MOB constantly on phone

mrsbizzz

Not sure how unique this problem is, but I need opinions. Despite our sometimes difficult relationship, I love my mother dearly. She has been wonderful during the planning process and (much to my surprise) has let a lot of choices go that I thought she would have issue with.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

My mother loves her iPhone and has been on it constantly since she got it three years ago. While she needs it for her work, which often isn’t a 9-5 arrangement, it has become a major distraction for her. When I come home for holidays, she spends almost the entirety of our family dinners texting, answering emails, Facebooking. She spent most of our last family vacation (the last before I get married and can’t go on as many) on her phone. She texted through my master’s degree graduation, dress shopping, and a joint pedicure last time I was home that she begged me to do so we could “spend time together.” She even is on her phone during dinners and events with people outside of my family; I was truly embarrassed when my future mother-in-law came to visit my hometown for the first time and saw this behavior. It’s like she’s 16!

 

While I don’t think I will ever be able to change her overall behavior, I am very worried about my wedding day. I am afraid she is going to miss important moments because she is on her phone. I am her oldest child and the first to get married and we have grown closer during this process -- this is a big day that I want her to be completely present for. I am especially worried about her texting, Facebooking, and doing other things on it during the church ceremony. Besides the embarrassment of a 50-something woman being on her phone during her daughter’s wedding ceremony, I also don’t want the first pictures of my wedding to be taken from the pew and posted on Facebook. I am well aware that I cannot control another person’s behavior, but I want to make an attempt to bring this up with her, despite the fact that I know she will get defensive. What would you all suggest?

AprilH81

You can't control your mother's (or anyones) behavior. 

You can change the facebook settings for your account to require your permission to post any picture that you are tagged in, but that will only "stop" her if she tags you in it.

 

Maggie0829

Have you talked to her about how her constantly being on the phone upsets you because it interferes with spending quality time with each other?

I get the obsession.  My H is constantly on his phone watching videos or FBing.  It gets old and annoying especially if I am trying to just talk to him about my day.  Sometimes I just have to ask him to put the phone down for 10 minutes so that we can actually talk.

The most you can do is let her know that this bothers you and hope that she will at least let up on her phone obsession a tiny bit while you are around.  If she doesn't, then there really isn't anything else you can do.

Sometimes it amazes me how less social people are becoming in-person.  It is like the people that they are surrounded by in real life just aren't enough and they also need people in social networks as entertainment as well.  Why can't people just enjoy the moment they are in?  Why do they feel the need to constantly be telling the world what is happening every second of every day?

southernbelle0915

This is an issue unrelated to the wedding. I would not mix the two. 

If her being on the phone all the time upsets you to the point that it's affecting your relationship, sit her down (phones off/away) and tell her that. Let her know you want to spend some QT with her, but you feel neglected whenshe's on the phone. Open the door to the conversation. Don't do it when you're pissed. Do it when you're not pissed. 

OliveOilsMom

drmrs2014 said:

Not sure how unique this problem is, but I need opinions. Despite our sometimes difficult relationship, I love my mother dearly. She has been wonderful during the planning process and (much to my surprise) has let a lot of choices go that I thought she would have issue with.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

My mother loves her iPhone and has been on it constantly since she got it three years ago. While she needs it for her work, which often isn’t a 9-5 arrangement, it has become a major distraction for her. When I come home for holidays, she spends almost the entirety of our family dinners texting, answering emails, Facebooking. She spent most of our last family vacation (the last before I get married and can’t go on as many) on her phone. She texted through my master’s degree graduation, dress shopping, and a joint pedicure last time I was home that she begged me to do so we could “spend time together.” She even is on her phone during dinners and events with people outside of my family; I was truly embarrassed when my future mother-in-law came to visit my hometown for the first time and saw this behavior. It’s like she’s 16!

 

While I don’t think I will ever be able to change her overall behavior, I am very worried about my wedding day. I am afraid she is going to miss important moments because she is on her phone. I am her oldest child and the first to get married and we have grown closer during this process -- this is a big day that I want her to be completely present for. I am especially worried about her texting, Facebooking, and doing other things on it during the church ceremony. Besides the embarrassment of a 50-something woman being on her phone during her daughter’s wedding ceremony, I also don’t want the first pictures of my wedding to be taken from the pew and posted on Facebook. I am well aware that I cannot control another person’s behavior, but I want to make an attempt to bring this up with her, despite the fact that I know she will get defensive. What would you all suggest?

Start the converstation about this now.  And don't make it about the wedding.  When she asks about spending quality time with you, say that will be great, but can you leave your phone at home? Start pointin out her behavior now, she probably doesn't even realize what she is doing.

As for the wedding, any way you can conspire with your dad to have your mom accidentally forget her phone at home?

FWIW, my friend's H works for a non-profit that has a religious aspect to it.  They do great work for the community, but the president of the non-profit always has a blue tooth piece in his ear!  He even wears it at their black tie fundraiser they have once a year.  And my friend told me, that during a prayer service while he was on stage in front of everyone, he answered it!  All while a pastor was giving a sermon.

AddieCake

I agree this is a non-wedding issue b/c she's annoying you with this behavior on a regular basis, and if it bothers you, you need to speak up. If she DOES choose to be on her phone at your wedding, that's on her. She'll be the one looking back and regretting she missed out b/c she was too busy on her phone to notice what was going on around her.