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Should I let my dad walk me down the aisle?

Hello!
I am getting married next year and not sure what to do. Long story short, I was sexually abused by my father at a young age.  We are not close, but do talk once in a while.  I see him at family gatherings..Christmas, Easter, etc.  He will be invited to the wedding but I don't know if I should allow him to walk me down the aisle and give me away.  Not everyone knows about the abuse, so I don't want there to be any confusion as to why he isn't walking me down the aisle.  A part of me wants him to, but then a part of me feels he doesn't deserve that privilage. Help! I don't know what to do and don't know who to ask.

Thanks!!!!

Re: Should I let my dad walk me down the aisle?

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    I'm really sorry that you went through that as a child.  Only you can answer this question.  Are you comfortable with it?  If not, then have someone else escort you down the aisle, or go by yourself.  You do not have to answer to anyone regarding this.
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    I'm really sorry about what happened to you.
    Honestly, this is a question only you can answer.
    GL to you!
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    edited April 2011
    Have whoever you are closest to walk you down. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you picked someone other than your dad (if you choose someone else). Or just walk down by yourself and if anyone asks, just say you think the tradition was outdated or something if you feel you must give them a reason
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    Would it be wrong if I asked my fiances father to walk me down the aisle while my dad is there?
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    Ditto PPs. I'm so sorry for what you had to go throught! Choosing who walks you down the aisle is an incredibly personal decision.

    FWIW, I'm not close to my father, so my grandpa (who I'm quite close to) walked me down the aisle, and it was an awesome moment for both of us. IMO, the tradition of having your father give you away isn't as important as feeling completely comfortable with the person escorting you.
    **i'm a little drunk on you and high on summertime** Photobucket
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_should-let-dad-walk-down-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3b1d23b8-79e1-4ee1-b943-53d12fed389aPost:94b37943-1bb1-42b7-adbd-98794e521f3f">Re: Should I let my dad walk me down the aisle?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Would it be wrong if I asked my fiances father to walk me down the aisle while my dad is there?
    Posted by photoJennic[/QUOTE]


    Would it be <em>wrong</em>? I don't think so. It might hurt your dad's feelings, but it's not wrong. Have you talked to your dad? If you are close with your FI's father, and you feel more comfortable having him walk you down, then go right ahead. As PP's have said, this is something only you can answer. But don't force yourself to do something you don't want to do, just to make other family members happy/not question you. They should respect that you had your reasons.
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    So sorry to hear about what your dad did to you. That's awful.

    You could also walk down by yourself or with FI.
    ***************************************************
    November 2011 Brides Siggy Challenge: Me & FI

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    In this situation you described, no way in hell would I walk with my father. He abused you and has never "earned" the privilege of escorting you. As to who to walk with, you've got tons of options. If you're close to your mother, personally I'd walk with her. Or by yourself. Or with your FH. Or with another important figure, such as a grandmother or grandfather or close friend.

    Personally I think walking with his father is kind of strange -- if it were me and I decided to walk with someone, I'd rather it be a member of my own family or good friend. But that's just me. There really is no right or wrong here, so do what you're comfortable with.
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    Thanks for all the tips! Unfortunately, i'm not very close with my mother either. Also, what does FI and FH stand for? Sorry..Newly engaged. LOL
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    FI = fiance
    FH = future husband
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

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    Also, cute screen name ;-)
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

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    FI=Fiance
    FH=Future Husband

    For the other abbreviations, go to the drop down bars at the left.  Use the FAQ one and look for "frequently used Knottie lingo."

    Good luck
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_should-let-dad-walk-down-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3b1d23b8-79e1-4ee1-b943-53d12fed389aPost:6e6dbadc-f058-4b4c-a351-78a9d5cc55e9">Re: Should I let my dad walk me down the aisle?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the tips! Unfortunately, i'm not very close with my mother either. Also, what does FI and FH stand for? Sorry..Newly engaged. LOL
    Posted by photoJennic[/QUOTE]

    I think that it's perfectly acceptable for you to walk yourself down the aisle.

    Is there anyone who's shaped your life or been there for you through everything?  That would be a good candidate too (for instance, my grandmother raised me... I was close to asking her).

    Good luck with whatever you chose.
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    Arayx2Arayx2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2011

    I am so sorry you had to go thru that.  I wish this ugliness was never brought into children's lives. With that said, If you did choose to have him walk you down the aisle, would your thoughts be about what he did or your day? I would make my choice after answering that question. I would not do anything that would bring the day down. Choose someone to walk with who is happily leading you into a new chapter.

     

    Congrats my dear!! Best wishes

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    So sorry about the experience you had to go through, i think you are truly the only one who can answer that question, if it makes you uncomfortable then i wouldnt. If you have a brother, or grandfather, uncle or really close male friend they could take that part. But in the end like i said its truly up to you.
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    I think I might walk down with my FI. How would that work though...Would he be waiting at the altar and then walk back up the aisle to get me?  I guess I could do it however I want to...just thought I could get some more advice.
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    So sorry about what your father did to you.  I work with child sexual abuse victims everyday, its such a complex thing.

    Like the PP's you have to make that decision...but professionally speaking I think your dad lost that priviledge the day he touched you for his own selfish needs.

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    I am interested in working with children/adults that have been victims of child saxual abuse and was wondering if you could tell me what you majored in and what you do.  Thanks! :o) Also, thanks for the advice. I don't feel he should have the privelage of walking me down the aisle, but at the same time I feel bad because he is my dad...And I want that Father that I can be proud to have and walk me down the aisle. :o/

     
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    As far as the logistics of walking down with your FI, it depends on if you want to be in the spotlight alone for any portion of it. You could do the entire walk with FI or have him meet you at the beginning of the aisle (or any other point really) and escort you the remaining way.
    ***************************************************
    November 2011 Brides Siggy Challenge: Me & FI

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    I'm truly sorry about what happened to you but think that you must be a super nice person to still have anything to do with him, let alone even consider the question you're asking us. In my head, I can't help but be vindictive and think that I wouldn't even entertain the idea of him getting the honor and privelege of walking you down the aisle, but this is something that you have to answer on your own. Either way, whatever you choose, don't let it be a choice you make under any kind of outside pressure. Having your FI's father walk you down the aisle is completely acceptable as is walking down on your own.
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    He didnt take your feelings into account when he did those things for you so I wouldnt worry too much about his feelings.
    Heather & Michael
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