Another "kids at weddings" question

mazilora

I'm the youngest in my family so the "no kids" thing is pretty straightforward for my side (there's no way my cousins would conceive of bringing their 1- and 2-year-olds), but on FI's side, he's in the middle of the pack. Specifically, he has one cousin who will be 18 when we get married and that cousin's sibling who is 14. We're having alcohol at the wedding and so we thought it would be a simple cutoff to not have guests under 21, but his 18-year-old cousin isn't exactly a kid (though I would expect etiquette would dictate we can't invite one and not the other).  We're both mid-20s, and there won't be anyone younger than 24 there aside from these cousins (if invited).  What does etiquette say here?  What's the defensible age cutoff?

CrazyCatLady3

You should really invite both siblings.  14 isn't exactly a "kid" either.  It's your bartender's responsibility (and the responsibility of the parents) to make sure no one underage is drinking.

monkeysip

I'm not entirely sure about the etiquette here, but I don't like the idea of splitting up families.  If you invite one sibling, I feel you should invite the other siblings.

Otherwise, I really think any age cut-off is fine, or even a non-age cut-off.  Like, if you want to invite NO kids except for the one family who has and 18 and 14 year old, I think that's fine too.  The clear cut-offs just make it easier to explain to people.  But it's your prerogative on who to invite or not.

AprilH81

As long as you don't split families you can invite whoever you want. 

The 18 year old is borderline the age to get his/her own invitation.  Some say high school seniors can be included on a "family" invitation and others say once they are 18 they get their own even if they are still living at home.

In your case I would either include both the 18 and 14 year old or leave both off.  I think as long as you don't split them up you are good either way.  Having alcohol or "no kids" shouldn't be part of your decision.  A 14 year old is unlikely to cause a scene or "distract" from the ceremony which is normally the primary reason for having a kids free wedding.  And I'm sure the 14 year old can handle being around alcohol and since s/he is under 21 you should pay a reduced per head cost for both the 18 and 14 year old.

lyndausvi

I'm a firm believer of relationship cut offs than age cut offs for this reason.  If all the other 1st cousins are invited I think it's hurtful to exclude those 1 or 2.  Especially when there are teens.  I doubt people will question why the 14 year is there.  If you are questioned (1) that/those people are rude, but saying you invited all 1st cousins is a reasonable response.

blabla89

Etiquette doesn't specify that you must invite children, but it seems a little rude to invite one child and not the other. Your FI's aunt and uncle might not like that too much. Personally, I would just invite both of them. At 14 and 18 they should be able to conduct themselves appropriately, and it's not like having 1 or 2 additional people will blow your budget.

kgd7357

I agree. It makes sense to include all first cousins. I'm a middle of the pack person. My older cousins wont bring their 1-4 year olds, but I do have one outlier first cousin from my generation that is 7 (not my favorite, but his siblings are teenagers and they are invited). All the teenage cousins are well behaved and will be excited to come to the wedding. If you can swing inviting them, I would.

vmj23

I think, if you are inviting all first cousins, you should invite them regardless of age.  14 isn't really that young - it's old enough to be well behaved and not running all over the place or needing constant supervision.