Pre-wedding Parties — The Knot Community

Rehearsal Dinner Drinks

Jstump2 — Mon, 27 Aug 2018 20:12:10 +0000

I am helping my mom plan the rehearsal dinner for my brothers wedding. We are hosting it at a restaurant in a private room. There are 25 people invited, I know of at least 5 people that will not/do not drink (underage, pregnant, do not drink). We are not sure what to do as far as drinks go. Should we offer an abbreviated beer/wine selection? Open the full bar menu up (this restaurant has fancy cocktail around $15 a piece). Something different? My dad is a little concerned about the bill getting out of hand if the full bar menu is available.

Embarrassed about shower host

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 22:16:44 +0000

I'm embarrassed because my maid of honor is hosting a shower for me and forgot to add the store info for where we registered, and now I have people asking me. I told her to not forget and it seems she forgot and now I'm humiliated. So do I make up new invitations and send them out myself with registry info or do I ask her to make new invitations? I don't know what to tell people, several friends showed me the invites they got and no info at all!!!!

Evite for Rehearsal Dinner

Knottie1472473296 — Sun, 01 Jul 2018 14:59:43 +0000

We are having a small wedding, 100 guests approx. and only one couple standing up with us. We will have a couple people doing readings so there will be very small group involved in the ceremony itself. Also we are thinking the readings will be done by two nieces. I am also thinking it will be a casual dinner (tacos or pizza)

So can we invite only the immediate family and the couple standing up with us? Of course the officiant as well. Would evites be ok or tacky?

None of my co-workers showed up to my shower

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 — Tue, 31 Jul 2018 17:42:48 +0000

So I have a weird situation. I invited 10 coworkers to my bridal shower. Only three declined, but on the day of my bridal shower none of them actually showed up. I'm a little annoyed because they kept me aware of the party and said they were all showing up, and they seemed really excited about it, but then to just not show up seems rude, and it is hurtful. Everybody has been quiet at work ever since I have been back to the office and I haven't talked about it. So now I'm not sure if I should bring it up at at all or let it go and ignore the awkwardness. They seem to be coming to the wedding, most already gave me their RSVPs or a verbal rsvp, I'm not sure how to proceed.

the worst part is that my sister said to me that she knew that they wouldn't show up, because they are coworkers and not close friends, and I think she was trying to make me feel better because she said not to let it get to me, but really she shouldn't have even thrown the shower if she didn't wante to invite the people I know.

It was a nice shower, but I'm hurt that soany people didn't show up.

Bachelorette party planning timeframe?

knottiec0aadcd3ca7294ca — Tue, 22 May 2018 21:14:13 +0000

How far in advance does the bachelorette party need to be planned? My wedding is December 2, so almost 6 1/2 months away. It's in Vegas; none of my bridesmaids live there so they will all have to travel. Fiance and I are in the process of getting ready to move there within the next month.

One of my maids is driving me nuts wanting decisions on everything NOW. She knows we're dealing with moving but flat out said "I know you're dealing with moving but I need to know now."

I picked out dresses in the midst of this and now she wants to know about the bachelorette party because she "just got a new job and needs to earn and plan the PTO." I feel like it's maybe JUST A BIT early for that to be in the works, but I'm new to this (never even been someone else's bridesmaid) so am I being unreasonable? Should I be working with my MOH to nail this down now, or can I tell this maid to chill out and it'll be worked out closer to the wedding date?

FWIW, I'm probably going to suck it up and do the party a couple of days before the wedding (I'd rather do it a bit earlier, honestly) just so they don't have to travel twice.

WWYD? 2 Showers

dontbeaturd — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 16:10:16 +0000

I have a dilemma...

My MOH has graciously offered to throw me a shower in my hometown (she's from OOT). My cousin has also offered to throw me a shower the next weekend, which will also be in my hometown (cousin is local).

1. Is it ok to do both?
2. Who do I invite to each?

I'm assuming that it's incredibly rude to invite people to both (or is it? I have no idea). I feel completely overwhelmed at the kindness, but I don't know what to do from here. I don't want to step on toes (it's family tradition for the girl cousins to throw wedding showers on my dad's side and my MOH will be butthurt if she doesn't get to throw one).

Family obligations?

[Deleted User] — Fri, 20 Apr 2018 01:23:52 +0000

My son and his bride's early evening rehearsal dinner has been designated as wedding party only, but because all of my family is travelling a significant distance to help celebrate the wedding, I am also coordinating an informal dinner for family and out of town guests who are not part of the wedding ceremony. I was hoping that my son (at least--although bride is of course welcome) could make an appearance after the rehearsal dinner to greet family members at the other gathering. However, the bride has made it clear that this is a wedding and not a family reunion, so my son will not see his family until the reception. It is what it is, but was I unreasonable to make this request?

Forced Bridal Shower

NBSquared2017 — Mon, 30 Apr 2018 13:38:26 +0000

Hi all,

I declined to have a bridal shower several times.

FH and I live in NJ and our families are from Ohio and Michigan. Both sides wanted to throw a shower and I graciously declined both times. It would have been a lot to try and make it back to Ohio and Michigan for two separate showers. Factoring in travel, vacation time, money, and trying to get the gifts back to south Jersey was logistically daunting.

Our wedding is on 5/19 and we going to be in Ohio a few days earlier to handle so pre-wedding things and FMIL called me and told me that the Wednesday before her and my mom reserved a room at a restaurant so I can have a bridal shower. I have no clue who is coming or what to expect. I feel bad because this is something that they REALLY want me to have and I have no interest – I have wedding fatigue and I just can’t wait to marry my FH. I also don’t want to seem like I’m not grateful for the time they put into planning this shower. It’s honestly the last thing I want to worry about 3 days before my wedding.

Am I wrong to feel this way?

Party name!

knottie2ba3a8a909cff7e1 — Tue, 01 May 2018 14:21:45 +0000

My fiance and I have both been married before. We have no desire to do the standard bachelor/bachelorette party. We also have everything we need and I do not want to do any bridal showers. We would, however, love to do a fun night out with all of our friends. Simple, meet at one of our favorite restaurants, eat on the patio, and have drinks around the patio fire pit. It won't be a crazy night. Just a good night of drinks and friends. I want a fun name for the night, what ideas do you have?? (Our wedding invitations say Eat, Drink and be Married. So something a little different than that?)

Bridal Shower Etiquitte for small family only wedding (gifts?)

knottiec3e83423bc2cbffa — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 19:28:26 +0000

I am having a small family only (50 guests, no bridal party) wedding out of state.

My mom and best friend want to host a bridal shower in my home state so I can celebrate with people who I cannot be at the wedding. I love the idea of celebrating with friends and family who cannot attend the wedding, but I feel strange about the gift situation.
I have on the invite that it is a family only wedding out of state, but what should I do about gifts? Should I say "No gifts expected" since most of these people are not invited to the wedding?
Or, should I include registry info? My mom says it is a must to include registry info for a shower and my friends and family will be happy to receive a shower invite, it is a way of including them. (More traditional approach for a larger wedding...)

What is proper nowadays for a bridal shower for a family only/destination wedding?

Throwing own bridal shower

[Deleted User] — Sun, 22 Apr 2018 16:59:37 +0000

I am stuck, I am from Chicago but my fiancée is from Indianapolis . My family is throwing me a shower in Chicago but in Indy no one wants to be a part of throwing one for the family that lives in Indianapolis. His aunt offered but would not accommodate the amount of people that would be invited. My bridesmaids that live here do not seem interested in throwing me one either. Would it be strange for myself, as the bride to host one due to the distance being so far from one another? Please help!

Help! Floppy Beach Hats for Bridesmaids - Saying or No Saying on Brim?

amlaw713 — Wed, 07 Mar 2018 03:09:22 +0000

Hi! I am planning on getting floppy beach hats for my bridesmaids for my beach bachelorette. I was thinking of adding a saying to the brim, something like "Beach Hair, Don't Care," but I'm wondering if I should just leave the hats without the saying instead?

MOH asking for money for bachelorette props

knottie9e6514ffecf29fc7 — Mon, 12 Mar 2018 18:34:45 +0000

Hi,
I am hoping to find clarification to what is considered normal protocol. I am a bridesmaid and the MOH is buying props for the bachelorette party, and she is asking me to give her money for some of these items. I thought that being MOH means this is your duty and responsibility and are her costs only. Am I right or wrong? Thank you so much!

Bachelorette Party Attire

christi.mayo — Mon, 17 Jul 2017 18:26:06 +0000

Wow! It's been so long since I posted on here. Happily married for 4 years in September!

Wanted to post since I can always count on you all for honest advice.

A friend is having a Bachelorette party this week and has requested that all of her guests wear sequins for her Sex & the City themed bachelorette. I'm not huge in to sequins but I do have one sequined dress - but it's white. I'd prefer not to buy something new that I'm not likely to wear again, but I know it's probably in poor taste to show up in a white sequin party dress.

I also have a pair of gold glittery pumps - not exactly sequins, but may pass the test.

Tl;dr - Bride wants everyone to wear sequins. Options are: wear white, wear glittery non-sequin shoes and call it a day, go buy something new I'll never wear again.

large bridal shower - open all presents?

knottie680e653c84c3cd3f — Mon, 26 Feb 2018 21:54:28 +0000

I am having a rather large bridal shower 70+ in attendance. Do I open all the gifts at the shower? I feel like this would take up so much time and if roles were reversed, I would not want to watch someone open all those gifts. But then it would be rude to not open all of them... Need opinions!!

Post-Wedding Party for Parents' Friends

kevinandlaura-2 — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 21:59:22 +0000

Hi all -

I live in Montana and my mom has brought up the idea of having a 2nd reception in Michigan (where I grew up, and 2 hours from where my FH grew up) since we first got engaged.

FH and I said no - we didn't like the idea of a 2nd reception and thought it would be an unnecessary expense. People are excited about traveling to Montana for the wedding.

Fast forward to now (the wedding is in June). I get a call from my mom and she is bringing up the idea again, framing it as a post-wedding party for my parents' friends so that they can share in the joy etc and meet my FH. This seems even stranger to me. The party would be with my parents' friends (primarily, although we would also probably invite FH's parents and maybe a couple friends from MI who weren't able to make it to the wedding). I would know maybe 3/4 of the people they invite. FH wouldn't know any of them. It feels like we are being paraded around to my parents' friends and being grabby for presents. These people were not invited to the wedding. I offered to include them on the wedding guest list but mom said no because these people wouldn't be able to travel.

This is requiring that we take time off work and fly across the country for a party where we feel uncomfortable. My parents were extremely generous with paying for the wedding and I don't want to be ungracious, but am I missing something here? Is this normal? It is proper etiquette to invite people to an after-wedding party who weren't invited to the wedding? FH is also very uncomfortable with the $$ he perceives as being thrown around on this and also feels that a party with primarily my parents' friends would have us feeling 'paraded about'. I also feel weird that people we invited to the wedding would also potentially be there - and that people who are planning to attend the wedding will feel misled that now there is a reception they could have attended at much less expense in MI.

Has anyone heard of anything like this before? Is it normal? Am I being unreasonable/thinking about this the wrong way? Are my parents being rude? The party would be about 2 months after the wedding.

Edited to add: I forgot that I posted about this in a similar vein once before: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1077766/mom-throwing-bridal-shower-and-inviting-her-friends-who-arent-invited-to-the-wedding

But this is now a 'post' wedding party and my mom has framed it more as just a party to celebrate our marriage/unrelated to the wedding itself. My mom especially feels very strongly about this matter

XP Bridal Shower with No Registry?

walgrrl — Tue, 16 Jan 2018 21:49:27 +0000

Hi everyone. I am the maid of honor in an upcoming wedding. The bride has chosen not to register, as she and her fiance are already living together and have everything they need for their home. They've made it clear that the only thing they would like is money toward the honeymoon. I'm not 100% sure, but I think they may have set up a honeymoon registry.

The problem is, the other bridesmaids still want to throw her a bridal shower and I'm sure the bride is expecting one. Honestly, I would love to throw her a bridal shower, but I'm not sure how that works if you're not registered anywhere. I mean, the thought of inviting people to a bridal shower and just requesting cash seems so rude and seems like such a breach of etiquette to me. Also, I thought the whole point of a bridal shower was to watch the bride open up gifts. If people are giving to a honeymoon fund, there would be no gifts to open.

The other bridesmaids seem to see no problem with sending invitations out requesting cash gifts and/or donations to the honeymoon fund. I just can't get behind it. But at the same time, I don't want to cause a problem and I don't want the bride to not get a shower. I don't know the other bridesmaids well at all and I don't want to make anyone mad or upset.

I've been trying to think of ways around this. I've tried hinting to the bride that maybe she wants to create a small registry just of things she'll need for the wedding. She could register for picture frames and albums for wedding pictures, a cake topper, toasting glasses, cake serving set, guest book or signature frame, aisle runner, etc. That way guests who want to give a physical gift can do so. I'm also thinking that if her registry is really small people will probably take the hint that she mainly wants cash, do you think so?

However, I don't know if the bride will go for this idea. She seems adamant about no registry. So if she forgoes the registry, what are my options? It seems they're going ahead with the shower with or without me and I really don't want to let the bride down. Is there any less rude way of doing this? Maybe we can send invitations out with no registry info, no mention of cash or gifts at all, and then if people ask we can tell them, "Oh, Bride has not actually registered, but she is saving up for a honeymoon!" Something along those lines maybe? Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated! I really want to make everyone happy without being rude to the guests!

Bachelorette Party invite longer than bridal shower list

augustgirl21 — Mon, 15 Jan 2018 21:52:35 +0000

Hello,
So my MOH is throwing me a bachelorette party as well as a bridal shower and needs the names/addresses for them.

I'm going over my list and I've noticed that my bachelorette party list is longer than my bridal shower list. (not by a ton there is about a 5-10 people difference)
I think my thought process going through the list was "I'd like to party/celebrate with her but don't want her to feel obligated to bring a gift to bridal shower and wedding"

Is it weird to invite someone to bachelorette party and not bridal shower?

Wedding Shower/Invitation Etiquette

[Deleted User] — Mon, 15 Jan 2018 21:34:26 +0000

Hi everyone! Hoping for some solid advice here.

I am having a DW in Ireland this summer. Our guest list is floating around 120 people currently but will surely fluctuate. We would like to invite my coworkers who I am very close with. The issue is that I work for the federal government and they only allow a set number of people off on vacation at a time. I of course would like to invite a majority of my coworkers as I have been there for years and see many of them outside of work for dinners, bowling, nights out, etc. One of my coworkers is in the wedding party so with that, there are two people (myself included) already on vacation for my wedding. How do I handle this? Do I send all coworkers an invitation and whoever can get the time off/find someone from another office to cover them are welcome? Do I invite them all to the wedding shower?
I've already made it clear to the MOH that we will not be registering anywhere and we'd just like a fun, laughter-filled shower with our friends and family. She would like to invite everyone to the shower, even if they are unable to make it to the wedding.

We're from a very small town so the rules and etiquette of a DW are pretty foreign to me. I look forward to your replies!

Mom Throwing Bridal Shower and Inviting Her Friends... Who Aren't Invited to the Wedding

kevinandlaura-2 — Fri, 08 Dec 2017 02:36:31 +0000

My mom has several times expressed an interested in throwing a party/bridal shower for me and inviting friends because she wants to share her excitement about the wedding with them. Some of these friends I have known since I was young, but they are not invited to the wedding (which is several states away). She mentioned that a lot of her friends had expressed an interest in giving us a wedding gift/celebrating with us even though they wouldn't be able to go to the wedding.

I didn't really think about this before and I was planning to let my mom just throw the party and host because she was really excited about it. I don't think I'll have a bridal shower if she doesn't because we recently moved and I am states away from any friends/family. But I was reading some things about only wedding guests being invited to the bridal shower. How hard and fast a rule is this? If they are friends of my mom, does that matter?

Scratching my head over here... I don't want my mom to be sad about not being able to throw the party she wants to throw or celebrate with her friends but our guest list is already pretty big. I don't *think* any of the people would be able to attend the wedding even if we invited them, but that seems like a pretty crummy reason to invite someone to a wedding, and also feels like we are grubbing for gifts from people we don't know that well (mom's friends, not mine).

Any advice or thoughts are appreciated!

Do I need a bridal shower?

natavila2252 — Tue, 02 Jan 2018 21:47:12 +0000

We didn’t have an engagement party, and my fiancé and I were originally thinking of a couples shower. But, with only a few months to go til the wedding, we don’t have much room left in the budget for a venue that would be accommodating enough for JUST family up to aunts/uncles/cousins. We both have large families. I’m not even really interested in a bridal shower, which is why I was more into a couples shower. But now, looking at the guest size and the headache of picking and choosing to narrow it down to a size that would fit into a house in February, how necessary is this party? Especially if we didn’t have an engagement party?

Rehearsal Dinner Questions

MRDCle — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 20:56:32 +0000

I'm trying to plan my rehearsal dinner and it's giving me a massive headache, and I'm getting all sorts of conflicting answers, so I come to you, oh-wise-ones.

1. Who exactly needs to be invited to a rehearsal dinner?
2. How do I invite those who I do need to invite? Does it need to be a formal invite, or does a text/phone call work?

Henna Party

knottie71e3e926f9f2b361 — Sun, 12 Nov 2017 15:44:52 +0000

I'm assuming people here have done a henna party. My questions are: how was it set up? What did you do? Was it formal/informal? Was there a certain "program" you followed? Thanks!

Bridal Shower Question

Knottied22c34d1eeb01a8e — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 18:05:30 +0000

I'm in a weird situation. My cousins are planning a bridal shower for me in my hometown right before Christmas because that's when everyone in my family will be in my hometown anyways so it seemed to be the most convenient choice. My fiance is very upset about the date that was chosen because no one in his family will be able to go, they all live in different states and have their own Christmas plans. It would be very inconvenient for them to come anyways, regardless of the date, because my hometown doesn't even have an airport but he is still upset that I didn't consult with his family before I confirmed the date. He thinks my family should have planned it for a day that his family could go too (even though i doubt any of them would since they all live far away). I would still like to invite his mom and sister (who is in the wedding party), but he said i shouldn't because it would be a "fake invitation" since i know they cant come. So my question is this: is it okay that my family is throwing a bridal shower on a day when his family can't come? And would it be rude to invite his immediate family knowing they won't come because of the date that was chosen? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Nantucket or Block Island for a Bachelorette Party??

knottie81eb03c5dae1e77e — Mon, 16 Oct 2017 19:18:18 +0000

Hi! I don't know which location to choose, Nantucket v. Block Island, for a Bachelorette Party! There will be about 15-20 girls and we are open to renting a house or staying in a bunch of hotel rooms. The issue with renting a house though is that most require a 7 day stay when we would only plan on going a Thursday - Sunday next July/August 2018.

All suggestions and recommendations are greatly appreciated!

-Allison

XP: Bachelorette party etiquette and invitation wording

nightnerd — Fri, 29 Sep 2017 07:29:33 +0000

Hey everyone. So, I'm planning the bachelorette party for my friend, who isn't much for the bar scene. We talked about some ideas, and she would like to go to a murder mystery dinner party. We've pretty much nailed down the day and location (it's looking like mid-November, at a restaurant hosting the event). Now she's putting together a guest list for me and I'm thinking about the invitation and logistics.

Basically, I just want to make sure that the way I coordinate this will be acceptable etiquette-wise. My thinking was that I would send an Evite to the guests, and include the website for the company, where everyone can buy their ticket and see information about the event/venue. I am going to call the company and see if there's a way to ensure our group gets to sit together.

My questions:
-What invitation wording would you suggest for this scenario?
-For this kind of event, people do pretty much understand that they'll be paying for their ticket, right? MOH and I should be good splitting the bride's portion, so that's not an issue. But I don't have to host in the sense that I'm basically on the hook for everyone's ticket...right? (LOL, I have read too many threads on TK...)
-Based on the event being the third week in November, when should I send the Evite, and what should I aim for as an RSVP date?

Thanks!

Am I just being self conscious?

jennabelle-2 — Wed, 13 Sep 2017 16:52:13 +0000

Hi ladies! My wedding is 10 days away!!! Hooray!!! I keep thinking about my dress. I have since gotten some spanx, but what do you think about my dress? I've lost about 15 lbs, but still see parts of me I don't like, aka my stomach. Thoughts? I know I'm totally overthinking. Last night was the first "wedding nightmare" dream & has me on edge. I'm hoping for things to go (and look) smooth.

EDIT: I'm sorry! This was supposed to go on the plus size board! I'm on my phone & I must have clicked the wrong one! I don't know how to move it!

Bridal Shower Invite

Knottie935c88d6a00cf00d — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 16:17:29 +0000

Hi All- I was just wondering, are there any circumstances where it would appropriate to invite a few people to bridal Shower who aren't invited to our wedding? I have a few women who I work with and from church who we did not include on wedding invite list, but they have expressed their excitement and literally have asked to come to the shower. Is it okay to invite them? I felt a little caught of gaurd when they asked and at the time I just said "ohh I'll let you know" but I feel confused on what do do .

Hostess Gifts

MandTFebruary62011 — Sun, 06 Aug 2017 23:03:14 +0000

My sister is throwing me a shower in about two weeks. My great aunt offered to help mostly by footing a good portion of the bill. My aunt doesn't have any children of her own and has done quite well for herself, we have gotten closer in the last eight years or so but she still isn't much for family so I'm not very confident on a lot of her interests. Because she is helping to pay for the shower, it is going to be a very fancy affair. It's at a local 5 star hotel and pretty swanky from what little I know about it.

I feel like because they are spending so much, I should be getting them nice hostess gifts but I have no concept of how much to spend on a hostess gift. Do I need to be sure I spend more because they are spending more? I'm not even sure what more is.... I knew you guys could help.

Too Far For A Bachelorette Party?

kwiksilver — Mon, 27 Feb 2017 15:42:11 +0000

My MOH wants me to give her the names of all my female friends so that she can invite them to my bachelorette party. The problem is:

A. I don't have many female friends. Like, I have 3 locally (MOH included) and one will definitely not come to a b-party because she is the type to prefer one-on-one social interaction.

B. The female friends I DO have live 3 hours away.

Should I have her invite those far away ladies anyway? I understand and agree that only women invited to the wedding can be invited to the b-party. I just feel weird being like "please travel all the way down here for a party". I know it's my MOH hosting and inviting, I just feel awkward about it. But I DO want a b-party because I do like going out and doing fun things with my friends. Is 3 hours too far to travel? Should I at least give them the option to participate? I've been excluded from pre-wedding parties (for weddings I was invited to) because I live far away, and that made me sad and a bit insulted actually. Even if I couldn't attend being invited is nice. Maybe that's my answer right there but I am interested in your opinions

P.S. I am declining a shower because we aren't registering and don't need "stuff" since we are mid-30's and have been living together for 7 years. So this will be the only party any of these ladies will be invited to attend.