Pre-wedding Parties — The Knot Community

Pre wedding party

missmo14 — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 10:56:43 +0000

A bit of background: FI and I live in Australia and we are getting married in Las Vegas. As with all destination weddings, there are guests who can't travel for one reason or another. We are hosting a pre wedding party in our home town about 3 months before the wedding as a way of getting our guests together and also hosting guests who cant travel to Vegas. We wanted to do this BEFORE the wedding so it didnt seem gift grabby cos thats not our intent at all! All guests invited to the wedding are invited to our hosted pre wedding party. Ive been lurking the board and I know that its 'wrong' to host your own engagement party but I dont see this as an engagement party (we have been engaged since March). We wanted to host guests ourselves and not put it on our close friends or family. We are also not having any showers or other pre wedding functions. I just need some advice on this before we send out the invitations.

Out-of-Town Bridal Shower - Gift Question

**Mutley** — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 21:41:28 +0000

I am a MOH for my best friend's wedding in the spring. The wedding and shower will be in Maryland. However, the bride lives in San Francisco (just recently moved.) Logistically, it would simplify the bride's life immensely if the shower gifts were just sent to her house in SF. In talking with her, she really liked this idea. I thought that the guests could bring a card with a picture of the present they sent. Good, bad, other ideas? Etiquette blunder?If it would be acceptable, how would you word it in the invite? (Or just spread it by word of mouth?)

Fiance at shower?

megra03 — Sun, 11 Aug 2013 20:14:21 +0000

Are you ladies having your fiancés come to the shower, or not? Our shower is next weekend, and my mom keeps saying he needs to be there because the gifts are for both of us (and he should be there the whole time). His family is telling him no, its just for girls. They keep going back and forth on this, and its stressing me out! Just curious what everyone else thinks out there, thanks!

rehearsal dinner ideas

melbelleup — Wed, 09 Oct 2013 21:12:46 +0000

Hi knotties!
I need some rehearsal dinner ideas. We get to do whatever we would like as long as it's under $500. For the wedding we're having chicken cordon blue, green beans, potatoes (haven't decided which kind) and salmon stuffed crab meat.

Our plan is to have the rehearsal dinner at my SIL's house since it's huge and we often host things there. It also cuts down on costs, so can't complain! So far I was thinking making pasta in a crock pot, potato salad, veggie tray, maybe fruit tray...and that's about it... Any other ideas? I'm trying to avoid along the lines of what we'll be serving at the wedding.

Sister making Shower Planning difficult for Maid of Honor and maids

Mclarey49 — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 15:08:51 +0000

HI all,

I am having an amazing situation happening. I have 8 girls in my bridal party, 3 sisters. When choosing my maid of honor, i did not choose a sister as there are 3 of them and two are actually matrons, so I didnt choose one of them, so the other 2 wouldnt get upset. I instead chose my best friend and our other best friend is helping her coordinate the shower. My one sister who feels she SHOULD be my matron of honor (tho i dont have a matron) is causing havoc. She keeps saying that her and my mom are doing things and the other girls shouldnt worry. My mom and her are NOT handling things, i called and asked my mother and this is an outright lie. I want my friends to be in charge, as they know what i like and want and they are very laid back, working with the other maids to keep it in a good budget and to keep it tailored to me. My one friend let me know that my sister is sending nasty grams to her and keeps trying to take over. This is taking all the fun out of the shower and making it awkward for my friends. These side emails are rude and she keeps trying to do everything, but she is lying about doing them just to take control. I do not want my sister to be in charge, as she is full of good intentions, but never executes, so my invites prob wont go out till a week before and NOTHING will be done for the shower if she is left to it (she has a history of doing this for other parties). AND that is NOT what i want, i want my MOH and maids to work together. I don't want my friends to be in an uncomfortable situation either. I have had to speak to my sister SEVERAL times now and let her know that she is making everyone uncomfortable and that i would like her to be involved but MOH and friend is in charge. She promised she wouldnt keep trying to take over, but here we are again. Do i ask her to not be involved and just show up day of the shower, as she apparently can't play well wiht others? Do i just say, forget the whole thing? Will there be tension between her and my friends and i'll have a lousy time or they will because of the tension?

Help

Appropriate Color of wedding dress

MarthaH2014 — Wed, 02 Oct 2013 23:53:18 +0000

I am getting married and it is my second time. I'm 60, and don't want to wear a traditional wedding dress. I've seen a navy blue dress that I like. Does it really matter what color dress I wear?

Bachelorette Party - Hangover kits

vainemerald — Tue, 01 Oct 2013 14:56:18 +0000

So I saw this idea a while back and wanted to do it for my bachelorette party which is this coming weekend in San Diego.

For my kits I included:

Bottled water

Tylenol

Lip balm

Chewing gum

Hair scrunchie

Peanuts/nuts

I was thinking I could also toss in a mini bottle of booze. So far these kits have cost about $7 bucks each. I am going to do a purple label to tie into our purple/green color scheme. Any of you doing kits like this? Would you find them useful? Any ideas how to dress them up a bit?

Engagement party?

Sembree1 — Fri, 27 Sep 2013 01:36:57 +0000

Family is pressuring us to have an engagement party....which mean an engagement party, 2 bridal showers, and a wedding in about 5 months. We had not factored an engagement party into our budget. We would like as low key and budget friendly as possible. Suggestions please? Thank you!

destination wedding and bridal luncheon

snoopy76 — Sat, 27 Jul 2013 20:36:28 +0000

If only the people I already invited to a destination wedding are invited to bridal luncheon/tea , would that be okay even if some of the people invited to the bridal luncheon have already declined the invitation to the destinaton wedding?

Am I correct that with the bridal luncheon no gifts from guests are expected? Is the point just to celebrate the upcoming wedding with the bridal party (if any) and female relatives?

If I didn't want people to feel obligated to bring gifts but still wanted some type of pre-wedding party, would the bridal luncheon be the best way to go?

What does the bride wear to pre-wedding parties?

sarahtrg — Thu, 19 Sep 2013 06:24:51 +0000

Is there something traditional a bride is supposed to wear to engagement parties and bridal showers? Should I shy away from white or embrace it? Or does it matter?

Atlanta Bachelorette Party Ideas?

Mhartuf — Tue, 24 Sep 2013 18:18:30 +0000

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I am looking for some great bachelorette ideas for Atlanta, GA.

We have 4 bridesmaids & the bride. We are trying to be budget conscious but have lots of fun.

Any great suggestions for dinner or what to do during the day?

Rehearsal Dinner Costs?

addieth4 — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 15:16:14 +0000

Hey Ladies!!

Need some budgeting help. I know traditionally grooms parents pay for the Rehearsal dinner but Fiance and I are pretty much doing this all ourselves so wanted to get your input. How much did you/your family spend on the rehearsal dinner and how many people did you have? Were looking towards something informal and casual but we do have to have it catered and have about 40 people for the dinner. Just not sure where to start! Thanks!!!

Bridal Shower- HELP!! Clueless MOH

gramkl01 — Sat, 14 Sep 2013 00:52:41 +0000

I am the Maid of Honor for an upcoming wedding in May 2014. I have just started to look into hosting the Shower and have some great ideas. Luckily, the Bride has given me free range to do whatever I think she will like. I have been looking at various websites for etiquette and it appears that there is a lot of contradictory and missing information which leads me to believe that practically anything goes in today wedding world. For this wedding there are roughly 120 guests located all over the place. The wedding is a a golf resort in NY in the grooms hometown, but the Bride and her closest family and friends live in NC, including me (the hostess). The bride would like to have the shower in NC and invite the out- of- towners, most of which will be the grooms side. I am assuming about 50% of the people on the guest list are women. Of that 60 women, about 50% will travel/attend the shower. So as of now I can expect 30-35 people. My main questions are:

1. Is it appropriate to invite all the females that are invited to the wedding? I read on one site that this makes you appear to be a gift-hungry monster, and then read on another that you can offend ladies if they are not invited by making then feel like they are not as close to the bride as they thought. If you don't invite everyone, where should the line be drawn? Considering the rather small nature of the expected turn out, I personally do not see a problem inviting all the ladies.

2. Is there a good way to word the invitation so guests, specifically out of town guests do not feel obligated to attend or send a gift? We don't want anyone to feel guilty if they cannot come and we certainly do not want people to feel like they have to send a gift just because they are invited. The idea really is just "the more the merry" to celebrate with the bride before the big day.

3. Is it proper to have a meal like a brunch, lunch or dinner? Can I plan several passed hors' d ouevres and a few desserts or could this make the out of town guests angry? I've heard stories about people being mad that they paid to traveled for an event/party and weren't served a meal.

I am definitely a planner and like to have things laid out well in advance but this is my first "Bridal Shower" rodeo and I am having some issues. Any feed back that people can provide will be GREATLY appreciated!

Thank you,

Sarah

No games at the shower. Alternative Activities?

Samanthaveltri — Tue, 20 Aug 2013 00:43:25 +0000

I can't stand playing games at showers and I always vowed to never make my guests play awkward participation games at mine. I have a very large family and at other showers they always groan about the games. I'd like them to relax and just enjoy the afternoon. Does anyone know of any good alternative activities that guests can do (while the shower is happen and gifts are being opened etc)? Like cute "advice to the couple" cards or anything like that? Things that are meaningful and optional and can even be used as decor?

DIY Wedding Planning Party

sarahtrg — Mon, 09 Sep 2013 16:12:51 +0000

Instead of an engagement party I was contemplating having a wedding planning party as I plan to pool my resources of friends and relatives and DIY as much of the wedding as possible. Would it be presumptuous to ask the guests to bring a wedding planning/inspiration book to the party? And what sort of activities should/could I have to make it a bit more fun rather than just technical planning? I want it to be a party after all! Thoughts? Ideas?

Are pre-wedding parties a must?

Clpapke83 — Fri, 02 Aug 2013 01:55:42 +0000

I know that the MOH and bridesmaids are supposed to set the parties up. I'm having a small wedding (aprox. 100 people). My bridesmaid will be my 13 year old daughter, and that's all I am having. I don't expect a child to set up any parties, but I think it would be rude to set it up myself. I don't really care if I get a bachlorette party, but is a bridal shower a must? I think FI will have some sort of bachelor party but it wont be anything big. If these parties are a must when do they take place?

Bachelorette Party - Who Pays?

Bstar0306 — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 19:16:42 +0000

I am the MOH in my sister's wedding. I'm working on planning the Bachelorette party. I'm the only one that lives locally so no one knows what there is to do. My sister has given me some ideas of what she wants to do and I am working on booking a ghost tour.

I'm going to cook dinner for everyone at our house before the tour. Is it rude to ask people to pay for their ticket for the tour? (I'm going to pay for my the bride) I can't really afford $300 to pay for everyone to go on the ghost tour. But I don't know how to ask people to pay their own way without looking rude/cheap.

Bachelorette Party favors??

hockeywithadiamond — Tue, 10 Sep 2013 17:45:49 +0000

My MOH and BM have been incredibly generous in throwing my the bachelorette party of my dreams. Of all the parties I have been to and helped with, I have never received a gift from the bride, but I was thinking of getting everyone who comes something small and meaningful or a small bottle of their favorite wine/liquor as a thank you for coming out and partying with me. Is this appropriate? I know a hostess gift is definitely in order and have already purchased that.

Just getting all my ducks in order and want to make sure I show my appreciation to everyone.

Thanks!

Far away friends

biojess — Sun, 25 Aug 2013 04:03:19 +0000

All of my family and all but my newest friends live in a different state. (My partner and I moved a year ago.) I'm not sure how to organize a bridal shower, engagement party, or bachelorette party when almost no one I want to be there lives near me. Also, my family is in one state, his is in another, and most of our mutual friends are in a third! So, I couldn't even just travel home for a party. I'm ok with planning a wedding where everyone travels, but it seems unfair to ask people for two or three vacations for our wedding-related events. Any ideas or similar situations out there?

Bride being asked for suggestions for shower and bachelorette party

KD+AR — Sun, 08 Sep 2013 06:44:18 +0000

So I love my MOH and she is wonderful. Recently she has asked me for suggestions and what I want for my shower and bachelorette party. I don't mind giving the ideas because it would make it easier on her, but every idea I give her she shoots down. Especially for the bachelorette party. I suggested things that could be done by my BMs because they are too young to go out to a club or bar. I suggested a cooking class- $20 bucks at the adult learning center 10 minutes from my house, I suggested a perfume making kit $10 a person when the price of the kit is split, I tried mini golf, bowling, manicures and pedicures. She doesn't seem like she wants to do it. I even suggested skipping it all together, but she insists she wants to. I think she feels obligated because she had looked up MOH duties online. At this point its stressing her out especially because she wants to make sure all my BMs can be there whether it be age or that fact that they are in college a couple hours away. I don't want her to stress... A party isn't worth the strain it may have on our friendship. Any advice on how to handle this?

Is anyone else dreading their shower?

stephstar104 — Wed, 31 Jul 2013 20:00:18 +0000

I'm really trying to be positive! But I'm not a girly girl and I'm DEFINITELY not someone who likes to be the center of attention.

The problem is that my FMIL decided to throw me an out-of-state shower. I am having another one close to home thrown by a family member (my family and friends will be there and it's a casual cookout dinner!). This out-of-state shower is for my fiance's side of the family who doesn't live by us. But FMIL took forever getting the invitations out (2 weeks before the shower!) and now none of my family can make it because it was too short of notice. So it's basically going to just be his family, no one from mine, and none of my friends can make the trip. Talk about uncomfortable.

I talked to my fiance about it and he talked to his mom and FINALLY got her to agree to make it a couples shower, because I really don't know his family that well and I was scared to death about not having anyone there that I even really knew. (Let alone road tripping with FMIL!) So I feel a little better, but very sad and anxious now that no one close to me (besides him) can make it.

What worries me is that after repeated attempts to tell her that I'm not comfortable opening gifts in front of everyone and I really don't want any me-as-the-center-of-attention games, she's dead-set on her party plan. She said we're to open gifts in front of everyone and play couples games so everyone can get to know us as a couple and so guests can win prizes.

I'm SUPER uncomfortable about all of this and I think I've exhausted my fiance's sympathy - I don't think he really understands the "bridal shower expectations" pressure on the bride-to-be and what it will be like not to really know anyone there. FMIL said she wants the attention on me because "everyone wants to get to know me." He even thinks this is a good idea, too, so I can "bond" with his family. Honestly, I want to be sick just thinking about it. I've haven't been sleeping because I'm so torn up about it!

Yes, I'll be grateful for gifts, but if it were up to me, I'd rather not have gifts or a shower at all! So please no comments about me being ungrateful - I appreciate her nice gesture, but ultimately she is doing what SHE WANTS to do and doesn't care how unpleasant it might be for me or my fiance, because to her, a shower is something you just DO when you're getting married, no questions asked. (Our whole wedding so far has been a struggle with her traditional ideals because we are very nontraditional - so this has been ongoing!)

Does anyone have any advice on another approach to take prior to the shower, or even any advice on how to get through it? I have to attend at this point, but I just want it to be more casual and fun! And I don't want to insult anyone or hurt their feelings, but don't my feelings matter at all?

Bridesmaid's Luncheon with non-bridal party friends

AllMF — Wed, 28 Aug 2013 14:20:13 +0000

With my fiance and I both being one of 5 siblings, and being fortunate to have several close friends, and wanting to keep our bridal parties small, we opted to just have a Maid of Honor and a Best Man. He is having his only brother, and because I don't have any sisters, my MOH is my very close friend who is also my fiance's cousin, who also introduced us. I want to find a way to host a sort of Bridesmaids' Luncheon closer to the wedding to include friends that have helped with the wedding, went to the bachelorette, etc., without making it awkward that they are not bridemaids. I also don't want my MOH to feel slighted that I am including other friends. How is the best way to achieve this? Note: I have a few friends that were a little upset that I didn't have a larger bridal party and that they are not in my wedding. Help!

Help with a wine tasting bachelorette party!

mp5k — Wed, 28 Aug 2013 03:18:37 +0000

My bestie has requested a wine tasting weekend in Paso Robles, CA as her bachelorette party, and as her MOH I am all on board, except I can't quite figure out the best way to get from place to place without a potential DUI involved! If any of you knotties have done this, please help! No one wants to be the DD (and who blames them?), but our funds are limited. Is there a cheap way to have about ten girls get shuttled to several wineries? Preferably even pick us up and drop us off at a hotel? (the location of which is still tbd)

How Selfish am I?!

ftrmrsw — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 19:48:11 +0000

So FI is going to LA for his bachelor party. It was suppose to be a suprise, but someone split the beans.

I never wanted any part in planning my bachelorette, I know its not up to me and what not.

Well a few weeks ago I had a dream that my bachelorette was just in town and I was really disappointed. It was definitely my true feelings coming out in my dream becuase I do feel disappointed knowing that I'm not going to get to go anywhere for mine.

I'm fairly certain (not 100%) becuase its a surprise, but I'm certain were not going on a fun trip and I feel a little jealous and envious of FI getting to go on a cool trip with a bunch of his guy friends, and I'm disappointed I'll be sticking around here.

I know, I know... Suck it up. I dont "have" to have a bechelorette. I get it.

I'm just disappointed and I can't tell my girlfriends becuase I don't want to influence what they are doing, or make them feel bad. The only person who knows how I feel is FI. So I'm just realeasing my disappointment since I dont have anyone else to talk to.

Reopen this topic of 'Passion Parties'

talesenicole — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 14:11:59 +0000

So... I keep getting invited to bachelorette parties that are Passion Parties. Is it just me or does this make anyone else uncomfortable? I would flee out of sheer embarassment if my BM's threw me one. Frankly, I am uncomfortable being pushed to buy items intended for private use with my fiancee when all my friends (and a lot of people I don't really know) are around. I feel crappy because I really don't wanna go and I have declined several invites because of these parties. Then I feel guilty because I'm a crappy friend cause I didn't go, and on and on. And another thing... when did a bachelorette party become a money/gift grab?! What happened to going out and having some drinkypoos and having fun without being pressured into BUYING something? I'm all for taking my bride to be friend out for a night on the town and paying for drinks for her and whatnot, I *don't* want to go hang out with my friends and be pressured into throwing money at sex toys... idk it seems weird to me.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not super-prudish or anything, I have purchased things before, in the comfort and privacy of my home.

I just got another invite yesterday. It kind of made me mad, here's the invite's wording:
"Just a note that my invites tell people to bring money instead of gifts for the bride to use toward what she would like for products on her wish list. We just put it all in a bag for her to use and they can put any amount in that they want and it's anonymous. That will also count towards the party total and help her win that trip!"

Does anyone feel like I do about them?

What should i do?

mfarfan2126 — Wed, 14 Aug 2013 00:06:25 +0000

Traditionally I think the groom's parents are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner if my parents and I are paying for the wedding. My question is how do I ask them? My parents have been asking me since they have out of town guests that are asking them. I'm pretty awkward in situations where I have to ask for something so i'm not sure how to do it. What should i do? Halp!

Ideas on Who Could Host?

SoreyFitness — Thu, 22 Aug 2013 04:24:30 +0000

My fiance and I agreed on not having a bridal party because he has been in 10 weddings as a groomsmen (literally), and I only have about 2 friends I'd include. If you don't have a wedding party, who throws the shower? Is there a polite way to mention we aren't having a bridal party as a hint that no one is necessarily suppose to throw a shower or tea? I have a ton of people all over the bachelorette party, but nothing for the shower and it's making me so nervous. I also have his family that is wanting to help, but want to be told what to do.Everything besides the parties is planned (venue, dress, cake, flowers) Am I being dumb or over-thinking? (Wedding is in June 2014)

Thank you for Hosts?

KJiras — Fri, 23 Aug 2013 16:12:17 +0000

Hi ladies! My very sweet and generous friends/bridesmaids are throwing me a bridal shower this weekend, and while I know when and where (restaurant) I know no other details - kinda fun! I know my MOH and other bridesmaid (FSIL) were very involved in planning it, but I can't say for sure if there is any other "host." While it's obviously not a surprise everyone has been very quiet about it. I wanted to bring a hostess thank you gift and my inclination would be to bring something for each of the bridesmaids regardless. But, is this weird? What if only the two friends I know of are the hosts and the others weren't up to participating (I know one wasn't sure if she could make it - no biggie at all - but my MOH did mention that now she can). Would it be in any way weird/offensive to give them all a small thank you? There is just now way to be sure so it feels like an everyone or nobody type situation. Just a side note...This is not their "Bridesmaid Thank you Gift" which is something more special. Also, I've thrown a few showers and never received a hostess gift so it just may not be that common in my region.

Bridal Shower-Panty Game

kristenrmu22 — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 18:08:16 +0000

Has anyone played the panty game. If so, how did your guests react? Was anyone offended. I thought of doing it for the shower because I think it would be great fun but of course would hate to offend my future in-laws (I don't think it would but you never know). This is the poem we thought about using (my sister asked that I give her an idea- this was my only help. I am not planning my own shower). If we don't do it for a shower maybe a bach. party.

Rose are red, violets are blue

Groom and Bride, are about to say "i do"

Frilly or silly, naughty or nice

Let's give their honeymoon, a little bit of spice!

Please help bride by bringing a pair of panties to the shower.

Remember, we want to knock groom off his feet but still let him know what everyday life will be like!

Shower Hostess(es) Thank You

dbanana — Sun, 28 Jul 2013 16:29:26 +0000

So my first bridal shower is next weekend (which means the big day just keeps getting closer - yay!). It is hosted by my two MsOH. They have done everything from food, to invites, games, etc. MOH1's mother (who I am very close to) helped pay for the venue. This leads me to two questions:

1: What is a good "thank you" gift for the hostess of a bridal shower? (Is it normal to give a gift or just a card? I've heard everything from a fruit arrangement to a nice handwritten note.)

2: Should I give MOH1's mother a gift/note/whatever as well? MOH lives with her mom (she is just finishing up her degree), so anything that's a bigger gift could be shared, in theory.

My first instinct is to get a small gift for each MOH and write a letter, as well as writing a letter to MOH1's mom. Any ideas? What have other brides done?