Chit Chat

Just Sharing My Story, A Long Vent!

DaringtoDreamDaringtoDream member
Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
edited January 2014 in Chit Chat

****LOOK, I AGREE WITH ALL OF THE REASONS WHY A PERSON SHOULD NOT HAVE A WEDDING AFTER BEING MARRIED! I OBVIOUSLY, DID NOT MAKE THAT CLEAR WHEN I SAID I AM SELLING MY WEDDING DRESS. THAT MEANS I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO HAVE THE WEDDING AND I AM MOVING ON. I DO NOT NEED IDEAS ON HOW TO SPEND MY SAVED MONEY, THANKS THOUGH! MY ONLY POINT WAS THAT WE ALL HAVE OPINIONS DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE. I DON'T SEE THE POINT IN BEING RUDE OR HATEFUL TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS! THAT'S IT! I'M NOT HAVING A WEDDING!!!!! 


I am a long time lurker, first time poster. I am not looking to start a debate or entertain negative comments. As I vent, I am only looking for positive opinions.  


To begin, I will share with you the Reader's Digest version of my journey towards the wedding of my dreams. It started with a long, emotionally abusive relationship that produced a beautiful child. Although, it had ended when he cheated on me while I was pregnant. Regardless, I still gave him every opportunity to be in our daughter's life, which he ultimately decided against.


Meanwhile, I worked two jobs, took care of my child, graduated from college with a bachelors degree in education, and met a wonderful man soon after my daughter's first birthday. Eight years later, my daughter is doing great attending private school with a healthy college saving account awaiting her future goals. 


Likewise, over the years I have also been saving for a long awaited goal of my own, to have the wedding of my dreams! I had every opportunity over the past five years to go ahead and get married for the sake of insurance or added benefits, but chose instead to work even harder and await my special day. 


Finally, all my hard work had paid off and early last year (2013) we decided on a 2015 summer wedding, after I completed my master's degree. However, shortly after making our much anticipated plans, my ex decided to start contacting me again after years of silence. Unfortunately, he had no interest in our daughter, but how much money we could give him if he promised not to peruse custody and to stop harassing us.  


Our plan had always been for my significant other and her “daddy” (as she calls him) to legally adopt my daughter after we were married. So, following the advice of professionals, we decided to get married and have the wedding later like we originally had planned.

  

To start, I planned on requesting that guests give donations to a charity started in honor of a friend, whom had passed from complications of diabetes, instead of giving gifts. Also, I am not the least bit interested in showers or parties of any kid. 


To be honest, the only important thing to me is walking down the aisle and saying our written vows in front of our loved ones. My dream didn’t include spending thousands on some extravagant wedding with all the “bells and whistles.” However, I did not feel right spending any amount of money on myself until I felt that all of my daughter’s foreseeable wants and needs were met. 


Then, after several months of wedding planning, I came across posts about having a wedding after your married and could not even believe what I was reading! Adult women telling other women that they were having a “fake wedding” because it was just a "reenactment," "playing pretend dress-up," “an excuse to get gifts,” or “nothing but a pretty princess day.” They went on to claim such weddings were “insulting to marriage, family, and guests” and even if “they didn’t say anything, they were thinking it.” One woman, whom apparently thought the point hadn’t been completely beaten to death, stated how it would be embarrassing for OP to parade around in front of guests pretending to be bride and groom.


According to these opinions of “proper etiquette,” I can’t call it a wedding or wedding reception, wear my white dress I purchased, say the vows we have written, or even exchange the rings still sitting in the boxes. I realize that I made the adult decision to sign a piece of paper producing a legal benefit for our families future, but I had no idea I was also forfeiting my dream.


Although, I do have to give the women of these posts some credit because if there was a hateful way to get this point across, they thought of it! Sadly, not one of the OPs in these posts had even asked for an opinion on if they should have a wedding after being married. I understand that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, but does that mean you have to be an asshole while sharing it?


So, while I put on my big girl panties, dry my tears, and list my wedding dress for sale, please, keep in mind that not everyone gets dealt the same hand in life. It’s so easy for individuals to sit behind a computer without consequences and believe it’s their right to pass judgement without considering how it might affect others. Regardless of fact or fiction, remember, there is always a more mature, nice way of getting your point across.       

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Re: Just Sharing My Story, A Long Vent!

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Have a kick ass party, wear your dress, and celebrate the fuck out of being married with your beautiful family.

    I'm sorry that life didn't work out the way you planned, it rarely does for anyone. But what is important is that you are happily married and working towards giving your daughter a better future.
    image



    Anniversary
    DaringtoDreamCokezerofreakjenniferursRebeccaB88
  • If you're a long-time lurker, surely you know that specifying 'positive opinions only' is a hot-button issue on these boards.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    zitiqueenKeptInStitchesjenniferursRebeccaB88
  • I am a long time lurker, first time poster. I am not looking to start a debate or entertain negative comments. As I vent, I am only looking for positive opinions.  


    To begin, I will share with you the Reader's Digest version of my journey towards the wedding of my dreams. It started with a long, emotionally abusive relationship that produced a beautiful child. Although, it had ended when he cheated on me while I was pregnant. Regardless, I still gave him every opportunity to be in our daughter's life, which he ultimately decided against.


    Meanwhile, I worked two jobs, took care of my child, graduated from college with a bachelors degree in education, and met a wonderful man soon after my daughter's first birthday. Eight years later, my daughter is doing great attending private school with a healthy college saving account awaiting her future goals. 


    Likewise, over the years I have also been saving for a long awaited goal of my own, to have the wedding of my dreams! I had every opportunity over the past five years to go ahead and get married for the sake of insurance or added benefits, but chose instead to work even harder and await my special day. 


    Finally, all my hard work had paid off and early last year (2013) we decided on a 2015 summer wedding, after I completed my master's degree. However, shortly after making our much anticipated plans, my ex decided to start contacting me again after years of silence. Unfortunately, he had no interest in our daughter, but how much money we could give him if he promised not to peruse custody and to stop harassing us.  


    Our plan had always been for my significant other and her “daddy” (as she calls him) to legally adopt my daughter after we were married. So, following the advice of professionals, we decided to get married and have the wedding later like we originally had planned.

      

    To start, I planned on requesting that guests give donations to a charity started in honor of a friend, whom had passed from complications of diabetes, instead of giving gifts. Also, I am not the least bit interested in showers or parties of any kid. 


    To be honest, the only important thing to me is walking down the aisle and saying our written vows in front of our loved ones. My dream didn’t include spending thousands on some extravagant wedding with all the “bells and whistles.” However, I did not feel right spending any amount of money on myself until I felt that all of my daughter’s foreseeable wants and needs were met. 


    Then, after several months of wedding planning, I came across posts about having a wedding after your married and could not even believe what I was reading! Adult women telling other women that they were having a “fake wedding” because it was just a "reenactment," "playing pretend dress-up," “an excuse to get gifts,” or “nothing but a pretty princess day.” They went on to claim such weddings were “insulting to marriage, family, and guests” and even if “they didn’t say anything, they were thinking it.” One woman, whom apparently thought the point hadn’t been completely beaten to death, stated how it would be embarrassing for OP to parade around in front of guests pretending to be bride and groom.


    According to these opinions of “proper etiquette,” I can’t call it a wedding or wedding reception, wear my white dress I purchased, say the vows we have written, or even exchange the rings still sitting in the boxes. I realize that I made the adult decision to sign a piece of paper producing a legal benefit for our families future, but I had no idea I was also forfeiting my dream.


    Although, I do have to give the women of these posts some credit because if there was a hateful way to get this point across, they thought of it! Sadly, not one of the OPs in these posts had even asked for an opinion on if they should have a wedding after being married. I understand that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, but does that mean you have to be an asshole while sharing it?


    So, while I put on my big girl panties, dry my tears, and list my wedding dress for sale, please, keep in mind that not everyone gets dealt the same hand in life. It’s so easy for individuals to sit behind a computer without consequences and believe it’s their right to pass judgement without considering how it might affect others. Regardless of fact or fiction, remember, there is always a more mature, nice way of getting your point across.       

    JIC
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Posters here get snarky because we see these posts over, and over, and over.  Your situation is really not much different from everybody else who comes on here thinking their situation is special and unique.  But everybody thinks their particular reason is the one that makes sense.

    Everybody here, I'm sure, is happy you have escaped that abusive relationship and formed a wonderful family.  Really, we are.  Take your family on a vacation, do a vow renewal, or have a gigantic party with all your family and friends and call it a "celebration of your marriage."  Go have fun, celebrate with family and friends.  

    And heck, if you have a PPD, none of us will be there to stop you.  Nobody here controls what you do.  But we give honest opinions because it's better to hear the truth from internet strangers who will give it to you straight, than have family and friends think badly of you IRL.  And when the overwhelming consensus of a group of people, who really have read etiquette books and given a lot of thought to these issues, is that something is a bad idea-- posters should take a look at that idea before going through with it.  We really don't want you (general you, meaning posters asking etiquette questions) to potentially damage and destroy your relationships by treating your guests poorly.

    Truly, I wish you and your family the best.  It sounds like you guys deserve a fantastic vacation together.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    CokezerofreakjenniferursRebeccaB88
  • Do you really think you are that different from anyone else who has decided to get married and then do a re-do later? Everyone has hard times in life and I guarantee you that someone has had it harder than you but still decided that their actual wedding day was good enough, no matter how simple or small it was, because all that mattered was marrying the person they love.

    Why can't you just have a party to celebrate? Why do you need a re-do?

    Also, so many women post about how mean the posters are here. But seriously, its not that they were mean and hateful, you are upset because no one validated your idea. Get the fuck over it.
    Did I say I was any different? Nope, sure didn't! In fact, my purpose in writing this vent was a process of closure (getting over it) that maybe someone could identity with my story and know they are not alone.

    I agree, there is always someone out there that is going to have it much harder than you. So, does that mean a person is not entitled to ever feel bad or express their feelings because someone somewhere has it worse?

    Please, read what I wrote and do not make assumptions. Where does it say that I need or want a re-do?

    Again, read! I am not now nor have I ever been looking for anyone to validate anything!! I wrote that I completely understand that everyone has different opinions. Although, what I don't understand is expressing your opinion in a rude or hateful way. It's not the content of the opinion, just the way in which it is presented. I never said I didn't agree with the opinions.  

    No one forced you to respond, if you did not agree or understand the post, why not just ignore it and move on. Do you feel better now that you told a complete stranger, "to get the fuck over it?" You must be perfect and never have vented about something that was bothering you. Did you feel like your point was better made by being an ass? I just don't get it!   

      
    blondeej
  • PDKH said:
    After all that you and your husband have gone through, blowing money a on a faux ceremony is STILL that important to you? I just don't understand. You sound like you have a great kid and a great husband, go blow your money on a fabulous family vacation or a huge anniversary party, or private vow renewal with your husband somewhere exotic.

    And sorry, no, I don't have a lot of sympathy for the PPDers. As a future military spouse working her ass off to find a decent job where her FI is being stationed even though she has a dream job offer elsewhere and could reap some massive job-hunting benefits by being married now, I don't have a lot of patience for people complaining about the hand they are dealt. Everyone gets dealt a shitty hand now and then. You make your choices, and you live with them. 

    Edited for clarity.
    Obviously, a "faux" ceremony is not "STILL" that important to me because I wrote that I am selling my wedding dress. What don't you get? Regardless, how is what I spend the money I worked for any of your concern? 

    Maybe, everyone that has a wedding is really just "blowing" money because there exists a much cheaper way to accomplish the exact same result. How about we analyze every possible scenario and topic other than what my post was really about?   

    Please, read my post again. I am not in any way asking, wanting or even needing a complete strangers sympathy. Although, it's clearly a good thing I am not! lol 

    For someone that doesn't have a lot of patience for complaining, it sure took an awful lot of it to get to the point. Could it be that maybe, just like I shared the hardships in my life, it's not really complaining, but more of an explaination required to validate your opinion? 

    However, you are comparing apples to oranges. It's easy to talk a big talk about making decisions in life when there is not a child to consider. Of course, everyone goes through difficult times where they need to make choices and, it goes without saying that, they will have to live with them. What makes you think I don't already know that? 
  • If you're a long-time lurker, surely you know that specifying 'positive opinions only' is a hot-button issue on these boards.
    Well, I am obviously a horrible lurker because I did not know. Wow, if true that's really sad. I am fine with someone having an opinion that is completely different than my own. It's not the views expressed that make a comment negative, but the way in which they are delivered. 
  • Posters here get snarky because we see these posts over, and over, and over.  Your situation is really not much different from everybody else who comes on here thinking their situation is special and unique.  But everybody thinks their particular reason is the one that makes sense.

    Everybody here, I'm sure, is happy you have escaped that abusive relationship and formed a wonderful family.  Really, we are.  Take your family on a vacation, do a vow renewal, or have a gigantic party with all your family and friends and call it a "celebration of your marriage."  Go have fun, celebrate with family and friends.  

    And heck, if you have a PPD, none of us will be there to stop you.  Nobody here controls what you do.  But we give honest opinions because it's better to hear the truth from internet strangers who will give it to you straight, than have family and friends think badly of you IRL.  And when the overwhelming consensus of a group of people, who really have read etiquette books and given a lot of thought to these issues, is that something is a bad idea-- posters should take a look at that idea before going through with it.  We really don't want you (general you, meaning posters asking etiquette questions) to potentially damage and destroy your relationships by treating your guests poorly.

    Truly, I wish you and your family the best.  It sounds like you guys deserve a fantastic vacation together.
    Again, I do not believe in any way that my situation is "special and unique." In fact, when I was reading about this topic all I could find was extremely hateful things. One of the reasons I even shared my story was so other people might relate to my situation and know they are not alone. Or maybe someone who's going through the same thing could also share their story as well. I was just venting and not attempting to win some award for best reason why I should have a wedding after being married.

    I have no problem with honest opinions and I am aware that I do not know everything. The point I was trying to make, which apparently I did an awful job of, was that you can still give your honest thoughts, opinions without being disrespectful in the process. I never argued the main points of having a wedding after being married! I only disagreed with the hateful way people deliver these comments.    
  • Do you really think you are that different from anyone else who has decided to get married and then do a re-do later? Everyone has hard times in life and I guarantee you that someone has had it harder than you but still decided that their actual wedding day was good enough, no matter how simple or small it was, because all that mattered was marrying the person they love.

    Why can't you just have a party to celebrate? Why do you need a re-do?

    Also, so many women post about how mean the posters are here. But seriously, its not that they were mean and hateful, you are upset because no one validated your idea. Get the fuck over it.
    Did I say I was any different? Nope, sure didn't! In fact, my purpose in writing this vent was a process of closure (getting over it) that maybe someone could identity with my story and know they are not alone.

    I agree, there is always someone out there that is going to have it much harder than you. So, does that mean a person is not entitled to ever feel bad or express their feelings because someone somewhere has it worse?

    Please, read what I wrote and do not make assumptions. Where does it say that I need or want a re-do?

    Again, read! I am not now nor have I ever been looking for anyone to validate anything!! I wrote that I completely understand that everyone has different opinions. Although, what I don't understand is expressing your opinion in a rude or hateful way. It's not the content of the opinion, just the way in which it is presented. I never said I didn't agree with the opinions.  

    No one forced you to respond, if you did not agree or understand the post, why not just ignore it and move on. Do you feel better now that you told a complete stranger, "to get the fuck over it?" You must be perfect and never have vented about something that was bothering you. Did you feel like your point was better made by being an ass? I just don't get it!   

      
    Honey, I understood your post just fine. It was "here's my sob story, please tell me I'm a special snowflake because people hurt my feelings" post. And if you didn't mean it that way, well that's how it came across.

    Also, I'm not making assumptions. You said you were planning a PPD. You changed your mind, awesome. But I wasn't making an assumption, you wrote it yourself. I stand by my assessment that even though you changed your mind you're more upset that people said your plan was a bad idea than you are about how they said it. They didn't even say it to you! You just read what they wrote to someone else, so I don't understand at all why you were upset enough to write this post. Also, I'd love to hear how exactly you think someone should tell someone else their idea is rude or just plain bad.

    Also, your "vent" was just telling people how mean they are. That's not a vent, that's sitting on a moral high horse and telling grown women how to behave. It's the internet and you are talking to strangers and yeah they probably won't care about hurting your feelings like your friends and family might. But in general that means you get better advice because no one is sugar-coating it for you.

    Also, I think you were being more of an ass than I was in this thread. And I don't really feel better about telling you to "get the fuck over it" because 1) I don't think you did which is unfortunate because I think it would help you and 2)  I don't really need to feel better because your post didn't make me feel bad so I don't need to feel better, I feel great.
    Your right, the post wasn't directed towards me; therefore, I am not upset about the posts. Yes, I am upset about not having the wedding I always wanted. Wouldn't you be? I will get over it, but that takes time. I had no idea that it was not alright for someone to share their story! Your arguments, which I am still confused why you argued them in the first place, are mostly based on assumptions. I certainly don't think I am special or better than anyone else!  

    If you knew I had changed my mind and stopped planning then why take the time to comment on it? Did you think you could convince me even further to not have a wedding? My vent was not directed at any specific individual unlike your response to me. I got the point of why not to have a wedding after being married. It was just MY general opinion that it could have been delivered in a more respectful manner. That's it, nothing more, nothing less. Obviously, you believe that it's the internet and anything goes, so get the fuck over it. I got it the first time and I respect your opinion. Also, I am glad you feel great. :)
    blondeej
  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited January 2014
    PDKH said:
    After all that you and your husband have gone through, blowing money a on a faux ceremony is STILL that important to you? I just don't understand. You sound like you have a great kid and a great husband, go blow your money on a fabulous family vacation or a huge anniversary party, or private vow renewal with your husband somewhere exotic.

    And sorry, no, I don't have a lot of sympathy for the PPDers. As a future military spouse working her ass off to find a decent job where her FI is being stationed even though she has a dream job offer elsewhere and could reap some massive job-hunting benefits by being married now, I don't have a lot of patience for people complaining about the hand they are dealt. Everyone gets dealt a shitty hand now and then. You make your choices, and you live with them. 

    Edited for clarity.
    Obviously, a "faux" ceremony is not "STILL" that important to me because I wrote that I am selling my wedding dress. What don't you get? Regardless, how is what I spend the money I worked for any of your concern? 

    Maybe, everyone that has a wedding is really just "blowing" money because there exists a much cheaper way to accomplish the exact same result. How about we analyze every possible scenario and topic other than what my post was really about?   

    Please, read my post again. I am not in any way asking, wanting or even needing a complete strangers sympathy. Although, it's clearly a good thing I am not! lol 

    For someone that doesn't have a lot of patience for complaining, it sure took an awful lot of it to get to the point. Could it be that maybe, just like I shared the hardships in my life, it's not really complaining, but more of an explaination required to validate your opinion? 

    However, you are comparing apples to oranges. It's easy to talk a big talk about making decisions in life when there is not a child to consider. Of course, everyone goes through difficult times where they need to make choices and, it goes without saying that, they will have to live with them. What makes you think I don't already know that? 


    STUCK IN BOX

    Sigh, because you say you've been crying and you're clearly upset that you feel that you do not get to have your PPD. To me, that means having the faux ceremony is still important to you. 

    You're right; having a big wedding is blowing money, because we could have a perfectly lovely wedding by running down to the courthouse. My FI and I fully admit that, we have guilt over it, we question it, etc. 

    My point was I don't understand the need to blow money on a PPD when you are already happily married. My FI and I chose a big wedding over a honeymoon, over a nicer house to rent, over my potential job search. And we have to live with that decision that we may regret later - just like you have to live with the decision to get married early. No, at the end of the day, I don't really care what you spend your money on. My point was, if you want to blow money on a PPD out of some sense to celebrate your love with family and friends, there's ways to do that without looking silly and stomping all over etiquette. I personally don't understand the argument to "have the wedding you never had" when you are happily married.

    And you posted clearly trying to get sympathy. Don't act like you weren't. You posted saying we all need to be nicer when we rain on PPD parades, talked about selling your dress, drying your tears, getting your feelings hurt, etc.
    image
    KeptInStitchesCokezerofreakRebeccaB88
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Sorry that you weren't able to turn your fantasy into reality.
    DaringtoDream
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker

    You know, if you want to spend your money on a re enactment for your friends and family do it. But PLEASE do not LIE to your guests. Make sure they know that in the eyes of the law you are legally wed.

    That is my two cents.

    Anniversary
    image
    DaringtoDream
  • PDKH said:
    PDKH said:
    After all that you and your husband have gone through, blowing money a on a faux ceremony is STILL that important to you? I just don't understand. You sound like you have a great kid and a great husband, go blow your money on a fabulous family vacation or a huge anniversary party, or private vow renewal with your husband somewhere exotic.

    And sorry, no, I don't have a lot of sympathy for the PPDers. As a future military spouse working her ass off to find a decent job where her FI is being stationed even though she has a dream job offer elsewhere and could reap some massive job-hunting benefits by being married now, I don't have a lot of patience for people complaining about the hand they are dealt. Everyone gets dealt a shitty hand now and then. You make your choices, and you live with them. 

    Edited for clarity.
    Obviously, a "faux" ceremony is not "STILL" that important to me because I wrote that I am selling my wedding dress. What don't you get? Regardless, how is what I spend the money I worked for any of your concern? 

    Maybe, everyone that has a wedding is really just "blowing" money because there exists a much cheaper way to accomplish the exact same result. How about we analyze every possible scenario and topic other than what my post was really about?   

    Please, read my post again. I am not in any way asking, wanting or even needing a complete strangers sympathy. Although, it's clearly a good thing I am not! lol 

    For someone that doesn't have a lot of patience for complaining, it sure took an awful lot of it to get to the point. Could it be that maybe, just like I shared the hardships in my life, it's not really complaining, but more of an explaination required to validate your opinion? 

    However, you are comparing apples to oranges. It's easy to talk a big talk about making decisions in life when there is not a child to consider. Of course, everyone goes through difficult times where they need to make choices and, it goes without saying that, they will have to live with them. What makes you think I don't already know that? 


    STUCK IN BOX

    Sigh, because you say you've been crying and you're clearly upset that you feel that you do not get to have your PPD. To me, that means having the faux ceremony is still important to you. 

    You're right; having a big wedding is blowing money, because we could have a perfectly lovely wedding by running down to the courthouse. My FI and I fully admit that, we have guilt over it, we question it, etc. 

    My point was I don't understand the need to blow money on a PPD when you are already happily married. My FI and I chose a big wedding over a honeymoon, over a nicer house to rent, over my potential job search. And we have to live with that decision that we may regret later - just like you have to live with the decision to get married early. No, at the end of the day, I don't really care what you spend your money on. My point was, if you want to blow money on a PPD out of some sense to celebrate your love with family and friends, there's ways to do that without looking silly and stomping all over etiquette. I personally don't understand the argument to "have the wedding you never had" when you are happily married.

    And you posted clearly trying to get sympathy. Don't act like you weren't. You posted saying we all need to be nicer when we rain on PPD parades, talked about selling your dress, drying your tears, getting your feelings hurt, etc.
    I did NOT post "trying to get sympathy" and I am very sorry if you feel that way. Please, do not try and read between the lines and jump to assumptions based on what you THINK is going through my mind. Did you really think after reading all of the extremely hateful posts (which is what my post was about) that I thought this group of women was going to show me one ounce of sympathy? HELL NO!!

    But, that is ok. There are lots of people whom blog, journal, and post rants/vents everyday. Did I believe that my feelings and post was going to win any popularity awards? Again, HELL NO! As I wrote, "selling my dress" and "drying my tears" and "putting on my big girl panties," it was merely a way of expressing my decision to not be upset about it anymore and move on.

    Honestly, I had no idea that a person could not express their feelings of sorrow without it also automatically being an attempt to gain sympathy. The truth is that regardless if you or anyone else decides to take a moment and show support instead of drawn out assumptions, it doesn't matter because I am moving on. Did you think it was easy to put my whole story out there to be judged? I wrote this post as a part of my own personal healing process and it felt great to get it off my chest. 

    I do not think you will someday regret your decision to, in your words, "blow money" on your wedding. I could not imagine making such sacrifices as your home and potential job just for one day, so obviously it means very much to you. Therefore, I truly hope you get the special day you have pictured in your mind. I hope nothing ever happens in your life, which forces your decision in making a choice you would not have otherwise made. Because, it is a difficult pill to swallow and I would not wish that upon you or anyone else.

    Thanks, for taking the time to read my thoughts even if you did not agree with me. I do feel better getting it off my chest and I hope others will not be afraid to do the same just because their opinions and feelings might not be popular or met with compassion. And, if one person thinks before putting their opposing views in a disrespectful way, well then, that's just an added bonus. I wish you the best! :)     

      
  • scribe95 said:

    Look, many of us didn't get the wedding we always wanted. I wanted it in an amazing downtown building with a quartet and flipping awesome live flower centerpieces.

    But I couldn't afford it. I had a simple, wedding with my loved ones instead.

    You could have had that at various points but made CHOICES not to.

    That sounds like an amazing wedding, but I am sure the one you had was just as great! :) No, unfortunately, I was not able to have the wedding at all until 2015 when we had planned. It was not going to be anything big, but even something small costs money and my daughter came first. I wish I could have because I would not be here explaining this to you! lol Sometimes things don't work out the way that you want them to, but I believe it all happens for a reason and one day I might better understand. I am so glad you got to have the wedding you could afford and are happy!  
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I need to ask a question and I'm not trying to be snarky.

    Why do you need to heal from not having a big poofy wedding day?  The importance of a wedding is the marriage.  You have that, what is there to heal from?  You heal from loss, you heal from tragedy.  Not having a big froofy wedding day is neither a loss nor a tragedy.

    Shit happens, you need to re-plot the course and move on.

     

    KeptInStitches[Deleted User]RebeccaB88
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited January 2014
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited January 2014
  • You know, if you want to spend your money on a re enactment for your friends and family do it. But PLEASE do not LIE to your guests. Make sure they know that in the eyes of the law you are legally wed.

    That is my two cents.

    Thank you so much for your opinion! I will definitely keep that in mind if for some reason we do decide to do something. That is great advice!
  • Teddy917 said:
    Most people on the boards are perfectly nice. But there are only so many ways to say that something is rude. Even "That isn't a good idea" will get some people upset. You can't please everyone. So people on these boards don't try to; they just give open, honest advice without sugar-coating it.
    I am sure there are a lot of perfectly nice women on this board. I do not disagree with that one bit. I also agree that there are individuals whom might get upset if you disagree with them at all, but I am not one of them, so I can't speak for those people.

    However, I do believe there are different ways of expressing your opinion or getting your point across without "sugar-coating it" and still, be respectful at the same time. In my opinion, some of the comments I included in my original post could have been expressed without being so hateful and it's ok if you don't share the same feelings. 

    Personally, I think the excuse that you can't please everyone is not a good enough reason to just not try at all when considering how your words affect another human being. I think it's a huge reflection on the world we live in today when a hateful comment is accepted as the norm and one individual promoting a positive alternative is met with such debate. I am fully aware that going against the grain and speaking up about something I believe isn't going to gain me any popularity points, but I am ok with that. 
    jenniferurs
  • I need to ask a question and I'm not trying to be snarky.

    Why do you need to heal from not having a big poofy wedding day?  The importance of a wedding is the marriage.  You have that, what is there to heal from?  You heal from loss, you heal from tragedy.  Not having a big froofy wedding day is neither a loss nor a tragedy.

    Shit happens, you need to re-plot the course and move on.


    I never said I needed "a big poofy wedding day." From the beginning, the plan was a small, simple wedding, but even a small celebration with family costs money.


    Why does any women want a wedding? It's a once in a lifetime (for most of us) experience to stand in the church of your faith in front of loved ones to celebrate a love so great you vow it irreplaceable for a lifetime and the end result proclaims you are married. The truth is none of us really need to have a wedding of any size or budget for the end result of being married, it's our own personal want or desire. 


    For some, carrying on tradition and sharing the experience with loved ones is something you have pictured in your mind a thousand times. A wedding just happened to be a want, which was very important to me.


    However, regardless of what it is, when something is important to you and it's no longer there or an option, it most definitely is a loss. Yes, I do plan to move on, good advice. Thank you! 

    jenniferurs
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    I need to ask a question and I'm not trying to be snarky.

    Why do you need to heal from not having a big poofy wedding day?  The importance of a wedding is the marriage.  You have that, what is there to heal from?  You heal from loss, you heal from tragedy.  Not having a big froofy wedding day is neither a loss nor a tragedy.

    Shit happens, you need to re-plot the course and move on.


    I never said I needed "a big poofy wedding day." From the beginning, the plan was a small, simple wedding, but even a small celebration with family costs money.


    Why does any women want a wedding? It's a once in a lifetime (for most of us) experience to stand in the church of your faith in front of loved ones to celebrate a love so great you vow it irreplaceable for a lifetime and the end result proclaims you are married. The truth is none of us really need to have a wedding of any size or budget for the end result of being married, it's our own personal want or desire. 


    For some, carrying on tradition and sharing the experience with loved ones is something you have pictured in your mind a thousand times. A wedding just happened to be a want, which was very important to me.


    However, regardless of what it is, when something is important to you and it's no longer there or an option, it most definitely is a loss. Yes, I do plan to move on, good advice. Thank you! 


    STUCK IN THE BOX:

    I get the idea of carrying on tradition, I wore my mother's dress.  But your words come across like you are in mourning over a party.  There is no reason you can't still have the party.  You just can't pretend to get married again.  You will never be a bride, you are a wife.


     

  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited January 2014
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited January 2014
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Could you just stop playing the martyr?
    When my father gets all pissy and martyr-like, my mother looks him in the eye and says, "Get off the cross, we need the wood," which usually shuts him up and alerts him to just how passive-aggressive he's being. 


    That was an oft said expression in our home as well.  "Suffer silently and offer it up to God" was a close second.  
    HisGirlFriday13
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