Getting in Shape

Anyone else dealing with weight loss HATERS?

My best friend is guilty of trying to convince me that the extra 10 lbs I've packed on in the last few months (15 if you count the few months before that!) is okay and I don't need to lose weight before ordering my dress.

I'm about 3 sizes bigger than I was when I started dating my fiance, and I HATE my "new" body. My best friend has always been a little bigger than me (though not overweight) and fine with it - hasn't worked out a day in her life, and has no desire to be thinner.  I, however, am not ready to "give in" and get used to what I'm working with now! I know I'm capable of dropping the weight, but I just have yet to do so - I recently had a stomach bug that seemed to prevent me from losing anything, but it's gone now SO BRING IT ON.

Aaaaaanyway, the dress I have my eye on is quite tight-fitting, and doesn't have much room for camoflaging any extra chub - in my pre-weight gain body, I can pull this off easily... but with the extra weight (which is all my stomach area) there's noooooo way. So my bestie and I were out the other day, looking at wedding gowns (just because we were looking at bridesmaid dresses and got sidetracked) and she said, "You should just be happy with how you look now, you're not fat!"  I HATE when people say stuff like this. I know I'm not overweight, but why the hell should I wait until I AM before I want to do something about it? If I were already married, or I was going for a more extra-weight-flattering style, I wouldn't mind that much - but that's not the case! Most importantly, I'm not happy with my own body... so what's the shame in wanting to change it?

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Re: Anyone else dealing with weight loss HATERS?

  • Don't feel bad. I have lost 35lbs since May and a lot of my family keeps saying oh you'll gain it back or don't buy any new clothes, you won't need them after the wedding. 

    If you feel uncomfortable, there is no shame in wanting to get healthier and lose some weight. Weight is so touchy, especially with women, so I wouldn't take it too personally. 
  • @mrspizanotobe VERY toucy.  And I do have a lot of overweight/almost overweight family members and friends, so sometimes it feels like they're actually OFFENDED by the fact that I'm taking it upon myself to lose weight.  Like no, I don't weigh an unhealthy amount, or anything close to it - I'm probably on the higher side of average for my age/height.  But that doesn't mean I don't want to AVOID gaining more weight, meanwhile losing what I've put on in the past!  I might look okay to others, but I don't look okay to myself, so why judge, right?
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  • Yeah exactly! In college, I was a size 2 to 4 and earlier this year I was 8/10. I mean I wasn't obese or anything, I was still in my healthy weight range but now that I'm back down to my college weight, I feel so much better/happier. Some people are telling me I'm too skinny (most of my family is overweight) and tell me I need to eat more and whatever. I have done this the very healthy way, through the South Beach Diet and exercising. I wouldn't worry about it and do what makes you happy. Being healthier isn't a bad thing. 

  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm in the same boat that you are. I'm not overweight, but I'm at the high end of what's a healthy weight for my height. I have had people tell me I don't need to lose weight, but I don't take it like they are being haters. I think they just genuinely don't think I need to lose weight or they don't want me to feel bad about myself. I don't talk to anyone about losing weight except my FI and my sister because they understand that I want to lose weight because I'm not happy about my weight. Most people can't understand that so I don't bother trying to say anything to them.
  • Same situation as PPs. While some people close to me make comments genuinely don't believe I need to love weight (mom, dad, sister who is also MOH), others have made so many comments that I am truly bothered (one of my BMs!).

    I am also in the situation where I have put on some pounds in the past two years and just want to get back to where I once was...and had been healthily for many years. The wedding has been a perfect motivator to make changes, none of which are drastic.

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I have some of this problem with FILs.  They are all medically obese and their diet consists mostly of white pasta and red meat, no veggies.  It's not that they hate, but they are constantly pushing food on me.  It's sweet that they are flattering and call me skinny, which I'm not, but they are always telling me I need to take seconds, etc.  Occasionally they physically put food on my plate or into my hands.  I try to politely refuse when I can, but I have started to just accept it will be a bad food day when I go to their house.  It actually causes me to avoid functions at their place as much as possible.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Do what you want--its your body, not anybody else's!  I recently made my goal and lost 25 pounds, and my FMIL keeps saying "you're going to disappear if you keep losing weight" (and I am nowhere near as skinny as, say, my sister who was a size 00 in highschool.)
    Just go to the gym and all of the people there focused on healthy bodies will make you feel better :)
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  • @JCBride2014 - I deal with the same thing with my FI's Italian mother. If I eat anything less than a mounded plateful, I get comments. So sorry you have to deal with it!

    @lizpanjian - You're absolutely right. Surround yourself with those who motivate you, not those who tear you down or make your mission harder.
  • I have been overweight for 15+ years, and am getting the gastric sleeve surgery in about 8 weeks.  I am worried that people will think that it is just for the wedding.  But I am really just trying to be healthier, it isn't about the weight loss totally.  I am getting quite anxious about it.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    @shemarie82 good luck! Anybody who thinks you would go through major surgery just for your wedding and cosmetic reasons must be crazy. I hope you have awesome health results. Don't listen to haters, they're probably jealous or insecure in other ways.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • I had a hard time loosing my post baby weight :/ and with my wedding coming up in the next year I want to look my best so I started doing these crazy wrap things! They're amazing ! Don't listen to the haters just be comfortable with yourself that's all that matters!
  • Is it possible to point out to the haters that maybe you don't actually want to "lose weight" per se but just want to either a) tone up or b) feel healthier?  I am also a perfectly healthy weight - I don't actually want to lose, but I definitely feel a bit ashamed of myself that I can't do as much physical activity that I used to just a few short months ago.  So I don't tell people that I want to lose weight, I say that I want to be able to do as many push-ups as I could this summer.  Maybe it makes the people who are so concerned about their own weight less self-conscious?  I say this because I haven't had anyone try to convince me to not exercise more, but it might also be the people around me. 

  • if you want to, i agree with the others, and say go for it! if you want you don't even have to tell anyone your plans and just smile and nod when they talk about how you look fine etc.

    i started my weight loss journey with Weight Watchers before i was even engaged, and lost 75 lbs in a year. it felt good doing it the healthy way, and my fiance even started the program too and has lost 30#. 

    we do get the haters, especially me…. people calling me "bridezilla" or asking if i have an eating disorder… and someone even asked my fiance if he started using drugs. haters gonna hate! it still gets to me sometimes, but i just think to myself that i'm proud of my hard work and i finally have the body i like, not the body that everyone else thinks is fine.
  • @leideigh Why are they calling you bridezilla for eating healthy?  That's just confusing.  You can't be a bridezilla to yourself, can you?  That's a crazy comment - if I were you I'd be laughing at those haters. 

  • @kerbohl … right?? that's so confusing to me too, and kinda insulting, like i started losing weight like a crazy crash-dieter who's completely obsessed with my wedding…. when i've actually been at it over a year now and my wedding is almost a year away! smh at the haters…...
  • I think people just want to confirm that you are great they way you are and losing weight by a deadline might be additional stress that they don't want to encourage.

    I agree with the person who said stating it differently might be better - I want to be healthier or tone up. I think its easier for people to get on board with being healthy rather than just losing weight. I also think that takes some of the pressure off, for me anyways.

    I think you should do you and be the best version of yourself :)

    Also, side note; has anyone bought the Bridealicious work out DVD? Mine just came in and I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts :)
  • Love this thread. I feel y'all. I lost about 25 lbs in 2010. Then lost about 10 more in 2011 after meeting my FI in April. Thanks to my FI's love for tailgating and the time we spend taveling to see each other cutting into workouts, I'm back up about 10 lbs. FI doesn't even notice since it's the same weight he met me at, but I'd like to be back at my peak shape. He keeps telling me I don't need to lose, which is so nice, but becomes annoying when I don't order an app or dessert at dinner and he tells me I should.
  • I have some of this problem with FILs.  They are all medically obese and their diet consists mostly of white pasta and red meat, no veggies.  It's not that they hate, but they are constantly pushing food on me.  It's sweet that they are flattering and call me skinny, which I'm not, but they are always telling me I need to take seconds, etc.  Occasionally they physically put food on my plate or into my hands.  I try to politely refuse when I can, but I have started to just accept it will be a bad food day when I go to their house.  It actually causes me to avoid functions at their place as much as possible.

    That sounds frustrating. Do you bring things over to share at family functions? Maybe you'd all feel more comfortable if you showed up with the occasional salad, veggie tray, fruit basket, etc for everybody.
  • I actually have the problem with my fiance! He constantly tells me I'm beautiful, but I have gained almost 40 pounds in the past 4 years (job change/grad school/stress/etc), and I HATE my 'new' body. I struggle with depression so getting the motivation to try to lose the weight is hard enough, not to mention I tried really hard last year and lost only 8 pounds, but got off the wagon during a vacation and gain it, plus more back. And on top of it, my fiance keeps forgetting that he promised to be supportive, and always tells me I need to eat more (because he feels 'fat' for eating more than me), and makes poor food choices. I don't want to tell him he has to make his own dinner, and making 2 dinners would be a pain, so I just make the one he wants. I constantly tell him I need him to help me, but he really likes bad food (LOVES chocolate), and isn't in to working out. I was working out decently for a month before the holidays, then fell off the wagon due to holiday depression on top of family drama, but I'm determined I'm going to start again this week.
  • @tjgroulx - I can totally relate.  I gained about 40lbs after meeting my fiance. Going out for dates, drinking, etc. I like variety in my food and will try anything once, whereas he is a meat and potatoes guy. He won't even try sushi because he "knows" it's raw fish (umm ok, it's still good!!!) so it makes it unappetizing.  I definitely still make food he likes/will eat, but I (we?) have to remember to eat smaller portions than them.  Focus on eating slowly, chewing between bites (sometimes it's just so good and hard to remember!!) and sip water between every bite; this way we can let our stomachs catch up to when we are ACTUALLY full.

    I made a cheeseburger casserole with whole wheat noodles and ground turkey instead of beef (  Skinnytaste's website has all the calories/fat content etc. so you are able to track in on myfitnesspal or sparkpeople.  It also has the WW point values (for anyone counting like me).

    Portion control, water, whole foods (things that ARE ingredients, not have ingredients). We can do it!

  • I gained 30 lbs after college (4 years ago) and I've been meaning to lose it back again. When I was living in SD after college I I'm gained a lot of weight through drinking and eating a lot unhealthy food. Every time I tried going back to my old ways of eating yogurt and salad, everyone criticized I was going on a diet. Which wasn't true. I made healthier choices in college and my friends in college were very active. It was hard to go back to that clean eating lifestyle when everyone is putting you down.

    I no longer live in SD and I lost 10 lbs just because I'm back to my old ways of clean eating and no one is there to criticize. I am also more direct and make clear that I don't want another bottle of beer or another scoop of rice.
  • Last spring I lost 21 lbs - and let me tell you - you will have some people telling you you're too skinny, trying to force bad food on you and overall not being supportive. Just remember - this is for you. I've gained 12 lbs back :-( and as I've started back into to working out and healthy eating - I know this time around those people I can talk to and rely on for support. Surround yourself by people who can give you this support - whether it's on here, with friends and family or with any other weight loss / healthy living group. I use - and they are great to have a team behind you when things get tough!
  • FMIL has something to say everytime she eats with us. Both FI and I were a little overweight when we got together and have both lost around 20-30 pounds with South Beach. She lectures me that I'm starving him and he's too skinny (he still wants to lose another 20 pounds). Apparently I shouldn't even bother losing weight since I'm just going to gain it back when we start making babies (which is years away). I usually just ignore her comments, but FI gets annoyed that when we go have dinner she makes a point of either cooking nothing but carbs and sweets or that's what she brings when we invite her. 
  • You should always feel comfortable in your body - dating, engaged or married. As long as it's healthy, you should work towards a goal that makes you feel good about yourself.

    It sounds like your friend might be dealing with her own image concerns, so be loving and mindful towards her, but don't let her opinion sway your need to feel better about yourself.


  • edandyedandy member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    I lost 30 pounds a few years ago and maintained the entire time. I still have about 25 pounds to lose, but if I dare worry or order a salad or decline dessert, everyone around me is like YOU ARE ALREADY SO SKINNY WAH. This is not true at all. I am happy with how I look but I am not comfortable in a bikini and that is where I want to be. I feel like I have to explain to my friends and family that eating a salad does not mean i am anorexic. Luckily, my FI joined the healthy eating campaign and works out with me, and doesn't comment on my weight. He just says I look good. :)

    Edit: I should add that everyone surrounding me is big so I am skinny in comparison. 
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