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Need to Vent: Someone We Didn't Invite RSVPed to the Wedding

So I came home to my parents house last night and there were 7 RSVPs waiting.  Yay!  I like receiving them in the mail.  I open them and see one was saying that they were coming, no name, boo LOL but I know that happens so I'll wait until the deadline when I need to make calls.  I then open another one and I'm looking at the names and in my head I'm like, "I don't recognize these names."  I call FI and he said he will call his parents, but that he didn't recognize them either.  I decided to look up the girl's name on on FB just to see.  Well there she was, so I browsed her page and I'm like "this chick looks familiar" and she is also friends with FIs cousin so I know that somehow they know FIs family.

FI calls me back and said he did the same thing with FB.  Apparently the guy is the son of his moms friend, whom we invited.  FI told his mom and she is so livid.  It appears that her friend gave the invitation to her son and his FI.  What the conversation was I have no idea.  But FI mom said she was going to handle it, so hopefully she does.  

I told FI that I don't care, I don't know them and its beyond rude to RSVP to a wedding that you clearly weren't invited too.  I get that FIs family isn't used to these types of formal events, they are used to throwing parties and if you come. you come you don't, then you don't.  Everything is a BBQ at someone's house and this is the first formal wedding in their family in like forever apparently.  I also told FI that if they do decide to show up even after being told they aren't invited, they are SOL.  They won't have a seat assignment and everything that goes along with that.
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Re: Need to Vent: Someone We Didn't Invite RSVPed to the Wedding

  • @missax essentially thats what it appears.  FIs mom is going to call and ask basic questions like "oh so have you RSVPed yet" and take it from there but I feel like she needs to be more direct.
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  • oh wedding invites and RSVPs. I was shocked with how many people added guests!  No, sorry invite was for A&B, not A,B,C & D (not kid addtitions mind you, adults!)  3 different families on Hs side did this.  We made an exception to one family since the addition was a close friend of H's but originally he was in Germany with his fiance so H had not seen him in 2 years hence he was not on the original invite list. They came home a month before the wedding so the parents added him and his FI to the rsvp.  I was miffed at first but since he was a good friend of Hs (and he was excited the guy was going to be back in town) I let that one side. 

    We also had 2 single guests bring a +1 that were not SO's, nor were they added on the rsvp, so we had 2 random guests at our wedding... by that point there was no reason to get upset and they were nice girls so it was what it was.  The venue handled it seemlessly so I just let it go (we happened to have 2 no shows so we were not even charged for the "extra" guests).  One of the additions is now the guys SO and we actually get together frequently so looking back no big deal... but man the RSVP stage was the most irritating part of wedding planning. 

    But wow, to pass on the invite to someone else is crazy! especially without asking.
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  • Who wants to attend a wedding of people they've never met? 
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  • @LizM61409 I've seen them at BBQs but was never formally introduced...its just so weird.
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  • So I came home to my parents house last night and there were 7 RSVPs waiting.  Yay!  I like receiving them in the mail.  I open them and see one was saying that they were coming, no name, boo LOL but I know that happens so I'll wait until the deadline when I need to make calls.  I then open another one and I'm looking at the names and in my head I'm like, "I don't recognize these names."  I call FI and he said he will call his parents, but that he didn't recognize them either.  I decided to look up the girl's name on on FB just to see.  Well there she was, so I browsed her page and I'm like "this chick looks familiar" and she is also friends with FIs cousin so I know that somehow they know FIs family.

    FI calls me back and said he did the same thing with FB.  Apparently the guy is the son of his moms friend, whom we invited.  FI told his mom and she is so livid.  It appears that her friend gave the invitation to her son and his FI.  What the conversation was I have no idea.  But FI mom said she was going to handle it, so hopefully she does.  

    I told FI that I don't care, I don't know them and its beyond rude to RSVP to a wedding that you clearly weren't invited too.  I get that FIs family isn't used to these types of formal events, they are used to throwing parties and if you come. you come you don't, then you don't.  Everything is a BBQ at someone's house and this is the first formal wedding in their family in like forever apparently.  I also told FI that if they do decide to show up even after being told they aren't invited, they are SOL.  They won't have a seat assignment and everything that goes along with that.

  • I read a pro tip somewhere of numbering the RSVP card envelopes in some way so you can match the card to the invitee list, should someone not include their name.

    What a bizarre thing to do!
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  • Ugh, sorry OP.

    My adopted aunt is bringing a friend of hers I've never heard of till now. It's too expensive for both her and my uncle to come, but she basically got an "ok" from my mom. Invited one of my dad's friends and the SO- friend has broken things off with the SO, and has a new SO who will be attending. Again, my mom gave the ok (and when I found out, I took a chunk out of her ass, but have since let it go).

    FI tells me he has a verbal "yes" from his old mentor. Then tells me the mentor is bringing his teenage son to our wedding. Mentor was not given a plus one. I'm annoyed, but FI is so happy the mentor can come, (and we've had a number of declines), so I'm just dropping it. But teenager better behave himself- he's not getting an activity bag and access to the ladies lounge with puzzles and board games like the under 10s are!

  • Oh wow. Yeah FMIL should not be afraid to be direct with these people. Apparently they need to get beat over the head to take a hint, anyway. 

    My best friend in OR has a brother that's getting married in MN, where I live, a month before me and she was like OMG YOU SHOULD COME. Uh, I wasn't explicitly invited, so I'm not planning on it unless I hear otherwsie. They are family friends and they did invite my parents (knowing they wouldn't come, I'm sure) but I am not very close with her brother and totally understand not inviting me. I'll send a small gift though. 
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