Wedding Etiquette Forum

Asked to be a "hostess"...please tell me I'm not crazy.

I have the Knot 911 app and spend a good amount of time on there. It's pretty similar to the boards as there are a group of us that knows the correct etiquette for many situations and are just realistic and honest when people ask questions. Then there are the special snowflakes. A question came up within the past few days and many of us from the 1st group were horrified. But I'd love to know if this is a common and okay thing to ask of people. Because it sure doesn't seem so to me!

 

The post was a vent about how her hostess bought a dress in the wrong color and now she'd match the bridesmaids. Many of us were confused so we asked what she meant by hosting. The reply said, (and I quote), "....nor are they honorary bridesmaid with duties. nor am I requiring them to buy a specific dress. for my wedding a hostess that is attending to the grooms and groomsman making sure they are there, dressed, and ready to go at 5:45 sharp. I have someone who will be attending to the bridesmaids ensuring the same thing. then I have someone at the door who will yes manage the guest book, hand out the programs, and most importantly close the door at 5:45 so we can start the wedding. regarding this fuchsia dress, the same color as the bridesmaid's dresses. I told her I wanted them in yellow prior to her getting the dress. now she will really stand out b/c the other hostesses will be in yellow. I want my hostess to stand out from my bridesmaids but she is going to look like a last minute fill in for something...."

 

Some of us replied in horror, saying that this sounded like being a coordinator without getting paid or receiving the honor of a bridesmaid. I was also shaking my head at the fact that adults needed someone to babysit them while they got dressed, because god forbid they didn't remember their socks! I mean, my girls and I helped eachother get ready the day of. The guys did the same.

 

She got really mad at us and stooped to calling our (my?) wedding a mess and ass backwards (and said it was a courthouse wedding..what?? um no). Because she wouldn't get married at a courthouse or a barn so her day would be perfect and I needed a lesson in being in a wedding because those people have to wear WHAT I TELL THEM TO WEAR! ITS MY DAY AND IT WILL BE PERFECT! ahh. gag me.

 

alright, so tell me, were we wrong in our feeling this was a shit job that they were pretending is an "honor"? And is this a common thing, to have "hostesses?" Because  last I checked a hostess or host was the one who hosted the event, not babysat the guests/wedding party.

 

ETA to fix terrible spelling

After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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Re: Asked to be a "hostess"...please tell me I'm not crazy.

  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I've heard of hostesses before but I think it is a sucky 'honor' to get.  People you love/respect should not have to work at your wedding.

    I'm very organized and responsible so I've had several people ask me to be their day of coordinator.  I always say yes because I love them, but sheesh, I would rather just sit and enjoy.
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I have never heard of this concept. If one of my friends asked me to do this and wear something specific I would tell her to shove it. I look awful in yellow.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The hostess is the person who issues the invitation.  

    She's talking about a personal attendant, aka unpaid DOC.  
  • AprilH81 said:
    I've heard of hostesses before but I think it is a sucky 'honor' to get.  People you love/respect should not have to work at your wedding.

    I'm very organized and responsible so I've had several people ask me to be their day of coordinator.  I always say yes because I love them, but sheesh, I would rather just sit and enjoy.

    If I was straight up asked to be a DOC for a friend that would be fine, because they're being honest about what they want from me. Doesn't make it the correct thing to ask a friend to do, but it's not pulling the wool over their eyes and pretending it's this great honor.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    This woman is cuckoo bananas.
    s-aries8990speedyblazer11Amyzen83MadHops21
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sounds like a hot mess to me.
    AprilH81
  • I'm glad I'm not one of her slave laborers.  If I was her friend and I was being told what dress to buy without being in the wedding party I would be pissed!!

    Also I sure hope this isn't a trend...because it shouldn't be.

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sounds like a job.  A wedding version of the party whip?
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Wow, that sounds terrible.  What an awful faux honor.  And she has multiple "hostesses?"  And how is she not telling them what to wear?  She really is because she's making them wear yellow.

    Now for the real question: which is a better "honor," to be a junior BM, house party, or hostess?  And don't forget the special friends who will manage your guestbook and cut the cake!
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    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    Amyzen83
  • She does sound a little like a bridezilla but maybe this is just something that is done in her circle of friends/family. The "hostess" part I mean.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would not appreciate being told by a "hostess" what to do or where to be, and if I were asked to be a "hostess" by way of being "honored," I'd tell the bride "heck no."  You want someone to act as a coordinator, hire them.
    Amyzen83
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You're not crazy, she is.
    image
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    chibiyui
  • uh yeah...shit job.
  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 at the corner of Wine Ave. and Margarita Ln. member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    She's a nut. I'm putting in wake up calls for FI, as a) he likes to sleep in till noon on weekends b) our wedding is at 11 am, c) the hotel he's staying at night before (we will be staying there night of our wedding) is well known for extremely comfy, roll over and go back to sleep beds, and d) I know a few of his guy friends/family will want to meet him for drinks that night, which tends to make him sleep more. He's completely on board with having the hotel desk call and make sure his butt is up and getting ready.
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    my friends and I are dressing ourselves. Is this *another* new thing?!

    She sounds like a peach.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • I've heard of hostesses in some more southern/traditional areas... it's basically one step away from being a bridesmaid. Literally. It's stupid. In those cases too the bridal parties were ENORMOUS.

    Maybe its kind of like having groomsmen and ushers? A step down?
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  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've heard of hostesses in some more southern/traditional areas... it's basically one step away from being a bridesmaid. Literally. It's stupid. In those cases too the bridal parties were ENORMOUS.

    Maybe its kind of like having groomsmen and ushers? A step down?
    I consider myself to be quite southern and I have never heard of this. Maybe I'm not in the cool club.

    Sad.
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    PrettyGirlLostAmyzen83MyNameIsNot
  • I've never heard of this. It sounds a little nutty to me.
  • That sounds ridiculous to me. If she wants a DOC, she should hire one. not "honor" friends by having them be free slave labor.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Maybe she'll let them serve punch as well...i hear that's an honor too. *eyeroll*
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    PrettyGirlLostAmyzen83
  • Slave labor in the name of ITSMYDAY is bleeeeh.

    People doing work should get paid.

    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • this is why I love you guys :-)

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 at the corner of Wine Ave. and Margarita Ln. member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    mimiphin said:

    I had a hostess at my wedding too - her name was Excel Spreadsheet and we followed her so that we finished getting dressed in time for a cocktail before photos.

     

    Oh that slut!! She's coming to my wedding too! Damn girl gets around.
    And here I thought I was special.....
     

    @mimiphin- she's currently running my RSVP tracking of who's attending, who we are waiting on, and what everyone is eating...Excel is one easy bitch
    mimiphinRebeccaB88MadHops21
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I had friends who offered to be my "ladies in waiting". Basically they wanted to do all the things that a "hostess" would be doing. I told them I hired someone to do that stuff for me and they were a little offended. I told them I didn't want anyone working on my wedding day except the people I was paying to do work. They eventually got over it, but there are some people out there who don't mind doing these kinds of things for their friends. 
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    Amyzen83
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I had friends who offered to be my "ladies in waiting". Basically they wanted to do all the things that a "hostess" would be doing. I told them I hired someone to do that stuff for me and they were a little offended. I told them I didn't want anyone working on my wedding day except the people I was paying to do work. They eventually got over it, but there are some people out there who don't mind doing these kinds of things for their friends. 
     Then those ppl can offer or ask the Bride if they can do those tasks.  Brides should not ask friends and family to do bitch work under the guise of it being an honor.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    photokittyAprilH81RebeccaB88Amyzen83
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oh believe me I wasn't saying that it was ok for the bride to assign these tasks. Like I said, I would never ask anyone to work on my wedding day which is why I hired someone to do everything I needed. I was just saying that there are some people who want to do those things.
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oh believe me I wasn't saying that it was ok for the bride to assign these tasks. Like I said, I would never ask anyone to work on my wedding day which is why I hired someone to do everything I needed. I was just saying that there are some people who want to do those things.
    Someone ASKING to do those things is not what we are talking about.  The OP was talking about a story where the bride asked people to be a "hostess" and then whined that they weren't wearing the right color dress or doing what she told them.  
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
    Amyzen83
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    AprilH81 said:
    Oh believe me I wasn't saying that it was ok for the bride to assign these tasks. Like I said, I would never ask anyone to work on my wedding day which is why I hired someone to do everything I needed. I was just saying that there are some people who want to do those things.
    Someone ASKING to do those things is not what we are talking about.  The OP was talking about a story where the bride asked people to be a "hostess" and then whined that they weren't wearing the right color dress or doing what she told them.  
    Sorry I didn't know I wasn't allowed to post about my experience on a public online forum because it wasn't exactly the same thing that was being discussed. I know that these chats never go off topic and nobody ever interjects their own personal opinion. Moving forward I will make sure to only state exactly what everyone else says and is talking about. Please forgive me.
    image
    ashleyep
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