressed and upset when we stand up to her than anything else.

Has anyone ordered bridesmaids dresses from Bridesmaids.com?

jamiep99 — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 16:31:16 +0000

I found my bridesmaid's dress on Bridesmaid.com for a great price, but I am worried that this website may be like many other knock off websites that are not trustworthy. Has anyone had used this website before?

XP: How do I handle this?!

emzo392 — Fri, 17 Jan 2014 21:25:51 +0000

The wedding is 11 weeks away, and my FI and I are the only ones who have our attire. I picked the dress out for my BMs several months ago, and they all loved it.. No one has ordered their dress. How do I tell them they need to get their dresses ASAP without sounding like a bridezilla? I am getting really anxious, and I REALLY don't want to come off as rude, disrespectful, or bitchy... Please help me!

MOH caught in a dilemma (a little long)

heyheyern — Mon, 20 Jan 2014 05:05:51 +0000

I am a MOH in my brother and FSIL's August 2014 wedding and I am thrilled and honored that they asked me. I have recently run into a problem that I'm not sure how to deal with. I am either in charge of or helping to plan: 2 bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, the rehearsal dinner, and a small luncheon the day after the wedding. Most of these events are happening in the town my brother lives in which is almost 6 hours from where I live. I have no problem with all of the "duties" I have taken on but I have encountered a "Zilla"-moment.

Our youngest brother is in the military and will be deploying a few weeks before the wedding. Since he can't make it to the wedding, he can take leave and be home for the co-ed bridal shower my mom, sisters, and I are planning in our hometown (which is 3.5 hours from my home and almost 9 from the engaged). I suggested that after the shower was over we should invite friends and family over to spend some time with our soldier before he is gone for 6-12 months. Just a small gathering, probably with beer and pizza, at my parents house. This would be completely separate from anything wedding related and a good way to keep the focus on the bride & groom at their shower. This idea went over great with everyone BUT the bride and groom. They are upset that little brother gets a spotlight and they have to share their time. I got snappy and reminded them that we have been elbow deep in wedding plans for almost a year and the entire summer from Memorial Weekend through August is full of THEIR wedding stuff that others are offering to do for them so they shouldn't have a problem with giving up a few hours of attention.

My questions are: Am I wrong by planning a get together for our brother after the bridal shower is over? Should I scrap the extra party and just focus on the bridal shower? And was I out of line for snapping at them? Be brutal, I can take it. TIA!

My mother did not come to my wedding!

krimsontide82 — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:17:57 +0000

My mom is not eluded from me or my family. In fact, she and my father just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary. I just got married on 3-25 and my mom didn't get involved with any of the wedding planning. She never went with dress shopping, cake tasting, nothing! She will never know what it is like to see me in my dress or the magic of the day that I worked so hard to pay for all by myself and I even did some things on my own that I was very proud of regarding the decor. She came to rehearsal dinner but didn't show an ounce of emotion and kept telling me she would not be able to go rehearse b/c she was sick and having a panic attack. She has copd and emphazema (spelling) and has had panic attacks in the past but here recently more often. Anyway, this is why she didn't come to my wedding b/c she had one that day. All she has said she is so sorry but she was so sick and she will have to live with this the rest of her life. Now all of sudden when I return from my honeymoon she feels BETTER (great timing) and even had the nerve to tell me the other day that she really wants to get out of the house to return her MOB dress my sister bought her b/c she will never wear it again. I'm done with her and will love her at a distance but this is totally unforgettable. Fact is, she tried to bail on my tea and wedding rehearsal. She doesn't take an interest in my life and hasn't for 29 years. She's not maternal at all. I have tried to have a relationship with her but I always end up getting hurt. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I would totally understand if the sickness were terrible like flu, cancer and thankful it's not of these but on the same token I have a friend who's mom was terminally ill with breast cancer and she showed up in a wheel chair and oxygen to her daughter's wedding.

Thoughtful gift idea for my mom?

meowcat84 — Sun, 24 Nov 2013 05:32:52 +0000

I am recently engaged. And my mom is paying for the wedding. I am trying to save costs as much as possible and help pay but my parents were kind enough to agree before my dad passed that my wedding would be paid. I feel thankful and sad at the same time. I don't know what to give my mom to show how thankful I am to have her. Any ideas?

Unsupportive Mother and Grandmother

Artemischief — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 12:59:34 +0000

I got engaged just over a week ago to my boyfriend of six years. We have been living together for three years. Now my mother and grandmother (neither of which is helping at all monetarily with the wedding) are saying that I am planning an extravagant $10,000 wedding for the many family members they are making me invite. My grandmother went so far as to say that I do not "deserve" to have a nice wedding since we have already been living together! They are not paying for a single thing, (my mother claims she would pay for the whole wedding if my fiancé and I had not been living together--which is a total and complete lie. Just tell me you don't want to pay!) they have absolutely NO RIGHT to tell me what I can do with my money for my wedding. This should be a happy time when we can all rejoice and celebrate, but they are ruining this whole experience for me! Any suggestions?

Over exuberant MOB

sarah_goodrum — Tue, 14 Jan 2014 23:03:54 +0000

I'm the MOH for a couple of friends of mine (they had a 'fight' over whether I'd be Bride's side or Groom's side lol). I love them both and the MOB just cracks me up - she's an absolutely joyous spirit. MOB and FOB pretty much eloped (so she never had the big wedding that she always wanted) so she's living vicariously through the bride - and that means planning BIG. Here's my dilemma: the bride's family is pretty well off, so MOB is sometimes like a 7 year old playing dress up with a credit card. She's talking about all of these visions for all of the wonderful pre-wedding parties - 2 bridal showers, 2 lingerie showers and a bachelorette getaway (in Vegas! No, wait, Mexico! No, Jamaica!!!) and (since she's never done any wedding planning before) she's asking me what I'm supposed to do and what she's supposed to do. She's such a sweet lady (and loves throwing parties) that I don't really have the heart to tell her that all she's really supposed to do is show up and smile, while I know that it's not financially possible for me to plan even /half/ of what she wants for her baby girl. I'm planning a shower and bachelorette party (that will probably have a lingerie shower aspect to it - unless I get a lot of uproar here about how a lingerie shower is a lingerie shower and a bachelorette party is a bachelorette party and neither the twain shall meet! ;-) ) So, what is a polite way to tell her that I really can't afford to throw 5 parties (especially since my husband recently lost his job, and I'm a student as well as working full time)? And, obviously, I'm not going to ask the other members of the bridal party to pay for throwing extra parties that I can't afford to contribute to.

Giving someone the option of being a bridesmaid- bad idea or good idea?

peachy13 — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 22:00:11 +0000

Is it okay to talk to a friend/family member and give them the option, letting them know that I would love to have them as a bridesmaid, but that I would understand if they can't? (and that they'd be invited to the wedding). I just want to avoid making them feel like I don't want them there.

FMIL did a '180' on us??

LoveLee2014 — Tue, 14 Jan 2014 03:50:26 +0000

It makes me really sad that I am having to ask for advice on this. It is a short story, so I am hoping to turn this around before it becomes a horrible problem. I have been with my FI forever, and we have always had a loving, great relationship with his parents. I love his older sister, too!

We have been engaged for a few weeks now. Twice we have sat down and tried to talk wedding stuff, for example, dates/possible invite list/ideas, and it has gone beyond terrible. Twice now my FI has left the hang out furious, and myself in tears the whole way home. All the sudden, she is being rude and fighting us on everything we say. She is being very aggressive and rolling her eyes, making rude comments, and just overall having a problem with everything. For example, She even accused me of lying to her and saying that I told her we were getting married in 2016, which is laughable because I have never once said the words, "2016" in my life. My FI AND my FFIL both told her ( because they were there) that I did not say that. It is a simple misunderstanding, but she is was being crazy and accusing me to my face of lying about the year, then when I said I did not say that, she went back in forth with me like it was a grade school fight. It got the the point where I just quick talking. This is just one example of several.

My FI and I cannot figure out what changed or what is going on?? We have never had issues with her or anyone in their family, not even once. We are shocked and very hurt that she is just trying to create all this drama for zero reason at all. Just because I know people will ask, they are not paying for anything for the wedding. They didn't volunteer, so that is fine. We were just talking to her about decisions we made and ideas just because we want her to be involved because we thought it would be fun. We now realize that she cannot be involved or she will ruin this for everyone. This isn't what we wanted but how do we turn this around?? I feel like there is nothing we can do.

My FI told me today he thinks she is 'jealous'? I don't really understand why or how? Any thoughts? We just have no idea what changed? My FI is 30 and his older sister has her own family, so he isn't the first one 'moving on' in life. Also, we have lived together for years, so us getting engaged/married did not actually change anything at all. We are just shocked because we cannot figure out where all this drama is coming from and we NEVER thought this was going to be how this was going to go with her. I hope it changes back ASAP, but it is out of my control. She seemed over the moon when we got engaged, then that quickly changed. We do not like drama or confrontation, LOL. I would appreciate any thoughts, similar situations, or suggestions. Thank you!

Future In Laws

lday998 — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 18:47:17 +0000

I know brides often go through rough patches with their future parents-in-law during wedding planning. I am not intending to complain about mine as I do love them and they've been awesome for the three years we've been engaged. I am hoping people can give me advise on how to fix the uncomfortable situation we've run into while still keeping the wedding itself to something I can bear.

I probably started the wedding planning process out on the wrong foot. I got so excited and knew that I wanted an intimate outdoor (ceremony and reception) wedding, so my fiance and I visited and signed a contract with the location within the first month of our engagement. I am a planner and relish checking things off that list I guess... We did meet with his parents afterwards to tell them all about it. I was very excited to show them the venue, but it was clear from the start that they were discontented because there are size limitations. My fiance and I had also made several other vendor decisions on our own (photographer, DJ). Before we signed contracts with them though, we did ask MIL and SIL for vendor recommendations (and went with SIL's DJ).

I really have tried to keep MIL involved since then because she only has sons and is the sort of girly girl who would love wedding planning. We invited his mom and dad to several caterer tastings, but the times never worked out for them. Last summer I invited them to come to the venue with me so my future MIL could help me figure out decorations but she never responded. She opted out of bridal gown shopping because she thought that should be for my mom, but she and her husband did come to my fitting after the dress came in, which was awesome (he cried).

His parents thought it would be fun it we made our own toasting wine, so they sent us to a store that helps you make it. However, my family (and I) strongly prefer dry reds while his parents only like white. We made a white toasting wine because that's what she wanted. I mentioned at that time that I would just want some dry red at the wedding for myself and my family after the toasts.

They also offered to pay for the alcohol and my bouquet, which was super sweet and appreciated, but in the last two months things seem to be spiraling out of control...

My own mother lives on the other side of the country, so when she is in town we fill the weekend up with wedding planning so she can be involved. This weekend while she's here I decided to invite his family and the wedding party over and throw a wine tasting party, where everyone brings a wine to share. I made the mistake of putting a price range for the wine ($10-20) which appears to have been what sparked the latest fight. I wanted to keep the parents from paying too much and to keep some of the more terrible wines out. And I mentioned, as an afterthought, in the invite that if we like one of them, maybe we can have it at the wedding. They have since stopped talking to me but ranted to my fiance about how they haven't been consulted on anything and are now being told what kind of alcohol they need to provide. That was never my intention. I just wanted to get people together and the "wedding wine" comment was an afterthought. This weekend we are also going to a local bridal show. I invited his mom and dad previoulsy (and they were excited at the time), but they won't respond to my messages so I assume they're not coming.

This fiasco brought out some old anger about the guest limits. Originally I was hoping for perhaps 50 people (small intimate and outside) becuause I hate and uncomfortable with crouds of people I don't know. My fiance would have loved a larger wedding (200+), so we compromised to get 140. My dad was sweet enough to rent us a tent so the reception could be outside as well. The tent area will only fit 140. I worked on my half of the list (70) with my family and my fiance asked his mom for a list of 70 people (all our close friends are on my half of the list). When we got my fiance's half of the list back 2 months ago, there were 70 people on it, but she'd forgotten to include herself and their immediate family (fiance, parents, his brothers and their families) and it didn't include his groomsmen. The true total was 105. My fiance was upset because he didn't even know a lot of the people on that list. After his talking to her got him nowhere, my fiance then worked through the list and limited it to his must invites (their entire family, the close family friends his mother had requested, the groomsmen, and four close people from his work). That left 6 additional spaces, which he gave to her to choose. The response was that this puts her in an awkward position. I'm not sure how that's the case unless she had already been verbally inviting people. We are ok with telling people that we're having a small wedding, and have found that everyone else has been fine with it and just as happy for us.

Yesterday, my fiance got an angry text from his dad telling us he didn't understand what the big deal with increasing the wedding to 200-300 people was, and that they'll pay for it. They're mad we selected a venue like this and keep telling us we should have thought about the guest list before we chose it. The problem is it has nothing to do with the money. We've been saving for this wedding for a while and both our parents are helping where they can. It just seems like his parents put conditions on their assistance, which upsets my fiance. My fiance has been adament that we must each be equally represented by our guests. He's been standing by me, but I hate to put him in this position because I know that originally he wanted a larger wedding. I don't want his relationhip (or mine) with his family to be compromised. I'm terrified they will decide not to show up (they've done that at other large family gatherings when there's a dispute, it's just never been with me before). That would break my fiance's heart...

In the end I just want to marry my fiance and have everyone enjoy the day, but I hate crouds and would feel really uncomfortable with that many people, especially as I wouldn't know most of them. I can't figure out if I'm being unreasonable or why it should be unreasonable for me to want a more intimate wedding. Is it just a midwest thing for weddings to be large? How many extra guests (beyond those mutual family and friends the fiance knows) do most couples give their parents? My parents haven't asked for any and my mom even laughed at the suggestion of her getting a plus 1. Ideas on how I can fix the situation, and input on whether I should give some ground or hold my ground, are welcome.

Bridesmaid dress question

mlemoe03 — Tue, 07 Jan 2014 13:49:20 +0000

Hi ladies,

So, I'm in the beginning stages of planning, and I really want my girls to pick their own dresses, with a few guidelines...I really want short, knee length dresses in Navy blue. However, I'm getting married in December...is it inappropriate to have short bridesmaid dresses?

Maids bought me plane ticket - don't want to go.

[Deleted User] — Sat, 04 Jan 2014 12:47:12 +0000

So for my bridal shower my friends from highschool (would be bridesmaids but I'm having a family only no bridesmaids ceremony) all pitched in and bought me a ticket to come from NYC to San Francisco to see them... about 5 of them live there and I live here. Anyways, they gave me about an 8 week notice, after I just took off time to see them and do the bridal shower over Christmas. I will also be taking off another two weeks in the next six months to do my actual wedding, reception, and honeymoon. It is really nice that they bought me a plane ticket to see them, but they scheduled the dates to overlap with basically my entire work week (four days, and I work weekends). So not only would be loosing money by taking an entire week off of work but also the expenses of being out in SF for four days with them. It'll hit me at about $500 if I am frugal about my spending in SF. With my wedding coming up, my crazy current schedule, and the fact that I JUST saw them, I really don't feel like taking off and flying out there. They spent about $50 each on this ticket and they expect me to spend $500 on them? It seems really selfish to me. I could pay to trade the ticket to a voucher and just use it for my honeymoon, which is what I asked for of everyone is a honeymoon registry. None of them gave to that. Would that be really selfish of ME? I am trying to think of it from there perspective but it is just a such a huge financial difference and the fact that they've put me in an awkward position of obligation. Should I suck it up and take the hit? I'm sure I'd have fun... or do I make excuse that I couldn't get off of work and trade it in?

Inviting Groom's Parents but not the Bride's

heimlichsgettinhitched — Sun, 05 Jan 2014 18:56:24 +0000

For my entire life, my mother has made it clear to me that she will pay for whatever wedding I want, without ANY strings attached. She has always been passionate about this, since her mother had a lot of strings attached for my mother's wedding.

Aside from that, my family and I do not have a strong relationship. They are very controlling.

I got engaged recently to the love of my life. So I asked my parents if they could give me a budget, so I could start planning. I have been working recently on not being controlled by my family, so I told them if they gave us money, it would be with the understanding that they may not have a say in the planning.

My parents said that they would give me 10,000. They are willing to give me more than that if they have a say in the guest list. I want it really small, so I was not planning on inviting my mother's large family.

I feel really betrayed, since suddenly there are strings. How do I invite my fiance's parents but not my own to my wedding?

MOH Advice - Budget Disagreements

Trixeetrix — Tue, 07 Jan 2014 14:13:55 +0000

So this is my first time being a Matron of Honor so I am by no means an "expert". The bride chose myself and another close friend to be maid of honor. This was exciting as I got along just fine with the other MOH. Her wedding is still many months away and I got a random message from the other MOH the other day basically saying "if you can't afford to pay for x, y and z you should not be in the wedding". This disturbed me so I decided to talk it out with her in a mature fashion. I was shocked to hear her outlook on weddings. I told her I thought that we should speak with every bridesmaid (privately) to see what their budgets are for a shower and once we have a number plan around that. There are many wonderful things you can do and so many options. I know myself that I have a tight budget, which i explained, and I can imagine others have budget restraints as well. While I can contribute something I can't agree to contribute "however much it costs" as she wanted me to. I would need to set a dollar value that is comfortable for me and I wanted this to be clear up front as their would be no dispute over it later. She basically said this was unfair to the bride and everyone else in the wedding and that I should not be in a wedding if I can't throw her a nice shower, which would mean catering, decorations, etc. I explained that a BBQ could be a nice shower - especially in the nice weather but she felt this would be "skimping out" on the bride and not make her experience the best. I see where she is coming from and can't fault her for wanting the best for her friend. I want the best for her too. But her take on weddings is that if one agrees to be in it than they must pay for whatever it takes to make it a wonderful day. I told her that I wouldn't feel right just planning something and then saying "hey girls you owe 250". I would think a number should be worked out prior so that nobody is made to feel uncomfortable. She did not agree and said she would not be responsible for throwing a crappy shower and would not do that to the bride because someone couldn't afford something. I tried to explain that a "crappy" shower is not defined by its price tag but she was not on the same page. While I respect her opinion I am not sure how to compromise here. I tried reasoning with her but she got very angry with me and just kept saying I shouldn't be in the wedding if I can't pay for stuff. I don't think we will ever be on the same page on this subject. I don't feel right pestering the bride with such pettiness as she is completely unaware that this is going on. Matter of fact she is very down to earth and would be grateful for any shower that was thrown for her if it costed 5$ or 500$ and I don't think she would care if it was homemade food, hotdogs and hamburgers or catered for that matter. Perhaps it is me who is wrong about this etiquette and that is why I am turning to you ladies. Any advice / input you have would be greatly appreciated.

mob as moh dress question

bethhahn75 — Mon, 23 Dec 2013 19:10:38 +0000

My mom is going to be my moh. My question is what to do about her dress. This is my second wedding, his first, so we are having a big todo. The other attendants are also 30+, but I still want the dresses to be classy, not motherly. Any suggestions?

Sister of the bride

samirishoboe — Wed, 07 Aug 2013 02:32:15 +0000

Hey y'all, I'm having doubts about my choices for my wedding party. I waited a while to tell everyone just to make sure I was certain about who I would be giving each position to, and decided on my best friend since kindergarten to be my MOH. My sister who is two years younger than me asked me to be a bridesmaid right after I became engaged and I said yes, you're definitely going to be a bridesmaid. Now I'm hearing that she was kinda hurt that I didn't make her my MOH. I know it's my wedding and I decide all that stuff, but I still hate disappointing people, especially my family. I'm wondering if there's any special "Sister of the Bride" position or anything just so she can have that honor too, since I don't want to tell my MOH I picked someone else or anything like that. I don't know, is there anything any of you guys decided for situations like this? I'm not giving in to what she wants or anything like that, because I do think she does deserve some sort of special position like that, but it's hard when you have one MOH position to give. They're all unmarried, and I have a total of 4 girls on my side. Thanks!

corsages, mom, and dad's wife...

octoberbride9 — Sat, 04 Jan 2014 05:53:11 +0000

My parents have been divorced for about 13 years. Divorce was final in March of that year, dad remarried 2 months later (primary reason for the divorce), my first wedding was 2 months after that. That was a stressful time and I don't remember if dad's wife wore flowers at my first wedding or not. My mom paid for the flowers that time, so I'm guessing his wife didn't have them:)

I'm now getting remarried and trying to keep things very simple and inexpensive. I mentioned to my mom that I wasn't doing any flowers except a small bouquet for me and a little bouquet for my daughter (Flower girl). My FMIL doesn't care, but my mom immediately stated "I get flowers." I wouldn't care that much and would happily just get her and FMIL corsages, but then what do I do with my dad's wife? Of course mom thinks dad's wife shouldn't get flowers since she's not the MOB, but my Dad is going to think his wife should get flowers if my mom has them.

agh! This was a piece of why I want to skip other flowers. Any advice? I'm really close to my mom & preserving our relationship is obviously very important but I don't want a fight with dad either. In case it matters, FH and I are paying for everything ourselves.

Brothers Girlfriend...Right hand lady? "Personal Attendant"

hannah2691 — Mon, 09 Dec 2013 19:20:54 +0000

I'm in a tough siuation on how to involve my brothers girlsfriend in the wedding. I am trying to limit my bridesmaids to 6 because we are trying to have a smaller wedding and that already seems like alot for the ratio of guest we will have. I love her and am very close, she even went to my highschool but is older then me and technically not family yet. Along with my finace's sister and my closest friends I am at 6. He prefers not to have his sisters boyfriend so to make it even we were going to have them act as Ushers.

But I would like to involve her in the day...there have been so many awful comments about personal attendants. My mom and her are very close and I think it would work out great to have her around helping out the day of! I was planning to ask her the same way I do my bridemaids but ask her to be my "right hand lady" and stand by me on my big day. She would be involved in all the prep (hair, makeup, pictures) and I would love it if she wanted to wear a dress that was similar to the bridesmaids but maybe short instead of long!

Any Thoughts?? Please keep the b*tchy comments to your self any constructive feedback is welcome!

MOB Issues

SandK14 — Fri, 03 Jan 2014 13:53:52 +0000

I became engaged on Christmas Eve, and immediately dove into wedding planning with my mom. Initially, it was great....the most we have ever gotten along. But yesterday, that ended. She started swearing that I had told her the opposite of what colors I had picked, and became mad. She yanked up everything that she had bought, and said that she's taking it all back. Now she's refusing to help anymore, and won't speak to me. I'm just hurt, because I really want the next few months to be special, not a constant battle with my mom, and me winding up in tears. Has anyone else had isssues like this? How did you handle it??

Offering either hair, makeup, or extra big gift?

kgd7357 — Thu, 26 Dec 2013 17:35:36 +0000

It looks like my budget will allow me to spend a little extra on my BMs than I expected (about $50 more). The women I've hired to do my hair and makeup the day of will do each bridesmaid for $60 for each or $120 for both. There is no minimum for either one, so the girls can choose to have hair and/or makeup or not. Neither is required. After talking to my girls it seems like most of them would like to have hair and/or makeup done. I have about a $150 budget I can now spend on each BM. If you were a BM would you prefer that I offer to pay for both and get you a smalller gift, give the option of me paying for either hair or makeup and get medium gifts, or just get a much bigger gift and let you choose if you want to pay for hair or makeup? I was sort of leaning towards giving the option of me paying for either hair or makeup (since it seems everyone wants hair but about 50/50 on makeup) then spending about $90 on gifts (a nice bottle of champagne plus something unique to each girl). Thoughts?

Irritating Brides Maid/Bride [Rant]

LadyAmayaDimir — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 20:01:17 +0000

I have a friend whom has been my friend since I was 9 years old. She is going to be one of my Brides Maids, of course. But, the issue is, she is also engaged and has asked me to be her Maid-of-Honor, which I am honored to do so. My wedding date is set for Oct. of 2011. Her wedding isn't sceduled until Aug. of 2012. Yet she insists on making all her arragements now. I tried talking to her and explaining that I have a lot of plans to do on my own, and that I will help her the best I can, but most of the appointments can wait a little on her end, seeing as some, if not all of her other Brides Maids will not be in the same size 2 years from now... She also lives out of town and expects me to make it to every appointment she has for dress hunting and what not, but can't seem to make it to any of the ones I had planned. I love her and all, but I'm about ready to just explode. I sent her some pictures of some dresses I was thinking of for my wedding, she then asked me if I've been looking for hers as well.
I was pretty sure picking out the dresses was the brides job. She also wanted me to price flowers for her.
She's pretty much asked me to plan most of her wedding. I never agreed to it, but I don't think she gets that.

Bridesmaid dress help - good dresses for hiding extra skin from drastic weight loss

melbenso — Fri, 13 Dec 2013 13:52:48 +0000

I have three bridesmaids with completely different body types and personal styles, so rather than pick one dress that none of them would be crazy about, I picked a color and told them to pick any dress they liked in that color. I went with David's Bridal, since 2 of my bridesmaids are out of state and none live in the same city as me, so it was easy to have some consistency and not break the bank. One of them had weight reduction surgery in the spring. She's already lost more than 180 pounds and will likely lose another 50 or so before my wedding. (I'm super proud of her. She looks amazing and her confidence has skyrocketed.) She's currently a size 18, and could drop several sizes by June.

However, she is worried about excess skin from the drastic weight loss and wants a dress that will help camouflage this. It is much more important to me that she finds a dress she likes and feels comfortable in than that my bridesmaids dress colors match exactly. (I would like them to be close, though.) She found one thing she liked at DB, but they don't have tons of selection in store in plus sizes and she understandably wants to be able to try the dress on before ordering. I am totally fine with her getting a dress somewhere else if she can't find anything she likes at DB. The color I picked was cornflower blue (see link here for DB dresses in that color), so I'm guessing she could find substantially similar colored dresses in other places. We were going to pick up a fabric swatch when we go shopping over the holidays. Money is a little tight, so she'd like to keep the budget as close to (or under) $150 for the dress as possible.

Anyone have any suggestions for other stores or dress lines she could look at? Because she might drop several sizes between now and the wedding, a places with good exchange policies would be super helpful. She's going to wait as long as she can to order the dress, but just in case she gets the wrong size, the ability to exchange for a smaller size rather than pay a ton for alterations would be super helpful.

Thanks!

Monster in Law.

TheaRae — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 15:22:51 +0000

My FI have been together for two years and became recently engaged. Our relationship is wonderful, and very healthy we openly communicate about all things, except one... his mother. When we first got together she was wonderful and very supportive however about six months into the relationship she became very overbearing and passive agressive, (ex. asking me if my FI would be avaible to do something on a certain day and me saying no knowing that we already had plans and her telling me that it was fine to my face, and then calling my FI crying and guilting him, resulting in tension when it is brought up for discussion.) She has given me the green light to host holidays at my place (which is a big deal because I love to host and it helps me to get to know the family and show my good woman skills) approxmatley a week before all these events she would tell my FI to tell me (she always relays important messages through him) that she would be more confortable hosting them at her house and when she is no longer physically able to construct gatherings that I can host one. Not only does she beat around the bush and relay messages to me through someone else, she calls my FI a minium of 3 times a day, when he does not answer she leaves rude messages, saying it is morally wrong to ignore your mother, and she will just dissapear then ect... It has almost been six months since I have seen my MIL because she cancles anytime there is an event planned that I will be attending, but get this... she manages to take her son out to lunch every week. I do not know where to even begin to address this issue eveything that I mentioned above is just a brush on what her behaivor has been like, we are due to wed next December and I feel like the FI who is constantly upset by her MIL... I just cannot even imagine dealing with her like this for the rest of my life, I am a very direct, honest person and I cannot even be myself to her... I would never keep silent about my feelings to anyone except that woman... I really need direction please help.

Reality check...is this a thing?

CLoGreenEyes — Fri, 27 Dec 2013 01:38:42 +0000

So I just got an email from a co-bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. She started this (genuinely awesome) Google Doc that the six of us are contributing to for the bridal shower/bachelorette party. I love it, it's encouraging an exchange of ideas, it's great.

However.

One of the action items is, "Dress code for bridesmaids? Dresses? All white? Ideas??"

Is this a real thing? Do I need to wear something that matches the other girls for the shower/b-party? Or do I have permission to snark all over this and respond, "CLOTHES, ma'am. Clothes."

FMIL Woes

applezing — Sat, 28 Dec 2013 05:57:47 +0000

My SO and I have been dating for four years. During that time, his mother has been...less than kind. It seemed that every time we visited them, or vice versa, she found something new to dislike about me, which she would then call complain about to him later. She'd talk over me in conversations (I've always been rather shy and she's very type A) and tell him she thought I was too quiet, then say I was rude and pushy if I tried to get a word in edgewise. I just couldn't win.

This isn't a problem unique to me - all of her children's boy/girlfriends have been met with similar criticisms. In fact, I'm supposedly the best of the bunch; she hates his older sister's husband with a fiery passion. I guess it's just a matter of nobody being good enough for her babies. So, whatever. I've spent a lot of time trying to cater to her, but decided I'd never be what/who she wants and it would be healthier for me just to be myself. It's caused some serious doubts for me, but I've resigned myself gotten used to it, and I came to the conclusion that I could deal with her and her hostility (as long as we live in different states!)

What weirds me out, though, is that the second the ring was on my finger she decided to be all...nice. Or her version of nice, I guess. We haven't even been engaged for a month but suddenly every time she talks to us on the phone she ends with "I love you" and then sits and waits for me to say it back and frankly it makes me very uncomfortable. I don't think it's fair for her to be rude to me for so long and then suddenly turn around and be all affectionate and expect me to reciprocate. She un-earned my love, and I don't think she can just expect me to give it back.

Am I totally off base on this?

Bridal Shower Planning HELP!

blancokm — Thu, 14 Nov 2013 23:21:23 +0000

I am the MOH and pretty much at a brick wall with the BMs in planning this shower. They all have pretty much stated that it would be too much to plan an activity of sorts for the guests to do during the shower. The bride has requested no games. So I have come up with one bigger activity of scrapbooking pages for the first year of their marriage as the bride loves scrapbooking. I also came up with the idea of small little activities that guest could do as please of writing a note of encouragement for the bride that I will mail randomly during the first year of her marriage. The other is a date night jar. Basically guest would visit the table, and write a date idea and put it in the jar. The BMs all think this is just too much for the shower. I have gotten the feeling they want to just serve food (not a meal as we are planning for 2pm) and have the bride open gifts. I am just not comfortable with this, seems gift grabby to me. Also there is 9 of us in her party and 10 paying for the shower, so we have a very decent budget even with each just paying $50. The location at the moment is at a church since none of the ladies have a home that we can use to host the shower.

What would be some good alternative ideas for this shower. I would like at least one activity we can do together that will take about 30 minutes. We are doing a beach theme in décor. Also I do not have a guest list yet, but could be 30-70 invited. Thanks for any help!

Need Help Finding a Maternity Dress for Bridesmaid

rebekie — Tue, 24 Dec 2013 14:53:02 +0000

Hey All! One of my bridesmaids will be 7 months pregnant at my March wedding and we're having a hard time finding her a dress. The two parameters are that it has to be gray (preferably a dark gray) and knee length. Anyone have suggestions of places to look?
Thanks!

Bridemaid drops out of wedding..4 months before wedding!

brita7869 — Sun, 15 Dec 2013 20:23:56 +0000

So due to switching jobs and medical issues, my bridesmaid dress shopping was put off until about a month ago (5 months before the wedding) I did mention to my four bridesmaids over the summer that we would be going in November and that I would certainly take into consideration their general financial situations. My four bridesmaids consist of my sister (MOH), a friend I have known 18 years, another I have known 17 years, and my fiance's cousin.

My sister, my friend of 18 years, and I went to two different shops to try on several dresses. My friend happens to be fairly large up top and has little to no hips/butt, so I wanted to find a dress that she would feel lovely in. After 4 hours, we found the perfect dress and it would look great on everyone and was priced at $166. Everything seemed perfect until three weeks goes by and my friend has still not gone for measurements or put her order in. Finally 2 weeks ago she tells me "I can't be in your wedding I can't afford it." So I tried to help her out by offering to put in the order for the dress and she can always pay me back at another time. She continues to put me off and says "Just replace me then." This coming from her, who just purchased a $600 camera and loves to go drinking on Friday and Saturday nights and spends money on other frivolous stuff. Finally she gave me a final answer of she just can't afford to be in my wedding.

Here are my two issues: First, my (old/ex) bridesmaid doesn't understand now why I am pissed at her. She thinks I should be okay w/everything.

My 2nd dilemma..I would like my wedding to look symmetrical (same amount of bridesmaids to groomsmen). I have two close friends at work; one I directly work with every day and another I talk to quite frequently. I have known the teacher I talk to frequently longer, but I have become better friends with the coworker I work with. How do I ask either of them? I don't want to offend them where they feel they were chosen 2nd, but I also feel bad choosing between one or the other.

So my two questions are: Do I have a right to be mad at the bridesmaid who dropped out of my wedding and how do I go about choosing a new bridesmaid w/out offending anyone, including the person I choose?