Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum — The Knot Community

Name change (unique idea...)

Nhanson39 — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 22:41:32 +0000

Well, my fiancee's last name is VanDeLaarschot (very Dutch name). Ever since we got engaged we did not really want to keep the name since it is very long to write and EVERYone ends up misspelling or mispronouncing it.

We were thinking about combining our last names (not hyphenating). We will take the "Laar" part of his name and take the "son" part of my last name (Hanson) and make a new last name: Laarson.

What is everyone's opinion on the idea?

Father/Daughter Slide show Timing

mandy1023 — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 16:33:06 +0000

My father has passed away, but in his honour I would like to make a slide show inplace of our father/daughter dance. I want to know the best timing for this. When should I show this slide show so it fits in with the night. I think some people may get a little emotional, so I want to make sure it doesn't sadden the room too much. I feel like timing is everything!

Wedding ring question

Jackief11 — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 02:19:18 +0000

im making my own bridal set with my engagement and wedding rings. I wouldn't wear my engagement ring to the ceremony, correct?

Catholc church help

hbaker361 — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:31:31 +0000

I know the recepton hall i want...the problem is the church. we are both catholic and would like a church ceremony, but the hoops u have to jump thru is rediculous. ..they want 800$, a weekened retreat s required, marriage counseling, ...on and on and on....my weddng is 8mo away and i have nothing done....im gonna freak....do i forget the whole church thing and marry at my reception hall site????

Our two very catholic italian families would prob disown us but...what do I do????

Another Dance Question

sarahbeth1987 — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 13:47:30 +0000

ok i have another dance question....does anyone know of some songs for the father daughter dance? my dad and i have kind of an odd relationship. he deffinatley dont have the daddy/daddys lil girl relationship. hes kind of a ruff ol guy and not affectionate/emotional at all. but i really know he loves me and would kill for me (not to be extreme just to kinda get an idea how he is) he also isnt a dancer really. i feel like the dance would be super awkward but i feel like i should do it...plus my fiance wants to dance with his mom. most of the song suggestions ive seen are way to mushy and lovey or too fast and silly. does anyone have any other suggestions?

thoughts on flower girl issue

EBONYROBERT — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 15:09:15 +0000

hello,

I dont have a flower girl for my wedding. I do have a daughter who is 11 yrs old. She is playing the role of junior bridesmaid, the dress she is going to wear has pockets so, my question is do you think it would be ok to have her throw petals from out of the pockets? or would that just label her as a flower girl?

Chinese/ American Ideas

erialc7 — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 22:38:38 +0000

Does anyone have any good websites or books that they have found really helpful when planning an Anglo/Chinese wedding?

Thanks!

Bridesmaids questions!

atemple09 — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 22:41:44 +0000

Okay, I have a question that I can't seem to get a straight answer on and it's been haunting me the past month or so.

After I declared who my MOH is going to be to my mother, who is a little bit sensitive..., she seemed a little hurt. Sooo after the deceleration she kind of named herself a bridesmaid without asking me. It shocked me at first, and I'm kind of unsure if I want her to be one, should I just swallow my pride and allow her to be a brides maid, or should I tell her no? Also, is it tradition that a mother be a bridesmaid?

Bridal Shower

Amaya8 — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 00:08:44 +0000

Who is soposed to come to a bridal shower? My sister says its just the bridal party, I thought it was all the friends of the bride. So which one is it?

Gifts for Bride

ashleybtc1 — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 19:56:52 +0000

My sister is getting married this summer and I am her maid of honor. Ive been trying to think of a really cute gift to give her at her bridal shower that isnt something from her registry. I was thinking something that went along with the something borrow, something blue...I just dont have anything of value you to let her borrow so I will have to purchase something. Do you guys have any cute ideas?

Renew vows, not anniversary

rosenhoffer — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 00:48:44 +0000

I really wanted to have a fall wedding, but my husband and I went on a weekend trip to Tennessee and got married while we were there. We had planned on having a reception for the family when we got home, but it just never seemed to come together. It's now been almost 3 years since we got married. I was talking with my sister-in-law the other day about renewing our vows in a ceremony on Halloween so everyone could be there. She said that it's just not right to renew vows on a day other than our anniversary. Is this true? Our anniversary is March 8th. Please let me know what y'all think. Thanks.

Help! DIY wedding..

lisaportillo78 — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 16:22:55 +0000

I'm getting married on 05/01/11...we are doing everything ourselves. It's a very small wedding (20-30 guests). I was supposed to get married on 10/17/10, but my son was born on 10/10/10 (SURPRISE...lol). My question is when do we do our dance? I haven't been to a wedding in forever & I can't remember. We are just having an Ipod hooked up to the speakers (I have a friend controlling it) & my friend will introduce us as well. My son will be giving me away :), my uncle is going to walk him down the aisle (since he can't walk yet). Any suggestions on how my uncle can say my son is giving me away to the officiant? I am also getting an arch from a rental place, will it look odd without any flowers on it? I can't afford flowers for the arch. Thanks so much!

waste of time /point less or worth it??

jpowell89 — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 21:18:01 +0000

i just want opinions from people not trying to take sides...my better half and I found out that I was pregnant (much to our surprise) not quite four month after we started dating (we were 18). we had been talking about marriage and all before we found out and we knew that we both wanted to get married and build a house and start a family together, we just weren't planning on so soon.

well after his family found out, they weren't to pleased because we both were trying to finish college and hadn't been together long at all, it seemed like every other topic was about how we needed to hurry up and get married before we had our son so that we could count him on taxes, live together in family housing, and qualify for more financial aid, and they were worried that i was going to leave (which was NEVER going to happen) and want child support..not the reasons we wanted to get married for at all...so basically to shut them up we went and signed the papers in front of them his sister and my parents...not the way either one of us wanted to get married at all, we both were really upset because none of our grandparents were there, my sisters didn't get to come and our friends weren't there, and then to add onto it a couple weeks later we find out that our grandparents and our friends were upset with us because they didn't know and weren't there so they felt left out and like we didn't want them there. after i finally got them all calmed down and told the situation i thought everything was going to be ok...no more drama.

well apparently i was wrong, me and my husband decided that we want to do the wedding "vow renewal" our way the way we wanted to do it the first time the way it should've been done to begin with, well now that his mom knows that we plan on having the vow renewal (in 2013) on whats now our five year anniversary she thinks that its pointless and that we're just going to waste our money (were not going all out on anything, its going to be an outdoors "wedding" with ALL OF OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS that wants to come, and we're paying for everything, and don't expect anything from anyone), and my best friend, who i'm also wanting to be my maid of honor keeps questioning me because she says that she doesn't understand why we still want to have it if we're already married, and now it seems like more and more family members are asking the same thing even though they've all known all along that we had our wedding planned, that we really were not wanting to do what we did to begin with and that the only thing thats changed is the date, but everyone questioning us is making me start to question it, i know that its really what we both want to do and when i ask my husband if he still wants to do it he gets mad and wants to know why im changing my mind. so after listening to all of that what do yall think? please be nice :) i just dont know any one else in this situation to ask, everyone else i know thats married got to have their fairy tail wedding the first time around when they wanted.

Dad's speech at wedding-Social situation phobia~!

cdavislynn — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 20:52:28 +0000

My dad is extrememly shy of big crowds..he avoids big social events at all costs. He has been this way his whole life. I don't know that he's ever given a speech in his life. I am his first daughter to get married. I am worried about him having huge anxiety over giving a speech....dad's are supposed to do that at the reception, right?? He hasn't expressed worries yet over the wedding reception (he may not yet realize he will be expected to stand up and say something). But, I know him well, and know that this will be super, super hard for him, if not nearly impossible. What should I do to help him? Would it be ok if someone stands with him to talk? Like my mom (they're divorced, but amicable) or his wife (my step mother)?

Stepdad and stepmom...

shrewsbl — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 17:45:38 +0000

Just wondering if anyone has some thoughts on something special my step mom and step dad can do during the ceremony? My dad will walk with me, and my mom is my matron of honor....I dont want to leave my step mom and dad out.

No family on Bride's side

rhymingwhiston — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 17:52:21 +0000

I very recently got engaged and the one MAJOR roadblock or hurdle I know I will encounter is explaining why my family won't be coming to the wedding. We had a major falling out in 2009, they kicked me out of the house. Nothing can repair it and I don't want to repair it, they brought me nothing but misery. My fiancée knows this, so does his family and my friends.
The problem is there are certain things that involve the bride's family, lighting the unity candle, walking down the aisle, reception announcements, father/daughter dance. What do I do with these situations?? What would I say to potential priests, Dj's, hall managers, his family, my friends, etc, etc?
I don't know anyone else who has been in this situation before, please help.

Guest book book?

Ghoti — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 13:12:44 +0000

Hey ladies!

I was thinking about buying a nice coffeetable book that relates to my fi and I, and then having a bucket of sharpees and having our guests sign that?

Would you be ok signing in a book? Does this sound like a lame idea?

Honesty and other creative ideas welcome!

I'm Catholic, he's Jewish and we're ok with that. BUT.....

LoisLane007 — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 22:12:55 +0000

My grandmother, and his grandparents really, well, aren't.

We want to break glass, and that's fine.
But, my faith means a lot to me, and my grandma has seen this. Now she's mentioning it to me and making sure that what I'm doing with my wedding is what I want. IT IS!!!! But how do I tell her to back off without being rude?

Who to invite?

emnmatt — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 22:51:23 +0000

My FI wants to invite one of his good friends which is a girl. The only problem is- me and her used to be best friends and had a falling out for something she did. (long story) But now I don't want anything to do with her- and don't want to have her at my wedding! What do I do? I can't just tell FI she's not invited? Or can I?

Help Please!

Groomsmen attire

kalena_82 — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 23:12:15 +0000

Hello! We are getting married on the beach in the Dominican Republic at sunset. My girls are wearing guava dresses. http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Strapless-Jersey-A-line-with-Ruched-Charmeuse-Bust-F13291_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

I am stuck what to have groomsmen wear. We want drawstring linen pants but are having a hard time finding shirts. We have put together a color scheme... guava with the accent colors: pewter, silver, ivory and champagne. Any suggestions on shirts? I don't think khaki (I only like the darker khaki) would look good with any of the above colors. And I'm not a fan of the matching guava shirts. We want something different and still fashionable. We do like the Cuban style shirts.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Is anyone else doing this?

theluckiest555 — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 16:54:24 +0000

I am not going to do a bouquet toss. My FI and I are both not very fond of the tradition. Instead, our wedding planner told us about something really cool called the couples dance in lieu of a boquet toss. It is pretty much the opposite of what a bouquet toss is. What happens is that every married couple gets up on the dance floor to dance to a certain song (have not determined which one yet though) and after a couple minutes the DJ will say "Everyone that has been married for five years sit down" and then a couple more minutes and then "Everyone married less than 10 years sit down" and so on until only one coupe is stading, which will be the couple who has been married the longest. I will then present the bouquet to that couple. I think it is a beautiful way to hoor marriage and will so so sweet, especially since the couple that has been married the longest will be his grandparents, who have been married for 60= years. I can't wait to see everyone's reaction! What do you ladies think about this? Is anyone else doing something similar to this?

wedding ceremony readings

SarahHermosa — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:27:07 +0000

I asked my sisters (2) to do a reading at the wedding ceremony. I am not looking for a religious reading from the Bible, but God can be referred to. I am looking for a reading about 1-2 minutes. Have not been able to find something yet that fits us. Any suggestions?

Here are some things about us: Central CA winery wedding, 1st marriage each, like nature and camping and the beach and working out, low key people, semi formal wedding (no tuxes),

looking for a reading thats easy to understand based on nature, friendship, love, family, marriage, .... or similar to this.....

suggestions on readings or where to look?

Thanks,

Sarah

Music during dinner and cocktail hour

johnandsarah2001 — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 18:46:57 +0000

Do most people have music during the dinner and cocktail hour? Or would it be better to cut the cost of the DJ by not playing music until after the dinner?

Older bride with dad walking down the isle

spiritedcharm — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 15:37:31 +0000

I'm in my 40s and getting married for the third time. My fiance has never been married and wanted a "real" wedding, so we are having a fairly traditional wedding for him.

My dad didn't walk me down the isle for either of my previous weddings for various reasons, but this time, I'm thinking I would like that. Does it seem silly for a 40 something bride to be escorted by her dad? I know it's "my wedding, my decision", but I wonder what your opinions are of this.

Getting Married on the up swing

diehld — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 18:43:47 +0000

Does anyone still get married on the up swing??? I posted this on my months board and they had no clue what I was talking about...

Our plans are to start the ceremony at 3:33 not only to get married on the up swing but because the day is 3/3/12(1+2=3)

are we the only ones doing this or know why we are doing it at the half hour?

Money Dance Song

Gismo123 — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 05:11:51 +0000

I've been to a few weddings that did this dance and it was fun but I'm debating if I want to do this or not....I don't want people to think I'm trying to hangle them for money or something lol Has anyone done this dance before and when during your wedding did you have it?

Who should walk me?

lolipop132 — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 22:14:08 +0000

My parents divorced when I was very young and although I see my father several times a year I am closer with my step-father who I have lived with since I was 10. Now I am wondering who should walk me down the isle. I would like to have both of them walk me but I don't want to offend my father. I don't think I could chose one or the other, but if it would be a problem I think I would just go it alone. Has anyone ever seen a bride walked down the isle by both her father AND step-father? Any advice would be great. Thanks!

Catholic Wedding- inviting priest to reception

patty15lsu — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 02:08:56 +0000

I recently moved to a new area and I am not very close with the prists in my parish where I am getting married. How do I go about asking the priest if he would care to attend the reception? Just don't know the best way to go about this...

any help :) thanks!

I'm catholic, he's not.. can we get married in a church?

JennKim08 — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 19:12:51 +0000

What are the requirements to get married in a church? I'm catholic and my FI is not. He's not even baptized.

rehearsal dinner dilemma

shanna1420 — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 18:49:25 +0000

So right now I am having a dilemma with our rehearsal dinner.
My fiance's parents are paying for the dinner and are asking me to get a number of people for them (our wedding is in 6 months so I have no way of telling exactly how many people would be coming for sure, just an estimate)
Personally I only wanted the bridal party and immediate family to come to the dinner (parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters) putting the dinner at 45-50 people.
My fiance's mother wants all out of town family to be invited as well....which would be fine if his entire family wasn't from out of town. And when I say entire...I mean everyone. No one but immediate family lives close. It also wouldn't be a problem if his family was so big (55 people in all including his immediate family)
So, to be fair, I figure if his entire family is coming, mine should too. So, all in all it would be a total of 95-100 people.....at my rehearsal dinner. We are only inviting 150 people to the wedding.

Is this completely crazy of me to only want immediate family and the bridal party? Do you HAVE to invite out of town guests if there are going to be that many? I wanted an intimate dinner with the people involved in the wedding....not a pre-wedding party with 2/3 of the guests.