Really confused.

cookie0803

While I was at an appointment with my doctor today, we were discussing blood type. She told me what mine was, and I'm a little thrown off. At the beginning of my pregnancy, my mother had told me I was a different blood type. She is O+ and so is my dad, however, I am A+. This is not possible. My parents both know their blood type for sure, so honestly the only thing I can think is that my dad isn't actually my dad. My mom has stopped responding since I told her it was physically impossible. I am so confused and I don't know what to do with this information.

pinkshorts27

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. Just remember if your dad isn't your biological dad that doesn't mean he isn't your father. He is still the man that raised you. Now I would try to talk to your mom again, but beyond that I would be lost so I have no advice. *Hugs*

kns1988

Wow, I'm sure you're feeling really awful right now. I think the best thing to do would be to keep an open mind that there might be another possible explanation. 

cookie0803

That's what's even harder for me right now. My dad has always been verbally (and a few times physically) abusive to me. It would be really hard for me to accept that she knew I could have had a different father and stuck with him because he had money.

pinkshorts27

cookie0803 said:

That's what's even harder for me right now. My dad has always been verbally (and a few times physically) abusive to me. It would be really hard for me to accept that she knew I could have had a different father and stuck with him because he had money.

oh wow! I'm sorry I didn't know that when I commented. My mom's bio-dad left when she was two (she doesn't remember him) and her step-dad was abusive. She always knew he was a step-dad though. She knew grandma only married him because she couldn't afford to raise the kids. 

HisGirlFriday13

Wow. That's a lot of information to process all at once. I am so sorry you're dealing with that.

There are a lot of other things at play here. Your mother may not have known your father wasn't biologically your father.

He may not know he didn't father you and she may be worried that you're going to tell him and he'll find out she was unfaithful.

I wouldn't try to reach out to her any more, but keep the door open for if/when she wants to talk to you.

pumpkinsandturkeys

I'm so sorry that this has come up as a result of something so innocuous.

I know that this is a difficult time for you, but it doesn't have to change anything if you don't want it to. And if you do want it to change how you view your parents, or even how you relate to them, know that this is always in your control. This is your life, and something that happened decades ago can't change that.

cookie0803

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Wow. That's a lot of information to process all at once. I am so sorry you're dealing with that.

There are a lot of other things at play here. Your mother may not have known your father wasn't biologically your father.

He may not know he didn't father you and she may be worried that you're going to tell him and he'll find out she was unfaithful.

I wouldn't try to reach out to her any more, but keep the door open for if/when she wants to talk to you.

She may not have known whether or not he's my bio-dad, but I would think she would at least be aware of the possibility that it could be someone else. And I'm sure she is afraid he would find out, because that would drastically change her alimony. I don't even know what I would say to her at this point.


I really appreciate the replies and support, ladies. Thank you.

jdluvr06

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. That is a lot of info to try and process. ((((Hugs))))

HisGirlFriday13

She might be aware of the possibility and just be trying to avoid it -- kind of like an ostrich. Either way, I'm so sorry. 

I'm not a lawyer, but I don't know that her previous infidelity would change the alimony she gets now, if the infidelity was not a cause in the divorce action. Obviously he's not still paying child support on your behalf, so that wouldn't change, either.

It's a lot to process, it really is, and I don't envy you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

MyNameIsNot

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I'm not a lawyer, but I don't know that her previous infidelity would change the alimony she gets now, if the infidelity was not a cause in the divorce action. Obviously he's not still paying child support on your behalf, so that wouldn't change, either.

This is really state specific.  Generally you can't modify alimony based on adultery that wasn't proven during the original divorce, but some states have weird rules about alimony.

OP, is there any way you could get a DNA test on the sly?  It's a little underhanded, but I believe there are kits that could do the test using your father's hair.  It may not be 100% accurate, but it's better than blood type.  It's entirely possible that your mother was "so sure" about your father's blood type, but was simply mistaken.  

cookie0803

@MyNameIsNot, my dad lives across the country, so it wouldn't be possible until I see him again. Although H (jokingly) suggested asking for a lock of hair "so we could put it in a locket for our baby." H is awesome and has really been trying to cheer me up about this. He's the best.


I know they had a prenup that mentioned fidelity. She would get nothing if she cheated, and I think he would have needed to give more if he had. I won't even pretend to know anything about prenups and what happens with them after an agreement has been reached and they're divorced, though.

ETA quotation marks.

HisGirlFriday13

Without the root bulb, they can't do a DNA test on a strand of hair, so the 'lock of hair' wouldn't actually work, sorry. But I'm glad your H has been trying to cheer you up!

mysticl

There are a few possible scenarios that could be playing out here.  Try talking to her again.  Explain that you are confused and are just trying to figure out what is real.  You mentioned a pregnancy, is she excited about the baby?  Maybe explaining that you need your child's medical history could convince her to talk to you.  

climbingsingle

I'm really sorry. I hope you're able to get to the bottom of all of this. 

cruffino

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

shaylagirl

Please disregard.

Reading fail. 

And, I'm so sorry you're having to struggle through this confusion on top of pregnancy!! 

KytchynWitche

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's possible that your mom was just wrong about their blood types, but if she's avoiding you now, that's pretty suspicious. I hope you find the truth soon.

NYCBruin

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  Massive Internet hug:

I also second the PPs suggestion to follow up with your mom maybe one more time with the focus being you need to know your family medical history for your baby's sake.

LondonLisa

That is really stressful and I'm sorry, but I would talk to your mother first. My brother is a trauma surgeon and he was saying that people are ALWAYS insistent that they know their blood type and are most wrong more often than not. 

Also, when did they have their blood tested? There used to be a lot of mistakes in testing of people actually being AO, BO, or AB but testing for only one (A or O), especially in the 70s, 80s and 90s. 

I would think this is a major thing so don't jump to conclusions just yet. If you REALLY want to know for sure without talking to your mother, see if you could do one of those cheek swab paternity tests. Blood tests are unreliable for knowing 100%.

phira

Geez. I'm really sorry It would be hard enough to process this without some of the complicating factors, like your mom refusing to talk about it. Like, for example, is she refusing to talk about it because she knows he's not your bio-dad, or is it because she just doesn't like that you brought up the subject/are asking the question? UGHHHH.

I will add that most people don't know their blood type and a lot of people who claim to usually don't know for sure. For example, I don't actually know for sure what my blood type is. When I did blood typing in high school, I was type B (but it wasn't clear if I was + or - for rh factor). I used to tell people I was type B, and now I tell people that I have no fucking clue because I know that a poorly done biology lab activity done over 10 years ago is not an accurate medical test.

cookie0803

I'm really hoping my mom is just wrong about her blood type. It wouldn't be completely out of the ordinary for her to insist she is right, only to find out later that she is wrong. We know my dad's blood type for sure because of some past medical issues.


I've reached out to her again this morning and she is still not responding (this is uncommon). For the record, I haven't accused her of anything, just asked if she was positive and if she would mind calling her doctor to check. I told her it was important to update my file at my midwife's office with the correct information.

Teddy917

I would ask your dad what his blood type is. Your mom could've just gotten it wrong.

HisGirlFriday13

I agree with PPs that it could have been an honest mistake on her part -- in high school, we did that blood typing exercise, and it showed my blood type as A-negative, but when I donated blood, the Red Cross typed me as A-positive.

But the fact that she's not responding to you and that this is unusual for her is a red flag. Also, the fact that you didn't accuse her of anything AND she's still being radio-silent speaks volumes.

cookie0803

My mom finally responded, she called her doctor and they told her she is O+, which is what she thought. My dad did the same thing and got the same answer. However, the last time my mom had her blood type tested was in the late 80's. I told her the test could have been partially incorrect (thanks so much for that information, @LondonLisa), and she's going to get tested. She swears up and down that he's the only one that could be my dad, and she has been texting back and forth with him since yesterday about this, which makes me feel a lot better. She's joking now that I was switched at birth. Thanks a fuckton, mom!

phira

Side note: I have asked my mom, completely seriously, if there's any chance that I could be someone's child besides my dad's. If it makes you feel any better about having to actually ask such a kind-of-upsetting question.

cookie0803

phira said:

Side note: I have asked my mom, completely seriously, if there's any chance that I could be someone's child besides my dad's. If it makes you feel any better about having to actually ask such a kind-of-upsetting question.

That actually does make me feel a little better. I hope you got the answer you wanted!


My mom and I usually have a really friendly relationship. We can talk and joke about pretty much anything. After my parents initially split up, she divulged a bizarre and inappropriate amount of information on their individual pasts and relationship. I really do feel like she would tell me the truth if paternity was a question.

phira

@cookie0803 Same here, actually--I know a lot of things about my mom's history and her marriage to my dad that most children don't know or wouldn't really want to. So I do believe her when she says that my dad is definitely my dad (helps that it's really obvious in terms of inherited genetic traits--I am definitely related to his side of the family). It's probably for the best, since the divorce was so unbelievably bitter, that he's my biological father.

laceybird

Wow. So sorry that you're having to go through something like this just out of the blue, but I'm hoping along with other PPs that there's an explanation to be found that doesn't result in any more upset.