Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions — The Knot Community

Courthouse Wedding Honolulu

alikaprincess — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 02:58:45 +0000

Quick question for anyone who has ever done it because after a little research, I am now super confused. Partner and I had decided to sign the papers in the Oakland courthouse this October but my mother actually offered to take us to Honolulu as a wedding gift. Since we are going we decided to just get married while there. We will only be there for 4 days and needless to say, could not afford the trip on our own. I like the fact that the marriage license fee is only $65 in Honolulu (it is $96 here) but I am confused about the process. I just want to show up with my form, have an officiator say some brief words, be declared hitched and bounce to enjoy the trip (actually I could do without the words as well). I dont care about a ceremony being "too fast" or impersonal; I just want to get it done. It appears however that there is no one just at the courthouse to perform the marriage, that I actually need to find my own performer first or enlist the help of a third party wedding company? Is this REALLY true/necessary? We barely have any money and I dont want to spend another $150 for some stupid flowers and ambiance. Is it possible to just walk in, pay the $65, get it done, and have no other expenses incurred or does it have to be more complicated than that? Please advise. Thank you.

Wedding in two different countries?

[Deleted User] — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 15:09:41 +0000

So here is my dilemma - I would love to do a Vegas destination wedding this fall, with either just my mom and my FI's mom. However my friends are excited to see me wed, so I am thinking of still doing a small Vegas wedding sometime in the winter/spring so they can attend also (the fall may be too short notice for them). My FI is Australian and unlike me, has a large family who would like to see him get married. I really can't expect my friends and mom to travel to Australia, or his family to come to the States. So I am thinking of having a small wedding here and then another one in Australia (just the thought of planning two is stressing me out! LOL).

I understand that once you're married, you really can't get married again and the second ceremony would be more like a vow renewal type of thing I suppose. Would this be an acceptable thing to do? And if so, how far apart should they be planned, or does that matter?

Chairs Instead of Pews?

blsmith95 — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 03:07:15 +0000

Hey ladies!

FI and I have decided on a church which I love for our ceremony! The only problem is that it has chairs instead of pews! I have been trying SO HARD to figure out how to decorate these chairs, but I can't find anything! Have any of you had do deal with this? If so how have you decorated them?

Thanks!

Two Doors

cmonmiracle — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 00:29:01 +0000

Our venue has two doors leading into the room we will be using for the ceremony. The chairs will be set up to have a centre aisle. I'm not sure if the groomsmen and bridesmaids should use one door and walk towards the centre, or for them to enter separately and then meet in the middle. I'm sure my guests won't care either way... but I'm just considering the pros and cons of both options.

Thanks for your input!

What to do about my stepdad?

coultercapelli — Fri, 11 Jul 2014 19:02:56 +0000

I'm not sure where to put my stepdad in my ceremony. My stepdad and I aren't really that close, but there's no bad blood or anything. I am close with my dad, so he will be "giving me away" (hate saying that), but I don't know what role I can give my stepdad. The only reason I'm stressing over this so much is because we're having a fairly large, expensive wedding and my dad and stepdad are splitting the cost 50/50. I feel like my dad will be a little put off if I ask both of them to give me away, but I think my stepdad will be upset if there's no room for him in the ceremony. Has anyone had this problem? What do I do? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Also, I thought about having my stepdad officiate (that one time ordained thing you can do), but this job has already been given to my future grandfather in law.

Walk down the aisle?

caitlinmca — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 01:47:17 +0000

My parents have been divorced since I was little. My dad has since remarried, however my mom has not.

What is the normal "waltz" down the aisle per say? I know the father of the bride usually walks the daughter down the aisle, but who escorts the moms prior and so forth? My fiances parents are still together, and I just don't want the "parent couples" walking down together, and then my mom being left out.

Limited Seating for Family; Who gets Priority?

brandi902 — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 19:48:48 +0000

We are getting married in an old house, that is now a wedding venue. The ceremony takes place downstairs, below a semi-circle balcony. There will only be 32 seats for immediate family (16 on each side), while the rest of the family members and friends will stand/sit on the balcony looking over. There's plenty of room for everyone upstairs and it's very easy to see. I'm having trouble picking who sits downstairs. I wanted to assign seats, in order to prevent families from skipping seats in order to sit together, possibly leaving empty seats during the ceremony that could be occupied.

If I do assign seats, I need advice on if I go through my mom's family first, then my dad's, until I get to 16?

Or should I not assign, and leave it up to the family to decide? I'm sure I can have our wedding planner keep an eye out so that if she does see empty seats before the ceremony starts, she can find family that would want to sit. The only issue I see here is if there's 1 random seat, because most people will be there with someone, so I don't want to separate anyone.

Cord of Three Strands plus a child?

skennedy8 — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 00:21:08 +0000

My fiance and I are interested in doing a unity ceremony, but we want to do something different. No sand, no water, no wine in a box, no candles. We found the Cord of Three Strands online and we love it, but we really want to include our son into this ceremony. Here are my thoughts:

1. Consider God to be the ring that holds the strands together and each of us are the individual strands. We couldn't stay braided together without God.

2. Add another strand.

Any other ideas? Any other unity ceremonies you would recommend? We definitely want to be able to include our son into this. He will be almost two on our wedding day, so we are kind of limited in what he can physically do, but we could always do it for him.

Thanks!

Destination Wedding Ceremony

hrlygrl798 — Sun, 13 Jul 2014 16:07:22 +0000

So my Fiance and I have decided to opt for a Destination wedding within' the US in Cape Cod. We have everything planned out and ready and thankfully it has gone well! Our only issue is the topic of filing for marriage.

We learned that in Mass. the only way to get additional copies of your marriage license down the road you have to visit the same town hall in the exact town that you filed for marriage in. Being from NY and slightly over 8 hour drive from there it doesn't make that an easy task should we ever need to do that. My fiance says he would now rather get pre-married (file in NY and get married at the court house) the day before we leave and do a ceremony still up there. He says it gives him piece of mind, that I do agree with. We are thinking of doing this all on the quiet to prevent family and guest from finding out. I have actually read about people doing it once before.

Has anyone else done anything like this prior to their wedding? If so how did you deal with it, keep it quiet, or if any did find out combat any trouble you get from people.

Aisle Flowers/Markers

pippigirl19 — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 17:27:33 +0000

Hello!! My name is Sarah and I'm getting married next July. I'm really enjoying crafting and coming up with various DIY ideas but have come to a road block in regards to my ceremony aisle markers. I found this great idea for burlap and lace bows and would like to use those as my aisle markers however I don't know how many to make. Is it every aisle, every other aisle, is it on both the inside and outside of the aisle? Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, thanks!!

Mother/Son Dance

[Deleted User] — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 18:52:12 +0000

Have you seen this amazing mother/son choreographed wedding dance number? We love it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL4DO8LhF1A

Did anyone's parents do something similiar, sing a song, read a poem, etc. at your wedding? Or is anyone's parents planning to do something like that?

Writing our own vows-HELP

mcmalexander — Mon, 21 Apr 2014 21:02:44 +0000

Ok, so we thought of an adorable idea for writing our vows. Over the years we have given each other cards, birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, etc. But we always joke about how perfect the words are. So we were going to use the cards we gave each other and come up with our own vows. Mine turned into a mini letter from me to him. Is this acceptable? If I say mine and he says his, our officiant will still ask "do you take this man..." I'm just starting to read now where that is all wrong. Vows are supposed to be I promise this, I swear this, whereas mine is more like a love letter. I know it's my wedding, and we can do what we want, but is this crazy. I haven't been to too many weddings before.

Wedding on the 23rd of December. Is it too close to Christmas?

AmaCassidy — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 18:02:19 +0000

(This is a re-post from Customs and Traditions, because I actually meant to post it here.)

My FI and I have found a ceremony site that we both love, and that comfortably sits more people than is on our guest list but the only date it is available is the 23rd of December. For our immediate families, that isn't a problem, since his family is Jewish, and he, my family and I are all atheists, and due to work schedules have been known to celebrate christmas anywhere from the 21st to the 28th of December. But, we do have a few (about 8) non-practising Christians, and 1 very active Catholic on our guest list and I know it's the time of year that everyone wants to spend with their families.

Only my bridesman and my twin sister/MOH will be travelling far for the wedding, and both would be coming home for the holidays anyway, but do you think we should just look for a different venue instead of possibly inconveniencing poeple anyway?

Different Name for Vows?

leahschroeder — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 14:59:50 +0000

Hey everyone,

My FI and I are each writing something that we will read aloud to each other at our wedding, but they are not vows. We will be reading them before we do the traditional wedding vows ("Do you take this man to be your husband..."). We're trying to figure out what we should call them in the program. Since we're not writing vows ("I promise this..", etc.), we don't want to call them vows. I thought about "Declaration of Love" but thought that sounded to uptight. Any ideas?

The rings

beachyone15 — Thu, 10 Jul 2014 14:58:12 +0000

This is probably a dumb question (and I think I know the answer), but what do we do with the rings if we aren't having a ring bearer? Do the MOH and BM hold them? Are there other options?

can the groom's dad usher the groom's mom to the ceremony

mcgeeker — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 17:43:30 +0000

hi all,

so most of what i've read from googling says that an usher, groomsmen, or even the groom is the one to walk the groom's mom down the aisle. my question is, can the groom's dad walk his wife down the aisle? i'm surprised i didn't see that anywhere an an option.

Appropriate age for a ring bearer?

brideofginger — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 18:42:07 +0000

We are using a friend as officiant - she also has a young son that my FI and I very much adore. My FI is the oldest child/first to get married, I'm also the first to get married of my brother and I, so we don't have any little nieces or nephews. How young is too young to use my friend's son as a ring bearer? We will be getting married a few weeks before his second birthday (wedding October 4, birthday October 31) - he's walking great and talking a little, but I'm worried that's still too young to take direction very well. (I am, quite frankly, anticipating that he's going to start asking for one of the three of us mid-ceremony, but we'll jump that hoop if/when we come to it... even if he does decide he wants to climb off of whoever's lap and come see us, I don't think it'll be a big deal.)

Uneven Wedding Party

Knottie56546626 — Mon, 16 Jun 2014 03:28:15 +0000

I am having 4 bridesmaids, 2 junior bridesmaids, and 4 flower girls. My groom is having 4 groomsmen and 1 ring barer. How would I set that up to make it look good and not disproportioned? I am stuck and frustrated.

Ceremony in jeopardy: update

decembergrl2014 — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 01:54:12 +0000

First off, thank you to all who read my dilemma and offered advice. I really appreciate it. :-) The annulment process has officially begun. I already sent back the paper saying I don't object to any of the judges who will be working in my case. (I don't know any of them, and considering my ex is Jewish, I doubt he knows any of them either.) I spoke to one of the secretaries for one of the priests (who is also the presiding judge) and she told me that Father said that my case is top priority over all of the other cases. They have also waived all fees. I told her that FI and I are doing the Pre Cana this Saturday and next Saturday. She said we should definitely do it. The only thing is that even though my case is first, there's still no guarantee that the annulment will be granted. I'm cautiously optimistic, but at the same time I still feel like FI and I need to see about a backup Church and ceremony.

Intimate wedding...or big blow out!?

Knottie04375782 — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 03:12:48 +0000

Hello fellow brides!

I am feeling a crazy amount of pressure to decide what type of wedding that we are going to have (venues are booked out so far!) I would like to know what others are doing and why....I am having a hard time justifying the money spent on a huge wedding and not to mention the stress that comes along with it...but I do not want to be let down if we do a small destination wedding.

I am just excited to walk down the aisle to the man of my dreams.....(it's getting cheesy in here!)

thoughts?

Ceremony in jeopardy

decembergrl2014 — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 15:28:26 +0000

FI and I are getting married in December, and we're planning on having a Catholic Mass. It's the second marriage for both of us, but neither one of us needed an annulment since neither marriage took place in a Catholic Church. Or so we thought... Yesterday the priest calls me and says there is an issue with my first marriage. I went to the rectory and found out that even though my X is Jewish, and the wedding took place at the reception hall, the marriage is still valid because there was a priest present, therefore making it valid. I spent the next 2 1/2 hours filling out 25 pages of paperwork, reliving the details of that horrible marriage for the Tribunal to approve. I was, and still am, beside myself. Growing up Catholic, I always dreamed of having a traditional, Catholic wedding ceremony. Now with only 5 months left, I feel like my dream is getting crushed. I feel like my wedding is now stuck. FI and I both want to get married in church. I don't know if we should wait and see what happens with the annulment, or if we should just cut our losses and look for another church (a Christian one, not Catholic) to get married in. I don't know what to do.

3 processional songs? Mothers, BMs, and then me?

jenijoyk — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 15:48:24 +0000

Hi! I had a question on what most of you did or are planning to do with processional songs. Some logistics background: both of my parents will be walking me down the aisle, but we still want to honor my fiance's parents and grandmother by having them be seated last. Our groomsmen will start the ceremony already standing at the front with the groom and the officiant - only the bridesmaids will be walking down the aisle. My fiance is under the impression that his parents and grandmother walk down the aisle to the same song as my bridesmaids. This was really not part of my vision and means I'd probably have to change the song I've picked for my bridesmaids (instrumental cover of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.... don't judge!). But then my fiance pointed out that if his parents and grandparents had their own song, it would be strange because there is only three of them and they would be seated within less than a minute and then what would happen during the rest of the song? Also, do most people have three processional songs? One for the mothers, one for the bridal party, and one for the bride? That seems excessive. I'd love to know what everyone has done or is planning on doing music wise for the seating of the mothers! Cheers, J

Giving Away (XP)

kimberly0315 — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 02:24:14 +0000

So I'm not a big fan of "who gives this bride away" type thing. I don't want to use that when my dad walks me down the isle. Any other suggestions? I want my dad to walk me down and I think something needs to be said but I don't know what? Cheers.

Exchange of Rings wording... Modern??

MAMA41206 — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 21:02:00 +0000

Hello,

Looking for something modern to say when we exchange rings.

Not a fan of "with this ring, I thee wed" or "Take this ring as a symbol of my love, and blah blah"

Anyone heard of or using anything different?

Has anyone done or witnessed a Circle of Love during a ceremony?

MsNise812 — Tue, 01 Jul 2014 16:09:49 +0000

My officiant just provide the rough draft of the ceremony and added a "Circle of Love" as a suggestion to see if it would be something FI and I would want to have. This is the first time I am hearing about it and want to know if anyone else has done it or been to a ceremony that has done it. As she explains it, as the guests arrive they are invited to take a flower and lay it by the altar where FI and I will be standing, essentially creating a "circle of love" in which we say our vows. She said it's a nice way to incorporate the guests. She will also be saying a vow in which the guests will participate and be witness to (they will respond with "we do"). The circle of love is a nice idea, but I am still thinking about it. FI thinks it would be a nice touch and something different. We would also have to looking getting more flowers which may be an added expense in our budget, but it's something to look into. And if flowers are not a go, do you think little stones might work with something like that? That way we could use them in our garden afterwards. Let me know your thoughts please! Just when you thought you had it all figured out, more stuff is thrown at you that gets you thinking LOL!!!

Ceremony script transition to a speaker

Gina0887 — Sun, 06 Jul 2014 23:44:10 +0000

So I would like my FFIL to say a few things during our ceremony about love, etc. How should I word this is my ceremony script to transition from officiant to speaker? I feel like, "FFIL, please come forward." or whatever sounds weird. Opinions on transition so it isn't like officiant talking then stops and he walks up?

How To Find a Secular Officiant in a Conservative Community

Wegl13 — Wed, 21 May 2014 02:12:05 +0000

Hi all- My fiancé and I have hit a wall and my wedding assignment was actually to come to you guys for help. Here's the deal: Both he and I are non-religious, which requires a lot of explaining to come to the point but at the end of the day, we want a non-religious ceremony that will still respect our families' beliefs. I've found some good vows online that seem to meet this, so far so good. But now we've hit a snag. Finding an officiant for the wedding. We are getting married in a very rural community in south Alabama- we chose the site based on its significance to his family and us (it's his grandpas grade school and is just down the road from their farm where he asked me to marry him). We have pastors that are friends of the family, but they are of course not willing to perform a secular wedding ceremony (which I respect). However I am concerned about how to go about finding a justice of the peace or someone else who IS willing to perform the service. My fiancé doesn't want a close friend or family member to perform it, as he wants them to not have a job other than being at the wedding. I am okay with that but I am concerned that just calling up the local people in such a small, historically conservative town will land us a justice of the peace that is ALSO unwilling to perform a marriage ceremony without some mention of a Christian God. Does anyone have any good advice on how to find someone to marry us?

Finding an officiant...for an out of state wedding

steelersbride — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 18:20:51 +0000

So long story short, we are currently living in Nebraska but I'm from Colorado and that's where the wedding will be.

The first hurdle is that we aren't sure if we should look into a local officiant and then pay for them to travel or should we try and find someone in Colorado and then we travel there. Has anyone done either of those or has better suggestions?

Second hurdle is that we aren't religious but are spiritual. We will not be getting married in a church and are trying to find someone that would be able to fit the "spiritual" vibe of the wedding. We could also do a secular officiant too, like a marriage counselor who is also ordained.

Thoughts ladies?

Need ideas!

Kuhnss1 — Sun, 29 Jun 2014 16:01:05 +0000

I have talked to a few people about this but I haven't had very many ideas given to me. My parents celebrated their 25 year anniversary this year, and so did my fiance's parents. I have had many people tell me that we need to do something during the ceremony or at the reception to make this known. I have no idea what to do for them though.

Any ideas?

officiant trouble

knlee78 — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 16:29:46 +0000

So we decided to use a friend for our officiant. Seems to be no big deal. I got my programs printed with their name and I have recieved them. I love my programs and they weren't exactly cheap. The issue now is that my officiant may not be able to perform! It is up in the air at this point....I am 2 months until my wedding date and I dont like this uncertainty. If it comes down to it and he doesnt perform...should I get new programs, leave them the way they are (id probably try to find anothet friend to do it and not a religious figure), or white out the name on my programs (they are white but you of course will see the stuff)..... Anyone else deal with something like this????? Id hate to just throw all my programs out and eat that cost.