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Advice from my mom and FMIL

So my FI and I have been together for 7 years and have been engaged for 5 of those years. We are getting married (finally) in August. Well we've decided that we want to start a family right away. It is something we have discussed in great detail and it is what we really want. The thing is we (well really it is me) will have a hard time conceiving. So we have been thinking about starting the adoption process just in case and we were thinking about adopting a child anyway at some point. Well my FI, who is horrible at keeping things to himself, told his mom that this is something we are talking about. His mom then proceeded to tell my mom. So I get a call this morning from both of them (the downside to them getting along so well). They think we should go ahead and start the process now (like before we get married now) because it can sometimes take years and this will give us a jump start. Now of course we won't be doing that. There are legal things to think about and it will just be easier to do once we are legally married you know? I'm just a little amazed because I didn't think we would get the parental you should have kids pressure until after the wedding.

Re: Advice from my mom and FMIL

  • I would see it as support rather than pressure. They're obviously excited at the idea of grand kids and know that having kids is important to you, and don't want you to have to wait years and years into your marriage to start a family. I think it's coming from a loving place.

    However, they may not know all of the ins and outs of the adoption process, whereas you're more well-versed because you're actually looking to adopt. I would just sit down with them and let them know why waiting until after the wedding is what you've decided, and leave it at that.


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  • @pumpkinsandturkeys you are probably right. I'm sure it was meant to be supportive. I felt a little blindsided though because I had no idea FI had told his mom. Knowing him I should have realized it though. Lol. I think I'll talk to them about it this weekend when we do our dinner on Sunday.
  • @Musikalbunni thank you! Good luck to you as well. Maybe a privacy pact would be a good thing. I think I should talk to FI about this. I'm not mad that he told his mom because we never said anything about keeping it between us for now but it might be best for the time being.
  • Yeah, I think your FI needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut sometimes.

    Adoption is an awesome thing, but I also think it's a private thing. You guys have to do this your way, without pressure from anyone else.
  • @RebeccaB88 I don't blame him for sharing. We're a pretty open family. I guess both of us need to get on the same page on what to share and what not. I would have preferred to mention something to our families after we got married and had met with an adoption agency but I didn't say that.
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