Future mother in law - Enough said

sweethrt06

I need to vent for a moment. We're having a destination wedding in Punta Cana. I had told my future mother in law that we wanted to get married on the beach. We have a small family and a handful of friends so we don't need to have a huge wedding at home. Plus it's only my dad paying for the wedding. My fiances family isn't helping. She is refusing to acknowledge what we want and she continues to suggest local venues. Finally, I booked our wedding a few days ago and made it official. She hasn't said anything to us about it. That's not like her. She stalks us on Facebook, calls us all the time, and now anything I say that has to do with the wedding she says nothing and ignores it. I don't know what her problem is! Are we just going to ignore our wedding now until she has to book her stay? Why can't she just accept that this is what we want? She's not helping us pay for anything so she has no say. It's making me crazy! She's throwing an engagement party for us and I don't even want to go. She's going to make our wedding miserable. I can't win.

HisGirlFriday13

sweethrt06 said:

I need to vent for a moment. We're having a destination wedding in Punta Cana. I had told my future mother in law that we wanted to get married on the beach. We have a small family and a handful of friends so we don't need to have a huge wedding at home. Plus it's only my dad paying for the wedding. My fiances family isn't helping.

She is refusing to acknowledge what we want and she continues to suggest local venues. Finally, I booked our wedding a few days ago and made it official. She hasn't said anything to us about it. That's not like her. She stalks us on Facebook, calls us all the time, and now anything I say that has to do with the wedding she says nothing and ignores it. I don't know what her problem is! Are we just going to ignore our wedding now until she has to book her stay? Why can't she just accept that this is what we want? She's not helping us pay for anything so she has no say. It's making me crazy! She's throwing an engagement party for us and I don't even want to go. She's going to make our wedding miserable. I can't win.

First things, anyone invited to any pre-wedding parties must be invited to the wedding, so either you're having a very small engagement party or you're about to commit an etiquette faux pas.

Second, if she doesn't like it, oh well. Make sure she's kept in the loop (through your FI, her son) about what has to be done when (passports, plane tickets, etc.) and then just ignore her ignoring you.

Her ignoring you will only have power if you let it bug you. Don't let it bug you.

Grabows14

I would just take a step back and breathe. Did your MIL send out invites to the engagement party already? My mom wanted to do one too, but since I was really hesitant, it never actually came to fruition. 

I hope you told her over the phone or in person that you booked the Punta Cana wedding because otherwise, inviting people to an engagement party and then not inviting them to the wedding would be awkward/rude (not on your part since you aren't throwing the party, but in general). 

JCbride2015

This actually doesn't sound so bad.  She wants you to have a local wedding and was bothering you about it; now once you book the DW, she is keeping quiet.  Yes she's probably annoyed, but wouldn't it be so much worse if she was pounding down your door complaining to you and trying to force the local wedding on you still?  Ignoring sounds like the better alternative.

AddieCake

What does your fiance say?

RebeccaB88

Could it be that they can't afford to attend the destination wedding, and are upset about having to tell you that?  Did you discuss the travel and expense with them before you booked, to make sure they were ok with it, or were you planning to pay for their travel?  I'm speaking specifically, as in 'this is where we want to do it, this is how much it will cost, is that doable for you' kind of way. With how hard she was pushing for it to be local, this was the first thing that came to mind. If you didn't directly ask, you have no way of knowing.

Wzz

you said you only booked a few days ago, and she hasn't said anything. so why do you think this is going to be something that will make you miserable? it's only been a few days. i am not sure what you expected from her and why you're making it seem like this is going to be drama.

 

as for an engagement party, i am not sure it matters if people are invited to the actual wedding. an engagement party celebrates the engagement. it's just a celebration, NOT a solicitaiton for gifts like a shower. the host can invite whomever they want, really.

LondonLisa

As PP have said, she is actually handling this rather well. She wanted a local venue, and when you decided on a DW she just wasn't talking about it. Yes, she isn't happy but she isn't being passive aggressive or threatening not to attend. She may not agree with it, but she isn't raining on your parade.

Also, just because you mentioned facebook, I hope you aren't posting on there about your wedding. It is rude to say things like "venue booked!" or "So excited to get married in Punta Cana" unless you are inviting everyone of your friends on FB.

I would also decline the engagement party. You must invite everyone who attends this to your wedding, which can get pricey and high in numbers if you want a small DW.

As for the comment about making your wedding miserable- no one can make you feel rubbish without your permission. She will only "ruin" your wedding if you let her. 

She is just following one of the golden rules- If you cant say something nice, don't say it at all. 

zitiqueen

You're upset that she's not bitching enough about the choices you've made?

KatWAG

In regular, I would keep everythind wedding related off facebook.