Dear Prudence,
I have a dear friend who has been staying in a city a few hours from
home so that she can receive treatment for late-stage cancer. She has
planned a 9th birthday party for her son "Billy," and a bunch
of his friends are scheduled to go to the city, participate in some
activities, and stay in a hotel. Her husband will drive and I offered to
help out and bring the kids who won't fit in her husband's car. My
8-year-old son has been friends with Billy for a long time, but lately
Billy either ignores my son or lashes out verbally and physically. This
child has always had a few issues, but in this time of stress these have
become more pronounced. I explained to my son that Billy is having a
rough time and we are committed to go, and we really need to help my
friend, whom he adores. Now it turns out only three kids are going, and
my friend has told me I’m not needed to drive or chaperone. I am
relieved because my husband is working that weekend, we have another
child, and my car is falling apart. My son wants to know why he has to
go since I’m no longer going. I want to protect my friend's positive
attitude and not worry her about her child. So do I tell my son he has
to suck it up and go anyway? Do I tell my friend my child is just not
into hers? Do I tell a white lie to my friend and say my kid’s been
taken ill? I’m stumped.