Pre-wedding Parties — The Knot Community

Hosting a wedding shower for an OOT bride

Sosteadilygo — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 18:25:55 +0000

Hello ladies,

Here is the back story: I am co-hosting a (surprise) shower for my future cousin-in-law. She is originally from CA and moved to RI for her FI (he's in the coast guard). However, they are getting married in CA where all of her family members are. The shower is going to be held in the community room where FI's mother lives.

The grooms family lives on the east coast-while I was compiling a list of people for the shower I could only come up with 7 that are also invited to the wedding. None of her co-workers or other friends from here are invited to the wedding, so that idea is out.

I told her mom I was thinking about having a shower, and she said she is going to fly out from CA just for it! Her tickets are already booked.

I guess my point is that I am nervous this shower isn't going to be as great as I want it to be for her. I don't want it to turn into a joke because only 4 people can come or something like that, especially because her mom is coming all this way! Am I worrying about nothing? If there are so few people attending the shower, do you think a venue like a restaurant is more appropriate? I think some advice is needed on how this can go smoothly with a very intimate shower.

Thank you so much for reading this.

What do you think of this gift idea for MOB and MOG?

abarlow12 — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 18:17:01 +0000

I want to get my mom and my fiances mom a gift for throwing our shower. One idea I had is getting them each a picture frame. Since my fiance and i are getting married at the same church as both of our parents i was thinking of getting them a double frame, one side with of our parents picture at the church and then we'l put our picture at the church in later. Do you think this will be a good idea? Any other ideas are welcome!!

What gift to get shower hosts as a thank you?

abarlow12 — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 20:59:49 +0000

What did you get/are you going to get your shower hosts as a thank you gift? My shower hosts are my mom and my fiance's mom.

No bridal shower, no bachelorette party

junebride0000 — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 18:37:14 +0000

My MOH hasn't done anything for a bridal shower for me. I'm getting married in less than a month. She asked a while ago about a bachelorette party, but I'm not into the stripper thing and just told her that. Meanwhile, though only 1 of 4 bridesmaids are local, NO ONE has asked about hosting a bridal shower or even doing a bridal party spa day or lunch. I'm so depressed and disappointed by this. I feelike I picked the wrong ladies to be in my wedding but it's now too late.

Has anyone experienced this?

Is there any etiquette that applies to engagement party timelines?

[Deleted User] — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 18:12:41 +0000

My FIL want to throw us an engagement party. We got engaged in Dec 2010 and our wedding will be March 2012. They are thinking about having a backyard BBQ and for the sake of the weather they are considering having it in warmer months like May or June of this year.

At that time we will have been engaged for 5 or 6 months. Is that too long for an engagement party? Or is it too close to the wedding being almost halfway through the engagement?

Bridal Shower / Bachelorette Party?

sidewaysv3 — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 08:12:09 +0000

Are ALL of my female guests supposed to be invited to either the bridal shower or bachelorette party? Do some get invited to both?

MOB wants to throw shower, upset at low guest list

sarah061811 — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 04:28:09 +0000

My mother graciously wants to throw a shower but I don't want to invite the friends who will be invited to the bachelorette party which will most likely be the same day as the bridal shower, just later in the day. The low guest estimate is 15 people which to me is plenty! MOB is way more socialable than I am, and says that is not good enough. She says if I don't want the shower, she won't throw it, but I'm worried she is flaring up.
Help? What to do? Include all friends in guest list?
Break up shower and b-party dates (thereby excluding my step-sister)?
Just say no to the bridal shower which I really am fine with, but will MOB really be?

Party dilemma

maidaudria — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 01:26:27 +0000

How do I let the bride down gently, or find a way to get it done?

Bridal shower vs wedding shower difference

lauraalanna — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 03:23:21 +0000

I've heard a few differences between a bridal shower (mostly women-gifts include lingerie,perfume,ect) and a wedding shower (can be both sex,mainly household gifts) but are there any other differences besides that?

Anyone have any preferences or suggestions for either side? I'm torn as to which one I would like my mom to plan and it has to be soon.

Also,if I go ahead with the wedding shower,does the groom have to attend? He is 450 miles away and probably won't make it up.

Finally,if I have a bridal shower,how will people know my size for lingerie? Dumb question but I don't know!

"Surprise" Bridal Shower Woes (long)

fireytiger — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 05:37:48 +0000

So a month or two back, my FMIL decided that she was going to throw me a bridal shower. When my BMs were told, they both seemed oddly disappointed about it, but didn't really say anything. I am honestly glad that my FMIL decided to do this, because while I consider my BMs my friends, they aren't known for throwing parties with any sort of class, and the bridal showers i've been to that they've thrown in the past were beyond words tacky.

For example, they've decided before to throw potluck showers because they don't want to spend the money on food, and they make bringing a food dish a sort of "admittance fee", if you don't bring food you get turned away at the door. Also, they were really rude on the invites, saying stuff like "If you aren't going to show up, don't waste our time and money by RSVPing yes and then not coming. Also, make sure you remember to bring presents to the shower." RIGHT ON THE PRINTED INVITES! There were several other really awkward and tacky beyond words things they did as well. I've never had much experience with bridal showers outside of the ones they've thrown, but I'm pretty sure that's not the way it's supposed to be.

Well, FI decided today that he was going to tell me that the two BMs came to him recently, and asked him to give them a list of names of my female friends at work (we all work at the same place, in a giant call center with hundreds of people), because they were going to throw me a "surprise" shower. Now, ignoring the fact that FI wasn't supposed to tell me that lol, there's a couple problems. For one thing, the tackiness of the previous bridal showers they've thrown leads me to believe that they would throw this party in the same manner, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. The other problem is, with the exception of the two BMs, and one or two other people, I did not invite anybody else from work to the wedding due to financial constraints. So to invite these people to a bridal shower when they're not invited to our wedding, I feel, is poor etiquette, it'll be seen as fishing for gifts, and makes me really uncomfortable. Only problem is, I'm not supposed to KNOW about the party, so I can't tell them any of this!

What am I supposed to do here? I'd really rather just have the bridal shower that FMIL throws, I know I can't tell someone they aren't allowed to host a shower for me, but I don't want people to think i'm fishing for gifts either! Help me please!

Wine Glass Favor Question

mollydalessio — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 01:30:21 +0000

HI All!
I am throwing a wine themed bridal shower for my sister and the favors are wine glasses. Everyone will use their own glass for the tasting (which will have a tag with their name on it), and then take the glass home with them as a momento.

Question -
What should the glass say? I have been using the slogan "Uncorking showers of happiness for Kristin and Joe", but I'm not sure if that is too much.
A friend also suggesting having 2 wine glasses - One with "I love RED" and the other with "I love WHITE" and have people choose their glass.

What do you think?
Any other ideas?

Thanks!

Bachorlette Party Help!

GangstaBoo86 — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 00:33:48 +0000

I am in need of some advice, I am set to get married in May, my bridesmaids and maid of honor are not really with the whole wedding idea, as if not having their dresses yet isn't bad enough, none of them have planned a bridal shower or bachorlette party, saying they can't afford to do anything. I am not asking for anything big, just something even if its a stay at home party it would make me feel a little important. Any ideas? Also my fiance is talking about throwing me a party and I didn't know if that would be good or not!! I guess I picked the wrong people to share my special day!! Please help!

Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties Together

Jocelyn1211 — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 17:51:44 +0000

Hello,
Recently, my fiance and I have talked about having our Bachelor and Bachelorette parties together. We live in Massachusetts so we wanted to go somewhere else on the East Coast to celebrate. We were thinking Atlantic City might be fun but there are some issues with going there. My brother is a groomsmen and is only going to be 18 by the time the party rolls around and I want him to feel included but I don't want my fiance to feel like he has to plan everything around him. Any thoughts on this idea or other ideas where someone who is under 21 can still enjoy some nightlife? Also, what does anyone think of getting a big beach house to all stay together in or staying separate? Thanks!

Bachlorette party, bridal shower, or both

eev028 — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 04:03:09 +0000

Is it traditional to have all these parties before a wedding? Im not looking to get gifts but I want to have the bachlorette party and at least the bridal party luncheon so I can thank all my girls for being there for me. This is a second wedding for me but the first for my soon to be husband. I never did anything for my first wedding, so this is kinda my first real wedding. All my friends are looking forward to the bachlorette party. I told them I wanted to do it at a comedy club and just have a good time with great friends. Is it ok to not try to do a bridal shower?

Need Alternative Bachlorette Party Ideas

tiffmarie84 — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 10:21:48 +0000

I need alterative suggestions for my bachelorette party because I cannot drink. So, the standard bar hopping will not suffice. It's really been bumming me out because I can't think of anything that will make sure everyone will have a good time.

oh fudge. work shower in the works

blankslate25 — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 18:01:09 +0000

I've just caught wind that my boss & coworkers are planning a shower for me. I'm having a smaller wedding out of town; zero coworkers are invited. I believe all are aware of this. In general, showers & opening gifts in front of others make me somewhat uncomfortable, but I am having one.

My coworkers are all very nice people but we are in no way close. I am quite private about my life in the office bc it's a small, gossipy environment. (Fiance worked at same office until a few mos ago.) I know they're trying to do something nice, but it's going to make me uncomfortable since they aren't invited to the wedding and I'll mostly feel indebted...which I hate. Did I mention that I almost never participate in school/church/family/etc fundraisers they pass around everyday?

I was really hoping to avoid this altogether by keeping silent on the wedding subject, but as the date draws nearer this seems harder to do as everyone keeps bringing it up. Sigh. With all that said, I will feel rude and mean declining their generous efforts. Anyone else experience something like this? I don't want to seem ungrateful, but this is not my cup of tea.

Help needed!!

kadiejury — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 21:48:09 +0000

So I have a dilemma. My MOH who is also my 1st cousin lives out of state and so does my Aunt on my mothers side-only aunt/uncle on that side of the family. My aunt is a teacher and comes home every summer to be with my grandma. My MOH wants to do my bridal shower and bacherlorette party all in the same weekend which is fine with me. My dilemma is that my MOH wants to do it while my aunt is here over the summer. I am getting married in November. I can see having it in Aug but my aunt leaves the 3rd week so that leaves on the first two weekends, which I have prior engagments. So we looked at July, that last two weekends dont work so we would be looking at doing the parties in Mid July. I think this is too soon for both parties. Am I wrong to want to wait and do it in Sept/Ocf? I feel like I am being selfish for this. HELP!

Bride arranging her own shower

lindsay5432 — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:40:47 +0000

I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. She is getting married at the end of August, I'm getting married in the beginning of May.

She called me the other day to tell me she booked a restaurant for her shower for April.

My future mother in law was planning on booking my wedding shower for the same day. I had to call fmil and ask her to change the date, which wasn't a big problem as she had not paid a deposit yet.

I love my friend, and I wanted to be very involved in throwing her a nice shower with the other bridesmaids, but now that she has booked her own shower for less than a month prior to my own wedding, I'm feeling a little put off by that.

1. I'm going to be a little busy at that time, with my own wedding just a few weeks away -- I don't know that I'll have time to help with everything.

2. Money is tight! I'm not going to be able to contribute very much. By July or early August, I would have been able to contribute a lot more.

3. I don't know if she's expecting us bridesmaids to pay for this shower that she is planning, since, well, she is planning it. I don't know what to say when she's talking about the menu at this restaurant or the shower games & prizes.

Thoughts?

Feelin' like a loser...

kosmickoala — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 19:36:52 +0000

I'm about 3 weeks away from getting married, and nobody has offered me a bridal shower. I remember my Dad telling me nobody ever threw my Mom baby showers for any of the 4 children she had. I'm starting to feel like that's going to be me. I don't have many friends close by. I know it's supposed to be a gift from a friend, but I've seen all the girls I know have them. Are they just more popular. It's like high school. I've come to find out now that i'm getting married, that I don't have as many close friends as I thought I did. I'm feeling really depressed. I don't care about the gifts, just that someone cares enough to throw me a party. Is there anyone who didn't have a bridal shower? Is it normal not to have one? I'm a really sensitive person, like my Mom, and i'm easily hurt. Can anyone give me some words of wisdom that will help me cope with feeling like this?

okay for a shower dress?

abbyful — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 00:31:20 +0000

I bought this, I'm thinking about wearing it to my bridal shower, but I also think it may be to neutral/monochrome. Do you think I should wear something lighter/brighter/fresher?

(Sorry about the bad picture, my camera doesn't take pictures into a mirror very well.)

Another dress I'm thinking about. I ordered it online, haven't seen it in person yet.

I like them both. Maybe I'll wear the 1st to one shower and the 2nd to another shower.

Accommodations for OOT shower guests?

starlight33 — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 17:40:56 +0000

Hi ladies,

I am a bridesmaid and helping the MOH plan the bridal shower. Most of the guests invited to the shower will be from out of town - are there any etiquette rules regarding accommodations? A handful of us could crash at the bride's house (if she offers), but certainly not everyone. Is it the guests' responsibility to find/pay for their own accommodations? Or should we find a group rate at a nearby hotel so we can include the info on the shower invitation?

Many thanks!

Is this ok?

vllbabe688 — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 15:01:39 +0000

My MOH volunteered to throw my bachelorette party months ago; the other BMs eagerly volunteered to help, but MOH has not reached out to them. We are 3wks away from the party date and MOH has still not even started on the invitations "because I don't have the money to put down on a hotel room". (I've told her countless times that's really not necessary...)

I understand that the party is a gift to me, but at this point I am afraid that several of the girls I really want there won't be able to make it because they won't have enough advanced notice to ask off of work. My FI's BM's wife has offered to handle things, and my other BM's have offered to help... Is it ok if I say to my MOH "Hey MOH, I know you're really strapped for cash and have alot going on in your life right now... If you don't care, I really want to take some of the pressure of you- J has offered to throw my bachelorette party and it sounds like that's probably the easiest way to go right now."?

I know it's an awkward situation to deal with- just want to make sure I handle it right. :P

So I wasn't going to have a engagement party...

picklesmurphy — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 03:51:04 +0000

This is my first advise post so be kind...

FI and I have been together 5+ years and have talked about getting married for at least 2. He finally asked Dad (YAY) and we are engaged! So I went to my first bridal show and won a free engagement party. It is from a well reviewed hall and is a pretty decent package: free hall, hot and cold apps, white linens, dj, etc for up to 125 people. It includes a cash bar and balloon decor (yuck and yuck) but what do you want for free. They will even send out invites.

So here's the problems. The hall is at least an hour and a half away from 90% of who would be invited. At $3+ dollars a gallon I hate to drag all my loved ones to the other side of town for apps! I don't know who of my side will show. Out of my 44 family members I assume around 30 might come. Everyone who knows us has obviously met us both, and his in-town family consists of his parents and sister. It would be nice to introduce them to my side, but it might be a little much all at once. I DO NOT want presents (even for the shower i know will come) we both had homes that we combined, and our garage is FULL of stuff we don't have room for. I didn't want a engagement party for that exact reason. It's bad enough people will spend money on us for the shower. No one will be surprised we're engaged, it's been 5 friggen' years!

But it seems like a waste not to have it. It is free, and will probably be fun (if anyone shows up...) I know I can't throw my own party, so there is that. Do I put on the invite "party given by hall?" I know it's faux pas to put no gifts. but seriously, I feel like if you drive a hour and a half for me, I feel it's a gift. Ok that got out of hand long. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I got rear ended on my drive home from the wedding show and this is my main drama? Weddings do make you nuts lol!!

FOR SALE Bachelorette Party Supplies

FutureMrs.O'Connor — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 17:34:41 +0000

An entire package to host the best Bachelorette Party! Everything you will need is included. I have about $100 in all of this. Asking $50 for everything. I'm only selling the entire package, I will not separate items. Email me at indygal80 at y a h o o dot c o m if interested. I don't get on the message boards often so please only email me. I will estimate shipping and let you know.

Pictures of items can be found here:

https://picasaweb.google.com/indygal80/BachelorettePartyPackage?feat=directlink

I will also email the Word documents of all the games to the person purchasing the package.

12 Foot Penis Banner

Bachelorette Sash

Bachelorette Tiara - this is metal and very nice

Veil

"Bachelorette on The Loose" shot glass necklace

"Out of Control Bachelorette" necklace

5 pink bead necklaces

Light up "Bride to Be" diamond ring pin

(2) light up flashing rings

A deck of "Bachelorette Dares"

"Bachelorette Party Lotto" book that has 100 scratch-offs

A pink penis sucker

(5) plastic cups that say "What happens at the Bachelorette Party stays at the Bachelorette Party"

(8) penis straws

A bag of candy penis' to decorate cupcakes/cakes

(36) Pink zebra print paper plates

(24) Pink zebra print napkins

"Bachelorette Party Pledge"

"Truth or Dare Game" printout

"How well do you know the Naught Bride" printout game

"Dirty Mind Test" printout game

"Fill in the Drink" printout game

"Name that Drink" printout game

Thanks!

Pre-Wedding Party for OOT guests

mrshump — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 22:55:34 +0000

So,

I am getting married in Ohio on July 3rd and A LOT of guests will be coming from out of town. Our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner will be on a Friday and will be mainly family and wedding party. However, since we get married on a Sunday we have been considering having something for out guests on Saturday.

The thing is, we don't want to spend a whole lot of money so I'm trying to think of ideas that would be cost friendly and also fun and welcoming to our guests.

Dave and Busters, or a private dining room in a restaurant and everyone foot their own bill...something like that. is that tacky?

if so, any suggestions???

Rehearsal Dinner Drama

tsp698 — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 04:44:15 +0000

So over the holiday my FMIL sat down with us to hear about our wedding plans. She seemed shocked by some of our decisions, ie minimal floral, casual rehearsal dinner etc.

Several weeks later she called and said that she & my FFIL would like to throw us a formal rehearsal dinner. This was all fine and dandy until we gave her the guest count for the rehearsal dinner, about 45.

She said that was way too many, and that traditionally it was only the bridal party and the parents that attended. We agreed to look at the list again, however I was unwilling to budge on my grandparents (only 2) as they raised me more than my actual parents did, and I would sooner refuse the rehearsal dinner than not invite them.

I was fine making a few cuts until I found out she had no intentions of cutting my FI's Grandmother or his aunt and uncle and cousins. This is where I put my foot down we would either be equal on both sides with the cuts or we would politely decline the rehearsal dinner.

After my FI talked to her some more she agreed to our original guest list, however she is still a little upset.

Was I in the wrong for expecting the cuts to be even on both sides, even though his family is paying?

7 bridesmaids, no idea they are supposed to throw this for me....

skuhman — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 21:29:26 +0000

I am 23 and the first to get married of my close friends, I don't think any of my bridesmaids have any idea they are "supposed" to throw a wedding shower for me.... I honestly didn't know it was customary for the wedding party to throw one before I was going through this either.

I would like one, and really I don't feel bad because there are 7-8 of them. I actually really just want the chance for everyone to get togehter before the wedding.... does anyone have experience or advice for this situation?

Bridal shower mad libs game question

bridesmaidkatie — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 18:51:17 +0000

I know this probably sounds like a silly question and I have googled this a million times, but just keep getting actual mad lib games to play. How how exactly are the mad lib games played out at showers? I have a template and everything all completed, but did you have everyone read their's outloud? Pick teams and maybe have each team present theirs and pick a winner? Did you have winners or just read it for something to do? Thanks!

Are multiple wedding showers a thing of the past?

GoldenGirl29 — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 23:34:50 +0000

I offered to throw my future SIL a shower for our side of the family (groom’s side). She was rather dumbfounded at the suggestion. She feels since both families live in the same town it wouldn’t make sense. She also thinks one shower (60+ people) will be a union of the two families. I personally think it will be a typical ‘factory’ style event our society has come accustom to. Herd them in, feed them, herd them out and most importantly take their gift.

Not fan if you can't tell…

I would rather throw a more intimate shower where our guest actually have time to talk to my FSIL and make sure everyone feels special and valued. I want them to know we appreciate them taking the time to attend and more importantly spending their hard earn money on a gift.

My FSIL listed off about a half dozen friends of hers who all had one shower and stated that only time anyone of her friends had multiple showers was due to distance b/t families.

So…out of curiosity is this the new norm?

Inviting Far-off guests to Shower?

Jenic07 — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 22:00:36 +0000

I have two special ladies on my guest list from across the country (one is my best friend from college and the other is my cousin). They will both be flying in for my wedding, but I highly doubt they will make a separate flight in for the bridal shower - should I send them an invite anyways? I dont want them to feel bad about not being able to make the shower, or give them the impression I expect them to make a separate trip, but I also dont want them to fee left out! Wha should I do?!