Wedding Party — The Knot Community

Including one cousin but not the other? Ideas??

ffemt14 — Mon, 26 Aug 2013 07:24:59 +0000

Any ideas on how to ask one cousin to be in the wedding party and not another? I really don't want to ask my fathers niece (my cousin) to be in my wedding party due to her parents. My fathers sister and her husband are of the mindset that if they or there daughter are included in something that means they have a say on what goes on. If you disagree with them or don't do what they want, then they make you out to be the bad guy. They are already trying to plan my wedding for me, I've tried to be very polite and tell them thank you for your input but this is my wedding and it's going to happen the way me and my FI want it to go. I'm trying to not start a family feud but this is also my wedding. Any ideas?

Incorporating a VIP

Jdevlin88 — Thu, 15 Aug 2013 00:14:41 +0000

I have a great friend who was my top choice to be a bridesmaid. The only reason she isn't is because she is in the military and didn't know until yesterday (~3 weeks before the big day) that she can even attend. Well, the good news is she can attend and now I'd like to think of some way to include her. Its too late (with dress fittings, logistics, etc) to make her a bridesmaid but do you all know of any other way to incorporate non- family "VIPs"? Maybe a special thank you in hubby and I's welcome speech? Please let me know your thoughts!

Asking Bridesmaids

msdidonato — Mon, 26 Aug 2013 00:39:35 +0000

Hey everyone! I am not new to this, as I am just recently engaged. I know who I want to be my bridesmaids, but I want to ask them in a special way. What are some ways that people have asked their bridesmaids? any suggestions are highly welcomed!

Need help translating brides intent

Knottie_22382452 — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 23:26:24 +0000

No more needs to be said about the OP. I came looking for advice and I did recieve advice. Thank you all in advance for not continuing the thread.

Where can I find two- tone bridesmaid dresses!?

geoffnkel1217 — Sun, 18 Aug 2013 03:56:30 +0000

Hello!

I am having so much trouble finding the two tone bridesmaid dresses! I want white on top and grey on bottom....does anyone know places where these can be made? Thanks in advance!

Kelly

fi needs equal sides...

sandrabrooke — Sat, 24 Aug 2013 21:47:41 +0000

I'm typing this on my phone so hopefully it makes sense. I have 4 bridesmaids and my FI wants equal sides. I've told him unequal is fine and completely cool with me. He really wants equal sides but with 3 months until the wedding....he won't pick groomsman. He says they don't need to know his early and don't until closer to the wedding. Am I going crazy wanting him to pick them out if he wants them so badly or should I let it go? I've asked him a couple times when he'd. Ask them and he gives me a timeline but doesn't pick them when that timeline is over. I think I'm just odd....buy I want to know so I can make decisions based on this.

Ring Bearer

linzy85 — Sun, 18 Aug 2013 03:10:41 +0000

My fiance and I have decided to have our dog be our ring bearer. He was part of the proposal and he is like our baby so it holds special significance and meaning to us to have him be our ring bearer. It's also part of what will make our wedding represent us. Our dog is a German shepherd and currently 10 months old. He will be 1 1/2 year at the time of the wedding. He's very content and well trained. So training him to walk down the aisle is not an issue for us. Now here comes the issue and reason for my post. Before getting engaged and before our dog came into the picture, it was always the assumption the my best friend's son (who is 3) would be my ring bearer. This is the same as the assumption that my best friend would be my MOH. I was her MOH in her wedding and now she is my MOH :-) Her and I have never actually discussed the topic of her son being our ring bearer. I think it was always just an assumption because my best friend and I have been best friends for 20 years now and needless to say are like sisters. And I had also never really discussed with my FI the topic of her son possibly being our ring bearer. I guess it just wasn't one of the wedding topics we discussed (prior to getting engaged). Well, now that we are engaged and have our baby (dog) and have been planning the wedding, we have decided that it would be very fitting and something we really want, to have our dog be our ring bearer. The other night this topic came up between my FI and I and I suggested the idea of my best friends son also being a ring bearer, along side with our dog. So basically an idea of having 2 ring bearers but still have our dog be the focused or main ring bearer. Well, FI wasn't having this at all. He is completely against the idea of having her son be a ring bearer at all. The reason is for 1) him and my best friend aren't fond of each other to begin with (long story behind that), and for 2) the other reason is that my FI just doesn't feel any sort of bond to her son. When it comes to my little niece (who is one of our flower girls, he does feel a bond with her because my niece has gotten to know him through many family functions and they've had many opportunities to become close and for my niece to come to know who he is. My best friend, however, she lives in different state and whenever she would come in town and her son would be around myself and my FI, there just was never that bond taking place between her son and FI. Also, my FI has never really bonded with little kids to begin with. He's just one of those types that bonds more with older kids (like 8 and up). The main kids that he is close with are his own niece, my little niece and my older nephews. So, long story short, he's not comfortable with having her son be a ring bearer or not even a secondary ring bearer. Him and I are definitely on the same page about our dog being THE ring bearer. I definitely want that for our wedding! I just had the thought that maybe her son could be a secondary ring bearer, but like I said FI isn't cool with that at all. So....My best friend knows that we are thinking of having our dog be our ring bearer because I post things on my wedding board on Pinterest that display all those ideas. However, I haven't officially told her definitively that her son will not be our ring bearer or not even a secondary ring bearer. I've always been the type of person that hates disappointing loved ones. So hopefully she doesn't take it to heart and doesn't react bad to it. Just wanted to get other brides/bridesmaids views on this type of topic.

bridesmaid money trouble

Ndemick — Fri, 23 Aug 2013 17:46:54 +0000

I have a bridesmaid who keeps complaining about how much everything is costing. I am being more than accommodating with the prices for everything. I'm allowing them to choose their own dress from a large selection of styles and prices (some as low as $50), I'm letting them pick their own shoes, I'm paying for their hair and makeup. I don't know what to do. She's really become a debbie downer since I asked her to be in my wedding. HELP!!

Is it ok to not have a bridal party?

robynvikre — Thu, 22 Aug 2013 13:42:00 +0000

My fiance has 2 sisters and I have 1 sister & 1 brother. Right now I am thinking about not having a bridal party because my fiances sisters do not get a long and I am afraid my brother will feel left out if he is not a groomsmen. Has anyone ever been to a wedding that didn't have a bridal party? My sister did not have a bridal party but I am just wondering if it is a common thing or not.

Bachelorette Party Help!!

EtherealGirl16 — Wed, 21 Aug 2013 19:50:51 +0000

So I am the Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding, and I couldn't be happier she chose me. At first. At first everything was was going well and people were getting along and there were no issues what so ever. Let's emphasize again AT FIRST. Over the past few months while the bride and I have worked together on what she wants for celebrations and themes, and how she ultimately wants to be surprised- I've tried to work that out the details with the other maids. I got budgets WAY ahead of time( learned from the distressed advice from other former bridesmaids), tried to keep open communication and constant flow of ideas going, and offered each girl the chance to speak with me personally regarding any issues. It was going well till about June, when we really started to have to plan the Bachelorette party. I've had the bride's sister b**ch about every suggestion to her mom, who then complains to the bride. Another ( who happens to be a good friend) send the bride a random card in the mail saying she couldn't afford to get her hair done, so she might have to back out- only to in the end blame me and the bachelorette party planning for her distress instead. I was lucky the other maids called her out to the bride on her incorrect bulls**t. And finally a third who doesn't reply to ANYTHING. There is a fourth girl, whom a must mention, for she is my sanity for her kindness and is also not going on the trip due to pregnancy. But writing because I am desperate. I don't know what to do. The bride wants a weekend getaway, which shouldn't be an issue- but I'm lost in doing the whole thing myself. I've been writing to online travel agents, but with no luck. The wedding isn't until April, but we need the bachelorette party booked by the end of August, because the sister and the card sending friend go back to undergrad, and PA school, and the money complains will be higher. Which I understand, because I have one too. We need to keep a weekend under $300. I check groupon, living social, and travel zoo regularly. Does anyone have any tips or great sites to plan with? Great affordable trips on the east coast for March? Thank you!!!

Help! Bridesmaid inviting her (not my!) friends in on her dress decision?

sablearts — Wed, 14 Aug 2013 04:35:18 +0000

Because I have bridesmaids in a lot of different financial positions and different body-types, I am trying to make their dresses very simple for them to find something they want - each one has 3-4 David's color names to choose from and can pick just about any dress as long as it's knee-length and not strapless. Most of them are purchasing their dresses online and there's been lots of back and forth between them and me and eachother about which dress who is purchasing.

I found out today that one of my bm's made plans to go try on bridesmaid dresses for my wedding... with her mom, her sister, and a friend of hers who I have never met who she often chooses to hang out with instead of hanging out with me. She didn't even TELL me about it until I quizzed her about when and where she was getting her dress.

This bm and I were close in college but it's been years since she's invited me to do anything etc, the invites always come from me. She is also very "young" for her age though and almost always clueless about things.

I am extremely hurt, though, because when I told her how upset it made me to not be included at all - let alone told before these other people! - in her dress apointment, and she didn't even apologize. She just went off about how uncomfortable wearing a dress makes her and how she had to go with them because she "promised" them already.

Anyone have any advice for me? I am beside myself and have no clue whether I should just ignore it and file it under "good to know," go back to her and ask her to cancel that appointment (feels like throwing down a gauntlet), or maybe even dismiss her as a bridesmaid (She didn't even apologize/seem to care that I was hurt! What else is she going to hijack about my wedding preparations?)

asked me to change hair color for wedding

chrisandsarahwedding — Sat, 17 Aug 2013 09:56:56 +0000

I love my sister in law, but the other day she asked me to change my hair color for her wedding. I am in her bridal party, so I get that she wants things to look a certain way. Do you think this is a little too far? Its not like its a normal color either...she wants me to dye it lilac purple. I actually had this color a month ago for a comic convention..so I get that she saw it already and likes the color..but.. for a wedding? I just feel like I would be completely out of place, especially since no one else will have any type of funky color. I just don't really know what do say.. I basically said, I'll see if the hair stylist is free..but I am wishing I had told her no. Do you think I should go through with it or just tell her I am sorry. Also my dress is purple...so it would be purple on purple...different shades.. . What should I do?

Bridesmaid +1 problem

jewelzz7012 — Wed, 14 Aug 2013 18:34:01 +0000

It looks like one of my bridesmaids will probably be breaking up with her boyfriend before my wedding (which is ~1 month away). She told me (rather than asked) the other day she's planning on bringing a friend who is a girl as her +1 instead. I've only met this friend once or twice in passing.

All of the wedding party got +1s regardless of their relationship status - but at the time the invites went out, 8 of the 10 in the party had significant others. The rest of our wedding guests only got +1s if they were in a long-term relationship.

Am I crazy for not really being OK with her bringing a random girl as her +1?

Regretting my decision

barretc3 — Tue, 20 Aug 2013 00:08:38 +0000

My MOH and one of my fiance's groomsmen have been dating for 4 years. We both asked them to be part of our wedding party because they have been very good friends to us. My MOH recently confessed to me that she is planning on breaking things off with her boyfriend. I don't agree with the reasons why she is breaking it off with him (infidelity on her part...) and am seriously shocked that she is behaving this way. She is showing a side to her character that I have never seen before, and I am questioning my friendship with her. I am 99% sure that things will not end well between the two of them. As selfish as it is on my part, I don't want to have to deal with the drama that this will bring to my wedding. I feel like if we keep both of them in the wedding party, that their drama will overtake our day. I know it is bad etiquette to ask a MOH to step down, but I honestly don't know what to do. I wouldn't be surprised if our friendship turned sour over this, especially because my fiance now wants nothing to do with her because of how she is treating his friend. I can't bring myself to have a MOH that my fiance can't stand. Feedback??

Having multiple MoH's

ChrisEmilyL — Sat, 13 Jul 2013 16:41:22 +0000

I have a Maid of honor that just became a Matron of honor, and 4 bridesmaids. Has any of you heard of or seen the Bride's side with

1. All Maid/matron of honors with NO bridesmaids status and/or

2. Two plus MoH's and some bridesmaids?

Bridesmaid Help!!

csaint19 — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 01:18:36 +0000

My wedding isn't until 2015 after I graduate from school. I have an idea who i would I like to have as my bridesmaids, but theres just one person Im not sure about. I have been friends with this girl since middle school, but I have practically known her since elementary school. I continued to be friends with her in high school and a little afterwards. She introduced me to my fiancé, but in the 3 and a half years I've been with my fiancé, her and I dont really talk much and have grown apart because of school. She's kind of unreliable at times, Im not sure if she'll be able to pay for a bridesmaid dress, shoes, jewelry, etc and I wont be able to help her out money wise. Im on the fence about her being my bridesmaid, but I feel like I have to because she introduced me to my fiancé and I have known her for a very long time. If I dont ask her to be a bridesmaid Im afraid she's gonna make a big deal about it. She's also mentioned to me that she wants to go wedding dress shopping with me, but Im not bringing my whole bridal party just my mom, grandma, sister, and maid of honor. What should I do and how should I tell her not everyone is coming wedding dress shopping???

Thank you,

Courtney

What do I call the girls in my house party?

TheFutureMrsCromer — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:52:17 +0000

For those of you that don't know, a "house party" is a tradition we have in the south. It's like a second bridal party, but they don't stand with you. Generally, they do programs and greeting, but I don't want my girls to do that. I simply want them a part of my wedding, but can't have 10 bridesmaids. They are super understanding and not the type of people to be offended by that.

ANYWAY, I'm asking my girls to be in my bridal or house party by decorating a little wooden box that contains a picture of us, wedding colors, dress ideas, etc. in it and painting their name on top, then "Will you be my bridesmaid?" on the inside of the lid.

I can't call my girls in the house party bridesmaids, and I feel like "house maid" is very strange and offensive. What should I call them?

Please don't sit here and tell me that I shouldn't have a house party- it's not the point of this :)

Bridal Party Blowing Up Out of Control

SugarplumandPig — Thu, 15 Aug 2013 17:02:40 +0000

I apologize to anyone offended by this post. I never meant to make anyone uncomfortable.

Need help with bridesmaid dresses!

meganmrae — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 19:49:06 +0000

I have bridesmaids all over the country (Florida, Ohio, Indiana, and Connecticut) and am looking for a place to find cheap bridesmaid dresses that they could all go and try on. I was thinking a department store might have them but I can't seem to find what I'm looking for. I would love to find their dresses under $100... I went with 2 of the girls who live locally to me and we picked out a dress we all loved but unfortunately it was $230. I attached a picture of the dress for reference. I would love for something as close to this as possible, except my color is coral... So darker and more orange than the attached picture :) if anyone sees this dress some place cheaper I would greatly appreciate it! (And I have already checked David's bridal.. They have a similar dress for $99 but my bridesmaids do not like the thickness of the rouching on the top)

What age for junior bridesmaids?

RedJacks25 — Tue, 13 Aug 2013 14:36:12 +0000

Generally what age is a junior bridesmaid? Is it dependent on certain things? Or is it just whatever you choose to call them?

My nieces will be 13 and 9, so I'm just trying to get an idea.

Another Sister of the Groom Question

WendyAHS — Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:40:06 +0000

Hello everyone, this is a two-part question.

I'm essentially not close with my own family, but very close with my FI, his brother/BM, and his mother. I am not close with his sister, and over the course of 5 years of dating, the Groom's Sister, "Sarah" and I have rarely had a conversation and have never hung out. I am at their home frequently for Sunday dinners, holidays, etc. but we've never moved past exchanging pleasantries. We're not friends, and it hasn't become more warm even since my fiancee and I became engaged.

Question 1 - Mother of the Groom is very hurt I don't plan on inviting Sarah to be a bridesmaid, even though I'm not inviting my own sister. I feel that the "family first" argument is kind of nullified when I decided against my own sister. I prefer to be surrounded by my closest friend when I get married, not family who don't really care as I come and go. I have read advice that it's really up to me, but I guess I can ask the question again with emphasis on the fact that this is a traditional Italian family, and it will already be surprising that my bridal party isn't sisters and cousins. Does anyone think I should reconsider and invite her?

Question 2 - My FI is expecting me now to put more effort into getting to know her, despite the fact that I am a shy and more introverted personality. I am very choosy with who I put my time and energy into, and rejection is painful for all of us. I feel like friendships start somewhat naturally and then take time and energy to grow and maintain. Our relationship never started and now I have to "be friends" with her. I feel like I'm being forced on a play-date. Especially to the quiet and more introverted people: how much effort do you really think is reasonable, if we never clicked to begin with?

This is causing me so much stress, especially because no one knows if Sarah actually wants to be involved. I'm not the only one who isn't close to her; it's the whole family!

Odd number wedding party, plus, I have a Man of Honor.

ryanjessieross — Thu, 01 Aug 2013 14:30:03 +0000

Fiance is having 1 Best Man and 5 Groomsmen.
I am having 1 Man of Honor and 4 Bridesmaids.
Our son will be the ring bearer.

I am trying to figure out the best way to have everyone walk down the aisle. Any suggestions would be appreciated!!!

what would you do?

crazychic175 — Wed, 14 Aug 2013 17:12:39 +0000

so i have asked my cousin to by my MOH- i was hers a couple years ago- and when i asked her, her response was..."well i just have to clarify a few things regarding before i make a committment" i was in shock. We are having our ceremony and reception out of town so our guests will have to get a hotel room and such, and mind you she does have 7 other weddings that year, but still!!! what would you do, still want her as your moh or tell her to forget it if its gonna be an issue?

no need to comment

dukedoll1 — Fri, 02 Aug 2013 21:26:00 +0000

its all figured out

Wedding party gifts

s2005 — Tue, 13 Aug 2013 22:19:44 +0000

What are you and your fiancé getting for your wedding party?

Order of bridesmaids...

WedMe14 — Wed, 07 Aug 2013 23:06:40 +0000

How are other deciding the order that their bridesmaids are standing in?

Ring bearers and pillow

kristingregwedding — Wed, 14 Aug 2013 13:18:34 +0000

I have 2 ring bearers who are FI and my nephews. I wasn't planning on having them carry a pillow down the aisle, esp. since the BM will have the rings. Will it look weird if they walk down without holding anything?

Cousin who expects to be a Bridesmaid

brittierose — Fri, 02 Aug 2013 16:20:14 +0000

So I have a cousin that I grew up with who seems to be expecting to be a bridesmaid in my wedding because she asked me to be in her's (which she ended up calling off). We were treated at times like sisters when we were younger but she drives me crazy! She is very unpredictable and talks a lot of smack behind your back. She has already said demeaning things about the reception site we have choosen behind my back but in front of my mother. I don't really want to deal with her drama in my wedding party but I'm afriad of the drama she may cause if I don't put her in my wedding party. Help!?!?

I am a BM...what should I do?

RainDancer218 — Tue, 13 Aug 2013 17:28:49 +0000

I am a BM in a friend's wedding that is fast approaching. Friend is being a bridezilla and has made the pre-wedding experience miserable for her BMs, her family, and herself. Her behavior as my friend has been extremely upsetting to the point that I am not sure I want to keep her as a friend after the wedding. I've decided to give her a "pass" until after the wedding and then re-evaluate. (Note that myself, other BMs, other groomsmen, and her mother have tried for weeks to communicate our feelings about how she is acting, which has in no case been successful.)

Bride and BMs recently met to discuss wedding day logistics, and during this meeting I realized that the bride has overlooked some important details (need to have nearby parking reserved for older folks who can't walk 1/4 mile) and has some flawed ideas about how things will work (how long it will take to get ready and take photos WAY underestimated). I did try to communicate some of these during our meeting but was largely ignored by bride. As a professional event planner and someone who just got married last year, I believe that big problems will result if these concerns are not addressed. Although my attempts to communicate have been mostly ignored thus far, I feel that I need to try again. I don't want her wedding to be a disaster, and I don't want to play damage control on the wedding day. Is there are appropriate way for me to bring up these concerns and try to help formulate a better wedding day plan? I am not hopeful that I will be listened to, but I will also not forgive myself for not trying if the wedding goes poorly. Thoughts?

Flower girl attire

orangecrush32 — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 00:21:08 +0000

My flower girls will be wearing tutus...I can't figure out what top they should wear with them though. Help!! Tutus are bright purple.