Shoot, i just joined the club....

thisismynickname2

...Of people who has others assume they are invited to the wedding. Ugh.

I just received a LONG fb message from this girl whom I've known since college. I just attended her wedding and because of our ups and downs over the years, I've decided to distance myself and not invite her to mine. I inadvertently picked the day after her birthday as the wedding date and she acted less than thrilled.

Now, since she lives out of state, in her message she asks about travel plans! To make matters worse, she's assuming another mutual close friend is a bridesmaid- and I didn't pick that girl.

Ugh. We're having a small wedding. Definitely no place for her.

I'm going to write a short note back to not worry about conflicting her bday plans with my wedding plans.

hlvonb

I am sorry that this happened. It seems like some people don't understand that because you once knew someone pretty well or used to / etc that they are automatically invited. In your message back, say something about we're having a small intimate wedding or something and unfortunately can not invite everyone we would have like to (or something along that general idea) lol. I am sure another lady will say it better than what I just did lol but you get the idea.

Rebl90

thisismynickname said:

...Of people who has others assume they are invited to the wedding. Ugh. I just received a LONG fb message from this girl whom I've known since college. I just attended her wedding and because of our ups and downs over the years, I've decided to distance myself and not invite her to mine. I inadvertently picked the day after her birthday as the wedding date and she acted less than thrilled. Now, since she lives out of state, in her message she asks about travel plans! To make matters worse, she's assuming another mutual close friend is a bridesmaid- and I didn't pick that girl. Ugh. We're having a small wedding. Definitely no place for her. I'm going to write a short note back to not worry about conflicting her bday plans with my wedding plans.

How presumptuous of her! I'm so sorry, what an uncomfortable situation.

[Deleted User]

That sucks I'm really sorry! I had two different people outright demand an invitation. I just gave them a look then continued speaking as though they never said anything, they took the hint.

NavyBlue143

I had a sorority sister that I was never terribly close to demand (her words) that our date be in July so she could come. She teaches in Korea and only comes home for the summer. She was not on the guest list anyway, and our date was September.

KPBM89

Ugh I am so sorry you're in that situation!

The last time I visited home, I stopped by my old job and two of my friends mentioned to me that they received my save the date and were really excited.  Another old coworker, who wasn't invited (he and I were pretty good friends, but we butted heads constantly...also he is one of those people who thinks marriage is a bunch of crap and blah blah), heard us and was asking what we were talking about.  I just changed the subject quickly, but it was still so awkward!

AddieCake

I just don't understand why people you don't really talk to or are not friends with would think they are invited. I'm so glad at least the people I had do that to me were people who had some kind of reason to think they might be invited. OP, she's wrong to assume she's invited, and naturally you don't have to invite her, but I can understand why she thinks she is. A lot of people assume if they invite you, you will reciprocate. Sorry you're going to have to have that awkward conversation. I certainly don't envy you that!  Good luck!

AlexisA01

I know the feeling. One of my former childhood ran into me and my parents having dinner last weekend. She invited my parents and my two siblings to her wedding except me. So she comes over to our table and gives them hugs and sees my engagement ring. She tells me that she so happy for me and ask when is the big day. I told her some in the next year and then she goes back to having a conversation with my parents. Before she left, she told my parents (ignoring me and my FI)  "to send me and David the invitation, we look forward to being there!"  I don't get why people do that. Especially her of all people

thisismynickname2

I'm so sorry to hear everyone else's stories about assumed invites. I wonder if people do it because weddings do have a bit of a history of being "reunions" or "community events". My best friend routinely gets invited to weddings of women she grew up with but hasn't seen since high school, because her and their moms remained good friends in the community. That's so weird to me. (She doesn't even go.)

Maybe if I was having a much less expensive wedding, I'd expand my guest list to include this person as reciprocity. But in all guest list cases the question becomes, "Would I spend $xx or $xxx on this person?" If the answer is no..... They don't make the cut.