Gah-- so much wedding shit happened this morning.
Cliffs Notes at the bottom in red. We stayed over FPILs' house last night for FSIL's bday party (everybody went out afterwards and slept over). This morning I was chatting with Fi, FMIL, and Fi's grandpa over coffee.
Awesome thing first: FPILs offered to host our rehearsal dinner! Yippee! I am so excited about this.
Less awesome thing: FMIL said Fi's cousin-- we'll call her Anna-- is really hurt she isn't in the wedding party. Fi and Anna are exactly the same age and grew up very close. Anna and her younger sister are going to be BMs in FBIL's wedding this July, our wedding is May 2015, and Anna is getting married a few months after us. She is really excited about all the weddings and is feeling left out of ours.
--First off, I feel terrible. Anna is a sweet person and the last thing I would want to do is hurt her feelings. She is sensitive so I don't think FMIL is making this up.
--I spoke with Fi about including Anna earlier in our engagement, but he said my BM's are my friends and my business.
--We have not finalized our BP yet, though. We're still a little more than a year out.
--So when FMIL said this, I suggested she could stand up on Fi's side. The family totally balked at this idea and didn't even understand the concept. FMIL said, "If you decide to ask her, it needs to come from both of you and she needs to stand with the girls." Fair enough, they are a very traditional family.
--Fi said he would have to think about it. Decent enough answer, I suppose.
Thing I'm just confused about: Grandpa (he speaks only Italian) asked through FMIL as translator what church we are getting married at. FMIL told him we're getting married outside, not in the church, and poor Grandpa looked completely crushed. His face fell, he held his head in his hands, and I could understand a little bit of what he was saying-- something about how it's not a marriage if it's not in the church, or you have to get married in the church, it won't be real, that kind of thing. The poor guy looked so, so depressed.
--The part I'm most upset about: when Grandpa asked this, Fi made some kind of awkward joke and left the table for a few minutes. He came back a couple minutes later but I was pissed that he left me there.
--FMIL wants to ask the family priest if he will come out to our venue and do the ceremony. I told her I'm open to hearing about it but I'm not sure, I have to see whether I'm comfortable with it.
--I think FMIL is going to turn out to be wrong, and the priest will not perform a ceremony outside of the church for no good reason, so this concern might be moot.
--But now Fi looks really excited about that prospect. He has said a couple of times that he really wants to receive the marriage Sacrament. I just don't know what to do if it turns out the priest will come perform the wedding. I don't know if it's okay that I'm not Catholic (I'm baptized Presbyterian but don't practice any religion actively). The religious aspect of the ceremony is just not terribly important to me-- yes, I believe in God, but I'm just no longer a fan of organized religion. I'm wondering if I should just cave on this and let Fi have what he wants. We have already decided to raise our children Catholic.
--Paging
@HisGirlFriday13 and
@monkeysip for Catholic help, please. Would the priest even come do this? Would it be disrespectful of me to go through with a Catholic ceremony as a non-Catholic? I guess I should also mention that neither Fi nor his family actually attends church except maybe once per year.
When Fi and I got home, I told him how upset I was that he just walked away-- we really need to present a united front. He apologizes and says he knows it was rude. He has a lot of trouble with words (we both suspect he has dyspraxia) and he clams up in stressful situations. Usually he's good with confronting his family about these things, but that's when he plans out ahead what he's going to say and calls when he's ready. But that still doesn't make it okay to bail on me.
Fi said once we got home that as he thinks about it, he really does want to include Anna as a BM. This would mean I have 7 or 8 BMs depending whether I ask a certain friend. I guess this is okay. Anna is really sweet. I just wish his family was less traditional and was cool with the idea of a grooms maid.
Cliffs Notes: 1) Fi's female cousin wants to be a BM, and now Fi wants her as well. I'm wondering whether to just make her a BM even though we aren't close friends. 2) Fi left me in a conversation with his family about having a Catholic wedding (which he wants and I don't) and I'm A) annoyed he left me and
now wondering if we can have a Catholic ceremony because I see it's important to him. 3) And yippee, FPILs offered to host the RD!
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."