Changing role in Bridal Party

hayleyg83

So, My fiance and I are getting married this September. We recently picked our bridal party. He included both of his brothers and 3 friends. He was having a dilema of whether or not to include his cousin (whose wedding he was a groomsmen). I kept telling him that he should include him and I would have his cousin's wife as a bridesmaids (we are all close, spend time together frequently). In the end he asked his cousin to be an usher. Now my soon to be mother in law is upset that the cousin wasn't included as a groomsmen. I think my fiance is feeling pressured to now re-ask his cousin to be a groomsman. Do you think this will make things awkward if he changes his mind?

Angusaur

He should be picking who HE wants to stand up with him. In no way is he obligated to include him if he's not as close to him, even if he was a groomsman for cousin's wedding. It sounds like making him a GM isn't what your FI really wants. An usher is still including him in the wedding. You should make the cousin's wife a bridesmaid if you want, or don't include her if you want. People should be treated individually and included based on how close you are. Not because their SO is in the wedding. 

Edited for clarity.

phira

Don't cave to pressure. Include the people you want to include in the wedding party, without worrying about significant others or angry mothers, etc. If your fiance doesn't want his cousin to be a groomsman, then that's that.

HisGirlFriday13

Include whom you want in your BP and don't cave to pressure from family members.

Side note: sides don't have to be even, so you can ask his cousin's wife if you want her as a BM.

AddieCake

I agree with Phira. It is absurd for this woman to be whining about her nephew not being in the wedding party, and if I were that man, I would be so embarrassed that my aunt was making a fuss about it. Why does she care?

Amyzen83

An usher is pretty much like a groomsman if I'm not mistaken, but the big picture thing is that this is one area of the wedding that it doesn't matter who is paying, only YOU and FI get to decide who you want to stand by your side. If FI doesn't feel close enough to his cousin to have him as a regular groomsman, then being an usher is fine. Even if FI does choose to include cousin as a groomsman, that doesn't mean his wife needs to be a bridesmaid. And sides do not have to be even.

cruffino

You're good. Don't let her pressure influence your decisions. Don't talk about it with her. She'll need to build a bridge and gtfo it.

delujm0

I'm a BM in a wedding where the MOB told her sister (bride's aunt) that her daughter (bride's cousin) would be a BM.  And then the bride was like "um...no.  we're not close, and if i'm not even asking FI's sister to be a BM why would i ask my cousin who i barely see or talk to?"  she made her mother relay that little message.  Seriously, why do parents feel like they should be involved in bridal party selections?