Wedding Etiquette Forum

Who pays for a destination bachelorette party?

Hello,

I'm new to this site, but have been really worried about planning a bachelorette party. The bride did not choose a maid of honor, there are three of us bridesmaids trying to plan the party and 5 total (including the bride) who would go on the bachelorette party. We are surprising the bride with the destination, she has not planned any of it, but has helped by giving us ideas of things she would/wouldn't want for the trip.

The problem is that the bride lives across the country, and one of the bridesmaids lives in California, while the rest in Oregon.  We want to do a weekend trip to Tahoe, but I'm a graduate student, and I'm freaking out about the cost. I don't know if the bride has offered to pay for her airfare or not, and we haven't asked. It would make everything easier if the bride paid for her airfare (and nothing else) but I don't even know if it's ok to ask.  

Any advice? 

Re: Who pays for a destination bachelorette party?

  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Hello,

    I'm new to this site, but have been really worried about planning a bachelorette party. The bride did not choose a maid of honor, there are three of us bridesmaids trying to plan the party and 5 total (including the bride) who would go on the bachelorette party. We are surprising the bride with the destination, she has not planned any of it, but has helped by giving us ideas of things she would/wouldn't want for the trip.

    The problem is that the bride lives across the country, and one of the bridesmaids lives in California, while the rest in Oregon.  We want to do a weekend trip to Tahoe, but I'm a graduate student, and I'm freaking out about the cost. I don't know if the bride has offered to pay for her airfare or not, and we haven't asked. It would make everything easier if the bride paid for her airfare (and nothing else) but I don't even know if it's ok to ask.  

    Any advice? 
    Welcome to the forums. I'd contact @KnotPorscha about changing your username to something besides your name (for privacy).

    You can definitely speak up and explain that the cost of the trip is too much for you. I'm a grad student, too, and I feel like sometimes, people make really frustrating assumptions about what I can or can't afford. I'd come to the table with an offer of exactly how much you can afford to spend on the whole trip, and be clear that you're happy to do some research/planning to make the whole trip more affordable.

    I don't know if it is or isn't okay to ask the bride to pay for her airfare, but other folks may have some feedback for you.

    If you can't afford to join in with the party, you are not a bad bridesmaid (or a bad friend).
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2014
    I don't think you have to pay for the bride's airfare. Just tell the bride that you are thinking of having her bachelorette party in Tahoe and if she's interested in coming out for that. It makes way more sense to have the party closer to the majority of the participants.

    ETA: Oops missed the part about surprising her. That might not be possible, if you want her to cover her own airfare.
    image
    image

    image


  • You can't surprise her AND ask her to contribute. Either is a fine option. Make sure everyone is onboard with the cost before booking.
    huskypuppy14Jen4948s-aries8990KatWAG
  • Yeah, you can't surprise her with the destination party all planned out and say "oh, by the way, you need to buy airline tickets!"  That's just not cool.  If you guys aren't planning on covering that you should plan something local.
  • My Bach Party was mini-destination. I live in DC it was in NYC, which was by far the most central location for all the girls. Whoever is doing the finances just needs to let the bride know what is being paid for and what is not. Then she'll be able to determine if that works for her or not. If not, it's time to rethink the plan. The info I got was "we have Saturday night all planned and covered, and we're treating you to brunch on Sunday". From there I arranged my own train, got my own lunch, and picked up a hostess gift for my MOH who I was staying with. 

    Short answer is that it is TOTALLY okay to ask her if she will pay her airfare!
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I feel everyone should pay her own way on a destination trip. Buy the bride a round of drinks, or cover her dinner one night.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    s-aries8990Maggie0829sofakingmad
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    AddieL73 said:
    I feel everyone should pay her own way on a destination trip. Buy the bride a round of drinks, or cover her dinner one night.
    This. also, you can tell the bride the destination and still have some fun surprises.

    You need to work out the budget before you start making any specific plans. If you're concerned that it will cost too much, then speak up. It is totally okay to do that. If a bachelorette trip is too much, you could consider having it in the wedding location a couple days before the wedding.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



    s-aries8990
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    AddieL73 said:
    I feel everyone should pay her own way on a destination trip. Buy the bride a round of drinks, or cover her dinner one night.
    I agree with this.  But it means that the trip as a whole can't be a surprise for the bride.  It's really unfair to "surprise" anyone with unexpected out-of-pocket costs.
    s-aries8990
  • I would skip the surprise part so that she can plan out her expenses also.  My bridesmaids had planned to surprise me with a 5 day cruise, but a friend that found out about the trip told me about it.  However, I'm glad that this happened because now I can pick the excursions that I would like to do and the other girls can decide if they want to come also, but these are expenses I can pick up for myself.  I'm more than ready for this vacation with my best girls!  Around a month to go!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker}
  • I agree with PPs that a destination bachelorette doesn't mean an all expenses paid trip for the bride.  In my group of friends, we all pay for our own flight/travel/accomodations and this includes the bride paying her own way.  Then the bride gets one night of dinner/drinks/partying as her bachelorette night.  The rest of the weekend is on her own dime.



     
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
    kgd7357
  • I agree with PPs that a destination bachelorette doesn't mean an all expenses paid trip for the bride.  In my group of friends, we all pay for our own flight/travel/accomodations and this includes the bride paying her own way.  Then the bride gets one night of dinner/drinks/partying as her bachelorette night.  The rest of the weekend is on her own dime.



     

    Exactly this.
  • Thank you everyone! 

    The surprise is really not the big issue, eventually she was going to be getting her itinerary. The biggest issue is the cost.  I like the idea of setting a budget first, we already have one, it was just hard to predict from where she was coming from how expensive it would be.  Since we've started looking for flights, ticket prices have fluctuated a couple hundred dollars! 

    Thank you for all your advice!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards