Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum — The Knot Community

Male MOH?

jessicastudley — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 01:58:50 +0000

Hi!!
My best friend in the whole world is a (gay) male. I want him to stand up right next to me but am having a hard time trying to find the flow...I don't want two guys (my friend and his Best Man) walking each other down the aisle (nor does my fiancee, haha)...thought about them walking one of my BM on each arm and having the last/odd man out Groomsmen (my 16 y/o brother) walk our border collie down the aisle with the rings...thoughts? Suggestions?

Wedding ring is a wrap instead of band.

BonnieBelle80 — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 12:26:17 +0000

I'm confused on what to do. What should I do if my wedding ring ends up being a wrap instead of a band? Do I give my engagement ring to the best man before the ceremony so they can both be put on my finger together? Alternatively, do I just wear my engagement ring on my right hand during the ceremony and just exchange the wrap?

Also how about pictures? I don't think it would look right to just photograph the wrap without my solitaire so is it acceptable to photograph them both?

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

Changing your name?

theluckiest555 — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 00:01:46 +0000

I was just wondering what everyone was planning on doing. I really want to hyphenate my name for a number of reasons, the most important reason being that my last name is important to me, and I don't really feel like I'm becoming a part of his family (my FI and I have discussed this, and we both agree) we feel like we sre starting our own independant family. Plus, I don't think I should have to give up my last name. I know some people use as their middle name, but I still want it to be my last name. I thought about just keeping my last name and not even bothering to hyphenate, but I want some way (other than my ring) to publicly announce I am married and have started a new family. My mom did this two for mostly the same reasons, and she has had a hell of a time becayse she is K. G. on some forms, K. R. on others, and K. G-R on others. She is a doctor so she had alot of confusion with getting all her liscences necessary because of the confusion. Her best advice is whatever I do, make sure I have the SAME NAME on everything.

What are your ladies thoughts on this? I would love to hear other opinions and reasons for keeping your name, hyphenating it, or changing it. I've also even heard that some couples make an eintirely different last name by combining the two names. That is interesting.

On my own

Equine Osmosis — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 18:56:05 +0000

I won't bore you with the details but due to family drama I'm going to walk down the aisle by myself and I don't plan on having a wedding party. I have a son that will be the ring bearer- he said he would walk me down the aisle but since he's 10 I didn't think that would be appropriate or fair to put that pressure on him since my father may still be in attendance and my son knows that the father usually does it.

Can I still have my FI's twin teen nieces be jr. bridesmaids or is that weird since It will only be us up there with no adult bridesmaids? If not, what do I do with my bouquet during the vows and exchanging of the rings?

Also, besides ring bearer, is there any other role I could have my son partake in? We see this as a joining of a family so I wanted him to be involved a little more.

Any ideas or suggestions are appreciated. Thanks!

Role for my teenage neices

lnm0705 — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 04:48:11 +0000

I need help. I have 4 sisters and therefore a LOT of bridesmaids (about 10-12!). I also have three teenage nieces that I want to somehow include. They are too old for Jr. bridesmaids and I can't possibly add any more bridesmaids. Is there any other important role that I can have the them do for my wedding? They are 15 (she could possibly still be a Jr.), 17 and 20. Please help!!

Son Walking me down the aisle

cmondavy — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 16:19:20 +0000

I am an older bride and both my parents have passed on. My adult son will be walking me down the aisle and giving me away - how do I state this on the wedding program? I thought of - "Brides escort - John Smith" or is there a more appropriate way to say this?

Alternative to Ring Bearer carrying a pillow?

cdavislynn — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 19:28:02 +0000

I have a 10 year old ring bearer. I am looking for an alternative to him carrying a pillow with the rings just to be different. Any cool ideas?

I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!!!! PLEASE!

mon0125 — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 02:03:58 +0000

I'm getting married in November and my fiancé and I signed up for a contest call Battle of the Brides on The DJ Connection page. The grand prize is a FREE DJ package and we could really use this. We don't have much money to pay for the wedding and a free service could seriously ease our stress. I'm sure you know how much weddings cost and they're NOT cheap :(. Voting for us would mean the WORLD to us! THANK YOU!

First like this:

http://www.facebook.com/djconnection

Then like this picture: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150456029730063&set=a.10150456027735063.634492.210796655062&theater

Wedding on Easter Weekend?

Avion22 — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 22:34:04 +0000

We're trying to book a date for next year, and are considering having our wedding on the Saturday of Easter weekend. Neither of us are Catholic, but we both have practicing Catholics in our families.

So, for all the practicing Catholics in the crowd, would you find it odd to attend a family member's wedding on Easter weekend? That would make the rehearsal on Good Friday (obviously we could offer a non-meat option, but I understand that many Catholics fast on Good Friday), and would mean people getting up early the morning after the wedding to attend Mass. I know that very strict Catholics generally wouldn't have a wedding during Lent, but I don't think any of our family members are THAT strict (though I think some of them will fast on Good Friday).

Also, we realize that having a wedding on Easter weekend could make finding an officiant more difficult, but since we aren't looking at having a church wedding, we are open to a non-religious officiant....

Thoughts? Opinions? Anyone else doing this?

Shower Traditions

futuremrscoachj — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 17:00:24 +0000

I went to my first shower yesterday as a guest and learned so many little traditions that I never heard of before (ie breaking bows= number of children you will have, all shower bows make the rehearsal bouquet, etc) I thought I was pretty knowledgable of wedding ins and outs but this was all new to me! So thought I would ask of any other little pre-wedding or shower traditions that others have heard of????

Grooms Cake?

agranvold — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 18:50:58 +0000

Seeing all the different fun grooms cakes out there, I have really thought about surprising my man with one at our wedding. Since he loves his accoustic guitar, I thought about doing that. But there's only one difficulty; money! We are already on such a tight budget I don't know where I could get a thousand dollars from to make a guitar cake! What are your ideas or thoughts on this? Should I forget it? Is there some way to make it cheaper? Please help 'cause I would love to get him one!!!

Any other Croatian brides??!

asialee2 — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 03:45:12 +0000

I am part Croatian and I want to incorporate part of the heritage into the wedding. My mom, (who is a Croat,) did not incorporate anything into her wedding and has no idea what typical traditions are. The only things I can find are the grooms buying, (yep, paying the brides parents) the bride, using a bow to shoot an apple and rosemary as a sign of good luck.

Are their any other traditions I can put into wedding to represent my motherland???

Shower Guests

shopgrl3177 — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 15:30:54 +0000

I need help with a shower question. I thought bridal showers are for close friends and family but my future MIL recently told me every female who is invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. We are inviting 300 to the wedding so she said I need to plan for 150 at the shower. She offered to throw the shower for everyone, but my mom and aunt also offered to throw a shower for just our close family and friends (about 35 people). I feel like it's rude to have a 150 person shower, where people will sit for 2 hours and watch me open gifts. I would like to have the chance to talk to everyone there and let them know how much I appreciate them coming and I think that would be hard to do with 150 people. Plus, I feel like it's rude to invite out of town guests who I know will not come to the shower. I do not want them to feel like they are obligated to send a shower gift. I told my future MIL all of this and she thinks I'm being ridiculous. We talked about having 2 showers but my future MIL doesn't like that idea. My mom and aunt agree with me. Who is right?

Remembering a beloved dad

onlyprettier — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 15:33:48 +0000

Hi everyone, my fiances father just passed away in December after a very short battle with cancer. It came very unexpected as he was given "weeks" when he got his diagnosis. Although everyone is coping well given the situation, we are all still reeling from the loss. I know the day of the wedding it will really hit everyone that he is not there. My fiance is a autobody technician (damage & collision repair tech) and his dad was in the automotive trade as well. Working in the garage together was a passion they always shared. Daryle (fiances dad) spent years restoring his 1969 road runner, and when brandon (fiance) was a teenager, Daryle helped him restore a 1970 Mont carlo of his own. When daryle passed brandon inherited the road runner, but had crashed the monte 3 years ago and it has sat under a tent until now. He is currently in the process of restoring it again, almost done! Just needs paint and exhaust. He always said he would have BOTH cars at his wedding. So, now the plan is to put an :in loving memory" sticker in the back window of both cars, but we would like to do something else as well to honour him. We would like to be creative and do something special but i am not sure what to do. We dont mind if it is at the ceremony or at the reception. Any ideas?

Turkey Traditiions

nurse.misty — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 14:33:32 +0000

FMIL was born and raised in Turkey. FI has been a few times, and can speak the language very well. He has never said anything about incorporating anything from there into our reception, but I still would like to and think FMIL would really appreciate it. I've tried looking online for Turkish wedding traditions, but haven't been able to find anything really useful. We are eloping to Jamaica for the wedding, so it would have to be something we could do just for the AHR. If anyone on here is from Turkey I'd really appreciate your input. Thanks!

Do I HAVE to have a color theme?

christianavocal — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 03:45:25 +0000

The theme of our wedding is fiesta which is so colorful within itself that it feels weird to confine it to just a couple of colors.

Thoughts?

who gives a speech and when???

Alyjane9 — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 16:06:54 +0000

I know my dad wants to say something at the wedding, but that's all I know so far. Both sets of parents are divorced, so I figured we'd just ask each of them if they want to say anything, along with the best man and maid of honour. Is that correct? If all four speak, I know we'll have to keep them all short.

Also, should the speeches all be together? I was thinking of having them either during the meal or during dessert so people aren't sitting around hungry. :)

Any input would be great!

Bridesmaids and Groomsman Gifts

Laurenkay22 — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 04:07:43 +0000

Any creative and unique suggestions? :)
Thanks!

Mother's Wedding Dress Q

deceitfullie — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 02:16:22 +0000

So when my mom was married she got my part of my grandmothers (her moms) wedding dress sewed onto the inside of her wedding dress. Not sure if this is a 'traditional' tradition but I would love to do that to my dress as well. Searched online and can't find any answers so my question is does anyone else do this and if so, is there a specific part of her dress that I should use? Thanks!

What time to have dinner

Smiley1931 — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 05:25:11 +0000

I was wondering if a 7:30 dinner is too late? it would be a sit down dinner style. and it will last till 12am.
TIA
Jenny

Grandma's walking me, not dad(long sorry)

ellie_spoutz — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 07:04:49 +0000

So I decided to have my grandma walk me down the aisle.I've been thinking/talkin about it with cousins and sisters for several months. I talk with my dad maybe once or twice a year and thats via Facebook or through my oldest sister, who he's close with(we're not close).

Well, I've always been close with my g-ma and my mom, but my mom passed away 7 years ago. So, I asked her the other day to walk me and she was so excited and said I made her day, i think partly because my aunt recently passed and my g-ma was taking it pretty rough and she's been feeling down(which has nothing to do w/why I asked). So, 2 weeks ago I sent my dad a msg. asking if he was planning to wear a tux or suit,etc to the wedding, because my FI's dad is going with a tux so I was just letting him know, so he wouldn't stand out, but its no biggie to me either way. So he sends me a message today saying "if i'm walking you down the aisle, then probably, but if not, then no, I'm not wearing one." and asked what my plans were, so I said well I was planning on having grandma walk me.

Five minutes later, my oldest sister(the only one he's close with) texts me and said he called her crying and all sad about the whole grandma thing, then about 2 minutes after that he text my other sister(who he's not close with) and tells her he's pissed. Then he sends me a msg saying maybe your g-ma should wear a tux. Should I be feeling bad? would you? I did feel bad at first, but then I stopped and thought, no he's never cared or showed interest before. I feel he only wants to do it to look like he's Mr. dad.

Now the backstory is: my parents were divorced right after I was born, so I never lived with my dad and we only saw him twice a year (xmas and 1 time between my sisters and my b-days). He has never had an interest in my life or the things I do, my mom majorly struggled raising the 3 of us(aside from my g-ma helping her) and he never paid child support or helped throughout our childhood, but he always had nice things and a nice house, etc. Now(the 2nd time he met my FI and the 1st time he met my sisters FI)he starts showing them what his 2 girlfriends who are younger than me(I'm 26, my dads in his 50's)look like and acting like he's cool, because he's a cheater(which he did to my mom).

Now, I never asked for him to help with our wedding, but saying hey here's $20, thats all I can afford now, would maybe shows he has a slight interest, but I don't think he does and he knows I'm working 60-80 hrs a week to pay for our wedding(My FI is military, so there's not much more he can do in the $ dept, so it's pretty much all on me). Well my sister recently got engaged and our dad told her FI "don't expect me to help pay for any of your wedding. It's a waste of $".

What would you do? Would you feel bad? I'm sticking with g-ma and I don't want to give him the honor to walk me even 1/2 way. I want my grandma to have that full honor, because I know she cares and she means a lot to me as i do to her.

Thanks ladies. I'm confused and not quite sure how I should feel about the situation

Alternative to Flower and Garter Toss

renee4895 — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 00:12:23 +0000

My FI and I decided not to do the garter toss based upon the awkwardness, and the flower toss based upon the request of my single girlfriends. We would still like to do something fun. Any ideas of alternatives?

Wedding dress

nicole425 — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 15:21:39 +0000

I am planning a wedding for June 2012 and am going to look at dresses with my Mom tonight. I have already went with a friend and picked out the dress that I love! My question is who paid for your dress? How much was it? And how old were you?

Sensitive Subject...

sb716 — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 05:39:47 +0000

I really hope you girls can help. My wedding is 3 weeks away and I've been putting this part off.

I'm looking for a very meaningful way to honor my oldest sister who was killed in a car crash several years ago. Everytime I give it much thought, I burst into tears (as I am now) but I don't want to do this at the wedding..

I've read many ideas on how to honor deceased parents but I haven't really seen anything on siblings. I want to do more than just mentioning her in the program. I have 5 other sisters who will all stand up as bridesmaids. And while I don't want to "bum anyone out"...I also want it to be known that I am thinking of her on this day and that she would be right there next to me as well.

I was thinking of perhaps having a pedestal with a candle burning on the end of where the bridesmaids will line up but i wasn't sure how that would be perceived.

Any ideas would be so much appreciated.

Need advice on discussing wedding with biological father

kylelynntuttle — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 03:01:04 +0000

This has a long back-story, so I will try to sum it up.

I never really met my whole biological fathers family (or really knew him) until I was almost out of college.

My mom, never married him, but was recently divorced (still using) my older brother's dad's last name. They stayed good friends, and I by default, got his last name. Unfortunately, the man who I called "daddy" passed away very unexpectedly a year after finishing my BFA.

My mom also remarried when I was in middle school, so I also have a step dad.

I have made a lot of effort to be around my biological father, and my several brothers and sisters from him; and he made a huge deal at my older sisters wedding about being a large contributor when I get married.

I chose, in the fall; to allow my step-father to walk me down the aisle. Since then, my biological father; who is very distant, and puts in very little work to our relationship, said he is very happy my step father is walking me; but now, after making a huge deal about funding part of the wedding; has said nothing.

Myy mom/step dad, aunt, and my fiance's parents have all kicked in, as well as the two of us spending a lot on this 100 guest wedding...

Is it rude, to ask my biological father, if he is still interested in being a part of the wedding and contributing as he originally promised?

I need some thoughts on this. It is a very trying and difficult subject for me. I have made huge efforts to be a part of my biological father/families lives, and I had to invite nearly 30 people from his family alone, and now I am concerned he has no desire to help with any of it.

Bridal Showers

Dee Dee51 — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 03:00:43 +0000

does it always have 2 be someone in the wedding party who host your shower.

Are you and your fiancé(e) exchanging wedding gifts?

karenshopping — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 08:33:57 +0000

My fiancé and I agreed not to exchange these optional gifts.

Jewish Glass breaking- Catholic ideas?

lizznjohn — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 04:50:00 +0000

I am Roman Catholic. Although our ceremony is going to be basically non-religous- I plan to incorporate some Catholic rituals into the ceremony itself. On another note- I have ALWAYS loved the Jewish breaking of the glass and yelling afterwards!!

Is there a Catholic alternative anyone has heard of? I would hate to offend anyone or make it look like mixed messages during the wedding itself.

Thanks!

A video during unity candle ceremony

chelsnicole88 — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 21:49:11 +0000

Since the lighting of the unity candle is supposed to symbolize the joining of our two families, I thought about playing a video that consists of pictures of me and my fiance as children all the way up unitl we met during the unity candle ceremony. I have been to numerous wedding where the couple plays a 3 or 4 minute song and stand there awkwardly staring at each other after they light the candles. With the video playing I think it would take some of the awkwardness out of standing up there doing nothing..any thoughts on the use of a video?

Who is included in the wedding party?

justlikeastar — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 01:42:22 +0000

So, I've been talking about my wedding and have had more than expected number of people wanting to be a part of it in someway. I'm trying to figure out what "positions" are often used to include friends and family?

So far I have

The obvious: Maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, groomsmen, flower girl, ring bearer
Personal attendant
scripture readers
gift taker/guestbook attendant
singer (if i have a good singer in the group)
piano player (ditto for above)

.. and thats it.. am I missing anything?

Thanks