Second Weddings — The Knot Community

Including adult children in the wedding

Vanessa907 — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 07:20:50 +0000

I am trying to figure out if we should or at least invite our adult children to be part of a second wedding ceremony? He as 2 girls I have 2 boys from previous marriages. We may want the ceremony in another state but the children all live in their "home town" (where they were born and raised). We feel obligated to fly the children and thier spouses to this other state to be part of the wedding. Any thoughts/ suggestions?

Private wedding?

beckyd73 — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 02:51:45 +0000

This is both of our second marriages and we were wanting to have a ceremony with just our 5 girls. Originally we planned to have it on a beach in June, but my ex managed to sabatoge that (he heard what I was doing and now he is gettting married around the same time on the beach with the colors I chose, my oldest snitched). So now we have decided to have it in May at his mom's ranch. I am not sure where to begin with planning. My other issue is that our friends are wanting to come and I don't know what to say to them? Does anyone have any suggestions and ideas for an outdoor private ceremony? Do you typically have music, or not? Help!!!!

Not-So-Surprise Shower (vent)

pearls687 — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 14:32:11 +0000

My FSIL is throwing a coed "surprise" shower for us. We found out about it after everything was planned and underway. This is both our second marriages and we just merged households, which meant selling, donating, gifting, and storing a great deal of "stuff". We don't need anything except a set of drinking glasses and were not planning to register anywhere. Neither of us wanted a shower for this reason, and because neither of us are comfortable being the center of attention.

The guest list is pretty big.  FSIL is pressuring us to register, so we're going this weekend to oblige.

I really hate that she didn't ask us before planning all of this. I feel stupid having guests bring us gifts that we clearly do not need or even have space for.  If anything, a BBQ or non-shower party would have been preferable. I'm going to smile and be gracious, (and don't get me wrong, I appreciate the kind gesture) but I am really annoyed at this whole thing.

FI asked me yesterday if it would have been rude to decline a shower, had she asked. Considering we declined an engagement party offered by someone else, we already knew how to politely but firmly decline, rude or not. I just didn't want a big 'ole deal.

Oh well.....    Thanks for reading.

Two Weddings....typical?

justbwoods — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 15:40:19 +0000

So I've been engaged for almost a year. We initially decided to have a wedding in ATL in October 2012, but once we started planning the costs and they were just getting too high. Then, we decided a monthh ago to have a very small wedding (immediate family only) in Savannah this May. I did end up inviting a few very close friends because this is technically our first wedding. I still want to plan a BIG wedding for all of our friends and family members who were not invited to the first one. The purpose of the small wedding is to cut cost. We want to do a big wedding, but what we want just isn't in the budget this year. I heard a lot of couples are opting to do two weddings, to cut down on costs...is this true? I don't know if we should do the ceremony again or if we should just have a reception...what do you all think?

Dealing with parents...ugh :(

molly&dale — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 02:12:47 +0000

This is the 2nd marriage for both FI and myself. Neither of us has kids and we are 30 and 32. Our friends, his parents, and most of our family is extremely supportive. The problem is my parents! My dad questioned if I should wear a white dress, and now my mom is not wanting us to register or have an engagement party or showers (when we have friends and other family members wanting to throw these for us and we don't live together so there are things we'll need when we combine households). I just feel like they are taking all the joy and fun out of this. I also want them to understand that etiquette for this sort of thing has changed. Anybody have a good book or article about this I can send to them?

Ideas on how to incorporate my kids from first marriage into my Second Wedding!!

Lindsay031 — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 14:49:02 +0000

This is my 2nd Wedding and will be his 1st. I have 2 kids from my previous marriage and am looking for ideas on how to incorporate my kids into the wedding. We aren't having a big wedding, we are having it in Vegas probably and just having close family & friends there. I have a daughter who is 9 and my son is 5. I am wondering how other people have done this in the past or what others are planning on doing. Any opinions, advice or ideas will help!

How Did You Meet?

kab010111 — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:34:44 +0000

There may be another thread out there like this already, however I thought it would be fun to share with each other how we met our FI's.

FI and I met on Craigslist. Yes, there are not only just killers on that site, there are also remarkable, amazing men. I was looking for less expensive furnishings for my new apartment, and decided to see what kinds of a**holes were on the men looking for women page. Yes, ladies, I was looking to be pissed off and irritated by posts, and remind myself why I'd rather be single than be in another bad relationship.

Then I opened HIS post. It blew me away. Two weeks before I had written a "Soul Mate Spec Sheet", a list of 57 items I wanted my dream guy to be able to do or possess. Not materialistic items at all, but character traits mostly. Just reading through his post I saw a LOT of the qualities I was looking for. I sent him an email, he sent me one back, and we met in-real-life two days later. Our relationship has been amazing since day 1, the most important part being that we don't fight... At all... We communicate calmly, and are completely honest about our feelings.

All my best to all of you!

Is this to much

ErinFaith2013 — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 17:46:23 +0000

Is this to much for the dress for a second time over 40 bride?

FI's EX - Major VENT

xobride — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 23:13:48 +0000

I've been debating about posting this for some time, but after today, I'm no longer holding back.

My FI was married for 32 years, his divorce isn't technically final. She moved out years ago and when we met, they were separated and living in different cities. He hadn't filed because he didn't think he would meet anyone, but 3 months after we met, he filed. She had been wanting a divorce for years before that, but it wasn't until he actually filed that things really got ugly.

His children are all grown and he has 8 amazing grandchildren. He only gets to see 5 of them now because she has done everything in her power to turn his children against him. His daughter has gotten lots of grief from her because she still sees him and lets him see her kids. I have yet to meet anyone other than his daughter because of all the drama. I still have 4 children at home.

She showed up on my front porch one day screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs and threatening my children. They were literally scared of her and are scared now every time they hear her name. She has now told his parents all the mistakes he made 20 years ago and all the things he did. They were married at 15 because she was pregnant. She, of course, doesn't share any of the things she did and blames him for all of it.

There were temporary orders he agreed to that give her $600 a month in spousal support. He's a commercial real estate broker and the economy sucks so he hasn't closed a deal since last July. She has all the property and in fact refused to let him even keep the furniture he had in his house when he met me including his tools. He has done construction jobs in the past and those tools could have earned him income, but she refused to return them.

So, he hasn't closed a deal and she won't give him his tools and then she files a contempt motion because he hasn't paid her spousal. Kind of hard to pay spousal without any income. We've been living off of my income for months and there isn't another $600 a month in the budget.

There was a hearing today for a final hearing on the divorce and the contempt motion. He paid everything he owed her a month ago, but she still wanted him thrown in jail because he hadn't paid it on time. My ex owes over $50K in back child support and hasn't seen his kids in over 2 years and I still haven't asked to have him put in jail. It takes a very special kind of hate to want to do that to someone.

And now we come to my biggest vent. She and her DIL have been cyber-stalking me for months. It started on another board I used to post on for bargains and deals and then moved here when we started planning the wedding. She uses is against him and me and tries to act like he's doing things he shouldn't or that we're spending money that should be going to her. I have money of my own and my sister has helped a lot with wedding stuff.

She has now dragged his parents into things even more and they are livid. I felt sorry for her in the beginning because I know how hard a divorce can be no matter what the circumstances that brought you there are, but now she's crossed lines that I can't get past. Actively wanting to put him in jail after he has paid all he owes and now going after his parents and even before that scaring my kids. Divorce can make you do crazy things, but there is no excuse for this sort of behavior.

She's convinced he has a job that he isn't telling anyone about. She's convinced that we got married last summer when we took the kids to Padre (how is that even possible?? and before anyone asks, it was FI's uncle's condo so it was free and we brought groceries so all it cost us was gas to get there.) She's convinced that his parents bought the property we're living on for me. She's seriously gone off the deep end and I'm tired of being stalked and being abused.

So, for those who just read this tirade, thank you for putting up with it.

For Cathy and/or Taylor, cyber-stalking is a crime punishable by law. Leave me alone and move on.

My Crazy, Apathetic Family (Rant, sorry)

mdeidre — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 00:24:11 +0000

My first marriage was horrible, he was abusive, I ended up in lots of debt, it's just great that it's over. I moved from his house to my mom's, then she lost her place to foreclosure and we rented a place together. Fast forward and now I'm 39 years old, I've found a wonderful man and we're getting married. I moved out of the house I had with mom to be with him and his children almost a year ago. My family has freaked clean out.

I had to give my mom a time limit on when I would stop paying my share of the rent because even though I've been gone for a year, she still hasn't moved and can't afford the place on her own. I had to put a cut off on there because all of my money was going to her and I couldn't contribute anything to where I was with my FI, he's been extremely patient and understanding.

My grandma and sister decided they couldn't stand my FI from the moment they met him, my mom had too, but she changed her mind after the way he stepped up when I got laid off last year. My grandma is still actively trying to get me to not marry him and my sister is trying to make me feel guilty because I want to have something nice instead of just going downtown.

Everyone is trying to make me feel guilty for "leaving my mom all alone" she's only 61 and perfectly healthy, she doesn't need a caretaker and if she'd even look at any of the houses I've found for her, she'd do a lot better financially. Ironically, my mom is the only family member who's remotely happy for me. I'm just sick of the guilt and apathy and everything else.

They really don't know him very well, even after a year, but they do know that he's been pretty much taking care of me financially for the past year while I was still paying rent at my mom's house and that I'm happy. He's enouraged me to get back into school, start exercising and eating healthier. Why isn't that enough? He's a good man and he's good to me, shouldn't that be what they want? No, they want him to already be established, well he's raising 3 kids on his own, he had some set backs when he was younger including having to drop out of highschool to care for his elderly parents who have since both died, but now he's in school himself going for a BA in business with a supervisory position lined up at his current job. If it was one of them ,I'd be estatic for them.

Program Question

neverinamillionyears — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 22:25:42 +0000

I have to work with the pastor at the church to put together our program, but while I'm waiting to get together with him, I was playing with some templates. I guess I do have a few questions: My parents are both gone, my brother is giving me away, he is playing Father of the Bride, but I don't want to give him that title in the program. I think Brother of the Bride sounds foolish, especially when I have two other brothers and one is not invited, that's a seperate story.
Also, I know it's 'our" day, but is there an etiquette about placing "In Memory" in the programs. I want this to be a happy day and everytime I try to write that, I start to cry, I was "daddy's little girl" and just knowing he will be watching down is enough for me, I guess I just don't want people asking why I didn't put the In Memory section in the program.
Thanks!
~K

Name Confusion?

handfast4me — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 01:59:29 +0000

So, I was just throwing out some paperwork; I usually go through my stuff once a year, just after I file my taxes and throw anything over 7 years old that I won't need (remember that there is NO statute of limitations with your taxes, so you MUST keep all that) but I was thinking like copies of my old electric bills, etc. It's going out.

Anyway, I ran across some things that I had printed out for my daughter's shower a couple of years ago. Her married name is very common, and so there were several ladies registered with her first and last name!!! My own name isn't that uncommon, either, and there are three of us by that name in my agency. We are always exchanging e-mails, "I think this belongs to you, because you're in the obesity prevention group" or "uh, this must be yours because it refers to Texas and I have Minnesota as my area."

I actually google my name once in a while just to see who is out there, and there's even a porn star by my name.   :-P It's spelled differently, but still. . .   It's one of the things that makes me NOT worry about facebook. My name is so common that you would have to know something else about me to find the right one.

Even my folks had another couple in my small hometown with the same first and last names of both husband and wife. Odd, eh?   Anyone else out there get confused with someone of the same name?

Flower ideas but not for a bouquet

kidlets2 — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 17:01:49 +0000

Since I'm having a super short & casual ceremony, my 11 year old daughter and 16 year old stepdaughter-to-be won't be walking down the aisle so they won't need to carry a bouquet. I'd like to give them some options though on what they can do instead. I'm thinking a headband with a flower on it or something else to go in their hair and that's all I can come up with. I'm DIY-ing my flowers so any help or suggestions on what we could do would be very much appreciated!

Becoming a step-mom is stressful!

crazynlove2011 — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:35:31 +0000

This is mostly to vent because obviously I don't want to vent to FI. So FI is finishing nursing school in 7 weeks (thank goodness!) and then will be sitting for his nursing boards soon after. We are going to Vegas in August to get married with his two children. His son just turned 18 and the daughter will be 11.

So here is my frustration. My FI has sole custody of his son. When the son was 13, he wanted to have a relationship with his mom so FI let him live out of state with his mom to establish his relationship with his mom. It ended disastrously 5 months later when the son was put on a plane and sent home with only the clothes on his back. The son has a "failure" attitude and yes, is actively trying to fail high school. It will be a miracle if he actually graduates on time in June. His issue-he just refuses to do the work. He's a smart kid (works at a movie theater) but just lazy. When FI and I moved in together, we agreed to stay in the kid's school area so he could go to junior and senior year at the high school he was already going to. This meant an extra $400-500 a month in rent solely because there was such a limited area for apartments that were big enough for all of us (thus a townhouse,etc). My saving grace is that for the last year the son was saying he was going to join the Marines right after school. He has even done the paperwork. So FI and I have been planning on moving right after the wedding and downsizing (I have been working two full time jobs for two years to pay for the bigger place, help with FI schooling, etc and frankly, I am tired). Now the son doesn't want to go to the military and doesn't want to do college. We are refusing to pay for any of his college due to his current 1.7 GPA in high school and there is no current ambition. So he will continue to live with us. His father states he has to pay $300 a month in rent but I have a hard time believing that will be done.

So now what???? I am ready to scream at this kid because he is putting so much pressure on his father with his utter laziness. I just feel like my hands are tied and I am ready to blow up. I know I can't but am I entitled to have a discussion with him? I feel like this was supposed to be a wonderful summer with both FI and the son graduating and the wedding. Now with hsi potential not graduating high school looming, it really takes away some of the joy.

AW: 16 days!

mfeo24 — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:40:24 +0000

I need a group of ladies to jump up and down squeeling with excitement with me! I'm not sure when the last time I posted was (but I read here often), but we're doing a just-the-two-of-us ceremony at a B&B nearby. In keeping with the advice to not discuss the wedding with people who are not invited, I don't get to go on and on about it with anyone but FI. That of course has its advantages, but I also think that many people at work don't even know when my date is. They know I'll be out, but it seems weird for me to say "I'll see you in a week, I'm getting married tomorrow!" My stepmom is excited and asks often, as do one or two friends, but everyone else, even my parents, are more like "oh, ok, that's nice." Today I'm just feeling like I need some more support and excitement surrounding me, and from what I've read, I'm not the only one.

Things I'm excited over: That I'm about to be Mrs. MFEO. That we're going to spend a whole week away from work enjoying each other's company. That sometime in the next 2 weeks I get to (have to? j/k) write my vows and my love letter ceremony. That this weekend I'm making nice marriage announcements, meeting our photog and officiant, ordering our cupcake cake, and getting my ring. That all day in my head I sing "goin' to the chapel" :)

2nd Wedding - Just Us and the Kids...On the Beach

boaznruth — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 14:25:57 +0000

This will be my second wedding and his first. He is in his 40's, I'm in my 30's. We have 2 children from my previous marriage. We are planning a simple beach ceremony at sunset with just us and the kids and are excited and today I'm going with my daughter to the dress shop to get dresses for us both.

I'm finding myself a big mixture of emotions. I love this man so dearly. We have been together 3 years now and he is the only father my children have really known. He came into my life when I needed him the most and he's always been there for me and the kids. I know he is the one I want to grow old with. I also worry that what we're planning isn't enough for him, that after waiting so long to marry that this simple ceremony isn't all that he deserves, even though he assures me he's excited for it. I worry I won't be everything I wish I could give him.

When I think about it, though...for my first marriage, I had the long train, the veil, the flowers...everything you're "supposed" to have and do. The wedding itself was beautiful and the pictures perfect. The marriage, though, wasn't. Now, I have the relationship I have always wanted...why not have a relaxed, comfortable, enjoyable wedding, barefoot in the sand?

Has anyone else gone through this? I read the post "It's normal..." and that really helped.

I have found that family has reacted kind of...apathetic to the whole thing. One relative even said, "Well, it's just a piece of paper." It's more than that to us. It's cementing the family we've built together and beginning our lives together anew...and it's so special that we don't want to share it with anyone else.

Gorgeous Weather has me thinking summer...

right1thistime — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 21:51:42 +0000

Anyone have plans for Memorial Day weekend? I know, I know, you have to get through Easter and Spring. But I just love that first summer weekend. Three days... ahhh.

Any Memorial Day brides out there?

Had a horrible dream about the ex....long(sorry)

jjolovich — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 16:29:40 +0000

I haven't posted in awhile over here, but i have to get this out so i can relax...

Last night i had a horrible dream where i was in this huge house, and it seemed every turn i took i got more lost in this house and when i tried to turn around and go out where i came in it was a different room than where i was, until i turned a corner and my ex was standing there and he looked angry(he had major anger issues, hence why he is now an ex) and he started chasing me and yelling at me that i am a screw up and that i ruined his life and i took his daughter away from him and so on.... and i could not find the door to get out.

I finally came to what seemed like the living room and my daughter was standing there and picked her up and started running again because i could hear him coming from the upstairs. And right when we were headed into what looked like a garage, it was dark and the images got fuzzy, i finally woke up.

And now i am just a little paranoid, i havent heard from him since June of last year and he doesn't really care about his daughter anyways, but it was not a fun way to wake up this morning

Have any of you had horrible dreams like that? I know this is long, thanks for letting me get it out.

NWR: The stuff in the attic ...

Lisa50 — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 04:16:26 +0000

Back in November, we started clearing out my parents' home (my childhood home). As you can imagine, there was a TON of stuff, gathered and saved over 45+ years. One huge monster to deal with is the attic. There were a ba-zillion boxes of my stuff, one with (I've been hoping) my high school diploma tucked away. All boxes have been downstairs since early January, some still unpacked.

Today, unpacking of the boxes began. Among other things, I found:

* Photos from undergrad days -- drinking at Pat O'Briens in the French Quarter;
* A program from the musical Hair; I was in that in senior year of college;
* All of my research notes from my master's thesis (yikes, I was studious!);
* Notes for my intro of my biz hero, Lee Iacocca (he spoke at our grad school);
* A photo of yours truly with Mr. Iacocca;
* Books on baby names, meditations for mothers of toddlers, etc.

What a blast from the past. Amazing. I am also quite pleased with my discipline. I unpacked 10 boxes and threw almost everything away (kept enough to fill 1/2 box).

We're going back tomorrow. I have about 10 - 15 more boxes to unpack. Whew! I'd really like to find that high school diploma. Wish me luck, please!

Family Medallion (TM)

Kwadland — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 22:41:47 +0000

Has anyone given or seen given a "Family Medallion" to the children in the newly blended family?

As I understand it, the concept is to present the Mediallion to the child of your future spouse during the ceremony accompanied by a pledge from you (not them). The trademarked Family Medalians consist of three interlocking circles. Competitors have three interlocked hearts or similar. Prices range from $10 to $100.

I want our children to feel included in our ceremony somehow. This seems like a nice gesture. It's tough to please a teenage in the best of circumstances. Seeing their parent get married has got to be stressful!

Any experience with these? Do they go over well? Are they appreciated?

Name change nerves

SoSaysTara — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 02:07:54 +0000

Hi all!

I was first married when I was 20, changed my name to my then husband's name without much consideration. By the end of our 2 year marriage, hearing that name PAINED me. As a teacher, I had to hear it ALL the time and it was very hard.

I remember feeling as though I didn't even HAVE a last name. Like my identity was not my own.

Upon my divorce, I immediately changed my name to my maiden name and loved every minute of it. I continued going by the married name for an excrutiating 6 months because I was with the same group of kids and didn't want to explain it.

At the start of the next school year, I went by my maiden name and loved it soooo much. Now, coming to the end of my third school year as Ms. MaidenName, I'm also coming up on an exciting new chapter in my life: getting married in June!

I am SO thrilled to marry my FI, as I'm sure we all are.

The one thing I am super nervous about is the name change. I know there are so many options, but honestly, I dislike ALL the options and I've been struggling with this the entire time we're engaged.

I don't like the idea of keeping my maiden name only because I WANT the uniting name for our entire family and I like the symbolism of starting a new life.

I don't like the idea of hyphenating because I don't like the look OR sound of it. TOO clunky. My last name is 12 letters long and 4 syllables. His is 7 letters and 2 syllables. Too long!

I think about putting my maiden name as my middle name, but then I don't like the idea of losing my middle name either.

I kinda like the idea of the four names, no hyphen, but have no idea whether it would then be 2 last names or 2 middle names. I also think this is pretty clunky as it would make my total name 27 letters long.

I know that no one can make this decision for me, but does anone else feel this way? Has anyone else struggled with this SO much? How did you finally decide?

Hi, First post and need lots of help

KJeffs — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 17:17:29 +0000

This is my firs post but I have been reading everyone else's. This is the third marriage for both of us but the first big everything we have ever wanted one. And I am so lost, I'm not sure how to word the invitions, if I should do seating charts. My husband died 5 1/2 years ago, how do I tell his parents that I am getting married again? I havent talked to them in 7 years. See so many questions, Please help

Unsure of which way to go....

aregan88 — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 20:30:31 +0000

I recently got engage- my fiance and I have been living together for about a year and we are planning on buying a house. I was married before, but it was a quick wedding (I was pregnant) and an even faster marriage (divorced before a year). My fiance has never been married before and his family is so excited for us.... my family- not so much. They don't approve of us living together and want us to do something small and simple (and quick) instead of having a big wedding. We are paying for it and I feel like I want to have a big beautiful wedding because I finally found the man of my dreams and I want to celebrate. But party of me feels badly because I've already done all of this before and I worry what people will think.... Opinions??

former stepchildren

HOKIE71 — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 07:53:54 +0000

i have two beautiful 'former' stepdaughters, with whom i have a great relationship. they have both expressed that they would like to be a part of the bridal party...and though i did not give birth to these children, i spent many years helping to raise them. i am on very good terms with their mother. Though these children are a 'product' of a completely different union, they still tell everyone i am their 'other mother'. i would love to have these girls in my wedding. My fiance is supportive of the relationship with the girls and is open to the idea of them being in/at the wedding. from the outside looking in, it may seem outrageous, but i still see the girls on a regular basis through their mother, and since i spent the better part of 8 years raising them from very young ages, it seems only natural to have them beside me. my fiance has a son and daughter, who i get along with very well also. if 'my' girls are on my side of the wedding party, should his daughter be on my side, or his?

my only other thought is to have all the children as honorary attnedants. please help.

sister's second wedding-- guidance needed!

IamMrs.C — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 22:49:41 +0000

Hi. My sister, who is in her mid-forties, is getting engaged. She was married about 10 years ago for 2 years but had no kids. Her new guy is also in his forties but was never married and also has no kids. My sister's previous wedding was in a Catholic church and had about 225 guests. I think she will have a smaller affair this time around, although it might be an issue for her future in-laws that she will not be able to get married in a Catholic church since they are Catholic and pretty religious. Anyhoo, I am her only sister and was her maid of honor last time. Do second time brides usually have bridesmaids? Do I throw another bridal shower? I am very excited for her but ignorant about second wedding etiquette. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks! Mrs. C

To Invite FI's Former SIL or Not? (Long)

pearls687 — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 15:51:10 +0000

I just discovered this board today, after having posted the thread below on the Chit Chat board. I'm reposting here (please forgive the duplicate if you've read/responded before) to get your perspectives as well. So here goes:

My FI's former wife died unexpectedly 5 years ago and he is (now we are) raising their 15 and 18 yr olds. The former wife's mother, and children's grandmother, is a very sweet person and has been very helpful to him and the kids over the years. She is very supportive of our upcoming marriage and new blended family. She's invited to the wedding - no brainer.

The former wife's sister, and favorite aunt of the 15 yr old, is still grieving pretty badly but still attempts to be enthusiastic about our engagement (sometimes almost to the point of being fake). She keeps making references to the wedding, and we know she expects to be invited.

Here's the problem: The 15 yr old apparently looks a lot like her mother and the aunt is very emotional every time she sees her. Prior to meeting her, the aunt called me to apologize in advance if she had an emotional reaction to seeing her former BIL and me together, because I was his first serious relationship since her sister's death. She did, indeed, cry. Since that time, she usually tries to pull it together, but our time around her still seems awkward. We do not want to invite her because we don't want any grief and reminders of his past heartaches on our wedding day. We just don't know if she will be able to contain herself. We also recognize that there is no way to predict how his kids will feel on the day of, even though they are excited now. We don't want the aunt to fall apart in front of the kids and make them feel sadness they wouldn't have otherwise been reminded of.

To add a twist, the grandmother lives with her other daughter (aunt #2), who is also invited with her husband. I have no idea whether they will be upset about aunt #1 being omitted from the guest list, but FI seems to think they will understand.

FI feels awkward that three of his former IL's are invited and the other is expecting to be included but will not be. She is the type to directly ask why she wasn't invited, so he will be on the hook to provide an answer. It seems kind of narcissistic to say "We didn't think you could handle it" but that's the simple truth.

FI agrees with my concerns and is in full support of not inviting her, he's just worried about the subsequent potential fall-out. We felt confident about not inviting her when the STD's went out, so she didn't get one. Now that it's time to send invitations, we're reconsidering. We don't want to cause trouble between him and his children's family as we'll certainly have to see them at future special occasions for the children. And we are concerned that the 15 yr old will be angry that her favorite aunt was left off.

On the other hand, this issue is always in the background of our lives (which I am not complaining about) in that the children are still dealing with their loss in various ways. Personally, I don't feel like it's too much to ask to take one day for ourselves without having to be reminded in any way (that we can control) of that sad occurrence.

So ..... should we suck it up and invite her for the good of all or stick with our original decision to leave her off?

Drum roll, please ...

Lisa50 — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 03:37:51 +0000

Finally! DH and I have chosen the photos for our album. As some of you know, we had quite a number of events/stressors pop up very shortly after the wedding, so finding the time to cull through 300+ photos and narrow it down to 70 wasn't quite our #1 priority.

Anyhoo, after a few fits and starts, we finally accomplished the mission. I am a huge fan of photography and ... wow! I was so happy to see how many choices, perspectives and styles we had before us (there were actually 3 photographers). We also saw a few photos we know we want as stand-alone portraits.

Some of our favorite shots are, of course, the multi-generational family shots: my son (18) with my mother (79); my cousin (56) with his daughter (13); another cousin (57) with one of our aunts (79), etc. Of those family shots, the one I love most is my mother with her siblings. Everyone is laughing and they all look great!.

DH and I did a lot of dancing and a lot of kissing. Smooching here and there, smooching, smooching ... everywhere! And, of course, there are the shoes. All in all, it will be a kick-arse album. I'm just bummed we couldn't get this completed a couple of months ago.

Yippee!

Pre-Parties, engagement, shower, etc...

MerryNMath — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 11:26:28 +0000

we've been engaged almost a year... dating for 5... obviously an encore situation...

He wants the whole thing, so that's what we're doing, 120+/- guests, church, dress, reception...our boys as groomsmen, his SIL and my BFF as bridesmaids...

We wanted to have an engagement party... it got poo-poo'd so we didn't...
We tried to have a family cook out over the summer so his parents could meet my dad since they'd never met... his mom never had time (part time job and such)
Now I find out that my MOH doesn't have time between now and the wedding to do a "shower" or anything else... (keep in mind everyone made me register and she requested a list of ladies...)

I'm a little hurt... shouldn't folks be happy for us? Especially since they know our stories? Shouldn't our closest friends and family WANT to do SOMETHING???

I don't want the gifts, I want some excitement surrounding us as a couple... everyone seems to be excited about the wedding, even though some think it's silly... but why wouldn't my girlfriends want to get together with me and just have some pre-wedding fun... I feel it's totally inappropriate for me to even appear disappointed to my MOH but I am... and not sure really what can be done...

Anyone else come across this.....

Number of guests ....

Lisa50 — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 03:42:16 +0000

I have a gripe which has to do with an illogical assumption correlating 2nd, 3rd or more weddings with fewer guests. So, I'd like to blow that myth wide open.

This was my 2nd wedding and DH's 3rd. Both of his other weddings were small, court house affairs (just him and his bride). We had 45+ guests at our wedding. I'm here to state for those of us who don't think a second or third marriage means we have to scale back the wedding ... party on!

That is all.

Kids at the wedding as guests

SoonToBeMrsRhodes3 — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 00:23:59 +0000

I was very shocked when I was chatting with my FSIL yesterday on facebook, we were talking about the wedding and some how kids came up as wedding guests. My FI and I both have daughters who will be in the wedding his 5 will be the flower girl and mine 9 will be the MOH (my sister is helping her but likes the special title). I also have 12 neices and nephews that I am extremely close to so for FI and I having a kids friendly wedding was a no brainer. FSIL however said that a wedding was no place to have kids running around, to which I responded well our kids will be running with them we don't mind, then she followed up with, you wedding is not the time and place for kids to be running around ruining your day. I said well I don't mind as long as no one touches my cake like happened at my cousins wedding, guess I'll keep that up out of the way. I waited and waited and nothing no got to go or good night that I usually get from her when we talk on FB, so I don't know what to make of the whole situation. Then a woman at FI's job today said pretty much the same thing, that kids shouldn't be there because it will ruin my day. I understand if people do not want kids at their wedding but why is it so hard for other people to understand I enjoy the kids in my life and can't imagine celebrating my wedding with out the children in my family.