First look

JCbride2015

I know we've been all over the pro/cons.... but I'm so excited.... I think Fi has finally come around to doing one!  Yay!

Somebody (maybe @glitterwitch22?) shared an article from a photog showing their first look pics and it really helped turn Fi around.  I didn't even try to pressure him, just showed him the article as something to think about.  Then when we met with a potential photog last night, he said we would probably do a first look!  Yippee!

Our venue has beautiful woods and trails, and we would love to have time to take some pics out in nature and enjoy the park where we are getting married.  This means we'll have time to do that.  Plus I love the idea of a private moment before the ceremony just the two of us.

mbross3

That sounds lovely! I really like the idea of a first look, a moment of privacy before things get crazy and you don't have any time just the two of you...

loro929

We are also doing the first look! (PS @JCBride2014 I think we have sister (brother?) venues (i.e. same owners)). Fi and I didn't really mind either way, but our contact at our venue told us for logistic reasons (we are having ceremony there), it makes more sense so we can enjoy the entire cocktail hour mingling with our guests (we were planning to do all our photos on site at the venue anyway, so before or after ceremony didn't change much). But, the more I though about it the more I loved the idea, I think it is really sweet and nice to have a (semi) private second with FI right before he becomes DH. Plus as @JCBride2014 said, capturing that first look is really priceless.

JCbride2015

loro929 said:

We are also doing the first look! (PS @JCBride2014 I think we have sister (brother?) venues (i.e. same owners)). Fi and I didn't really mind either way, but our contact at our venue told us for logistic reasons (we are having ceremony there), it makes more sense so we can enjoy the entire cocktail hour mingling with our guests (we were planning to do all our photos there anyway). The more I though about it the more I loved the idea, I think it is really sweet and nice to have a (semi) private second with FI right before he becomes DH.

@loro929 Are you getting married at The Manor?

Our cocktail hour is going to be the shit, I'm so excited I get to actually be there!

loro929

@JCBride2014 no, we are getting married at the Pleasantdale Chateau, but they also own the Manor too! PS. the views from your venue are breathtaking! I can just imagine how it is at dusk PPS: I know, I think I am more excited about the cocktail hour than for dinner! hehe ETA. trying to format from an Ipad (not recognizing paragraph breaks)

jessiray

We're doing first look pics, too!! Our ceremony and reception are in the same place (and the same room), so this just made sense for us. We have a pretty park to take pictures in, so everything will *hopefully* be pretty, and I'm hoping that the snow is gone by late April! I'm so excited for our first look pics, though, snow or not!

phira

I've been noticing a trend, actually, with who wants to do first looks in hetero relationships.

There are definitely brides who feel very strongly about not doing a first look, but they almost always have grooms who also don't want a first look.

And then there are a lot of brides who want to do a first look, but who have grooms who don't want to. Often, these grooms come around, but I do see a lot of, "I'd like to do one/it sounds nice, but my groom is against it."

I think that (again, in hetero relationships) one of the few groom-centered moments at weddings is having him see the bride for the first time when she walks down the aisle. My partner and I are trying very hard to plan our wedding together, but so much of it is bride-centered; our venue is assuming (incorrectly) that my partner won't be involved in any part of the planning, no one cares about what he's wearing, he's not interested in designing or making centerpieces, etc.

He also felt very strongly that he needed to build up the ceremony as much as possible, so that he would get emotional. That might be another part of it for a lot of men, if they're afraid they won't feel excited enough.

Just some thoughts. I made it clear that a first look was something we both had to want to do and agree to do, and that while I did want to do one pretty badly, I wasn't going to push the issue. Over time, he came around, especially after meeting with our photographer. Now he's really excited about doing a first look.

loro929

@phira you raise some really interesting points. In fact, the whole first look is something quite new, designed more or less for practical reasons (I.e. So that the WP pictures do not have the be rushed and/or so that the B&G can enjoy some of the cocktail hour that they are paying an arm and a leg for). However, tradition would have the B and G not see each other until the ceremony. I think that also has to do with why lots of grooms are against first looks. It is one of the groom-centric moments in a very bride-centered day. So the groom doesn't want to give up so easily his parts of the day. That being said, even with its more practical rather than traditional origins, I actually find it even "more" romantic as I mentioned in my PP, as it is a semi-private moment in which the Fi and Fi have some precious "calm" moments before the excitement of the day. To be honest, Fi and myself will be the first of our group to do a first look, so i don't have any personal experience. But, we are also the first of our group to not have a religious ceremony, which brings me to the question: ladies who have been / are getting married in a church, what are your thoughts on the first look pre-ceremony?

smalfrie19

I was hesitant to do a first look just because my FI is not an emotional person and he doesn't show it, so I didn't think I was going to get the "wow factor" I was looking for in them, but my photogs suggested as also a way to get our formals out of the way to enjoy cocktail hour, so we decided to do them and just get the private moment and not care so much how the pictures turn out

casey8784

We're doing a first look since we need to sign the Ketubah before the ceremony, but we're going to hold off as long as possible and get all the "separate pictures" done first, if possible. 

pinkcow13

I always thought I would do all the traditional aspects of a wedding until I came on TK and really thought about a lot of those aspects. At first I wanted FI to see me when I walked down the aisle. That whole "wow" factor. But it really isn't practical. And I would like some alone time to calm our nerves before everything. Plus, since our wedding will be in Central Park, I'm sure there will be many places to be photographed, which may take a while. Lastly- there is no way we are missing cocktail hour!!! It's gonna be fabulous and fun! And we also don't want our bridal party missing out on it either

Btw, it is march already! Our wedding- and yours too, JC- is in a year and 2 months! Where is the time going?!

jdluvr06

We're not doing a first look. It's more of a timing issue for us though. He's already seen me in my dress so he knows what it looks like lol so I'm not worried about worrying over ruining a surprise. We're having an afternoon ceremony and after talking about it a lot we decided we would rather sleep an extra half hour than do a first look... So basically laziness won out. Lol.

HisGirlFriday13

In our case, DH really wanted the first look. He's a very shy, private person, and he wanted the chance to see me, just us, before the ceremony.

I was totally on board with it, because I love the idea, but for us, he brought it up first.

I was so glad we did it. Those are some of my favourite photos of the day.

JCbride2015

@pinkcow13 I can't believe it, as my TK ticker keeps counting down!  I can't wait, but I'm also sort of terrified about the stuff we still have to do.

I really just emailed him the article and didn't even talk to him about it until he brought it up at the photog meeting.  I think he likes the idea for a few reasons.

--Private moment

--More time to take pictures

--Enables us to take pictures in the woods near our ceremony, not just on the lawn

--He gets really nervous so I think it will calm him down a bit

I also think one reason he came into this really wanting the traditional ceremony first look is the whole groom-centered thing.  I make a point to ask him what he thinks at every vendor meeting, and so far vendors have been really inclusive of what he likes and wants.  He doesn't care about flowers, but he knows more about photography than me.  So far, so good.

A lot of my wedding decisions have been centered around what he would want, actually.  Our wedding visions were very different, but he cares more and his family is more involved, so I don't mind going with his ideas more than mine.  For instance: I would have gotten married in a colored dress, probably in a small museum or art gallery, very modern.  He wanted the big poofy white wedding, very traditional.  So we ended up with a historic restaurant/catering hall in a county park.  I like that it has a phenomenal view, he likes that the building is Mediterranean-looking.

pinkcow13

JCBride2014 said:

@pinkcow13 I can't believe it, as my TK ticker keeps counting down!  I can't wait, but I'm also sort of terrified about the stuff we still have to do.

I really just emailed him the article and didn't even talk to him about it until he brought it up at the photog meeting.  I think he likes the idea for a few reasons.

--Private moment

--More time to take pictures

--Enables us to take pictures in the woods near our ceremony, not just on the lawn

--He gets really nervous so I think it will calm him down a bit

I also think one reason he came into this really wanting the traditional ceremony first look is the whole groom-centered thing.  I make a point to ask him what he thinks at every vendor meeting, and so far vendors have been really inclusive of what he likes and wants.  He doesn't care about flowers, but he knows more about photography than me.  So far, so good.

A lot of my wedding decisions have been centered around what he would want, actually.  Our wedding visions were very different, but he cares more and his family is more involved, so I don't mind going with his ideas more than mine.  For instance: I would have gotten married in a colored dress, probably in a small museum or art gallery, very modern.  He wanted the big poofy white wedding, very traditional.  So we ended up with a historic restaurant/catering hall in a county park.  I like that it has a phenomenal view, he likes that the building is Mediterranean-looking.

Yea, I asked FI for a lot of input with the wedding as well. I think overall our vision is the same, but I have a more detailed outlook than he does. FI is adamant about not doing the first look - because he doesn't want to miss our on cocktail hour lol. 

I know I am also terrified about what is left to do (and pay for!). After the Memorial day weekend fiasco earlier this week, I decided to really get on top of the vendors. I emailed a recommended/preferred vendor for our venue and FI and I just looked at a few photogs but he loved the one recommended by our venue. I just emailed them about setting up a consultation and hopefully I can have something set up and booked this month. I want to get engagement photos done in May so I figure might as well get the photographer locked in ASAP.

jenna8984

I am also insanely excited for first look photos. We are sleeping at home the night before so it's not like we won't see each other that morning when we wake up anyways.  FI hates being rushed to do anything, so it really just makes sense to have relaxing photos beforehand taking our time rather than rushing to get them done in between. Plus, just like you guys I cannot wait for the cocktail hour. It's a ski resort so the chair lift is running during cocktail hour for the guests- so that's a whole different awesome set of photos we get riding the chair lift together! 

Also it's your wedding "day" so we wanted to spend the day with one another. I would HATE to sit around not seeing him until 6pm. We have a 2pm ceremony so I get to see him at noon  

Cookie Pusher

FI and I are both pretty against doing the First Look - and not strictly for tradition's sake. It's just not feasible for us to do it. It would require us to purchase a separate photography permit for our venue. Then we'd have to find a time to squeeze it in between getting putting up the signs to direct traffic to the correct spot in the garden complex for our wedding (we are not asking anyone to do these things for us, and no one has volunteered to help [not even FSIL who voluntold us to set up and break down her entire wedding]), getting ready, and the ceremony itself. Our official rental time at the venue is noon until 9 pm with the ceremony starting at 3 or 3:30 - that just leaves us no time to see each other beforehand and get everything done that needs to get done. I roll my eyes at people who get all preachy with me about how we're being too old fashioned even after I tell them it's not possible with our timeline unless people volunteered to assist us in setting up the last minute venue things.

bethsmiles

Yay for you FI changing his mind! I love first-look pictures, they seem like such a sweet, private moment for the bride and groom to have!

jenna8984

Cookie Pusher said:

FI and I are both pretty against doing the First Look - and not strictly for tradition's sake. It's just not feasible for us to do it. It would require us to purchase a separate photography permit for our venue. Then we'd have to find a time to squeeze it in between getting putting up the signs to direct traffic to the correct spot in the garden complex for our wedding (we are not asking anyone to do these things for us, and no one has volunteered to help [not even FSIL who voluntold us to set up and break down her entire wedding]), getting ready, and the ceremony itself. Our official rental time at the venue is noon until 9 pm with the ceremony starting at 3 or 3:30 - that just leaves us no time to see each other beforehand and get everything done that needs to get done. I roll my eyes at people who get all preachy with me about how we're being too old fashioned even after I tell them it's not possible with our timeline unless people volunteered to assist us in setting up the last minute venue things.

That really stinks. I went to a backyard wedding (it was literally in their own backyard) and the bride spent 5 hours on her own setting up every table, chair, place setting, decoration with no help. Then she had to shower and get ready so she was even 30 minutes late coming outside to start. I felt so bad that no one had helped her (FI is friends with the groom so it's not like I knew her to offer). 

Cookie Pusher

We knew when we booked our venue that we would have to do several things on the day of the wedding, and we also knew that neither of our families were going to volunteer to help us (not gonna lie, both of our families are made up of assholes - many of them self-proclaimed). I mean, I'm not even sure that my family is going to show up despite the fact that my sisters are my BMs and my mother is supposed to walk me down the aisle. I could never depend on them to do anything for us. Ever. FI and I are operating under the premise that we are doing everything ourselves, and we're okay with that. Luckily, we're only having a few formal pictures done (even less if my family is a no-show!) and won't miss more than half of our cocktail hour.

Swazzle

We did a first look and it was one of my favorite parts of the whole day. We saw each other alone then did our bridal party photos and photos with any family that was there. Then we did more photos with just the two of us and these ended up being my favorite pictures from my whole wedding. I loved having some time where it was just us and it also helped calm me down a little bit as well. 

Glad your FI is on board! 

emmyg65

We also did a first look and loved it. I recommend it to everyone. We walked down the aisle together so it didn't affect that. In fact, because we walked down that way, the first look was our only way to get that surprise reveal. But mostly it was just nice to spend that time together, and to get all our pictures done beforehand so we could enjoy our whole reception.

HisGirlFriday13

Cookie Pusher said:

FI and I are both pretty against doing the First Look - and not strictly for tradition's sake. It's just not feasible for us to do it. It would require us to purchase a separate photography permit for our venue. Then we'd have to find a time to squeeze it in between getting putting up the signs to direct traffic to the correct spot in the garden complex for our wedding (we are not asking anyone to do these things for us, and no one has volunteered to help [not even FSIL who voluntold us to set up and break down her entire wedding]), getting ready, and the ceremony itself. Our official rental time at the venue is noon until 9 pm with the ceremony starting at 3 or 3:30 - that just leaves us no time to see each other beforehand and get everything done that needs to get done. I roll my eyes at people who get all preachy with me about how we're being too old fashioned even after I tell them it's not possible with our timeline unless people volunteered to assist us in setting up the last minute venue things.

If I lived closer to you, I'd help you set-up!

loro929

@glitterwitch22 thanks for sharing, what a great article!

JennyColada

I really want to do a first look and would like to walk down the aisle side by side with Fi as well!

climbingsingle

I'm still undecided on doing a first look! Here's my dilemma: FI originally wanted to do this crazy ass ceremony where we would be hanging in the air on top of a mountain. I agreed at first because I am crazy. Then I got my dress and I decided I really wanted to do a traditional ceremony - on the ground, walking down the aisle, etc. 

If I bring up the first look to FI, I'm worried he'll think it's yet another thing I want to change. I already had him agree to the traditional ceremony. I don't want him to think the first look will take away from me walking down the aisle. And I'm predicting he'll say, "If we do the first look, then what's the point of doing the traditional ceremony and walking down the aisle?" Ay yi yi. 

Sorry to hijack your post, JC! 

Cookie Pusher

HisGirlFriday13 said:

If I lived closer to you, I'd help you set-up!

I would totally rather have you and my other lovely Knotties at the wedding rather than FI's obnoxious family! I bet you'd like our venue, too. There's gardens and a bamboo forest and a brook and an evergreen glade and just so much prettiness that most of our guests just aren't going to appreciate (mostly because they'll be hammered, but that'll be our fault for providing so much awesome booze lol)!

JCbride2015

Cookie Pusher said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

If I lived closer to you, I'd help you set-up!

I would totally rather have you and my other lovely Knotties at the wedding rather than FI's obnoxious family! I bet you'd like our venue, too. There's gardens and a bamboo forest and a brook and an evergreen glade and just so much prettiness that most of our guests just aren't going to appreciate (mostly because they'll be hammered, but that'll be our fault for providing so much awesome booze lol)!

This sounds beautiful!!!  

And if I wasn't going to be sitting in traffic going to the shore that day for FBIL's wedding, I totally would come help you set up, too.  And I'm not into the fat sandwiches but I can always go for greasy fries and a beer in NB.

Cookie Pusher

JCBride2014 said:

This sounds beautiful!!!  

And if I wasn't going to be sitting in traffic going to the shore that day for FBIL's wedding, I totally would come help you set up, too.  And I'm not into the fat sandwiches but I can always go for greasy fries and a beer in NB.

Detour to the Bruns for some disco fries!

lkristenj

My FI and I plan to do a first look. 

We aren't really having a cocktail hour and we're trying hard to strike a balance between having more than enough travel time between venues to allow for unforseen traffic/construction/delays and having the dreaded gap. Our guests will have a place to go with "snacks" but the taps may not be open yet. Any gap would be half an hour tops and that's if everything starts on time, ends on time, everyone leaves as soon as it's over, and theres no traffic. I think I'll be alright since I'm not expecting things to go exactly perfectly. Our reception time is limited to three hours, so I'd rather risk a small gap in the best case scenario than to have something go wrong and miss out on time with our guests.

One way to avoid these problems was a first look. We can do nearly all our photos before since we aren't having a wedding party either so that we won't leave our guests alone for long and we can join the party sooner. He's been on board with it from the beginning.

My mom loves the idea too. She wanted to do it at her wedding 27 years ago, but her mother threw a huge fit and wouldn't allow it. Bad luck superstition. It was far less common then, I think. Needless to say, I don't plan on telling my grandmother.

ktjanesmom

I don't know if the first look itself is awkward at all, but the pictures make it look that way.  Tap tap tap on the grooms shoulder and he turns around to see you standing there.  What does he say?  He HAS to say something right?  I hope he has a positive reaction.  LOL    Someone please tell me what happens when he first sees you.