Attire & Accessories Forum

How much "say so" or input should I give for dresses of our moms/grandmas?

If you saw my previous post, you know I'm going laid back with having mismatch bridesmaid dresses. I want each person to love what they have on, as long as I get to see it before so that I know everything blends well to me.

Some family members (his side and mine) have been asking me if they should buy pink dresses I go with my colors. I really don't care if they match or not, but I don't know what to say. I'm worried someone will think I'm saying I don't care enough to think about what they wear.

Typically, does the bride even have anything to do with what mothers and grandmothers wear? I'd be happy to dress shop with any of them and say what looks nice, but I really hadn't thought of making them fit with the colors of he decorations when even my bridesmaids aren't doing that.

Re: How much "say so" or input should I give for dresses of our moms/grandmas?

  • If they specifically ask for advice it is okay to give it, but you shouldn't assign colors "Grandma, you wear navy blue, Mom you wear light blue, etc." or tell anyone how to dress.

    Since they are asking for guidance I would try to gently steer them into something that they would like and still feel comfortable in.  "Grandma, you look lovely in blue and it would go well with the bridesmaids dresses, but you can wear any color you like, I want you to feel beautiful!"
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    MollyandDPrettyGirlLost
  • Nope, typically, the bride has no say in what the mothers and grandmothers wear. An adult can dress herself. Let them know that they can wear whatever color they want and they look good in. They don't have to match each other or anyone else. Go shopping with them and feel free to offer suggestions for dresses you like, but also have them try on dresses they pick out. My mom just doesn't like shopping, so I went with her and she tried on some things that we both picked out. She ultimately picked a dress she liked when she went shopping by herself. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    MollyandDPrettyGirlLost
  • That's kind of what I was thinking I was supposed to do. I don't want them to think I expect them to dress a certain way. I like the suggestions of giving guidance but reassuring them I'm ok with anything. I just want them there with me. They can come in a jumpsuit for all I care. It would be weird, but you get the point.
  • If they are asking for your input on colors. You can say something like "You don't need to match anyone. Just wear whatever you are comfortable in".  
    MollyandDAddieCakePrettyGirlLostemmyg65
  • Typically, the parents and grandparents don't match the wedding party. It is usually per tradition that your mom buys her dress first and communicates with your fiance's mom on colors so that they can coordinate (note- that doesn't mean match.) But that's about it. I think Mrs. QF has it absolutely right.
    image
  • SBmini said:
    Typically, the parents and grandparents don't match the wedding party. It is usually per tradition that your mom buys her dress first and communicates with your fiance's mom on colors so that they can coordinate (note- that doesn't mean match.) But that's about it. I think Mrs. QF has it absolutely right.
    This is really old fashioned and I'm not sure anyone really does this anymore.

    If they ask you for an opinion on their attire, just tell them to wear whatever they want!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • SBmini said:
    Typically, the parents and grandparents don't match the wedding party. It is usually per tradition that your mom buys her dress first and communicates with your fiance's mom on colors so that they can coordinate (note- that doesn't mean match.) But that's about it. I think Mrs. QF has it absolutely right.
    This is really old fashioned and I'm not sure anyone really does this anymore.

    If they ask you for an opinion on their attire, just tell them to wear whatever they want!
    It's funny you say that. After FI and I got engaged one of the first WR conversations I had with his mom was about dresses. She was all, please let me know when your mom has bought her dress and the color, etc. etc. so we can coordinate. And I was like "Look FMIL, my mom didn't get around to buying her dress until less than 2 weeks before my sister's wedding so I wouldn't wait around for her, and secondly, I want you to buy whatever you feel most beautiful and comfortable in. Go shopping whenever you want and buy what you love."

    So just saying, for whatever reason, the idea that the moms need to coordinate is still perpetuating itself out there somehow.



  • I helped my mother pick out her dress.  I did so because she asked me to go shopping for it with her.  I gave her feedback on the dresses she tried on based on whether I thought they were her style and she would be comfortable in them.  She tried on one that looked amazing on her, but it wasn't her at all.  I steered her to another dress that she liked better and that better suited her personality.

    And for the record, her dress is champagne colored, my bridesmaids will be wearing cornflower blue and the groomsmen will be wearing latte vests.
    image
  • That's kind of what I was thinking I was supposed to do. I don't want them to think I expect them to dress a certain way. I like the suggestions of giving guidance but reassuring them I'm ok with anything. I just want them there with me. They can come in a jumpsuit for all I care. It would be weird, but you get the point.

    I'm the same way as you... When BM's were trying to get input from me regarding their dresses, I told them color & length and said get whatever you want.  But, they really wanted me to make the final decision. I told them, honestly I would be happy EVEN if they showed up in blue jeans.  As long as they are there standing beside me and I get to marry my best friend, then my day will be awesome.  But, I'm finding that some people are so worried about making sure your day is "perfect" that they want you to make the decisions... even if you don't really care.

    My mom bought her dress shortly after we started wedding planning. I had no input on it whatsoever, and didn't want any. She can wear whatever she wants. I haven't seen it, but I'm pretty sure she went with our wedding color.  FI's mom hasn't asked and if she does, we will tell her "You can wear whatever style or color you would like, but if you would prefer to match our wedding color, it is navy blue, and we have no problem with that."

    image 

  • my mom wore grey dress that went a little past her ankles not short but not long ether for my brothers wedding the mob wore a purple long semi formal gown.


    for my friends wedding both mob and mog both wore like a taupe colored dresses

    i told my mom to wear whatever she feels comfortable in
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