Not Engaged Yet — The Knot Community

Update And this is why I hate the holidays

ChemFanatic25 — Mon, 24 Nov 2014 14:46:15 +0000

Hi ladies, you're probably sick of hearing from me already but I figured I'd share for your entertainment because I'm a bowl full of crazy. Get ready for a long post. I know I was out of line but I think a combination of alcohol and just already feeling some resentment pushed me over the edge. Anyway, if you call me out on it, totally understand. Not going to defend myself because whew, I was a mess.

So I had posted about a week ago about hating the holidays. So many expectations, everyone wants me to take care of everything. My family came over Saturday to celebrate Thanksgiving. I had already determined, thanks to everyone's helpful advice and my therapist that I will not be hosting Christmas this year, don't know how I was going to go about it but hey, I will be announcing it to my family no matter what.

I had talked to my therapist and was also planning on not letting my family know I was interviewing for a new job. I believed it was not a smart idea because for them new job = more money. So I had the third interview Friday and rocked that (again, I apologize for the multiple posts) and got home. Was pretty tired and rested for a while but I started prepping the turkey. Now, since last Monday when my mom basically told me I had to provide all of the food because I'm single and have a job, I've been feeling a bit perturbed towards her. Well, I didn't say anything (because I'm a coward) and things seemed to improve. She was polite to me in texts, didn't demand anything, etc. I was feeling pretty good. Everything was on the up and up.

So Saturday rolls around. My SO had kindly offered to help with the meal a while ago but he ended up working all Saturday to make up some hours. Turns out he thought the dinner was Sunday and since I didn't say anything, he thought everything was fine. (Side note: He's taking masters classes on top of working full time and the last thing I wanted to do was interfere with him making up work hours so I was totally fine with him forgetting which day was the dinner). Anyway, Saturday I started putting everything together, everybody was coming over at 6 PM. Well, then starts the texting. We do mass texts and my mom tells me she is bringing the dogs over. She has two dogs and she doesn't really take care of them. I've tried to help out but I know if she brings them over I'll end up in the bathroom away from everybody washing them and clipping their nails because "she never has time and is never home." I told her no. 1.) My SO has severe anxiety with pets and he is doing absolutely amazing with Missy. The last thing I want is for there to be a set back. I know it's selfish but we have been working on this for a while and he has been very patient. Also, he's allergic to dogs so having two more dogs in a house, not a good idea. 2.) My mom's dogs are aggressive and will try to nip at my dog. My dog is a 45 lb dog. Her dogs are less then 10 lbs together. I would do my best to mitigate but I'd be on edge all night. 3.) I don't want to have to take care of these dogs and that would happen. So after explaining I did not want the dogs over she conceded.

She then texted me that she is making lumpia at my house. My sister wants lumpia so she is coming over at 2 PM to make this stuff! No, I am cooking. I will be cleaning everything as well and I need the stove and oven. You have a kitchen, you're not doing this to me! So I said, please come over at 6 and make the lumpia at home. I don't want to have to clean the extra dishes. So I was getting a bit snarky by this point but trying to be understanding because she was saying "okay" to my responses.

So the turkey turned out beautifully. All of my family is coming from different directions and my SO came over around 4 and then asked why I was cooking. I guess during the whole day I didn't mention once that I was cooking, which is plausible because I was so busy and it wasn't like we were texting constantly. I told him and god, you should have seen the remorse on his face. I felt so bad. I explained that I didn't want to bother him, he had to make up 8 hours of work and I didn't want for him to have this added stress. Then it clicked for him my family was coming over. He immediately started helping with the remainder of the dishes and it really calmed my nerves. My little brother showed up (I have two) and he helped out too. We were joking and laughing and by then I was feeling really great. My sister had texted me she was leaving from where she was so we had established times.

Now here is where I was screwed up . . . my mom walked in. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: Hi mom how are you? (All smiles)

Mom: Here's the pies, and I have the lumpia for sister, put it in the freezer so she can take it back with her when she leaves.

Me: Oh wow! Lumpia, did you make any for me? (Yeah, I know, so rude! I don't know why I did that, but I think it was because I was annoyed at her)

Mom: Oh well I guess you can have one package. Do you have any snacks?

Me: Mom, I just made a full dinner, I haven't had time to make any snacks.

Mom: You're having a party, how can you not have snacks?! *Tsking begins*

So this is where I grabbed the vodka. I know, such a terrible decision. So horrible but I figured, if I was going to make it through the night, I was going to be buzzed. I started drinking and my SO knows it. He is looking at me because he is a bit surprised by how my mom just conversed with me.

So the night continues, my sister shows up with her SO and everything is all fine and dandy. My mom then says "this is what I want for Christmas." I am pretty buzzed so I don't remember any of it but my SO was like "what she wants for Christmas?" My SO said that she also said some more pretty rude things to me but I don't remember a lot of it. I know I'm a horrible person. I really should not have been drinking but I just couldn't stop. I was giggly and happy and I just let it roll off my back.

The other thing is my sister is a feminist and that is awesome. Like I'm really happy that she is a feminist, she recognizes the inequality and where we should be as a country and the steps necessary to take us there. My feelings for the most part align with hers, I'm just not as outspoken about it. The problem is, she constantly reminds us how she is more educated about these things and well, (this is probably a terrible thing to say) but she is constantly on her high horse about it. Sometimes, I just don't care. Could I just be like "hey I'm going to cook this meal" and not have someone say "Oh well, now you've taken on the obedient role. You are letting the man tell you what to do." No ones telling me what to do! I love cooking. This is my way of giving back. At some point she also implied I had some racial tendencies or something. Now let me explain before that all blows up. There is this acquaintance on facebook that constantly posts about her children. Particularly her one year old daughter. I personally do not think this kid is cute. Like the child ALWAYS looks like she just crawled out of bed and has been sweating. But that is my personal opinion. We were talking about people posting things on facebook and I said this. My sister proceeded to say that my opinion was ignorant and wrong because the child was of mixed race. WHAT?!?! keep in mind, this woman also has another child, and in the same paragraph I had said that her son was very cute. Although I was drunk my SO confirmed this for me later. I just said "ummm, okay, I don't know how that applies but whatever." She also went on about how I was dad's favorite (which happens at every family get together and makes me really uncomfortable) and went on about that. Needless to say, I had some more vodka.

So without going into even more detail and boring everyone to death by the end of the night I didn't remember really anything. My SO was very helpful and supporting and honestly, even with all the comments, I was fine. I'm a little hurt now, but hey what are you going to do? He did say I was belligerent near the end of the night so I won't be doing that again anytime soon. Also, although my SO likes my family he doesn't like that they weren't exactly nice to me. He said my mom was pretty mean and he was surprised because he had met her before and she wasn't like that the time he met her (though she had just gone through a breakup and was pretty quiet at that point, so that is probably why). Also, he likes my sister and thinks she is very funny but he is not her biggest fan because of how she talks down to everyone. I am really appreciative that he stayed and helped out though and although the night was crazy I was glad to see my family. Oh and I did say I was not hosting Christmas so my sister is, and I did announce I had gone for a third interview. So alcohol and families do not mix very well.

So that was my fun family thanksgiving dinner get-together. I probably will be crying uncle come Christmas time and either spending it on my own or out of state. I think that is reasonable. Thanks for putting up with me and listening to my crazy rant.

I broke up with my boyfriend

lifeisajourney — Fri, 21 Nov 2014 15:10:49 +0000

We were just having wayyyyy too many issues for it to be so early in our relationship (less than two months). He felt like I didn't spend enough quality time with him and he needed more from me than I was willing to give.

I'm taking the advice of my IRL friends as well as some of you ladies and I'm taking some time to myself.

I'm continuing my therapy. I just registered for a yoga class. I also deleted my social media (facebook, IG, and twitter). I want to just take some time to work on myself and heal and become a better person. So wish me luck on this new phase in my journey of life.

Rocked my interview!

ChemFanatic25 — Fri, 21 Nov 2014 18:42:12 +0000

I did it! I rocked my third interview! It was at 9 AM this morning and I got out at 12:45. Feeling pretty good. I met with 5 different people and it is for a process engineering position. I met with the plant manager, one of the supervisors (who was a female ChemE, the only female engineer at this company), director of engineers, and engineer who would be my future manager.

They gave me a tour of the entire plant and the engineer who would be my manager said that he really liked my enthusiasm and believes I would be a perfect fit for the role because although I have product development experience and not process manufacturing experience he believes a pair of new eyes would be perfect for the position.

I'm feeling pretty good about this position and I hope that it all goes well.

And that is my day. I'm going to watch some tv, maybe take a nap and start prepping for my stressful Thanksgiving dinner for my mom tomorrow. Wooohooo, maybe I'll make myself a margarita to celebrate.

Happy Friday!

Dignity100 — Fri, 21 Nov 2014 13:25:51 +0000

Happy Friday Everybody!! Any good plans?

Last night, I got home from work, took care of all the animals and fell asleep. H called about dinner and I told him I just wanted to sleep, so he went and picked up Wendy's. I got up to eat, he had to go help his dad with their computer. I went back to sleep. I had a few phone calls/texts that I had to deal with before 8:30; and then I just went to bed (before I was sleeping on my giant bean bag in the living room).

This weekend - I'm really hoping to go see Big Hero 6 tomorrow. I also want to go to Kohls and return some wedding gifts (I don't have gift receipts, but if I only get $25, I'll be happy even though it should be closer to $75-100). I'm aslo in desperate need to grocery shop and get laundry done. I have to work from like 9:30p-5:00AM (drive in the office too); H has to work from like 9p-9a as well (but he gets to stay home), so that part is going to stink big time.

My confession: I've kind of been pretty frustrated with life lately. I get up in the morning - I have to take care of ALL the animals. I get home from work, I have to take care of ALL the animals and all the house stuff. All H has to do is get up, get ready go to work and then he gets home and eats and watches TV. He's asked to help out around the house, but I don't know what to tell him to do. Part of it is - I think he should be able to just help without me having to say something; the other part of me feels bad he's moved into my house and it's a wreck. At work, I have a team mate but nobody goes to her, everybody comes to me. She's never signed into instant messenger and she's newer so the customers are just used to dealing with me and now I'm swamped and I don't know how to tell people 'no'. I talked to my TL and he basically came off as 'it's your problem, unless other people that aren't you complain about your team mate not being available, I'm not going to do anything about it'. I like the company I work for, it's just the department right now feels like it's everybody for themselves and no sense of team. All of that's been gnawing at me and I just don't feel I can catch a break. Just had to get that off my chest so I can hopefully move past it )

Thursday?

lmcooper86 — Thu, 20 Nov 2014 15:51:21 +0000

Hello? Anybody home?

How's Thursday going ladies? I hope there's no one legitimately buried under snow.

We had a messy night here, started snowing in the afternoon and just got worse and worse and worse. It wasn't really thick stuff so there wasn't much build up, but the roads were a disaster with everything freezing and visibility was next to nothing. It took FI 2 hours to get to my place; I usually gripe about the subway (for legitimate reasons) but yesterday I was really really thankful that I didn't have to drive.

Busy day at work again, and then tonight I have to do laundry and pack because tomorrow night FI and I are headed back to Florida! YAY!! And I really need to review our the quote from our florist and send the deposit to our church. Don't need to be stressing about that while we're away.

@Swazzle - We watched Homeland last night. What. The Fuck. I was almost crying and it took a long time for my heart rate to settle down. I just want to hug Saul

AW: Coco's family pictures!

[Deleted User] — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 13:54:33 +0000

we got our family pictures back (year 3!) and they are so pretty! our photographer made the most of the beautiful autumn light... I was sad that there were no red maples anywhere to be found, but I really love the foliage anyway.

prepare to be bombarded with pictures!!

Baxter totally quit at the end. he is just the funniest little dog... he refused to perk up, not even for jerky treats! he said that he was DONE.

Hello Furbaby Owners!

ChemFanatic25 — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 15:28:43 +0000

Hi Ladies!

So I wanted to create a fun little post (since my last one was a bit down in the dumps) and I saw that a lot of women on theknot have furbabies. You've already seen some pictures of my little girl but I wanted to share more and ask some questions :-D

So I am not a big fan of kids but I love my dog. Absolutely love love love her. Obviously, as a furparent I get frustrated at times but having her is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. My SO has anxiety with animals but even he is really starting to warm up to her. He lets her sit near him and he thinks it is cute when she places both of her paws on his lap (I wish I had a picture).

Well it's winter now and it's hitting hard. What are some of the activities that you do with your furbaby to run off that energy? Honestly if I had a cat, I'd make one of those sticks with the dangly things and twirl it around all day every day. Don't have a cat though. Have a beautiful dog and I try to walk her every day but it is so cold so I am now taking her down to my basement where I chase her around for a little bit and toss her ball.

Do you put clothes on your furbaby? I've got pictures!

Are you planning anything special for your furbaby for Christmas this year? My ex has set up an amazon wishlist for our pup and we will slowly be buying things off of it for her, starting with Christmas gifts. She will probably get the most gifts out of anyone I know since everyone loves her and always gives her a gift (which is such a sweet gesture - I wonder if I can teach her how to write thank you cards :-P )

What is something that is challenging to deal with having a furbaby? I work an 8-4 job (I work through lunch) and drive about an hour each way for work. So unfortunately I have to leave my pup alone for a long time. Because of this I have to keep her in the kitchen, which is decent sized. I cannot keep her in a cage because her previous owner kept her in a cage 24/7 and she does not handle that well and I don't have the heart. So that is a bit of a challenge because sometimes I'm exhausted from work but I need to try and exercise my pup because she has been alone for extended periods of time and has tons of energy. It is a bit more difficult to handle in the winter but I am working on it.

And pictures of the furbabies in your lives! I love seeing pictures of furbabies, particularly dogs. I also frequent reddit and I love seeing the ones where the owner puts a sweater on their cat or dog. My dog actually likes clothing but I believe the reason for this is because I associated it with something good - her going outside.

It's Wednesday. Let's chat.

Swazzle — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 12:46:14 +0000

Good morning! I am TIRED. So tired that I put 2 shots of espresso in my latte this morning which I'm nearly done and considering making another.

Does anyone hear listen to any podcasts? I heard a lot about Serial a week or 2 ago and I got fully caught up on it while I was away and I am ADDICTED. I can't wait for the latest episode to come out tomorrow. I've been looking for more that are similar but haven't had any luck. I did download a couple Radiolab episodes to check out tonight on my commute home, though.

I get to see my babies this weekend! My mom is coming up this way to go see Frozen (Disney on Ice) on Saturday with me and then needs a ride home so H and I will drive her back and spend the night with the kitters and pupper and I CAN'T EVEN WAIT.

AW + some PIP: Wedding recap (UPDATE: Sneak peek!)

phira — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 19:03:29 +0000

I still can't believe that I actually got married this weekend! After spending so much time planning and waiting, it's so incredible to me that the day finally came, and now it's over. But it was absolutely amazing. Sorry this'll be so damn long!

On Friday night, I wrapped up at work and went to run some errands. When I got home, I got all dressed up, and an Uber came and picked us up for our bachelor/ette party. It ended up being at a theater in a nearby suburb; our friends had rented out a tiny private theater for us! It was a pretty small party, but it was SO much fun. We all just talked and drank (and ate lots of candy and popcorn) and watched Clue. There were posters for people to write memories of us on, and it was really fun to read the comments. We have the posters hanging up in the kitchen for now.

The next morning, we got up early and went down to the venue for the rehearsal. We dropped everything off--centerpieces and favors and all the little extras. The rehearsal went pretty smoothly, but I kept getting the sense that my godmother, our officiant, didn't think we were being serious enough (spoilers: we were wrong; she just wanted to keep us focused). After that, we went to a nearby restaurant for lunch, and it was really delicious and relaxing. Everyone loved their little thank you gifts, and it was nice to just spend time with our families. My sister and I even recreated an old photo of the two of us that she'd posted on facebook, when we were making weird expression. After we got home, I got my nails done with a friend, and we spent the rest of the night eating dinner, drinking a bottle of wine, and trying to relax (J relax; I did a homework assignment that was due by Sunday night, whoops).

Sunday morning, I got up early and my maid of honor and I went to get our hair done. It took maybe an hour and a half for both of us, and my hair stylist was hilarious the whole time. By the time we got back, the make-up artist had arrived, and J hung out and brought us food for lunch while we had make-up done. J got dressed around 11:30, and after the make-up artist left, the three of us hung out and watched the Friends episode where Monica and Chandler get married before our car arrived.

Once we got to the venue, there was no time to even be nervous. Our photographer was already present, and J went to supervise getting the chuppah set up while my MOH and I went upstairs to get dressed. After we got dressed, my grandmother arrived and gave me the handkerchief she had at her wedding as my something old and something borrowed (she suggested I stuff it in my bra, which I was totally going to anyway). Then I met J outside for our first look. Even though he'd seen my hair and make-up done earlier that morning and he'd seen me in my dress multiple times and he'd seen me with all the jewelry before, he was still so excited and emotional. It was freezing, though, so we quickly took photos, and then took photos with my MOH, before heading back inside. Then we did family formals, which went so quickly and smoothly that we ended up signing our ketubah early because we had nothing else to do.

The ceremony was absolutely amazing. The look on J's face as I walked towards him, even though we'd just seen each other all damn day already (and I said, "See you up there" moments before he walked down the aisle) was priceless. My godmother made everyone laugh a ton during the ceremony, and J and I definitely were the perfect level of serious and silly. I definitely started crying for real during his vows; they were so beautiful. And I almost lost it when I was saying my vows because of the look on his face while I was saying them.

The most emotional moment, though, was definitely when my godmother asked us to look at each other, and just take a moment to soak in the moment, that we were getting married. I was not ugly crying at any point, but I was crying so much that my tears were running down my chest.

The best part was that my godmother, who always calls herself my fairy godmother, had picked up a magic wand that morning, and when she pronounced us, she made a huge show of using the magic wand. It was silly, but it was exactly right for us.

Once we got back to the bridal suite for yichud (10 minutes after the ceremony where the couple can relax, undisturbed), I broke down in (happy) tears, and J was like, "Oh my god, are you okay?!!!" We had drinks waiting for us, as well as appetizers, so we ate a bit and relaxed together.

The only rough part of the night was that my MOH and our photographer came in and said that my paternal grandparents wanted to see us. I was really upset and unsure of what to do, given that they had been so difficult up until this point, and had said that they weren't staying after the ceremony. My MOH said that she would figure out if they wanted to be in photos, or if it was just to say hi/congratulations, and then said she'd interrupt after a short bit with some kind of bride emergency so that we could have an ending time to the conversation. Unfortunately, my grandmother managed to get in a hurtful comment before the conversation was over, but then the conversation was over, and we could get back to photos. It only took about 20 minutes to get the huge family photos, and J and I hung out with my MOH until it was time for the reception.

The feeling of walking into the reception and having everyone cheering and clapping was SO amazing. Our first dance went reasonably well, and it was fun, and neither of us tripped or stepped on my dress. I managed not to cry much during the first couple of toasts, although my MOH's toast was so sweet that I almost did, but I finally cried when my mom gave her toast and mentioned my late grandfather.

Dinner was delicious, but we really barely had time to enjoy it. Like, we ate, for sure, but it was like, "Okay, eat eat eat eat now we have to visit tables as quickly as possible!" But we managed to get to all of the tables, and to open the dance floor, we gave a quick thank you speech. J's dance with his mother was absolutely hilarious and adorable (they did a very silly dance, and then they attempted an Irish hornpipe--poor J was not terribly good at it). And then we had the absolute BEST horah. EVERYONE joined in, and it was so much fun.

We just had the BEST time. I got to meet the rest of J's friends, and I got to see and dance with people I hadn't seen in a while. The entire time, everyone kept coming up to us and saying that they had an incredible time, that the food was delicious, that the ceremony was absolutely perfect. It was so wonderful.

Afterwards, when we arrived at the hotel, we learned that we'd been given an upgrade. To one of the executive suites. And there was complimentary champagne and strawberries. We couldn't believe it. Both of us could fit in the bathtub (and we did, bwahahaha). We spent the evening on the couch together, wearing fluffy bathrobes, watching Home Alone, drinking champagne, eating food from room service, and just basking in all the happiness.

Here's my advice for anyone still planning:

- Don't worry about dress regret. Wear something that makes you feel like a rockstar. Don't worry about whether or not your arms are too fat, or the fabric is too sparkly, or the style isn't terribly popular. I am so glad I wore the dress I wanted to wear, and when I look at the photos we've gotten from guests, I can't stop smiling.

- It's worth it to focus on making the event good for your guests. There are easy ways to do this: open bar, cocktail hour staying an hour or shorter, delicious food. But there are other ways, ways that weren't as easy and took some more effort and luck. For example, we spent several hours on the seating chart, and while I still think we could have done better (mostly, I should have put my MOH at a different table than I did, although she was fine), I think we did a bang-up job. There were several tables that we put together that ended up being a serious hit. And my family and friends will not shut up about how much they loved our photographer; they loved how quickly and easily she did the formal photos, and how friendly she was the whole time. I've known from experience how much less enjoyable weddings are when you're at a boring or unfriendly table, or when the photographer is brusque or unfriendly, so that was really awesome to hear from our guests.

- When you're getting stressed during planning, it might help to know that the happiness you're going to feel while you're getting married is going to, almost in drug-like fashion, mitigate any stress you might feel from anything going wrong. Things went wrong for us: our processional was so quick that we should have used one song (got a joking "I told you so" from J as soon as we got to the bridal suite, but oh my god he totally did tell me so, whoops); my grandparents got in a hurtful jab; we definitely messed up the ending of our first dance and J had trouble dancing the hornpipe; our DJs were not supposed to take any requests and they announced that they were taking requests (they also played a song that we meant to put on the do not play list); people thought they were only supposed to take the flowers from the centerpieces (so they left behind, like, 2 dozen IKEA vases); and I burned my tongue on an appetizer immediately after the ceremony. But by the time we got home yesterday, I honestly felt like the worst thing that happened was that I broke a nail in the hotel room.

PHOTOS!

1) J being walked down the aisle by his parents

2) My mom walking me down the aisle

3) During the ceremony

4) Being pronounced (with the magic wand)

5) Getting to kiss! (one of J's brothers is getting us ready to break the glass)

I'm tired and grouchy today ...

KeptInStitches — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 21:08:17 +0000

Can I have kitten gifs to cheer me up? FI and I had a long weekend (it was a lovely service for his grandma, but a long weekend), we haven't had time to emotionally process everything, and now the car broke down just to top everything else off.

Can we start over?

lifeisajourney — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 12:42:34 +0000

Ok, so...Im sorry. (If I knew how to do gifs I would put a sad looking cat or puppy here)

I was soooooo sensitive yesterday, bratty and catty, down right wrong and bitchy.

I went back and read the posts and I'm so disappointed in myself,I reverted right back to the middle school me (sad)

The main thing that brought about my freak out was when some of the ladies started talking about me bouncing from guy to guy after my break up from my fiance. We were together for 5 years and that break up was hard on me. I am not proud of a lot of the choices I made as far as my dating life. I was very hurt and very vulnerable and I did jump into some bad situations and make some poor choices and being called out on those bad choices really hit a sore spot for me and made me super defensive. (Not a valid excuse just an explanation)

I meant what I said that I do like this board, and want to stick around.

I like my new boyfriend and although the relationship is still very new and may have already moved too quickly, he is truly a great guy and I dont want to mess it up and I think the advice from the ladies on this board will be good for me. Hard to swallow at times, but still good for me.

I completely understand that you ladies probably think I'm crazy (you may not be totally wrong on that one) and want to steer clear of me and I get that but I'm going to stick around a little longer and see if I can make amends.

So what do you say? Redo?

Especially @loves2shop4shoes @swazzle and @laqueredlover

Help! I need relationship advice

lifeisajourney — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 15:42:53 +0000

I'm going to try to keep this short and to the point but if I leave anything out that you need to know just ask....

Bf and I have been together for almost 2 months (very new relationship)

The only thing I dislike about him is that he doesn't have a stable career. He works but is currently looking for a new job that makes more money. He has no clear path about where he wants to work. He doesn't really care as long as it will give him the financial security he's looking for

It bothers me greatly that he doesn't have a clear path or goal as far as his career is concerned

Last night he asked me how I would feel about him going into the military. I told him that I wouldn't be able to stay in this relationship if he made that choice. He didnt like that answer at all. I respect the military wives out there for their sacrifice, but it's not something I'm willing to do and that's a nonnegotiable for me. I feel like he's so all over the place that I cant feel secure in our relationship. One day you want to be a post office worker, the next day a police officer, the next day you want to join the army. We are too old for this. He is 27.

He says that he feels like I beat him up and attack him by always telling him that I'm not happy about his career situation, but then he cant tell me exactly what I'm saying that makes him feel beat up. He says he wants to hear my thoughts and feelings (I never bring this conversation up, he brings it up and I give my honest thoughts) but then when I tell him how i feel he says i'm attacking him

Im very frustrated. Tell me like it is. If Im being ridiculous tell me. I need to hear it straight.

OLW

Peaseblossom55 — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 14:59:37 +0000

I'm starting this today, the rest of my day is pretty busy

Dear H,

The last week has been pretty rough for us, but there is no one else I'd rather go through this with. I love you so much and am grateful for so much we have to be thankful for.

Love,

Dear brain,

Please learn all of your lines quickly and efficiently. This is the one part about plays I don't like.

Love,

Eager Actress

Dear body,

No BCP this month (yay) please ovulate and do whatever you are supposed to do to give us a baby.

Thanks,

Self

Dear Boo,

No words can describe how much we miss you on a daily basis. We know we did the right thing, we just hope you are happy and enjoying kitty heaven.

Love,

Mom & Dad

KUI (Is this still a thing?)

audrewuh — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 02:10:43 +0000

So, I promised the H I wouldn't drink the whole bottle of wine. I'm on glass 3...

Anyone around?

I'm also editing a former student's college essays. College essays suck and are super dumb and I think it's completely pointless for any college ever to require them. It's torture for the student and it's torture for the college admissions officer that is stuck reading them. I argue that the student very rarely gets something cathartic out of the process.

/endrant.

What are you up to tonight? Anyone else drinking? @swazzle? @ollie08?

so excited!!!

rn1989 — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 07:46:32 +0000

About 2.5 weeks ago, Paul and I looked at rings. I got my finger sized, and actually found a ring I really like. P even said that he'd get it for me even though it was over budget. In a conversation we had, he referred to me as his soon to be fiance!!!! We are so excited to be taking this next step together. He even said how excited he is for the holidays coming up, and the exchanging of gifts specifically. We're planning on going out again to look at rings soon. This man is amazing, I know he's the one I want to pledge my life to. I don't care how much he pays for my ring, it'll be special because it's from him. Thanks ladies for listening to my sappy rant, this is the first time in my life that someone wants to do this with me, and it's a first for him too. We've been inseperable for about a year. He's my world. So excited! I'll keep you guys updated! P.s., sorry I was gone for a while! I love this board.

T and P request

AuroraRose41 — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 17:12:21 +0000

My father had a heart attack last night. He is still alive, and as far as I know the surgery to remove the blockage went well, but he has been suffering complications from his shoulder surgery a few weeks ago, so things could easily turn.

I am working from home today so that I can call my mother to keep updated on his situation and be able to hop on a plane to NY if necessary.

T&P request -- Update in comments

speakeasy14 — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 14:02:29 +0000

T&P requested. My mom hasn't been feeling right lately so she went to a doctor who did blood work and said that her iron count was almost non existent. She had a stress test with a sonogram done yesterday and they called last night with the results. She has to see a cardiologist today and then has a cardiac catheterization scheduled for tomorrow. They are pretty sure she has a block, just not sure how bad. I'm glad they caught it now so it can be taken care of before she has a heart attack, but it is still terrifying because she is so young (late 40s).

Opinions on Holiday Gifts

loves2shop4shoes — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 17:50:36 +0000

Hi Ladies! So as many of you know, I've been estranged from my mom and brother since July. There has been no contact between us since then with the exception of my calling my mom to wish her a Happy Bday in late September, which did not go well. (That did not go well, as I literally called to say "Happy Birthday," and when she realized I wasn't going to sweep things under the rug, she went apeshit and tried to antagonize me into a fight. I maintained my calm, said I was calling to do the decent thing, clearly she did not appreciate that, and to have a lovely day. Then I hung up.) DH and I are not planning to see my mom or brother for xmas. We are currently budgeting for and purchasing holiday gifts. We are sending out Christmas cards to our family, and plan on sending them cards. (The standard VistaPrint photo collage cards, no sentimental writing.) I am debating whether or not to send them each a small gift. DH says I can do whatever I want, but he personally feels it's a waste of money. I kind of agree with him, and think that there are MANY other people I'd rather spend the money on. The other part of me says, "How can you NOT send your family even a SMALL gift on CHRISTMAS?" So I'm a bit torn. I don't know what to do. What say you?

too quiet up in hurrrrrrrr

[Deleted User] — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 14:18:50 +0000

happy Tuesday! it is way too quiet in here this morning.

what's going on with everyone? I'm back at work today after being snowed in Sunday and Monday. it is so cold outside (19 degrees when I went to work, felt like 6 degrees!) so I'm thankful I work inside. the guy that always badges my car in at the gate looked so cold. he gets off at 7:00 AM and I wish I knew if it was okay for me to bring him a cup of coffee or something! I usually badge in about 6:40 AM, so it would almost be quitting time. he always badges me in, and I felt so bad that he was freezing to death out there.

we leave for NM in less than a week! from what I'm hearing, they are expecting another blast of arctic air a day or two after Thanksgiving, which of course is the day that we are going to be in Ruidoso, NM... and it's already pretty cold up there, so I'm definitely packing some warm stuff to wear. they're going to be having horse-drawn sleigh rides in downtown, and I just can't wait to go. it's such a cute little place, and the "chalet" we're staying in has a sauna made of an old whiskey barrel. how cool is that!!!

Any over 35 folks in here?

chloe97 — Fri, 14 Nov 2014 22:39:05 +0000

Hi there-

I am 35, have been dating my bf for 2 years and living together for 1. He has a diamond and still needs to have it set into a ring, but has assured me that we will be engaged "soon". Sure. I believe that. It took him weeks after getting my my number to actually ask me out on a date, 10 years in a job he hated to actually make a switch, 2 months to get his flat tire on his car fixed, he's got overdue library books up the whazzoo. You know the type of guy. I love him, he is the sweetest, most wonderful guy you will ever meet, but he does everything on his own schedule. I am type A and I want things on my schedule. (On a side note, I actually read an interesting article about how waiting for a proposal can cause clinical depression in women so used to being in control of their own lives http://www.yourtango.com/201052975/waiting-for-marriage-proposal-advice-you-need).

Anyway, I've come to realize that I am not going to change him and that I just have to wait for him to get his act together and enjoy our time together and I do. The main reason I have been so Type A about my life schedule is because I've always wanted kids badly and I'm 35, so we have to be serious about this if it's going to happen (I have PCOS which may make it more difficult). But what I have noticed is that after I turned 35 that intense desire I've always had to have kids is starting to lessen. And I don't know if it's because I am 35 and have no ability to control if and when I will be getting engaged/married, if it's because it could actually be happening in the next year or so if he does get his act together soon and it's starting to be real so I am scared, or if it's an actual biological thing that happens to people as their window for successful child bearing starts to get smaller. Has this happened to anyone else? It almost feel like I am just ready to give up because I have no control over the situation. Obviously, I know that I could go off BCP at any point and actively try to get pregnant. I have that control over my life, but I need to trust that he will actually follow through on his "soon" promise. I just worry that if he makes me wait another year that I really will stop wanting to have kids altogether and I know that is a deal breaker for him.

And this is why I hate the holidays

ChemFanatic25 — Tue, 18 Nov 2014 12:30:44 +0000

Sorry, this will be a long vent but I just want to get it out of my system because I don't want to upset my mom.

So I don't always enjoy the holidays especially since probably my last year of high school when I took on the responsibility of cooking. My dad was already in a decline and I didn't want the holidays ruined for everyone. My mom has always been one of those people who is "family comes first", "but we're family", etc. That's no big deal except she only quotes it when it's convenient for her. For example I wanted to come visit her for the weekend, something I never do, mostly because I hate traveling. She was excited but then had her girlfriend come over and almost completely ignored me the entire two days I was there. When her girlfriend wasn't there, she was on the phone texting her or talking to her and it really bothered me because when I went to leave (I left early - saw no reason to stay) she got upset and said something about "family coming first". That was the most recent incident so I have been less then tolerable of how I have been treated lately.

The past three holidays have been kind of stressful and I have been trying to put some space between me and her, just because I have always had the responsibility of giving gifts, providing the food, making sure everyone was happy. It also stresses my sister out because she is in college and has a decent part time job but feels obligated to purchase gifts because my mom constantly says that she can't get any gifts but then states what she wants. I have the higher paying job so I believe in my mom's mind it's my responsibility to take care of her and my siblings.

Well this Thanksgiving I was going to back off, not really plan anything. I saw that my mom wasn't going to plan anything and all of my siblings were in college and to be honest, I didn't want my siblings to go without a holiday because I was being stubborn. I have now offered to make all of the food and I arranged for it to be on the weekend when none of my siblings or mom is working. I am trying to cut back on how much I spend this year because previous years I could easily spend between $1000-$5000 on my family and basically deplete my savings which isn't smart. I told my mom this, I would not be buying a huge turkey not going crazy on the food and she said that leftovers are good and that my brothers will eat her out of the house. Her words were "You're single ChemFanatic . . . you don't have your brothers living with you and it's only once awhile we get together." It makes me feel used. Maybe I'm overreacting but I'm going out of my way to provide a meal for my siblings and mom. To be honest, it hurts. I feel like every time I communicate with my mom it's because she wants me to fix some issue with my siblings, provide some kind of money (thankfully this isn't as often), some kind of problem that she will lay the guilt on heavy with my sister and I, or something about duty to family.

I think for Christmas I will be avoiding hosting or at least cooking because I just don't want to go through a whole bunch of stress of feeling used and "duty to family" and spend a crap ton of money. I'm already upset about Thanksgiving and it's not even the weekend yet.

So thanks for letting me vent. I didn't want to snark reply to my mom. That would really upset her and I don't really know how to reply so I'm not. If I am in the wrong please let me know. Maybe I'm just being selfish but I really just do not enjoy the holidays whatsoever.

It's Monday!

labro — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 14:55:10 +0000

How was everyone's weekend? Who is snowed in?

We got the big storm in Georgia too but thankfully it's just a bunch of heavy rain. There's a major cold front coming up behind it so hopefully everything dries up before the freeze hits. Our southern roads absolutely cannot handle the ice.

This weekend H and I bought a buffet for our "dining" room which is really more of a parlor. We seriously needed a piece of furniture to hold all of our new glasses and hostess dishes plus a bunch of other miscellaneous items that have been stealing space in our kitchen cabinets. We found this Drexel Heritage piece at a local consignment/antique shop for $600! I was so happy because H wasn't willing to spend more than $800 to $900 on a buffet and I knew we wouldn't be able to find anything comparable brand new. It's in a really great shape, the only thing missing is a small shelf inside the main part of the cabinet but that's something we can easily replace.

At the store:

In our house. Ignore the awful wallpaper. I need to paint in this room and figure out how I want to style the stop of the buffet.

Aside from picking up our buffet, we spent part of Sunday moving all the wine glasses, serverware, and hard alcohol into the buffet. Then H went in the backyard and chopped up some wood for fires this winter and I did some crafting. I finished making a couple ornaments - 3 with our invitation cut into strips and curled, and 3 with dried flowers from my centerpieces and bouquet.

Not the greatest image I guess. This was my inspiration!

Massive AW Warning! Our Sneak Peek is here!!!

labro — Fri, 14 Nov 2014 17:37:48 +0000

http://alisonchurch.com/blog/

There are so many photos! It was so hard to share just a few so here are all of them for those who care! Otherwise here are a couple of my favorites. It really was such a gorgeous day and we couldn't have asked for a better on our wedding day. Our photographer was perfect, our venue was gorgeous, the food and cake were delicious, everything was seriously perfect.

And now pictures!!! Sorry not sorry that these are huge!

I'm feeling snarky today about a "proposal package"

AuroraRose41 — Sat, 15 Nov 2014 18:41:52 +0000

Hi Ladies! Sorry I have been MIA this week; work was crazy. But I have been thinking of all of you!

BF and I are in the beginning stages of planning our next vacation, which would be over the Valentine's Day weekend (we have that Monday off as a company holiday). We want to stay fairly local, as it would only be a short vacation over a 3 day weekend. We were thinking about going to Los Angeles, as BF has never been and it's only a few hours driving distance away from where we live.

I was looking at hotels this morning to stay at in Los Angeles, and found a Romantic Hotels page, describing different romance packages at hotels in the area. Most are just 1 night stay with champagne and breakfast in the morning, and late check out (which is what I am looking for). And then there was this gem for a proposal package:

The Proposal of the Century is being offered through Dec. 29, 2014 and includes:

Private and exclusive use of The Rose Bowl Stadium, allowing the guest(s) to “Pop the Question” directly on the field (up to 40 friends and family can be invited to witness the moment)
Use of the Rose Bowl video message board to illuminate a personal "Marry Me" message and/or photo collage of the couple during their private engagement experience at the Stadium
Engagement photographer and videographer to document the proposal experience
Private serenade for the participating couple, presented by the 40-piece Pasadena Symphony Orchestra, and performed directly on the Rose Bowl field
Handcrafted, custom designed engagement ring featuring a 2.50 carat cushion cut diamond (retail value $35,000)
Chauffeur-driven transportation between the Rose Bowl Stadium and The Langham Huntington via Bentley Flying Spur sedan
Two-night stay in The Langham Huntington’s 3,200 square-foot Tournament of Roses Presidential Suite
In-suite VIP amenities
Romantic four-course dining experience with wine pairings provided by The Royce Wood-Fired Steakhouse
Daily breakfast for two, in-room or at The Terrace
Dedicated Langham Engagement Coordinator to assist in planning everything from the marriage proposal to the entire romantic getaway

That's all well and nice, but the final cost of this package is $100,000. You read that correctly. More than the cost of most weddings! (I realize that $35k of that is the ring alone, but still....$65k for the rest of it?!)

I know this is Los Angeles we are talking about, but really? It just seems so OTT and AWish. Also, I'm pretty sure most celebrities/wealthy people wouldn't even want to do this. I could be wrong, but I feel like the people who could actually comfortably afford this wouldn't do this, KWIM? For that price, why not fly to Paris or somewhere equally romantic to do it instead? I just can't with this.

Monday Accountability

eilis1228 — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 15:02:51 +0000

Hi all. I've been eating junk food all weekend, and I really need to get back on the straight and narrow now that I'm eating normally again. We haven't posted an accountability thread in a while, but I'd like to start that back up if there's interest.

B- green tea

S - Greek yogurt

L - spinach tortilla with turkey and cheese, applesauce, sugar free pudding

S - almonds, Babybel cheese

D - tilapia, brown rice, peas

E - none because I need to get my allergy shots today, and my arms always end up really sore afterwards

Holiday Advice

AlPacina — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 18:26:12 +0000

Hey ladies,

I'm just looking for a little advice and maybe some insight into how you make your decisions about which family to visit for the holidays.

Back story:
- BF's family lives one hour away. We see someone from his family at least once a month. I've never brought this up in a conversation about the holidays, but it is a fact.
- My family lives 5 hours away. I have only seen them 3 times in 2014, and my hometown is super boring to my BF.
- I like his family just okay. As I already mentioned, his brother that just moved up is a total dick, and I'm still kind of ticked at his parents because of the whole house buying situation. However, I spent part of Christmas day with them last year, and they made me feel so insanely welcome.
- He gets along with my family. I think it's a very different dynamic than his. We're quieter people who enjoy playing board/card games and talking, while his family typically revolves everything around alcohol.
- We've gone through two sets of holidays together. The first year, we had only been dating a month. We went our separate ways, no big deal. Last year, he went on a road trip with his dad for thanksgiving, and I went home. I spent Christmas eve and Christmas morning with my family last year, then drove four hours ON CHRISTMAS to spend the afternoon/evening with his. He mostly just wanted to be able to spend time with his brother (who now lives near us, rather than in L.A.).

This year, I told him I don't care if we go our separate ways for Thanksgiving, which I don't. He is still saying that spending time with his brother is the reason that he wants to go to his family's. That's fine. But, we've seen the brother 3 times since he moved here a little over a month ago. Now, last night, I tried to talk to BF about Christmas and it sounds like he isn't willing to do the driving with me like I did last year. I am willing to swap who we visit first because he said that Christmas Eve is when they have all their fun. Easy decision then! Well, apparently not for him.

Can anyone think of any alternatives? Mostly, I'm just wondering how you made decisions about the holidays with your SO's? This year I am feeling quite strongly about it, for some reason. I just want to spend Christmas together, damnit!

Happy Friday!

peekaboo2011 — Fri, 14 Nov 2014 14:58:54 +0000

*crickets chirping*

Anyone around?

Yay Friday! Today I am trying to knock out a few projects here at work, and hopefully be able to get some appts for next week lined up. No one is responding to my phone calls or emails this week. It's getting frustrating.

Tonight I may have girl scouts. If not, M and I are going to finish patterning out our tree skirt (setting up the fabric portion. I THINK my pattern is finally correct!), and I'll either start putting it together or work on my embroidery projects. I'm doing 3 50 States quilts, and I really need to get moving on my stars. M will probably be trying to play Halo again, since apparently they've been having server issues or whatever.

Tomorrow we both have long runs before the half next weekend. M's been training like a normal human. I've been saying "meh, I can just run it, whatever." But I'd actually like to PR, so I probably should do something longer than 4 miles. Maybe. He's running with one of his friends, I'm meeting up with one of my run friends downtown, and we are scheduled for brunch after, so that should be fun. Afterwards, I think it's going to be cleaning up and then more sewing.

Sunday, I have an appt to find my BM dress for a wedding in April. I'm definitely not running behind on that or anything. Oops.

Any fun weekend plans?

Thursday!

WildMagelet — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 13:42:16 +0000

I have a light dusting on my back porch for all of you warm-weather ladies. I'm guessing Saturday we'll have our first "real" snow of the year. Looking at you @peakaboo2011 & @CLoGreenEyes !

Wednesday chattersons HERE!

[Deleted User] — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 13:28:20 +0000

happy Wednesday!!

it is COLD this morning! however, I'm drinking a chestnut praline latte (thanks, Starbucks BOGO!) and wearing a nice, thick sweater so I can't complain!

what's going on with everyone today? I'm the only person in the office today, so I need a little interaction!

Maybe TMI but THANK YOU!

MsSparky — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 00:47:01 +0000

Whichever one of you geniuses posted the PMS life hack about the rice sock heat pad, thank you, thank you a million times thank you. I have the worst PMS neck ache ever and the heated rice sock might be the best thing ever. Now I'm eating chocolate ice cream with vanilla frosting on top. What are you doing tonight?

Not Engaged Yet — The Knot Community

**Update** And this is why I hate the holidays

I broke up with my boyfriend

Rocked my interview!

Happy Friday!

Thursday?

AW: Coco's family pictures!

Hello Furbaby Owners!

It's Wednesday. Let's chat.

AW + some PIP: Wedding recap (UPDATE: Sneak peek!)

I'm tired and grouchy today ...

Can we start over?

Help! I need relationship advice

OLW

KUI (Is this still a thing?)

so excited!!!

T and P request

T&P request -- Update in comments

Opinions on Holiday Gifts

too quiet up in hurrrrrrrr

Any over 35 folks in here?

And this is why I hate the holidays

It's Monday!

Massive AW Warning! Our Sneak Peek is here!!!

I'm feeling snarky today about a "proposal package"

Monday Accountability

Holiday Advice

Happy Friday!

Thursday!

Wednesday chattersons HERE!

Maybe TMI but THANK YOU!

Update And this is why I hate the holidays