What to call a non bridesmaid?

KTramposh

I have a friend who assumed she would be a bridesmaid about 18 months ago when my husband first proposed. I live in France and it works a little differently here. So we got married in May 2013 in a small legal ceremony because in France you have to get married at town hall first and then you can have a religious ceremony should you choose. So when my friend and I went to do some small things together like buying flowers for the table she told me for the next wedding she would be a bridesmaid. So I kind of past over the comment because she is a good friend but I only wanted 3 people to be by my side and I already knew who they'd be. Now I have talked to this friend and told her that I would really like if she would be able to do a different job that is also important for the day of and she is fine with that but now I don't know what to have her do. I mean I want a nice name that doesn't make her sound like "the help" or anything but shows she is/was an important part. So I since she is the only one of my "attendants" that's speaks English and French I have asked her to be the point person in the day of the wedding. I have bought her a gift and a corsage and her room is free in the chateau we rented like the other girls and she will be in a coordinating color but what the hell should I call her job? Any suggestions?

Viczaesar

KTramposh said:

I have a friend who assumed she would be a bridesmaid about 18 months ago when my husband first proposed. I live in France and it works a little differently here. So we got married in May 2013 in a small legal ceremony because in France you have to get married at town hall first and then you can have a religious ceremony should you choose. So when my friend and I went to do some small things together like buying flowers for the table she told me for the next wedding she would be a bridesmaid. So I kind of past over the comment because she is a good friend but I only wanted 3 people to be by my side and I already knew who they'd be. Now I have talked to this friend and told her that I would really like if she would be able to do a different job that is also important for the day of and she is fine with that but now I don't know what to have her do. I mean I want a nice name that doesn't make her sound like "the help" or anything but shows she is/was an important part. So I since she is the only one of my "attendants" that's speaks English and French I have asked her to be the point person in the day of the wedding. I have bought her a gift and a corsage and her room is free in the chateau we rented like the other girls and she will be in a coordinating color but what the hell should I call her job? Any suggestions?

The only other "job" is reader or guest.

HisGirlFriday13

Ditto. Reader or guest.

Why not just have her be a BM? Why have only three? It sounds like you're pretty close to this girl, so why not just make her a BM?

CommitmentCat

a guest.

People shouldn't expect to be bridesmaids and you shouldn't feel the pressure of making her one or the pressure of coming up with fake jobs for her to do. If you want her to do a reading, let her to that but I think it's worse to give her a random title that means nothing just for the sake of. Most of the time it's really obvious that you are doing that and that the person clearly was not important enough to be a bridesmaid.

SP29

Ask her to perform a reading or be a guest. No special title. 

FSIL is doing a reading at our wedding- she is a guest performing a reading because she is a special, and one of the most supportive, family members to us. But she wouldn't be one of the people I called if I needed to bury a body at 3am . We may also get her a corsage, but no "special" titles. 

speedyblazer11

To me it sounds like you have made her your day of coordinator which seems a little selfish but you didn't ask my opinion, you asked for a name to give her.

I personally think that she should be a guest but if she is happy with your "solution" then more power to you.

Good luck on your day.

wilson24019

I understand this position.  In my community, we have many jobs - keeping the book or serving the cake.    You could call her your wedding director (if you don't have a professional director doing those kinds of things).  You could also call her the hostess.  There are so many ways to involve family and friends in your big day.  The challenge is to come up with "titles" for these people if you are listing them in a program.  It is nice to give these people a corsage.  It shows that they are "special" in some way.  It is up to you whether you give them a gift.  In my community, we usually do.

Jen4948

Ask her to be a reader or a guest.

zitiqueen

wilson24019 said:

I understand this position.  In my community, we have many jobs - keeping the book or serving the cake.    You could call her your wedding director (if you don't have a professional director doing those kinds of things).  You could also call her the hostess.  There are so many ways to involve family and friends in your big day.  The challenge is to come up with "titles" for these people if you are listing them in a program.  It is nice to give these people a corsage.  It shows that they are "special" in some way.  It is up to you whether you give them a gift.  In my community, we usually do.

You could call her your unpaid bridal bitch if you have her do any of these jobs without paying her.

AddieCake

zitiqueen said:

wilson24019 said:

I understand this position.  In my community, we have many jobs - keeping the book or serving the cake.    You could call her your wedding director (if you don't have a professional director doing those kinds of things).  You could also call her the hostess.  There are so many ways to involve family and friends in your big day.  The challenge is to come up with "titles" for these people if you are listing them in a program.  It is nice to give these people a corsage.  It shows that they are "special" in some way.  It is up to you whether you give them a gift.  In my community, we usually do.

You could call her your unpaid bridal bitch if you have her do any of these jobs without paying her.

Ditto Ziti. I've served the cake at a wedding before. I did not feel special. Please don't make your friends "work" your wedding. 

KTramposh

I am not interested in calling her that or having her be my "bridal bitch" she is continuously asking what she can do and how she can help. I feel bad not having her as a bridesmaid especially since she wants to do so much. Trust me I would much rather have her sitting on her ass enjoying the wedding but she is not this type of person. My main concern is when we have the bachelorette party or in the programs. I don't want her to feel left out and I want to acknowledge all the work she has OFFERED to do for me.

KTramposh

Thank you for your help! I think hostess is a nice name. Like I said I just don't want her to feel left out because she keeps offering to help and asked to be a bridesmaid.

KTramposh

You're right I am good friends with this girl but the girls that are standing by me on the day of are basically my sisters (non related) and I just feel like if I add one friend then I will have 80 people up there with me and no one in the seats. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and didn't want to be put in any awkward positions. So much for that! Haha! But I will have her do a reading and list her in the program that way.

Thanks!

KTramposh

Thanks! I'm trying not to be selfish. Like I said she told me she was going to be a bridesmaid so I never asked her so I am basically trying to figure out a way to still let her know she is important to me. She also keeps offering her help so I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep saying no no no to my friend you know.

KTramposh

Hahahahhahaha! Thank you I feel like you get it! I love this girl but I totally feel the same way. The girls next to me will be the ones I call to bury the body! Hahaha!

MobKaz

KTramposh said:

Hahahahhahaha! Thank you I feel like you get it! I love this girl but I totally feel the same way. The girls next to me will be the ones I call to bury the body! Hahaha!

KTramposh.....I see you are new to these boards.  If you want to reply to a specific poster, click on the "quote" word at the bottom of that posters post.  Your comment will be directly attached to the poster to whom you are responding.  Your current responses are hard for others to follow because they seem like random single posts, rather than direct responses to what someone else has said.