Moms and Maids — The Knot Community

Things could get messy...

nikkiborge — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 03:00:17 +0000

Hi all,
I'm at a total loss with my FMIL. She's throwing me a bridal shower but has made it clear that only her side of the family can come. I cant even bring my own mother. So my mom is going to throw me a shower too, is it wrong of me not to invite my FMIL? I dont want to be rude and start my marriage off on his mothers bad side, but I feel like she did it to herself. If she only wants to spend time with her family, I only want to spend time with mine.
Am I acting childish about this? My mom and I are really close and it hurts that she would plan something like a bridal shower that my mom can't even be a part of.
Thanks in advance

Mother of Groom Attire

GoofyAssChick — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 17:31:21 +0000

I hadn't really thought much about what the mothers were going to wear to the wedding. But yesterday while we were out with my FMIL she mentioned she had seen a blue tie dyed skirt at her local Goodwill and she thought she could wear that with a brown blazer. His mother is not the kind of woman that enjoys shopping or clothes in general. (Up until a talk my FI had with her a year ago, she would probably still be going without a bra in public.) At first I thought she was kidding and brushed it off. But when I found out she was serious I am now worried. I had assumed the moms would each purchase a nice dress, possibly with a matching jacket. Nothing crazy fancy just something flattering and occasion appropriate. She's going to be in the spotlight as the Mother of the Groom and I feel she should be proud of this and dress up. My FI is her only child and is this is a one time occasion. Especially since we want some great family photos taken and also that his stepmom will be there and we want her to feel confident while meeting my FI's dad's new wife (as she is very vocal about being apprehensive about it). My FI is in complete agreement that she should dress up more. He thinks we should offer to purchase her dress or even a dressy pant suit.

My FMIL has no sisters or women close to her to take her under their wing for this. She doesn't have any female friends at all. So, I want to suggest a day of shopping together possibly with my stepmom to go too so that it's a fun day out. But I'm kind of worried about offending her, or wondering if I'm even in the right to make suggestions on what to wear. I feel like I'm completely in the wrong and I'm breaking all kinds of ettiqutte.

Surely there have been other brides in a similiar situation. What would suggest I do??

One of my very important duties as MOH

09daisy — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 22:11:28 +0000

My sister is finally marrying her boyfriend of seven years. If love can be the most beautiful feeling, watching my lifelong role model experience this genuine joy must be a close second.

She does everything for me, and she always has. She's the most generous person I know. Nothing makes her happier than providing for others and inspiring happiness in her loved ones. She deserves to have the most beautiful and perfect evening of her life, and as her sister and Maid of Honour, I want to do anything and everything in my power to contribute to that. I'd really appreciate it if you could all follow this link and like this photo so my sister can win this contest. If she gets the most likes, she'll win a photobooth rental on her special night. She's the one second from the right. Isn't she gorgeous? :)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=536590283031465&set=a.536580633032430.123435.336106383079857&type=1&theater

Fun ways to ask MOH & BMs...

danielle1009 — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 01:49:20 +0000

Hi everyone!! I'm looking for creative ideas for inviting/asking my MOH and Bridesmaids to be part of my wedding. Any ideas??

Birthmother and the one that's always been there

melissaswed2013 — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 14:36:55 +0000

Ok so a little background....my stepdaughters(technically but I just consider them my daughters) I have been in their life since they were 3 an 5 years old. They don't have a good relationship with their mother, the oldest has no relationship and the youngest has a little bit of one. She text her and sees her maybe 2-3 times a year even though she lives close. Well my youngest girl is getting married in July and her dad and I are paying for all of it. We have had a great time planning together and my daughter has involved myself and my mom in everything(she's very close to her grandma). Her biological mother has been asked to go pick out her dress, go pick out bridesmaids dresses but she has choosen not to. She only wants to be involved when it makes her look good to others. Anyway my sister and my cousin are hosting a shower for my daughter and I'm not sure if we should invite the mother. I know according to etiquette we should but she is only nice to me if she has to be. She has called me names which is one reason my girls moved out of her house and in with us. I'm at a lose here. My daughter is one that doesn't like confrontation and hates hurting people's feelings.

My other vent is I'm afraid the mother will try and "take over" during the actual wedding and have me left out. The day is about our daughter but she's the kind that tries to make it about her and pretend to be the perfect mom.

Any advice on whether we should invite her and not to get my feelings hurt during the wedding.

MOH help

Ash13Matt — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 21:29:30 +0000

so i just recently got engaged :) and of course had my Maids already picked out, my best friend, 2 baby sisters and fiances sister and cousin. I asked my best friend to be my moh because she is my other girl half . when i asked her my fiance and i took her out to a nice dinner and i made her a picture fame with basically a love note and a picture of us. she is not the kind of girl that has been planning her wedding since she was 5 or really a "married" girl but knows i am. we are the type of friends that even if we dont see or talk to eachother every day nothing changes.

my issue i guess is that since i asked her (about a month ago) we havent really talked or anything and doesnt seem to have the excitment i was hoping for.

i dont know if this is just the norm for us or should i expect her to get pumped i guess? i wsa thinking of just havin a sit down to let her know that i picked her because she is an imporntant person in my life...even though i did write her a "love letter" and ask her if this is something that she is really wanting to do.

Momma Drama

alenglish — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 18:46:07 +0000

My mother has slowly chipped away at our relationship for years and I have finally gotten fedup with it all and cut her out of my life. I thought with my wedding coming up in the fall I would be sad but frankly, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Now I don't have to worry about her harassing my other relatives or causing a scene. My concern is that those who don't know the history between us (my fiance's family and friends) will judge me or misunderstand why she is not present at the wedding.

I don't want to make a huge deal by communicating it to everyone "Hey, my crazy mom isn't coming!" but I also don't want to hear "where is your mother?" all night. Any suggestions?

Maternity Bridesmaid Dresses

Allioop817 — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 03:55:07 +0000

Hi! Two of my bridesmaids will be 8 months pregnant at my wedding. Anyone know of a good brand/designer for dresses that offers cute maternity styles? Most of the ones I have found are out-dated and look old! I still want something fun and unique for the pregnant girls.

FMIL Issue with the Bridal Shower

KristinO1012 — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 21:40:23 +0000

Okay so the background. About 2 months ago by FMIL asked what the plan was for my bridal shower. I told her that my family would be throwing it and that she would be invited along with anyone she wanted. She kept saying I won't do that I need to contribute. I ask my FI to tell her that its really okay, my family wants to throw the shower and invite my future family and friends as a way of welcoming them. All of a sudden my FI is flooded from nasty calls and texts from his father, mother, and sister about how my family is so awful and rude and uninclusive. I am upset about this because up until that point I thought things were going well. His mother demands that her name be put on the bridal shower invitation (even though she will not be hosting). I call his mother and let her know that I dont want her to feel left out but it will still be a shower hosted by my family and she is invited to go. She is extremely cold and doesn't say anything other than thanks for calling. So my family goes ahead and orders the invites and I ask his mom for her list. She only invites 3 people (does not include any of his family, all of whom we see at family gatherings). I ask her if this was a mistake and she says no. So FI calls her to find out why his side of the family isn't invited she says because she is "embarrassed" and "humiliated" inviting them to something she didn't contribute to. I don't get how this is embarrassing especially since she had no problem inviting her 3 good friends. So I am upset at this and so is my FI. We are just going to invite his family (aunts and one cousin) without her approval.

What do you think about this? Is there anything that I can do? I have tried to talk to her and make her feel more included but I get no response other than coldness.

FMIL = fml

Knottie1464879500 — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 17:24:49 +0000

Need some advice. My FIL are not contributing to our wedding. (We're lucky we got them to agree to hosting the rehearsal dinner!)

My FMIL has been HORRIBLE throughout our 6 month engagement. The day after we got engaged she said to : "Well I'm glad WE don't have to pay for this wedding, thats the BRIDE'S family's responsiblity". Other examples of her rude behavior include hosting an engagement BBQ that my parents were un-invited from because she was embarassed of her house, criticising my timing on save-the-dates so she put my wedding date in her Christmas card, refusing to make the 4.5 hour trip to meet my parents, bashing my weight, and the list goes on.

As far as the guest list goes, she gave me a very large list with a lot of her friends, etc. and that list took up half the amount of people budgeted. I made lots of cuts to her list (mostly her friends and people she said "won't come"). I'm not sure who she's assumed is coming as again, she put our full wedding date in her Christmas card.

She finally reached out to me and invited me over (which will be a very akward situation since I am so angry with her). She asked me to bring my final guest list - which I thought was extremly rude! I'm not sure why she wants it - if she wants it for a shower or something, shouldn't there be a discussion beforehand as to who is throwing the showers? If she wants it to know who of her friends are and are not coming, then thats rude.

What do I do? do I just give her the list of her side so she knows who's cut? I'm not giving her my whole list! I'm also not sure how to ask her why she wants it?

Paying for bridesmaid dress XP

Momma71511 — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 21:52:52 +0000

are any brides paying for their bridesmaids alterations? My son's fiance is being out of control and asking the girls to pay a lot of money for the dress, alterations, and having them buy shoes.

Maid of Honor passed away.

scottslawsonwedding — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 03:37:26 +0000

A beloved cousin passed away a couple of years ago. And we were very close and made a "pact" as children to be part of each other's wedding parties. I am now engaged and trying to pick my bridal party and I want to ask her mother, my aunt, to take her place and actually be my Matron of Honor. I need to know if I am being selfish to ask her and how I should go about asking her. I do not want to open the wounds of my cousin's death. But I feel with how close my Aunt and I have become, there is no one else I would want by my side to honor my cousin's memory on my big day.

Former Maid Issue

luckygrl1224 — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 18:59:45 +0000

Over the summer, I was a bridesmaid in my frien'd s wedding. Throughout planning for her wedding, I realized that she is a complete bridezilla, a control freak and some things happened that I still haven't gotten over and the wedding was back in August. I still talk to her but I would barely say that we're friends now. I'm starting to write out my guest list for my wedding next July and we're on a tight budget and can only have so many people, which doesn't help cause me and my FI have huge families as it is. Since I was in her wedding, should I still invite her and her husband? Or do I just tell her that money's tight and if we invite her, we have to cut out two more family members? So confused and frustrated that its come to this!

Please HELP! Maids & Dress issue!!

vkayse137 — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 16:10:19 +0000

I have 2 bridesmaids that stil haven't ordered her dresses yet. My bridal boutique said the dresses take 3-4 monthes to come in! I texted my one friend in California and she said " she guesses she will have to put it on her boyfriend's card." My mom isn't making things better she insisted on my sisters wearing a different dress...I have enough deadlines to worry about what should I do??I'm worried the dresses won't come in in time for everyone to get them altered and what not. How can I make sure they order them without sounds like a bridezilla?

Advice Please

Tonya729 — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 01:00:35 +0000

So Christmas Day I asked my MOH to be my MOH.. It's my FI cousin, who we are very close to.. the thing is, I think my cousin was expecting me to ask her, and now that I've asked my FI cousin to be in it, I dont know how to tell her. Im the type of person who I dont want anyones feelings to get hurt. I know its my day and choice but I still feel bad. I havent asked her yet, and I havent told her that my FI cousin is the MOH. I have done something special for the other girls, so I dont know if I should just ask her the way I did the others, (bottle of wine w cute little poem ending with will you be my bridesmaid), and then just not even explain anything to her about why I didnt ask to be MOH. I dont think I should explain... Do I just go with it and see how she reacts? I was with both her and my FI cousin the other night, and my cousin was talking about my wedding and kinda acting like she was my MOH without saying it, just saying how the bach party will be and this and that, she also pins stuff on pinterest about MOH things.. I just dont know how to go about tihs one...Help Ladies!

Dealing with mom

vkayse137 — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 21:10:27 +0000

Hi Ladies so my mom and stepdad are paying for a big chunk of the wedding and I have been planning it all myself which I like and don't mind..I include her at meetings Cake Tasting bridesmaid dress apts..but everytime I ask her for a time to go she always makes it difficult .."why can't they do it at this time.." "I wish we coiuld find a baker closer.." (we can't bc we have to use on my caterer's list). Then always insists that my sisters where different dresses than the other bridesmaids bc the dresses I picked don't flatter them...She has her say in everything..everything...and always talks about how excited she is for the wedding but when it comes down to it I feel like she isn't working with me at all. She doesn't seem excited when it comes down to it. I appreciate her financial help and she knows that. I hear of other brides that thier mom's help plan the wedding or at least help with agreeing with the brides decisions and I feel like she isn't at all. Does anyone else have any advice? I hope she is not resenting offering to pay her share..we offered her that my FI's father could help more than is but she refused..Advice is appreciated, please help..

does it really matter?

MrsJoshuaParker4 — Sun, 06 Jan 2013 17:33:49 +0000

sooooo.. i ended up having to kick one of my BM's (ex-friend) out of my wedding. i do not have a lot of female friends and especially none that i'm close enough with to ask to be in my wedding. (my bridal party is actually like this: sister 1, sister 2, niece 1, niece 2, cousin and [was] friend).

my FI doesn't want to un-ask any of his GM (although i would LOVE if his BIL wasn't in the wedding, i can't stand him) and it's rude. so would it be weird if i i have one less BM?

Parent Gifts

Carson386 — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 20:33:35 +0000

I'm really not sure what to get for my parents and for my FI's parents for gifts. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Help with mom

SB1512 — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 20:37:17 +0000

So, my parents are funding a large chunk of the wedding, but luckily for most things have let FI and I make decisions that reflect our styles and tastes. My mom however, is very detail oriented, and very concerned about the decorations/centerpieces.

Our venue offers free centerpieces, which I was perfectly fine with (couldn't give a rat's a$$ about what they look like, it's not something I'm going to hone in on at the reception), but mom said no they are ugly we are doing something else. Using a florist for centerpieces is out of the budget. I tried to come up with a few budget friendly ideas (river rocks in a bowl with floating candles, fake flower petals scattered on table, something with mason jars) but my mom shot all of these down too.

Honestly, I really don't care what the centerpieces are, and I don't want to spend tons of time researching and coming up with ideas. If I truly could have it my way I would just use the free ones and then put the $$ saved towards something else. But, respecting that my mom is paying, I told her that she can have free reign on this decision since it seems to be something that's important to her. Problem is is that she is trying to pass the responsibility back onto me, saying to find some ideas and send them to her. I did send ideas, and she shot everything down (which doesn't bother me because I am not attached or set on a particular idea).

How can I get her to understand that I am giving her full power on the decision of the centerpieces and I don't want to spend time thinking about them. Out of all the wedding stuff, this area seems to be her biggest concern so why is she ultimately trying to deflect thre responsibility back onto me?

Bridesmaid & MOH Gifts

Heidib17 — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 11:21:37 +0000

I would like to give my girls nice, useful gifts that will be meaningful. I have never been a bridesmaid before and don't have firsthand experience of typical gifts that maids receive. There is such a wide variety on the internet. I'm interested in hearing what everyone else is planning on giving to their girls or what you have received in the past and whether or not it was meaningful and useful to you. Thank you :)

where do i draw the line with my mother?

embreen — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 19:59:34 +0000

My mom is helping me plan my wedding and by helping i mean she is going ahead and taking over. Forget what colors i want, she doesnt like them so I can't do them. My fiance is zero help since his opinion is my parents are paying for everything so hes not going to go against them. The thnig that is really getting to me is my mothers insistance that i make my sister a bridesmaid, which wouldnt be a problem if she could cooperate with anything ive asked of her, she wont even wear the color dress i want for my bridesmaids. My mom also wants to invite 40 extra people that i dont even know. I get that they are her friends but 40 people? We wanted a small wedding 100 people or less, and shes making it almost 150. Im not sure how to tell her to back off a little, this is my wedding not hers.

Intro and question

ufsandra85 — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 13:12:20 +0000

Hello! I used to be active on the knot when i was married 3 years ago. Two days ago I found out my best friend is getting married and she asked me to be the matron of honor. I am beyond excited.

I live in VA and I am in the military and she lives in south florida. I want to be a wonderful MOH. How are you helping from a distance?

Once she gets a date I am going to book my plane tickets and plan to fly down days in advance. I am also planning on flying down for dress shopping, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and maybe another time.

I would love any tips about how to do this long distance! Thank you all!

FMIL guilt over guest list

nerdybride13 — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 19:58:54 +0000

My fi and I have been together for nearly 8 years and are getting married in March. We spend a lot of time with his family because we live very close to them and up until a few months ago, he was still living at home. We agreed on a guest list of 80 ppl and we are paying for the wedding ourselves, with my family picking up some of the costs (parents paid for dress & invites & etc, my grandmother paid for photographer, and my cousin is dj-ing for free) and his parents are just hosting the rehearsal dinner.

Since we first started talking about our guest list, his mother has been trying to get us to invite "her list" of guests. When this was first brought up I asked her for a list so we could try to accomodate them, and she never did. Sticking to a guest list of 80 has been hard for us because we have many friends we'd like to invite but didn't because this is what we budgeted for. My parents are not inviting anyone and I am feeling pressure to invite "her guests". Some of these people are older people she works with and we don't really know and some are from another state "who probably won't come anyway" and she hasn't seen in 10+ years. Our wedding is during Spring Break season and it would be just our luck that these extra people would decide to come and we'd have to figure out how to pay for extra people.

My fi has tried to explain this to her but it doesn't seem to help. We told her we might have some space and that she could invite 4 people but she gave my fi a list of 12! I think she wants to send invites expecting people from out of state not to come but to send us a present. I think it's incredibly tacky and it makes me really uncomfortable.

My mom has sent out invitations already and we're still dealing with this dilemma. My mom thinks I should stop trying to fight this and send out the invites, or suggest we send out announcements after the wedding instead, but I feel like this is unfair to me and my fi because we're paying for the wedding and his parent's aren't helping. This is giving me a lot of anxiety, please help!

Maggie or Retread

OliveOilsMom — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 17:55:00 +0000

Ladies,

I tried contacting Knot Jennifer to become the mod of the South New Jersey board. Our mod there has been MIA for years. I have not heard anything back from her. We are starting to get an influx of recently engaged brides as well.

Could either one of you try to page her on the Mod board and ask that she contact me about the modship at the South New Jersey board.

I'd greatly appreciate it! Thanks!

Mother Help

AHessefort — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 05:08:42 +0000

Looking for opinions here. We just recently started the major planning for our wedding and I have already run into what seems like it is going to be a huge snag right off the bat. My mother wants fake flowers for the center pieces at the wedding and I on the other hand absolutly HATE fake flowers. And to clarify, it is not just that I personally hate fake flowers at wedding I have never liked them- in fact it is a favorite family story that I cried after recieving fake flowers at a performance when I was in elementry school.

Listening to my mom talk about things with the wedding- I already feel like my voice is being discredited- she keeps using phrases like "I want" and "I don't like" which I could understand if she was paying for the wedding all by herself but we are spliting the cost 3 ways. Or she keeps saying "if you want that then you need to wait another 5 years and pay for the entire thing yourself" and it personally feels like a threat, like she is secretely saying "do what I want or we won't be apart of this at all".

I do not feel like I am being unresonable here, but I would like to know if people think that I am. I already compromised on a decent amount just to get to the point we are at and I do not know how to stop this before it gets any worse. Thanks for listening.

Ashley

MIL's blessing has been given but she has one more requirement..

ChaoswithGrace — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 18:11:06 +0000

... a Pre Nup.

Now, I've heard my FI's reasons for his mother's wish to have a pre nup, but personally, I feel like it leaves a bad stigma. Can someone provide me with a positive way of going about this?

Also, if I present the notion of having my own attorney review the document upon signing it, could this start WWIII?

Help.

Retread

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Apathy...long semi-vent

elle621 — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 17:22:31 +0000

Hey knotties,

Just wondering if anyone is/has been in the same boat as me. I have 2 BMs that just don't seem to care...at all. I know it could be much worse, like dealing with people who want to control everything, but it kinda makes me sad that my BMs haven't really been involved. Both are family too.

I'm really enjoying the planning and not asking much of anyone. We're about 5 months out now, so I sent them a few emails about BM dresses with links of some ideas I had, asking what they thought. I basically told them they can pick whatever they like and feel prettiest in that is long, flowy, and purple. Neither have responded to me, or talked to each other, and it's been 2 weeks.

I also sent them both a sneak of my engagement pics. One responded and said they looked nice, the other didn't respond but told me she forwarded it to a friend of hers to see what he thought.....ugh.

I know people are busy and have their own lives...is it really too much to ask for a *little* involvement and excitement? Especially in picking what THEY will be wearing??

#bummed

Delete

muffy_gtp — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 06:45:54 +0000

Delete

Moms and Maids — The Knot Community

Things could get messy...

Mother of Groom Attire

One of my very important duties as MOH

Fun ways to ask MOH & BMs...

Birthmother and the one that's always been there

MOH help

Momma Drama

Maternity Bridesmaid Dresses

FMIL Issue with the Bridal Shower

FMIL = fml

Paying for bridesmaid dress XP

Maid of Honor passed away.

Former Maid Issue

Please HELP! Maids & Dress issue!!

Advice Please

Dealing with mom

does it really matter?

Parent Gifts

Help with mom

Bridesmaid & MOH Gifts

where do i draw the line with my mother?

Intro and question

FMIL guilt over guest list

**Maggie or Retread**

Mother Help

MIL's blessing has been given but she has one more requirement..

**Retread**

Buy Fake passport and drivers license for sale now‎ -

Apathy...long semi-vent

Delete

Maggie or Retread

Retread