Need to snark about registry drama and FMIL's dress

offthemarket915

We are not registering for the wedding... All together now, clutch your pearls!   At least that's what FFIL and FMIL did.  And suprisingly, it was FFIL who made the biggest deal about it. He usually has a puss on his face anytime wedding talk arises.  Or maybe that's just how his face looks... I'll have to pay more attention.  So after a hundred versions of 'but how will people knoooow what to get you??' FI listed our various reasons, including not needing anything, and not expecting anything after people travel to our wedding.  When they persisted, FI finally said that a check would be fine if someone really wanted to give a gift.  Which led to more... 'but that is so impersonal, people want to give you something that is a momento of the day', on and on.  I stayed out of it, but wanted to say that if I need a blender to "remember my special day" then I am doing it wrong.  Anyone else not register and get grief for it?

Then, FMIL says she picked out a dress for the wedding.  I was disappointed to hear this because we had discussed shopping together.  Without any family of my own, I've been looking forward to doing that with her.  She goes on and on about how she knows we were supposed to go together but saw this dress and it was just too wonderful to pass up.  So she's really building this up aaannnd then shows me the dress.  It is fugly. F.U.G.L.Y.  I was hurt and thinking, I got ditched and missed out on the shopping outing for this?!  But Meryl Streep's got nothing on me.  I smiled and said wow, and nodded as she gushed about it.  There is nothing about it that says June garden wedding, but I am thankful that it's not white.  She wore a white cotton sundress to a formal wedding two summers ago, which was quite the scandal.  Please let's not resurrect the white dress debate, suffice it to say in my world, this is a major faux pas.  So there was some concern (by FI too) that she would do this again.  So bottom line, not going to affect my day, but wow is that dress awful.  I didn't share my thoughts with FI about the dress, just agreed when he said I'm glad it's not white, and thought I'd share here since I'm still thinking about it.

cruffino

We didn't register. We got a bit of grief about it. Some people were huffy and annoyed. Most people gave $, a few gave boxed gifts. We all managed to survive!

My MIL wore a dress that was completely unlike anything I'd ever choose. Really frumpy/old ladyish. Compare that to my mother's stunning, backless lace gown. But MIL felt beautiful and confident, so that's what mattered.

FiancB

Ha, FMIL went shopping with me for my dress and saw a dress for herself that she really liked. Honestly I thought it was hideous but I smiled and nodded and said I thought it was nice. She hasn't bought it yet so hopefully it's been discontinued by now.

I can't get upset over it. I catered a wedding where the MOG wore the sluttiest contraption I've ever seen. It took us all a long time to figure out that she was the MOG. It was something else. Black and glittery with a tattered look hemline and it was strapless and while she was dancing around wildly it would creep down and we'd all blanch and she'd pick it back up just in time. 

Kind of like this, but without the costumey stuff and actually strapless rather than illusion:

So as long as it's not something like that I'm good. Ha. I feel you, but try not to sweat it! As far as registry goes, I think that's the universal sign for give us some money and it's NBD. I do like buying people gifts, but we have friends getting married in a week that didn't seem to register and I'm not too torn up about sending a check and card instead.

offthemarket915

Thanks ladies

I should have added that yes, I am happy that she loves it.

Well now, those are some splendid examples lol  Puts it all right into perspective!

I felt so uncomfortable during the registry vs cash discussion. FI felt awkward saying what he did, but as he's told me, you have to be direct with them or they don't get it.  To us, this was understood.  We've been to many weddings and always included a check with the card. But I realize the older generation will prefer a boxed gift.  This is probably the only thing that they'd frown upon, so I'll count myself lucky after reading these boards!

afox007

If it makes you feel better FMIL recently told us she will most likely wear the dress she wore to FI's graduation. Luckily we are over a year out so maybe FI can talk some sense into her. 

ladybird29

My FMIL keeps "teasing" us that she's going to wear a sundress to our wedding because it's going to be "too hot..." Then she says, "I'm just joking, don't you worry, I'll dress up, but I'm not getting my hair done." Stuff like that.

My mom's also wearing a cream dress (my dress is also cream) and told my Dad to wear a cream linen jacket. When I tell her that it's not super appropriate to wear the same color as the bride she responds with, "no, the MOB is supposed to wear cream or off-white..." I feel bad because all my Aunts keep jokingly asking if they can wear their wedding dresses to the wedding...which makes me think they'll make fun of my Mom at the actual wedding too. : (

Inkdancer

ladybird29 said:

My FMIL keeps "teasing" us that she's going to wear a sundress to our wedding because it's going to be "too hot..." Then she says, "I'm just joking, don't you worry, I'll dress up, but I'm not getting my hair done." Stuff like that.

My mom's also wearing a cream dress (my dress is also cream) and told my Dad to wear a cream linen jacket. When I tell her that it's not super appropriate to wear the same color as the bride she responds with, "no, the MOB is supposed to wear cream or off-white..." I feel bad because all my Aunts keep jokingly asking if they can wear their wedding dresses to the wedding...which makes me think they'll make fun of my Mom at the actual wedding too. : (

I would be tempted to take her to David's Bridal or something and show her all of the MOB dresses that are in other colors. She can wear whatever she wants but I hate the idea of her being teased about it.

HisGirlFriday13

Inkdancer said:

ladybird29 said:

My FMIL keeps "teasing" us that she's going to wear a sundress to our wedding because it's going to be "too hot..." Then she says, "I'm just joking, don't you worry, I'll dress up, but I'm not getting my hair done." Stuff like that.

My mom's also wearing a cream dress (my dress is also cream) and told my Dad to wear a cream linen jacket. When I tell her that it's not super appropriate to wear the same color as the bride she responds with, "no, the MOB is supposed to wear cream or off-white..." I feel bad because all my Aunts keep jokingly asking if they can wear their wedding dresses to the wedding...which makes me think they'll make fun of my Mom at the actual wedding too. : (

I would be tempted to take her to David's Bridal or something and show her all of the MOB dresses that are in other colors. She can wear whatever she wants but I hate the idea of her being teased about it.

I ditto this. Obviously the MOB can wear anything she wants, but there's a general consensus that you don't wear white/off-white/cream/ivory/ecru to a wedding. 

And if your aunts are likely to tease her about it, then that's all the more reason to try to talk her round.

jdluvr06

We don't have a registry either but it is still early enough out that no one has given us crap about it yet. Not only do we not need anything but we really really really HATE getting gift. I don't like people spending their money on me.

tesgirl123

My FMIL will not show anyone what her dress looks like.   She keeps saying "It's a surprise".   She went shopping with the FFIL and I generally trust her taste.   I'm more annoyed because I texted her pictures of my dress when I bought it, invited her to my first fitting (which she came to) and texted her pictures of my mothers and sisters BM dresses.   She knows what everyone else is wearing and I just think its weird she won't show me.  

Any way, I am sorry you are stuck with your FMIL's dress.  Unfortunately, if your FI won't say anything there is nothing you can do, except laugh about it in ten years when she realizes how bad it is.

jalyndani

I went to lovely fall wedding for a longtime friend whose accent color was a beautiful rose red. The BMs wore very classy knee-length dresses....and the MOG came strolling down the aisle of that Catholic Church in a strapless, fire-engine red satin ballgown. As in a FULL PROM BALLGOWN. 

I nearly lost it. I look back at those pictures and have to wonder how many circles of hell my friend went through with her MIL that day. Lol. 

wrigleyville

When my parents hassled me about a check being "too impersonal", I responded with, "It has my name on it. I'd say that's pretty darn personal."