Waste of money or nice gesture?

PennyBlossom2311

Hello everyone, 

My fiance and I are having an out of town or destination wedding. It will be four+ hours away from where either of us currently live and we wanted to make it easy on our guests. Some family will be flying in but, everyone will have to travel. We set our budget and soon realized that since we decided to have such a small wedding, we had more than half of our budget left over. Anyway...We thought it would be a nice gesture if we paid for the hotel for all of our guests the night of the wedding. Several of our friends and family members are on very tight budgets and we didn't want the cost of travel and hotel to be the reason they couldn't attend. Cheaper accommodations are available but, are several blocks away and we didn't want people to be separated since the ceremony, reception, and lodging is in one location. My father has told me time and time again that this is weird and no one does this. He thinks we are wasting our money.  My fiance and I have set aside money and are comfortable with our budget. But, Dad won't let it go. Is this really weird? Do you think it is an expense we should avoid and just save the money?  A few other people we invited told us we are being wasteful and have actually been kind of snippy about it but some were we very happy. Are we doing something kooky with wanting to do this? I don't see it as a waste. I see it as; we wanted an out of town wedding, we're making it as easy as we can so everyone invited can attend. (I would like to point out, we will still be under budget. So whats the problem?) 

kerbohl

Hmmmm . . . Personally I think it is a lovely gesture, and I'm not seeing why people are getting snippy.  Are they thinking that you are implying that they can't pay for their own hotel room?  Because why else would doing something like this anger some one.
This may be a horrible suggestion, but maybe say that you are able to pay for X amount of rooms, and whoever would like to have their hotel room paid for can take you up on it.  Then the people getting snippy won't ask, and the people who are happy about it can do so.  I can see that being a pain to organize, though . . .
Another option is to think of something else for the guests that you can spend your money on, but that depends on what kind of wedding you are having.  For example, for a winter wedding, nice shawls for the ladies.

lyndausvi

I think it's a nice gesture.     

When my brother got married in AZ my dad paid for everyone on our side who came out to the wedding.  Although the guests didn't know until they went to check out and found only their incidentals on their bills.  

You could be sneaky like that?

PennyBlossom2311

I'm not really sure why some are getting snippy. When they asked if we had a hotel blocked, we just said we did and that it was blocked for two nights but we would be taking care of the night of the wedding. Maybe some think that means we are implying that they can't afford it? Or maybe they now feel obligated to stay at the hotel and they wanted to stay somewhere else? I'm not really sure. 

It will be an August wedding but, maybe something nice for the ladies would be a better option.  We were originally going to take care of the rooms for the wedding party since they were already spending money on dresses and suits, but thought to offer it to everyone. 

@kerbohl -I think your idea of saying we will cover x amount of rooms and let them take us up on the offer could be a good way to put it. Or like @lyndausvi said, maybe we just don't say anything else about it an just handle it when we get to the hotel. I would hate for someone to say they can't attend and then say it was because they couldn't afford the hotel. 

chibiyui

I agree with PP's and think its a lovely gesture.

JennyColada

I was totally just thinking of doing something similar and was considering making a topic on it as well!

My parents are really tight on money, and while I know that they would never turn down an invite to my wedding, I really want them to ENJOY the day as much as I do (and not stress out!), so I was contemplating paying for their hotel room as well. I discussed this with Fi today and he agreed with me (us) that it would be a nice gesture to offer.

I want the event to be fun and enjoyable for everyone involved, and I don't want a $75 hotel room to deter that for anyone.

You could try to tell a white lie and say something along the lines of "if we reserve multiple rooms on the same card then we get a discount!", which does sound reasonable.

KytchynWitche

I think that, if you can afford it and aren't going to be putting yourselves into debt over it, it's a lovely gesture. I would love to be able to do this for our OOT guests, unfortunately I'd have to sell a kidney to do it. lol

I'm really not sure why people would get snippy over it, unless they think that you think they can't "handle their affairs".

If you go ahead with this, maybe be sneaky about it like @lyndausvi said or say something like "we got a great discount for paying x-number of rooms up-front" like @Jennycolada said?

kmmssg

I think it is a lovely gesture.  Do these people always look for something to complain about?  I think it is very generous and you should move on with it if you want to.

PennyBlossom2311

Thank you so much for the input! It's funny several PP mentioned about saying we get a discounted rate. Since we are getting married during what is considered off season,we are getting a huge break on the rooms. Maybe I will just say we got a discounted rate for that night and say we couldn't pass it up. Thanks ladies!

I know if someone did this for me, I would be pretty excited. Maybe instead of staying one night, I would be able to stay two and make a mini vacation out of it. I don't think people mean to be rude. Maybe they feel like we are implying something. Whatever the reason, if they don't want to stay at the hotel and decide not to go with the blocked rooms, I'm not going to worry or take it personally. Can't please everyone.