I'm starting to feel like she actually just doesn't want us to get married. She's always picking at some detail. First it was the date, then it was the guest list, then it was the preliminary seating "chart" (not a full one just a "we know X would want to sit near Y" stuff, so more guidelines to keep handy while doing the seating chart). Now this, which she's already done more than once.
Little backstory: Yesterday there was some drama here in town. A friend of FMIL's (J) has some family visiting, so yesterday morning she took them to visit her daughters who live about 4 hours away. She left her keys (both to her house and the guest houses she runs) with a friend of hers (M) across the street, so this friend could go across in the evenings, switch lights on etc. M is an elderly woman, who can be a little dippy and a little odd, but is trustworthy.
So around 3pm M calls FMIL in a panic, she thinks the house has been broken into, there's a light on in one of the rooms, all the cupboards are open, and the burglar bars are lying on the kitchen floor. FMIL calls the police to report the break-in, then tells FI and FFIL they need to go over there and wait with M until the police get there, and do a walk through and all that. Yes, there was a break-in, they searched all the rooms, didn't take anything (there were cellphones, cameras, computers etc all over the house, untouched). According to FFIL it looked like something out of a movie the way the place had been ransacked. We eventually figured out that they were looking for J's money (because of the guest houses, she sometimes has large amounts of cash in the house) but they didn't find it - FFIL did, with J's directions, and it's secure and at our place now until J gets back from her trip later today.
Anyway, while FI and FFIL were out trying to calm M, help the police, get in touch with the guys to fix the burglar bars etc, I stayed home with FMIL because obviously she was quite shocked. So we were talking about this and that, and she asked if I'd spoken to my mom lately. I said yes, I spoke to her earlier in the week, but I forgot to ask her when she plans on coming down for the wedding, so I don't have the dates yet to give J to book her guest house.
FMIL goes "Are you SURE you can afford it this year, I mean, you know FI's car needs to be fixed and it's going to cost R20k (that's about $2000)!"
I said "Yes, I'm sure. We're not having a huge wedding, we're having the wedding we can afford."
She looked at me like, yeah, right.
So I said "Well, there is another option, of course."
She looked surprised.
I said "We could always just get married at Home Affairs and have lunch afterwards." (Which, by the way, is what I wanted to do in the first place!)
She looked totally disgusted and just didn't respond.
Now seriously, FI isn't paying for this wedding, I am. I'm not touching FI's money for this, if he needs to get his car fixed, then that's his own business (and apparently hers, because his bank account is STILL linked to hers!). Besides which, I am a grown-ass woman who has been managing her own damn finances for more than a decade. I have worked in a law firm which specialised in insolvencies, and both my sister and my father are qualified debt counsellors, whom I have worked for. I have yet to have SARS, the banks, the shops, or the cops come after me.
I do not live beyond my means. I buy new clothes when I need them, I buy new shoes when I can find them, which is not very often at all, because I'm a non-standard size and shoes that fit are a bitch to find. I do my hair and nails myself, I don't go to the salon unless I have to. Once a weekend (or once every two weeks) I treat FI to breakfast at our favourite café, so we can get out of the house and discuss things without people hovering and butting in. I don't even go into town unless I have something specific that I need to do. After I pay my bills, my salary gets split between my credit cards and the wedding fund, with a little left over so I can treat FI to breakfast, and be able to buy bus tickets home if I need them.
FI and I have already cancelled the order for my engagement ring and our wedding bands (thankfully the jeweller hadn't started on them yet), and that's all FI had to pay for, so if this wedding comes up as an excuse for why he can't pay for his car I'm going to throw a total hissy. We're going to get stainless steel bands from the same place where we got the ring I'm wearing at the moment - for approximately $2 each - and we'll replace them with the custom rings later when we can afford them.
We've cut our guest list from 100 to 40.
My mom is paying for my dress, and has, very generously, offered to pay half the reception costs (in terms of food and drink). Considering we're having a very small set lunch, and we're expecting about 30 people to actually come, that's not going to be a huge amount. She's also offered to pay for our photographer, if we decide to hire one. We've decided not to hire the one we wanted, but we may get someone else.
FMIL has offered to make the cake for us, and I'm holding her to that.
FI's uncle and/or my boss will be officiating.
MOH's sister and her great-aunt are making my dress (for less than a third of what anyone else quoted me), MOH's dress, and probably the gents' waistcoats as well, so we're saving massively there.
I'm wearing shoes I already own, and doing my own hair, nails, and make-up, as well as MOH's. I'm making all our stationery, from STDs to Thank You cards and place cards. I'm making all the decor, which I'll get started on as soon as the venue gets back to me about whether we're doing long tables or short tables so I know how many centerpieces I need.
The gents outfits are: white button-down shirts with open collars and rolled up sleeves, waistcoats, suit pants, belt, socks, shoes. Both FI and BM have the shirt, belt, socks, and shoes already. BM has his pants, FI needs new ones because he's put on a little weight since he had his transplant and has gone up a size, and we're having the waistcoats made at very little cost.
My brother is DJing for us, and we're not having flowers. Favours are not a done thing here, nor are RDs (though we'll have a small one anyway because our BP is OOT).
I have cut costs, in every possible place. There is nowhere else to save money, and I am confident that I've already cut things that I could have afforded.
I swear if she brings up our wedding finances one more time, I'm cancelling the whole damn thing and FI and I are getting married at Home Affairs, without either set of parents!
*fumefumefumefumefume*
ETA: stuff because I can't think straight