NO bridal shower for me

augustbride33

Getting married a second time and not having a bridal shower is upsetting me.  

We didn't have pre-wedding festivities the last go round with our respective ceremonies so this time we wanted to have some.  The first time we initially planned to the ceremony we had to postpone for good reason.  However we scheduled for the ceremony and all is well between us. So I went to my BFF (mind you ~ I have planned 3 of her baby showers and she didn't plan any pre-wedding festivities the first time I was married either) and explained what I wanted and needed her to do and she seemed on board.  Now she is hella busy and can't fit me in before my wedding date.  I am disappointed that I am not having a shower; my BF acknowledged that she knew how important it was too me.  I do not have any family who can do this for me.  I refuse to throw my own because I think it is tacky.  My fiance is forgoing his bachelor party which is okay, I guess.  But I am pissed my closest friends can't figure out a day and time to help me celebrate this occasion...as it stands, this is forever and we won't have another opportunity like this before the big day. Oh well... I am just trying to wrap my mind around the feelings I have and look beyond this situation towards my marriage and hopefully not let this damage my relationship with friends.

mrsconn23

augustbride33 said:

Getting married a second time and not having a bridal shower is upsetting me.  

We didn't have pre-wedding festivities the last go round with our respective ceremonies so this time we wanted to have some.  The first time we initially planned to the ceremony we had to postpone for good reason.  However we scheduled for the ceremony and all is well between us. So I went to my BFF (mind you ~ I have planned 3 of her baby showers and she didn't plan any pre-wedding festivities the first time I was married either) and explained what I wanted and needed her to do and she seemed on board.  Now she is hella busy and can't fit me in before my wedding date.  I am disappointed that I am not having a shower; my BF acknowledged that she knew how important it was too me.  I do not have any family who can do this for me.  I refuse to throw my own because I think it is tacky.  My fiance is forgoing his bachelor party which is okay, I guess.  But I am pissed my closest friends can't figure out a day and time to help me celebrate this occasion...as it stands, this is forever and we won't have another opportunity like this before the big day. Oh well... I am just trying to wrap my mind around the feelings I have and look beyond this situation towards my marriage and hopefully not let this damage my relationship with friends.

For posterity.

mrsconn23

If you want to be bummed about not getting a shower, OK.

But it's not OK to harass your friend about throwing you a party.  It's rude, tacky, and could damage or end a friendship. 

No one is owed a shower or bachelor(ette) party for a 1st wedding or a 10th wedding or any wedding in between.


But I am pissed my closest friends can't figure out a day and time to help me celebrate this occasion...as it stands, this is forever and we won't have another opportunity like this before the big day. <---  What is forever? Your impending second marriage?

radleyboo

mrs.conn23 said:

If you want to be bummed about not getting a shower, OK.

But it's not OK to harass your friend about throwing you a party.  It's rude, tacky, and could damage or end a friendship. 

No one is owed a shower or bachelor(ette) party for a 1st wedding or a 10th wedding or any wedding in between.


But I am pissed my closest friends can't figure out a day and time to help me celebrate this occasion...as it stands, this is forever and we won't have another opportunity like this before the big day. <---  What is forever? Your impending second marriage?

This.  

katieg520

Yeah, unfortunately, you can't demand a shower. I know it would hurt my feelings as well if no one wanted to throw one for my FI and me, but I realize I'm not the center of anyone's universe but my own self, lol. This is also my second wedding and I did not have a shower the first time. I will be having one this time because my friends and family are much happier this go around for me. BUT, I have told all of them that I don't expect it and don't feel I deserve it.

I'm sorry you're disappointed. You're still going to have the same marriage with or without the shower!

augustbride33

First of all nobody harassed anyone and if you read the posting without a preconceived notion you would have understood better.

It may end this friendship and it may not.  All I can agree with you is that I am not having one.  thought she was giving me a shower because she said she would and at the time seemed excited to do so.  Ultimately she did not work on it and now it is getting to be too late to have one.  Also I recognize it is my second ceremony and over the years I had been there for her but I see now that she is not able to set aside time for me; that is not a true friendship in fact it is very one sided. 

Regardless I have decided to go with life with my new (soon to be) hubby.  After all a bridal shower doesn't impact the life I have to build with my spouse.  I wanted time to solidify my relationships with my girls and hash out wedding plans who I see are not in the same frame of mind. 

delujm0

Off topic, but why on earth did you throw THREE baby showers for your friend?  It's tacky enough to have a shower for the second baby, never mind the third!  If she was cool with having Give Me Gifts parties every time she got pregnant, I can see why she's not dealing with your shower - clearly she's extremely self-centered (and probably the fact that she has 3 kids to care for doesn't give her much free time to plan a bridal shower either).

thejucheidea

... am I the only one who was relieved that no one threw me a bridal shower and that those who wanted to throw one respected my wishes and did not do so?

augustbride33

LOL ...you all made me laugh.

All the showers but perhaps the last one was definitely justified.  

Thanks for everyone's comments.  I needed to get the thoughts off my chest. Time to look forward.