Wedding Party — The Knot Community

Choosing Bridesmaids

kkallen — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 01:58:02 +0000

I have been engaged for 3 weeks now and the questions keep pilling up...

One thing i am having a hard time is choosing members of our wedding party.

My fiancee and I have changed quite alot in the last couple years and gotten rid of some bad seeds in our lives. Therefore we don't have many close friends at the moment, but still would like to have a decent sized wedding party.

My question is how close of a friend does someone need to be in order to ask them to be your bridesmaid or groomsmen? I have a maid of honor, of course. However, what is the standard for choosing your bridesmaid? Would it be odd to ask a girl i worked with for a year , yet have a decent relationship with? Someone i hang out with occasionally, and i don't call everytime i have to vent about something?

How do i choose? And what wouldn't be acceptable?

Any suggestions would be ever so helpful.

Thank you kindly :)

Friend of 10 years that lives in town vs Closer now friend that lives 3 states away

akpwedding — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 21:55:52 +0000

I have two girls that I would consider my best friends. One lives close by, we have been friends for 10 years, and we have supported each other through many things and still do- just don't talk as often anymore because we're both busy. The other lives in North Dakota (I'm in Washington) right now, but could be moving back to Oregon soon-she and I talk daily about everything, are talking about the details of both of our weddings, as she is engaged too, and is the one that first popped into my head when the maid of honor subject came up.

Friend one has no idea that I'm even engaged yet, as my fiance and I purchased the ring, but it is out being sized and then he will be keeping it to propose "officially" in a couple weeks. I would love to sort of "propose" to this friend in asking her to be MOH and THEN tell her I'm engaged.

I have already discussed the topic with friend two (I told her the day he surprised me by taking me ring shopping) and we briefly discussed how hard it would be for her to truly participate in the role because of the distance. However, being divorced and now engaged again herself, could I have her be my matron of honor, or does that one truly have to be married?? haha I'm new to this, sorry!

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I also am only planning on having 3 girls in the party, so the option of having two MOHs makes me feel weird only having one bridesmaid...

Thoughts and advice?

MOH Missing in Action...

Sharon122212 — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 22:33:52 +0000

My Maid of Honor is my best friend of 25+ years. Let me preface that she had a great job but got caught up in a situation where she was helping out a male friend with his start up company (amongst some other things) and in April 2012, she apparently lost her job. I did not find out until June 2012 that she lost her job. She has been fairly aloof ever since...or at least very sporadic communications that have nothing to do with the wedding but what she is going to do at the wedding ...(sing a song and give a toast). I have since learned that her male friend does drugs and now i'm fairly certain that she is doing them too. We're too old for this non sense and weren't raised lto be ike this.

In April, May & July She was there for the 'dress search' and was there for the bridesmaid dress search. She missed my dress fitting which bothered me a little but i got over it. She promised me that being out of work would not be a problem cause this start up compnay (which has NO income) was going to start getting investor money soon and that she would be able to do my bacherlorette party and bridal shower and stuff. My wedding is now in 39 days...   Two of my future Sister in laws have graciously offered and have now started planing my bridal shower. No bacherlorette party. I have since asked my bridesmaid to be my MOH.

I saw my MOH on Saturday and explained to her that i'm concerned about her, that i have not heard much from her, not pleased with her Anti Marriage facebook postings (can you belive it?) and i don't even know if she will make the wedding. She has lost so much weight that she has gonen from a size 12 to a size 4 or 6. Her dress is in my closet. She has not asked for it. She won't fit into it.  I told her that i want her at the wedding and can't imagine getting married without her. She is my best friend and it breaks my heart. Than i explained that she can be a bridesmaid but that she cant be my MOH. I am torn and heart broken but i can't deal with the stress of not knowing if she'll even show up.

Any thoughts out there... Can you demote or remove your MOH?    Not to mention if she shows up under the influence, my family will remove her immediately.

Am i being unreasonable?

moh pregnancy

grueja07 — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:25:09 +0000

I have two really great friends and both are my maid of honor. I recently found out the one I was going to have stand next to me is going to be 8 months pregnant on our big day. Would it be ok for me to switch the other maid of honor? I don't want the pregnant one to feel overwhelmed and who knows if she will be able to bend over and help me with my dress and stuff. But I also don't want her to feel bad.

Asking Parents to let one kid but not the other?

StephJean83 — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 16:40:51 +0000

Has anyone ever had to ask parents to let one kid be in their wedding but not their other
kid(s)? Or have you had one kid in a wedding but not others? We aren't asking anyone to be in the wedding yet but we have been talking about who we would want to be in our wedding. We both want our nieces as FGs (he has one who will 6 yrs old and I have one who will be almost 4 yrs old when we get married) but we are struggling with RBs. FH wants to ask his good friend from college if his son could be one of the RBs and I want to ask my good friend if her son could be the other RB. The problem, that may not be such a problem, is that she has a daughter who would be invited to the wedding but wouldn't be in the wedding.

Banana

Stina51286 — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 15:00:20 +0000

Can you delete the posts by Nurse 111? They are kind of distracting when trying to see the new posts. Thanks!

Creative Way to Ask Bridesmaids?

amubarak — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 18:18:29 +0000

Any suggestions for how to ask my girls to be my Bridesmaids? Looking for something creative but that won't cost to much money and take up to much time to make/do.

This might be a dumb question.. =(

minko1986 — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 14:09:52 +0000

Hi ladies!

I'm not having maid of honor, just bridesmaids. Do I have to let my BMs know that there is no MOH? I'm putting together a little packet for them (one of those "would you be my BM?" things floating on the internet except I've asked them already and they all said yes. So it's more like "thank you for agreeing to be my BM" and introducing the girls to each other since they don't know each other). So somewhere in the packet, do I need to mention that there is no MOH? Will they even wonder who MOH is..? Maybe I'm just overthinking this..?

How to Choose a Wedding Dress

Nurse111 1111 — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 08:52:16 +0000

One of the first things you probably picture when envisioning your wedding is the dress. But before you start shopping for a wedding dress, it's a good idea to know what you're looking for.
Do your research. Before you look around, research gowns first. You should always have a bit of knowledge about dresses before you even set foot into a bridal shop.

Decide on a silhouette. Wedding dresses are made in several different silhouettes. know which type of gown will flatter your figure the best. Look at photos of each type.
Envision your wedding. Picture yourself on your wedding day. What are you wearing? What silhouette is your gown? What fabric? Is it embroidered or beaded? What color is it? With so many choices for the dress, it can be overwhelming to look through hundreds or thousands of them. So envision your wedding day and how your wedding dress looks, and jot down a list of things that describe the dress of your daydreams.
Consider the circumstances. A wide variety of factors can affect what makes a particular dress appropriate to the occasion.
Decide on a budget. When deciding on your budget, you don't need to set a very specific price. Just make it a general range. You can always break this rule later if you're able to and really want to, but it helps to have a general range. Just be sure to remember that "attire" includes not just the wedding gown itself, but the other stuff: veil, shoes, slip, jewelry, gloves, etc. But you'll have to factor in the price of whatever items you decide to wear with your gown. http://www.jsshan.com/c/1/strapless-ruffled-pleated-organza-ball-gown-train-wedding-dress-p-372.html

Bridesmaids, not "close friends"

smithke17 — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 01:10:46 +0000

So I don't have any real close friends except one or two. They're definitely going to be in the wedding, but (maybe this sounds stupid) he's having four groomsmen and so I want it to be evened out. Is it wrong or weird to ask someone who's an old friend, but not really close. We were never "best friends" or very close, but I do talk to her every once in a while. Do you think it would make her feel awkward? Just a thought I've had in my mind...thanks! :)

To Dermablend or not to Dermablend

jmoffatt3703 — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 15:10:08 +0000

Crisis has been averted, but please feel free to read all the negativity and anger all theses women have!

Asked to be a bridesmaid but just can't...

cmgefert — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 23:12:31 +0000

I have a dilemma... I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my friends wedding in North Carolina. We have known each other for about 12 years and she stood up in my wedding in new york over summer. We really only keep in touch occasionally for about the past 3 years and mostly through Facebook. So, I just started a new job as a school librarian and I teach a study skills class 4 periods a day and I honestly just feel completely swamped. I just got married over the summer and we didn't live together until we were married and we are still settling in. How do you politely tell someone that you just honestly cant be a bridesmaid?

Please ban Nurse111 1111

Viczaesar — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 08:14:24 +0000

It's a prolific spammer.

WP gifts and fakr facial hair

HandBanana — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 19:59:28 +0000

Just wanted to share. My cousin did this as gifts for their groomsmen for their winter wedding. It was double awesome because the groomsmen wore them in some pics. I surprised her with the beer bottle mustaches for the pure love of fake mustaches. To be clear I do get credit if someone buys something but I am more concerned with encouraging fake facial hair love. Fake Facial Hair Accessories. http://fab.com/sale/12302/hhqc30/?frefsaleinvitee

"Personal Attendants" ... but not what you think.

ashley3132 — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 18:54:04 +0000

Without going into two much detail, I have seven very close girlfriends, including my sister. My fiance also comes from a large family; he's the middle of eight children, with three sisters. Ideally, to include all of my best friends plus his three sisters, I would have 10 girls/women standing up with me on the alter. I think this is too many (and not an option at all), however, so I have chosen 6 of them, leaving out his two older sisters and two of my friends. Having only my sister (MOH) and his sisters as attendants has been suggested to me, but this is also not an option.

I feel terrible leaving the other four out. His sisters have assured me they understand completely and are just fine with it. One of them even seems a bit relieved, since she's getting married six weeks before us and is the MOH in her best friends wedding the week after ours. I haven't told my two friends yet (don't know how!!), but I know they will be hurt.

All of that being said, I need them to be involved in the wedding somehow. My plan was to have at least two of them be "personal attendants" and the other two do readings during the ceremony. However, reading through past posts on here, "personal attendant" is not a very well-liked or accepted "position", ha! I think, though, that my idea of a personal attendant is not the same as the association on these boards. They would never, ever, ever be expected to be my "b*tch" on my wedding day. It would simply be a title. A reason for them to be listed in the program. An excuse for them to hang out with me for my entire wedding day and to join us on the bus between the ceremony and reception. A way for them to know they mean more to me than my other 40 (exaggeration) girlfriends sitting in the "audience" (for lack of a better word, haha) on our wedding day.

So, I'd like to hear your thoughts. I need outsiders' opinions. Any thoughts at all. No matter how harsh! Is it okay to have them be "personal attendants" if it's just simply a title and I make sure they know that from the minute I ask them? Is there something else I could have them do? Or should I just leave my two friends out entirely and deal with the hurt?

(I guess one thing that might be worth mentioning is that this is a small-town northern Minnesota wedding, casual yet still somewhat elegant, at least for where it's being held...the great majority of my family members are the stereotypical small town "hicks" (again for lack of a better term ) and the little tiny etiquette issues really aren't a huge deal for me as most of our guests won't know the difference! haha!)

Thanks everyone!

What to do with nieces and nephews?!

afh163 — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 21:38:53 +0000

My fianc and I have 8 nieces and nephews of all different ages that we would like to include in our wedding. We are not sure of the best way to include them based on their ages. I'd love your advice or suggestions! Side note I have 2 nieces. He has 4 nieces and 2 nephews. Ages of nieces at time of our wedding 10 10 8 5 3 Almost 2 Ages of nephews 12 7 Thank you so much!

Flowergirl petal alternatives

ScrabbleAndLlamas — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 07:03:55 +0000

So, my church has a strict "No 'stuff' on the floor" wedding policy (my mom is the church wedding coordinator, so I've heard the horror stories of slick petals on our tile floors), and I have two little flower girls. I'm trying to figure out what the alternative to chucking stuff is. I've seen the flower balls, but I've heard that they're crazy heavy because they're full of water. The signs seem a little cheesy, but I'm open to them. Would a pared down version of the grown up bouquets work, or would it seem child-bridey? My flower girls are five and seven.

Thanks in advance for your help!

bridal party woes :

msaustin22 — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 23:24:11 +0000

So my wedding is 4 months away I started off with 6 bridesmaids now...only have 2! Not because I'm a bridezilla either lol. To make a long story short we picked a dress in may and me being the thoughtful bride gave the bridesmaid until october to come up with the 90 dollars deposit when october came I set a date for the dress fittings got in contact with all the bridesmaids and NONE of them came through. Now my problem is I have 2 that did come through and the bridal shop cannot take anymore orders past thanksgiving as it takes 3 months for the dresses to come in and its too late to add any other bm. What should I do :[

How to include Stepmom?

jeng100 — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 19:08:53 +0000

Hi everyone. I'm wondering: how can I include my stepmother in the wedding in a special way without making her a bridesmaid? I want to be sure she feels like she has a special place in the wedding, but I don't think she belings in the bridal party. Suggestions?

Not sure what color shoes and jewelry with this dress..

DAWNS423 — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 16:18:41 +0000

These are the dresses that the bridesmaids will be wearing and we aren't sure what color shoes will work best and what color jewelry as well..the picture shows silver but other girls mentioned nude...I am fine with whatever they decide but what jewelry would go best with nude if they went with that? We are getting married in July with a 3:00pm ceremony if that helps..

Bridesmaids accessories

rkai2520 — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 22:52:42 +0000

Would it be strange if my bridesmaids wore blushers? I would love to wear one but they just don't work with my face or dress! They would be black mesh, with a black flower and black feathers. I think it would be cute, especially with the dresses but wanna get the opinion of my fellow lovely brides! xo

When to ask party for destination wedding?

dancinxqueen324 — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 21:42:35 +0000

Hi! I just got engaged, and we are planning for a wedding around Oct. 6. Right now we are living in New York, but will be getting married in California, where we're both from. We won't be able to book a venue until our visit next in December, but knowing three of my bridesmaids will be coming from New York also, when would be a good time to ask them? I want them to know asap so they can either start saving money for the trip or let me know they can't afford a "destination" wedding, but we can't officially set the date until we book the venue, which then leaves about 9 months for them to plan. Is it best to ask now and give them a general idea of the date? Thank you!

MOH Question

tandrosoff — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 14:29:14 +0000

Morning!
Does anyone have more then 1 maid of honor (I know you can have a maid & maitron but I want to know if you have more then 1 maid of honor)? Did you orginally ask 1 girl to be your MOH & then asked another mid way planning? Any info if this relates to you would be appreciated!

Lopsided wedding party!

rais0018 — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 20:59:13 +0000

I have 5 bridesmaids and he only has 3 groomsmen. I have considered cutting my list, but I just can't! If anyone has any helpful suggestions for the processional? I've considered having groomsmen escorting to bridesmaids, but then it might look awkward. Help!

Should I have my sister in my wedding if I'm her MOH?

nlwnielsen — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 23:45:36 +0000

Here's the deal... I already asked my best friend to be my MOH for my wedding since I was MOH for her in her wedding. Really all I would like is to have one bridesmaid for my wedding and not have a large wedding party. My sister recently asked me to be MOH for her wedding, so I feel pressure that I should have her be in my wedding partysince she is my sister and I'm in her wedding. My sister and I aren't very close so I feel like if I have my sister in my wedding party, I would want to have another one of my friends just because I'm closer to her than my sister. If I started adding more people based on how they would feel, I would have a total of three bridesmaids and with that comes more personalities and more stress. Should I have my sister in my wedding or not if I'm her MOH?

Is it customary for all the bridesmaids to carry bouquets?

Diana Ferrari — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 03:38:22 +0000

I am about to order bouquets and boutineers and was just wondering if each bridesmaid usually carries a bouquet or is it just the maid of honor and the bride? If so, is there a difference in size between the maid of honor's bouquet and the other bridesmaids bouquets? I really appreciate your help. Thank you.

Shoe color with this color?

misskassie11 — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 14:38:07 +0000

Our colors are davids bridals malibu and canary! The girls are wearing canary dresses and we were talking about them wearing malibu shoes. There flowers will be white and blue. when clicking on the links you'll have to pick the color off to the side if will show the color on the dres and shoes.. These are links of the dress color and the shoes we are looking at:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Y-Neck-Slim-Satin-Dress-with-Ruched-Waistband-F44319_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Short-Bridesmaid-Dresses

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-Peep-Toe-Platform-High-Heel-with-Bow-Maribelle_Accessories-Shoes-All-Shoes

And the guys are wearing malibu vest and if we go with blue shoes we are thinking of having the guys wear the canary napkin that comes with the tux

Here is also a picture on the davids bridal site where you can dress your wedding.

Just a vent

1mobags — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 21:38:54 +0000

What do you do when the girls don't get along? I only have two and the drama is unreal. I had texted the girls to let them know we got a discount on their dresses because the BM got her wedding dress at the same shop a week later. The BM replied with a picture of her dress when the MOH asked if it was the same dress she tried on while we were shopping for bridesmaids dresses. MOH.... Didn't realize it was a group text and replied her dress was like mine..... Interesting. It was a snarky comment because she (incorrectly but very defensive of me) feels the bridemaid is either copying me (wedding colors) or trying to one up me (she got re engaged the day we went for my wedding dress). BM immediately texted me asking if I felt that way, and I assured her I did not. However now there are bad feelings between the two of them. MOH will not listen to her ideas for the bridal shower and it gets awkward when I hear about it. How can I be switzerland and keep the peace?

Do I have to include both my future sisters-in-law in the wedding party?

Qkellygirl — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 03:52:40 +0000

My fiance has two sisters. I get along with them both however I know the first (H) better than the second (K). H and I have traveled together twice (with our signifigant others) and have become friends. K and I talk but we've never seen each other outside of family parties. I'm having a small party, she'd be the only attendant besides my MOH. My fiancee is afraid that if I ask H then K will be mad.

Quick notes: K is 50, married to a bigoted jerk and has three spoiled daughters. H is 47 and her husband is easy going and the kids are great. K is also very high maintenance and likes to run everything.

What is the etiquette? Do I have to include both sisters? If that's the case then I won't ask either. I don't want to cause drama. Any advice would be appreciated!

What to do with dresses when BM's are prego

tonyadombrowski — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 21:28:44 +0000

My wedding is Oct 2013, so I have aways to go but I have 2 BM's that are pregnant right now, one is due April, one is due May.. that will only put us 5 months for the wedding after each. So my question is do I just go now soon to get an idea before the belly's get big? Im afraid I wont have time afterwards...