Wedding Band Vent-Updated with Pics

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

I need some advice/help/guidance and may be I'm just venting. So we had a custom band designed a few weeks ago with a local jeweler to mimic a wedding band I am in love with that I felt was just too expensive. We went to go see it on Saturday afternoon, not only was it only ok, they said they could some additions to it, but the price was really only $250 away from the ring I really wanted. He said he would be able to do it for 40% less. So I'm disappointed that ring is just really not going to work out. The quality of the custom ring compared to the original was just not worth the price we felt. We also went back to visit the jewelry store to try on the dream ring again to see, if after almost 1 1/2 months of not seeing and trying on other rings if it was still as in love with it. Of course I was. We've already looked at so many rings I don't know what else is out there that I could possibly fall in love with more.

There was another ring I kind of liked that was half the cost of my dream, it's pretty but I feel like I'm settling if I get it. I really want the ring I fell in love with, it's just way more than I wanted to spend. FI was ok with buying it and has been from the start. I feel so badly for wanting it too. It almost makes me feel like a spoiled brat. I'm getting a gorgeous wedding, an awesome honeymoon and I feel like the ring is asking for too much. Yes we are paying for everything except the RD ourselves, but still I feel like I'm being spoiled somehow. I also know I'll be wearing this ring every day and I want to love it. I'm really tempted to just stop shopping for rings and tell FI to do whatever he wants....

Just needed to vent really....For those who are married? How do you feel about your wedding band?

Swazzle · March 2014

If you can afford it and your FI is on board then I vote you get the ring you love. You've been looking for a while and nothing has even come close so I agree, if you get the one you just "kind of liked" you WILL be settling and you will regret the decision in the future.

My wedding band is really simple and was very inexpensive. I just wanted something to match the band of my e-ring and that would sit flush against it as well so there wasn't a gap. Once I found a ring that filled those criteria, we bought it. I have mentioned to H that I would like to get the exact same ring to wear on the outside of my e-ring so hopefully I'll have that on my finger in a month and a half

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

I'm having hard justifying the cost of the ring right now too with so many other expenses going on for the wedding. If it were just the ring we were buying I'd have no problems with it. I was really hoping the custom band would have worked out too.

Dignity100 · March 2014

As you know, I'm not married yet - but I went through a similar situation. I fell in love with a designer ring (Mark Schneider's Beloved). I went to jeweler after jeweler looking for a ring that I loved as much as I loved the Beloved ring, and there were a couple that I was willing to settle for (this included a road trip from Cleveland to Chicago to visit Diamond Nexus). A few of the jewelers offered to 'replicate' the ring at a much lower cost. In the end FI and I talked and I really wanted the 'real deal' and not some knock off; we saved a little longer and went with the designer ring. I felt guilty but FI kept saying 'you never ask for anything, it's no big deal'. I've had my ring since mid-December and I'm still awe struck with how pretty it is.

Does the band that you love come with a center stone already or is that an additional cost? If it's an additional cost you could always look at a less expensive stone (moissanite) and then 'upgrade' the stone at a later date.

EDIT: Can we see a picture of the ring??

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

I second getting the ring. If you can afford it and your FI is OK with it, then go for it.

You will wear this ring every day for the rest of your life. You didn't settle for 'good enough' when picking your FI; why would you settle for 'good enough' when picking a ring that's the symbol of your commitment to each other?

There are few things I advocate over-spending on relating to weddings -- because afterall, it's just one day -- but the rings would be something I would splurge on. They're the outward symbol of your commitment to each other. They're worth splurging on.

Blue & White · March 2014

With my wedding band, the matching band to my ring was like $1250 or something? Which I thought was outrageous. So I tried on every other wedding band in the store...and they all looked AWFUL with my engagement ring. I finally gave in to the fact that my wedding band was going to be a zillion dollars and just went with it. We got a semi-major discount since FI is friends with our jeweler, so I ended up paying less for the right I wanted more.

And I wouldn't have it any other way. My band matches my engagement ring perfectly. I kinda want to just wear them both everywhere, and I get to in...3 weeks!

If you can swing it, get the band you love. After all, the wedding band is pretty awesome. It's one of the few tangible things from the wedding you get to "keep", ya know?

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

You all make very good points for getting this ring. :-) I do really want it a lot. I'm just trying to get rid of this guilt.

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

From my phone here is dream wedding band

Dignity100 · March 2014

The ring is gorgeous - I don't think we're going to be able to talk you out of it if you are able to swing it!!

In all honesty there are places you can probably make cuts (if you haven't already) on your wedding. You're not going to remember what you ate and you probably won't remember what type of cake you had and you're not going to remember the center pieces and other table setups - your guests won't remember any of these things either after a few days/weeks. You will remember how you FEEL on that day though.

The guilt thing stinks. It's just a matter of realizing that your wedding/reception is a celebration with your guests and this is for you.

BreMR · March 2014

That is absolutely beautiful. It fits your e-ring perfectly!

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

Thanks @Dignity100 & @Brerhodes !

phira · March 2014

There's a lot of crap that goes into making use WANT stuff like a gorgeous matching wedding band no matter the cost, and that ALSO goes into making us feel GUILTY for wanting it. It's really ridiculous.

If you're going to be wearing a ring on your finger for the rest of your life, it needs to be something that makes you happy. There's nothing wrong with you that the ring that makes you happy is the one that's pricier.

The engagement ring I wanted from Etsy cost about $350 and the set with a matching wedding band was about $500. I was totally sold, but J wanted something more engagement-y, and the custom ring I ended up getting, which I also love very much, cost $1200. I feel guilty and 100% ridiculous sometimes, knowing that, all told, we're going to spend almost $2000 on my engagement and wedding band, when I would have been just as happy with something that cost 25% of that.

But I do love my engagement ring, and besides the lingering guilt, there's been no downside to getting this ring, just upsides. I get more compliments on it than I would have on the other ring (feed the ego! FEED IT), it feels really right on my finger, I feel like it's both modern and timeless, etc. etc. etc. So I just have to tell the little guilt monster, "Whatever, I already bought it," and then I go eat some cookies.

cu97tiger · March 2014

Maybe you need to switch around your thinking. You're adding the cost of your wedding band into the cost of the wedding when they are two different things. As someone as already mentioned, the wedding is one day, but you will be wearing your wedding band every single day. If you had just seen that one and were OMG IN LOVE, that would be one thing... but you've looked around, done your due diligence, and this is THE ONE. I say get it and don't feel guilty about it for a minute! Let me know the cost if you'd like me to bust out one of my awesome mathy-math calculations!

phira · March 2014

@cu97tiger We actually considered engagement and wedding bands as part of the wedding cost, but it was something that decreased our anxiety. It was much easier to justify increasing our wedding budget from $23k to $25k than it was for us to "randomly" spend $2k. However, I do think that changing how you think about it does help a lot. I would never have been okay spending $1200 on my engagement ring if it hadn't been a wedding cost.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

I don't have a wedding band. maybe one day we'll have one custom made (we will have to for it to sit flush) but I liked that the band was so thin and it didn't bother me not to have a wedding band. when I do get one, I'm going to get one that either has detail or tiny diamonds on the band. I will not be going for something super cheap or plain... I figure I will have waited long enough, so I'll get what I really want!

if you have the money and can make the purchase without it causing some negative effect on your finances, then just do it and love it!

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

@cocabellaF I actually considered not getting a wedding band right now and taking more time to think it over, shop around. I think FI wants me to have one the day of though. I think I just need to suck it up and have a conversation with FI about the ring and make sure he is still ok with getting it.

doubleSS07 · March 2014

I wasn't going to get a band. The designer of my ring didn't make one that went with it and we looked and looked here in TX for one that had the beading similar to my E-ring and found nothing. We went to our original jeweler in SF 3 days before the wedding to have my ring all shined up and boom there it was, a perfectly matching band. I was in love but didn't want to spend any more money (I was done at that point and overwhelmed with all the money spent already). FI said no it's only $350 get it. I hesitated and he told the lady we'll take, size it. I'm SO happy I ended up getting it. I think that you need to just get this ring. It's gorgeous and you love it and you can afford it. Maybe just cut back on something with the wedding if it helps you offset the difference.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

I love the dream wedding band! I completely understand you wanting to be more financially responsible here...but if it's not going to break the piggy bank, I think you should get the one you love.

My rings came as a set, but I felt the same way about my rings as you - they are something i'm planning to wear every day for the rest of my life and I want to love them.

Also, I'm really sorry you went through all the effort of seeking out another custom jeweler and then things didn't work out. That stinks and I can only imagine how dissapointing that was.

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

@allusive007 I wasn't too disappointed with it at first, then as we left. I thought about it more, and the price and then we went to go see dream ring again and it really hit home.

lavenderfields13 · March 2014

Ditto everyone else. Get your dream ring! You're going to wear it forever and see it every day. I think you'd regret it if you settled for something you "just kind of like". I definitely understand feeling guilty but you're not being a spoiled brat in the least.

Peaseblossom55 · March 2014

So I talked to FI last night, and I told him I wanted that ring and he said of course he had a feeling that what would happen. So Yay! We may actually get it this weekend.