Oh, Fi. Awkward turtle.

JCbride2015

Fi and I are planning a visit to FL during spring break (so effing excited for the SUN!) and we are arranging visits with all of our grandmas.  But he STILL hasn't called his grandma to confirm that we are coming (she has dementia and his parents/ her nurse know we are coming, but I still think he should call her).  His uncle and aunt will be there at the same time, so he also really needs to call them to coordinate the visit.

So today my grandma texted me to see what we're doing that weekend.  I texted Fi to say he really needs to call his grandma and uncle so we know what the plan is.  His response: "Erm..... Okay I'm texting Uncle now."

Then: "I can't wait until we're married and you can do all this stuff without it being awkward."

Me: "Dude, you're STILL going to be in charge of talking to your side of the family!"

Poor Fi.  He has a lot of trouble with words and he gets absolutely paralyzed when he needs to talk on the phone about anything personal (work is fine for some reason).  We legitimately think he has dyspraxia but he refuses to go to the doctor because he doesn't want to be labeled with anything.  This is the same problem that causes him to "freeze" when FMIL corners us about wedding stuff.

I just think it's funny and kind of endearing he's so awkward about talking to his family he thinks I'll do it once we're married.  Sorry, babe.  No dice.

loro929

It is endearing! If it was my FI, he would get an extra bear hug when I got home from work, just for being cute and me getting excited that we are becoming a family (in-laws and all :P)!

pumpkinsandturkeys

FI is scared of the phone. I'm forcing him to get better. I think it's (mainly) a dude thing.

pumpkinsandturkeys

Stupid double post. We're having network issues in the office today

HisGirlFriday13

DH is lousy on the phone when it comes to his family. He and his brother text a lot, but they don't call each other very often.

He refuses to speak on the phone to his father (for good reason), and when he was talking to BSC granny, he'd avoid the phone as much as possible, unless it couldn't be helped. 

I can't tell if it's a gender thing or the fact this his family is really hard to talk to on the phone (not that they're any better in person).

JCbride2015

HisGirlFriday13 said:

DH is lousy on the phone when it comes to his family. He and his brother text a lot, but they don't call each other very often.

He refuses to speak on the phone to his father (for good reason), and when he was talking to BSC granny, he'd avoid the phone as much as possible, unless it couldn't be helped. 

I can't tell if it's a gender thing or the fact this his family is really hard to talk to on the phone (not that they're any better in person).

Maybe it is a gender thing-- didn't realize so many men were like this.

Fi's family is naturally very loud and rambunctious, whereas he is reserved and quiet.  Dinner at their house usually involves people yelling over each other in three different conversations.  So he often gets talked over, has to repeat himself many times, etc.  I'm sure it's not fun for him.

ETA: but the particular uncle in question is not one of the loud ones.  I just think in general he has learned it's a PITA to talk to his family about anything that involves them paying attention to him. 

jdluvr06

My FI hates talking on the phone with almost anyone. At least he comes by it naturally my FFIL is the same way. I talk to FMIL almost everyday so we laugh about it a lot.

PolarBearFitz

FI is completely find talking to his fam bam on the phone. I on the other hand am only really comfortable talking to my mom or dad. Not great with talking to anyone else in the family on the phone. I suck and get overly nervous for no reason.

pinkcow13

Lol that is endearing. With FI his issue is that he never sees or responds to texts. So his family will just forgo him and call me instead now lol. He also never keeps up with social media so I am the one to always schedule family events that we go to, or remind him to wish his aunts or cousins a happy birthday.

KeptInStitches

BF hates talking on the phone, too. Of course, I'm not much better. The best day of my life was when I discovered that you can order pizza online.

KytchynWitche

It may be a gender thing, but I also really hate phones. I've gotten better but I used to have paralysing panic attacks just at the mention of a phone call. I even stopped ordering food online, because they would always phone back to check the order. Like, no, the whole point of ordering online is to not have to talk to people on the phone!

cupcait927

I hate hate HATE talking on the phone. It makes my anxiety go through the roof to talk to anyone on the phone aside from my parents, sister and FI. I learned to cope with it at work but it's still a struggle some days. I, too, rejoiced the day that I found out I could order pizza online. This proving to be a problem with wedding planning because I need to suck it up and call the officiant I want and I can't bring myself to do it. Damn her for not having an email address posted online!

APDSS22

I LOVE ordering pizza online.

HaileyDancingbear

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

I LOVE ordering pizza online.

Online pizza ordering is the best.  I hate talking on the phone so much.  Fi on the other hand doesn't mind.  

jenna8984

All my friends know my hatred for talking on the phone. I just never have anything to say, it's that weird pauses or they go on forever and I don't know how to get them to shut up so everyone knows I won't answer a phone call. I even changed my OFFICE voicemail to say "You'll get a faster response if you email me". I'm in accounting (not customer service) so I don't even need to answer my office line.

The other day on the way home from work, this mood just came over me. My best friend from when I lived across the country is flying here to be my photographer. I miss her so much and haven't seen her in 3 years so I just got this urge to call her and chit chat. It's so unlike me that this is who she answered the phone "Hey...are you ok? I was on the other line but I saw that it was you so did somebody die?" She was shocked that I just wanted to say hi hahahah

But yea FI is same way...he texts his mom, I FB message his mom I don't even think I have her phone number and he doesn't have my parents'. But I'm kinda on your FI's side...I think wives should take over making sure shit gets done. I literally just found about my nephew's birthday party the DAY before from my brother's new wife (not child's mother)...she said I figured your brother told you! And I was like well he's a guy, he doesn't pay attention so it's your job as the wife to now fill me in and make sure the proper people are invited!

HisGirlFriday13

jenna8984 said:

All my friends know my hatred for talking on the phone. I just never have anything to say, it's that weird pauses or they go on forever and I don't know how to get them to shut up so everyone knows I won't answer a phone call. I even changed my OFFICE voicemail to say "You'll get a faster response if you email me". I'm in accounting (not customer service) so I don't even need to answer my office line.

The other day on the way home from work, this mood just came over me. My best friend from when I lived across the country is flying here to be my photographer. I miss her so much and haven't seen her in 3 years so I just got this urge to call her and chit chat. It's so unlike me that this is who she answered the phone "Hey...are you ok? I was on the other line but I saw that it was you so did somebody die?" She was shocked that I just wanted to say hi hahahah

But yea FI is same way...he texts his mom, I FB message his mom I don't even think I have her phone number and he doesn't have my parents'. But I'm kinda on your FI's side...I think wives should take over making sure shit gets done. I literally just found about my nephew's birthday party the DAY before from my brother's new wife (not child's mother)...she said I figured your brother told you! And I was like well he's a guy, he doesn't pay attention so it's your job as the wife to now fill me in and make sure the proper people are invited!

Part of me agrees with you (I am the social secretary in our marriage) and part of me doesn't. 

I believe this task should be completed by the person best able to do it. In our marriage, that's me, but in some marriages, that might be the husband. 

I know my perspective is skewed because of DH's grandmother (in no universe, ever, would I willingly plan an event with her, for her, or including her. Nor would I commit us to attending an event hosted by her, although if DH wanted to go, I certainly wouldn't stop him. Whether I would attend would be another matter.)

But my SIL knows my brother is notoriously awful at telling people about things, so she ALWAYS tells us about events that relate to her, him, my nephew, etc.

But I don't think marriage is an excuse for all unpleasant duties to be foisted off on one partner. However, if you enjoy doing that, and it works for your marriage, more power to you.

JCbride2015

jenna8984 said:

All my friends know my hatred for talking on the phone. I just never have anything to say, it's that weird pauses or they go on forever and I don't know how to get them to shut up so everyone knows I won't answer a phone call. I even changed my OFFICE voicemail to say "You'll get a faster response if you email me". I'm in accounting (not customer service) so I don't even need to answer my office line.

The other day on the way home from work, this mood just came over me. My best friend from when I lived across the country is flying here to be my photographer. I miss her so much and haven't seen her in 3 years so I just got this urge to call her and chit chat. It's so unlike me that this is who she answered the phone "Hey...are you ok? I was on the other line but I saw that it was you so did somebody die?" She was shocked that I just wanted to say hi hahahah

But yea FI is same way...he texts his mom, I FB message his mom I don't even think I have her phone number and he doesn't have my parents'. But I'm kinda on your FI's side...I think wives should take over making sure shit gets done. I literally just found about my nephew's birthday party the DAY before from my brother's new wife (not child's mother)...she said I figured your brother told you! And I was like well he's a guy, he doesn't pay attention so it's your job as the wife to now fill me in and make sure the proper people are invited!

LOL at the calling your friend.  I have a few friends I just call to chat, but a few I know hate using the phone, so I would be worried if I heard from them too!

I was with you up until the bolded.  I don't think it's fair to a) assume all men are bad at social management and all women are good at it, or b) put all those tasks into the wife's lap.  If we keep doing that, it's just reinforcing the idea that women are the social keepers of the household (and conversely, that men bring home the bacon).

It's sort of like cleaning the house.  Many women were brought up by our moms to have high standards for cleanliness and chores, while many men were not ever taught to appropriately clean a house.  As a result, many professional women end up just doing more household chores, because the husband isn't good at it.  Well how is he going to learn to get better then?

I basically refuse to be Fi's social secretary.  I love his family and will call/text them to say hi, or if I am taking the reins on planning a particular event and want to invite them.  But I won't manage Fi's whole social calendar.  That's just a precedent I don't want to set.