Short dresses vs long?

kitty8403

My girls are campaigning for short dresses, and I feel pretty weird about it. I get that *some* longer gowns can swing prom, but I can't shake the image of above the knee dresses as too informal to be appropriate (especially if they are strapless). It will be summer, so there is that, but we have gotten snow in July before so there is no guarantee that it will be super hot or not. If all goes well, we are looking at late afternoon ceremony and evening event -- are short dresses appropriate at all? Or are they too "daytime" or too much skin?

manateehugger

I vote for short dresses unless you're having a formal evening wedding. 

They're cheaper, more likely to be worn again, they wont make you sweat/chafe as horribly, and are perfect for afternoon/early evening weddings. 

kitty8403

TBH, I just had a cousin get married about a month or so ago. I was unable to make it, but saw photos after the fact. She chose short strapless lace dresses and boy did I hear about it! My extended family's pretty religious, and they were rather vocal. Even though we aren't getting married in a church, I'm iffy on this one.

We've gone through literally dozens of dress photos working around different tastes and body image issues, and I'm about out of ideas. I just want them to agree on something: designer, fabric, length?

Maybe a hi-lo? 

manateehugger

Don't do a hi-lo, I feel like that trend will be on its way out soon. You don't have to do a strapless short dress. You can do a perfectly lovely knee-length cocktail dress that isn't strapless. I seriously can't imagine letting your family dictate bridesmaid dresses. 

Why don't you just pick a designer in their price ranges, a color and fabric and let them have at it? That's what I did and it made my life so much easier. I got to make sure they were wearing something I was comfortable with, but they got to pick a dress they felt comfortable in and would wear again. Win-win. 

kitty8403

That's what I'm leaning toward, but I'm afraid it'll look silly if the hemlines are totally different. 

sissixin

I'm having my wedding in a classic ballroom, definitely having my bridesmaids wearing long dresses, especially we might not wear heels to complement on my fiance's height 

manateehugger

They're going to probably have to get their hems altered anyway...

deannagirly

Pick something that goes together. Either all the same color (by the same designer of course) or all the same style, or something. If they really want a strapless short dress (which I understand because they'll be able to wear it again,) go ahead and let them. If you're worried about the skin, choose an alternative. Maybe get a cute bolero which will cover their shoulders?

Lauderdale Pink

I love all the suggestions above, but have one question for the bride.  Since it's your wedding, what do YOU want?  Unless a short dress is very, very casual, the odds of wearing it again are slim to none.  That is just a thought people put in their own heads to justify the purchase of a formal of any type.  

Close your eyes and imagine the bridal party standing in a photo. What is the first image that pops?

That's your answer for YOU.

Ven&Radio

Have you considered tea-length dresses?  These usually hit at the mid-calf, so they're more elegant that a knee-or-above length dress. 

I really wanted my MOH (only woman in my BP) in a floor or tea length dress, but when we went shopping we had trouble finding one in the right color that wouldn't break the bank.  We ended up buying this dress, which hit her just below the knee.  She added a black sash to it and looked great!

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Strapless-Taffeta-Dress-with-Full-Skirt-F15410_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Shop-By-Color

kitty8403

@Ven&Radio, that's a logical choice and I would consider it more appropriate. Would you believe tea-length dresses are FI's pet peeve? He thinks they are bizarre looking and will not approve. *facepalm* (edit: I might have to overrule him there.)

The one you linked there might be a decent compromise. I do think if it's above the knee, the shoulders should be at least somewhat covered. Short AND strapless is immodest to me, at least for a serious occasion.

kitty8403

@LauderdalePink I don't see short dresses at all. I just don't think super-short ones go. The men will be in Western-cut tuxes, so the women's dresses should match that formality, correct? I'm trying to be accommodating, but really having a hard time getting past the image of a short dress as too "party" or "informal/casual." IDK.

kgd7357

My girls wanted short. They guys are in grey tuxes. Ceremony is at 5:30pm, but it's in June, so pretty warm. I was nervous about short with tuxes in a ballroom. And I def didn't want strapless. After some looking I found some non-strapless classy short dresses. I ended up giving them 5 options that I thought might work at  various price points. These two were the favorites:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-beaded-one-shoulder-taffeta-dress-regular-petite/3481169 

http://www.bhldn.com/product/ainsley-dress-sapphire

We ended up going with the second b/c two girls were nervous about how fitted the first one was. It was a little over my FSIL's budget, so I just gave her the one I ordered as a sample.

Also, I ordered and returned all dresses to see what they looked like. Nordstroms lets you do it for free.

bunni727

I would advise against tea-length, even though I love them and wore one for my own wedding. They are just not flattering on most people.

I think a knee-length cocktail dress can be formal enough; we had several ladies in cocktail dresses at a work gala recently. It really depends on the dress itself more than anything.

What if they selected floor-length gowns in a color you select and top they liked, and you offered to pay to have them shortened after the wedding as a compromise?

southernbelle0915

Do you have to have strapless? The reason I ask is because if you went with a different style up top, perhaps short dresses wouldn't seem so skin-showing to you and/or your family. If your family doesn't want skin showing, I don't see how they'd approve of strapless dresses anyway, but whatever. 

If you're hell bent on having strapless, I think if you pick a brand where the "short" styles aren't super short and you'll be fine. I've seen short BM dresses and then I've seen SHORT BM dresses. Everyone notices the difference. See if you can find something that's actually knee length. My BMs did short Ann Taylor dresses - they were actually knee length and were totally appropriate.

kgd7357

I don't think OP has to have strapless.

kitty8403

Some of them want to do strapless because they think it's more flattering. I am fine with that, but if they do, I really think the dress should be full-length (yes, I do have some family who would probably disapprove even then). Perhaps I'm a little old-fashioned that way -- you show your cleavage or your legs, not both. Especially not at the office, at church, or during a special occasion like a christening, a funeral, or a wedding.

ETA: What I seem to be running into is these trendy dresses that are well above the knee and strapless. Looks like something you might go clubbing in? I get why people think ok, I'd rewear that, but I guess I don't really get why people would think it's appropriate for a wedding in the first place.

tammym1001

kitty8403 said:

Some of them want to do strapless because they think it's more flattering. I am fine with that, but if they do, I really think the dress should be full-length (yes, I do have some family who would probably disapprove even then). Perhaps I'm a little old-fashioned that way -- you show your cleavage or your legs, not both. Especially not at the office, at church, or during a special occasion like a christening, a funeral, or a wedding.

ETA: What I seem to be running into is these trendy dresses that are well above the knee and strapless. Looks like something you might go clubbing in? I get why people think ok, I'd rewear that, but I guess I don't really get why people would think it's appropriate for a wedding in the first place.

They aren't! I went to a wedding not too long ago for a very young girl and all of her BM's were in very short strapless dresses that definitely looked like something you would go clubbing in. The wedding was in a Catholic church, but I would have thought they were inappropriate anywhere. I'm usually pretty liberal in my views on things too, but those types of dresses just aren't appropriate for a wedding. 

southernbelle0915

tammym1001 said:

kitty8403 said:

Some of them want to do strapless because they think it's more flattering. I am fine with that, but if they do, I really think the dress should be full-length (yes, I do have some family who would probably disapprove even then). Perhaps I'm a little old-fashioned that way -- you show your cleavage or your legs, not both. Especially not at the office, at church, or during a special occasion like a christening, a funeral, or a wedding.

ETA: What I seem to be running into is these trendy dresses that are well above the knee and strapless. Looks like something you might go clubbing in? I get why people think ok, I'd rewear that, but I guess I don't really get why people would think it's appropriate for a wedding in the first place.

They aren't! I went to a wedding not too long ago for a very young girl and all of her BM's were in very short strapless dresses that definitely looked like something you would go clubbing in. The wedding was in a Catholic church, but I would have thought they were inappropriate anywhere. I'm usually pretty liberal in my views on things too, but those types of dresses just aren't appropriate for a wedding. 

Exactly this. I have never heard anyone look at a girl wearing a super short, strapless dress and say, "wow, she just look classy and stunning." No. They're usually saying/thinking things like, "I hope she doesn't drop anything and have to pick it up." or "why? for a wedding? really?"

OP, your girls may want strapless, but if you're not comfortable with it, you don't have to make it an option. As long as you stay in their budget and take their input with a grain of salt, I think you're fine. What's the budget? I want to look for you.

kgd7357

Ask them what they want more: short or stapless? There are a ton of pretty, non-strapless, very classy, short dresses. Short hems that fall just above the knee are flattering and not slutty. And there are plenty of elegant long strapless dresses that don't look promy. You don't have to let them wear something you are not comfortable with.

Viczaesar

kitty8403 said:

@Ven&Radio, that's a logical choice and I would consider it more appropriate. Would you believe tea-length dresses are FI's pet peeve? He thinks they are bizarre looking and will not approve. *facepalm* (edit: I might have to overrule him there.) The one you linked there might be a decent compromise. I do think if it's above the knee, the shoulders should be at least somewhat covered. Short AND strapless is immodest to me, at least for a serious occasion.

I think tea length dresses are incredibly unflattering for most women.

kitty8403

Viczaesar said:

kitty8403 said:

@Ven&Radio, that's a logical choice and I would consider it more appropriate. Would you believe tea-length dresses are FI's pet peeve? He thinks they are bizarre looking and will not approve. *facepalm* (edit: I might have to overrule him there.) The one you linked there might be a decent compromise. I do think if it's above the knee, the shoulders should be at least somewhat covered. Short AND strapless is immodest to me, at least for a serious occasion.

I think tea length dresses are incredibly unflattering for most women.

Yeah, FI agrees. I can't wear anything that length without him throwing a fit, lol.

manateehugger

Oh God yeah, tea length is what you wear when you'd like to look like you have chubby calves and cankles.

kitty8403

@Southernbelle0915, trying to stay under $150. I'm willing to cover the difference if we find something a little over :-) And designer must accommodate low plus sizes (street 14, so what is that, like a 16-18 in bridalwear?)

Is it weird to let them mix hemlines (some knee length, some full) depending on the neckline they want? Or is that just all around bad?

Lauderdale Pink

Kitty, if you are as unsure as your last post suggests, then I think you are getting pushed around.  Stand your ground, reasonably, and rein this situation in.  Find a gown that you love, that goes with your vision of your wedding and is within the budget.  When a group of females comes together, you will get two opinions for every person and nobody will be happy.  Again, this is your wedding and needs to be within your vision.

ashleyep

Short dresses are pretty much the norm where I live even at formal-ish evening weddings (we're not talking black tie here, but a plated dinner and everyone is in cocktail attire and suits). Girls in short dress and guys in tuxes don't strike me as odd. 

If you do let them go for shorter dresses, make sure they stick to ones that hit just above the knee that aren't strapless. I think that's a reasonable demand. 

kitty8403

PDKH said:

Oh God yeah, tea length is what you wear when you'd like to look like you have chubby calves and cankles.

LMAO!
But it is the socially correct length for that time of day, right? Or am I mistaken in thinking tea-length goes with tea-time?

kitty8403

Lauderdale Pink said:

Kitty, if you are as unsure as your last post suggests, then I think you are getting pushed around.  Stand your ground, reasonably, and rein this situation in.  Find a gown that you love, that goes with your vision of your wedding and is within the budget.  When a group of females comes together, you will get two opinions for every person and nobody will be happy.  Again, this is your wedding and needs to be within your vision.

Well yes, but they have to buy it. (I know that's the standard rule, but I feel so weird roping other people into paying for a one-time party dress they don't want.)