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Etiquette

Honeymoon Jar?

I was meeting with my wedding coordinator at our venue the other day and we were going over the schedule for the wedding. I told her that I absolutely did not want to do the dollar dance because It seems incredibly rude. She agreed and said I should do a honeymoon jar on the gift table instead.

I've never seen this done before and to me it seems a bit more of subtle dollar dance? Either way it still seems a little rude....you just aren't shouting the rudeness out to the world. Right?
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Re: Honeymoon Jar?

  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    It is still rude, and instead of shouting "I'm rude!" to all you're guests, you're whispering it in your guests' ears as they pass by. Don't do it. If they want to give you money, they'll put it in a card.
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    VerizonGirl
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Please don't do it.

  • Don't get me wrong....I'm asking because I have literally never seen this done before. I was a little surprised my wedding coordinator mentioned it. Have you guys seen it before? I felt it was rude and that is something that I am trying very hard to avoid.

    Thanks for clarifying!
  • magee2011 said:
    Don't get me wrong....I'm asking because I have literally never seen this done before. I was a little surprised my wedding coordinator mentioned it. Have you guys seen it before? I felt it was rude and that is something that I am trying very hard to avoid.

    Thanks for clarifying!
    There has been a recent rash of honeymoon jars on Pinterest, which is where she may be getting the idea from.
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    Blue_Birdchibiyui
  • A honeymoon Jar is just as rude as a dollar dance.  I don't even find Honeymoon registries quite as rude as a honeymoon jar (even though a Honeyfund is, still, a breach of etiquette).  At the time of your wedding, most guests have bought things off of your registry or have put cash into a card.  When you have a dollar dance or a honeymoon jar, you are, in essence, telling your guests that whatever they have spent on you was not enough.  That is incredibly rude.
    This is actually a really great point to mention to my fiance. When the coordinator mentioned it....he said he thought it was a really good idea. I was like ehhhh I'll have to look into it. Our wedding has a lot of out of town guests, who I know are spending quite a bit to be with us on our day....the LAST thing I want to do is make them feel like they have to spend a dime at the actual wedding.

    Thank you :)
    Vivandiere8
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Fuck no. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    VerizonGirlrajahmdLDay2014ladybird29
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    (Some of) the wedding boards on Pinterest are the bane of my existence. It's like WW in picture form.

    The biggest problem is that Pinterest is like a rash, so the ideas spread super, super fast. That's fine when you're looking up paleo recipes or home decor ideas, but not so much when planning a wedding.

    VerizonGirl
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It would be rude.  Sadly, Pinterest is a source of terrible ideas.  I think a lot of the photos on there are there not because the posters of rude ideas are endorsing them, but actually to say "Look at the stupid idiotic idea someone had!"  Unfortunately, the photos are seen in the opposite light and people are using them to implement bad ideas in their own weddings.
    VerizonGirl
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I think Pinterest is what's wrong with most weddings. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Jen4948KeptInStitchesdolewhippers-aries8990
  • It's like having a sign on the gift table for the guests, "Thanks for the gift, but it wasn't enough so now please leave us another gift."
    It's awkward and gift grabby.
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    Vivandiere8
  • its custom when you have an armenian wedding that when the armenian music comes on and you are dancing people will come up and throw dollars at you . ( more like theres a box in the center of the floor and they put the dollars in there) my brother did not have one and i am not,
  • Yeah, do not do this.
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • magee2011 said:
    Don't get me wrong....I'm asking because I have literally never seen this done before. I was a little surprised my wedding coordinator mentioned it. Have you guys seen it before? I felt it was rude and that is something that I am trying very hard to avoid.

    Thanks for clarifying!
    It's good that you acknowledge this is rude, and it will be very easy to avoid, just firmly tell your coordinator that you refuse to solicit money from your guests. :)

    themuffinman16
  • I would keep a very close eye on that wedding co-ordinator.  She sounds like a fool.  Don't do a honeyfund jar.  Tacky, icky,ewwwww!
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    KittyKaty20huskypuppy14MairePoppyladybird29
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    She's just suggesting you replace one rude money-ask with another rude money-ask.
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    KittyKaty20
  • Both ideas are RUDE RUDE RUDE!!!!! Do not do either of them!!!!
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would not trust that wedding coordinator with anything else from here on out. It's obvious she has no concept of etiquette, and is willing to be rude to your guests.
    huskypuppy14
  • She has been really great with everything so far. So I'll try to not make a big deal about it with her. Now if she comes up with any other etiquette faux pas then we might have a problem ;)

    Thanks Ladies!
  • edited April 2014

    You can TOTALLY do a Honeymoon Jar!

    At your own home, with your own money. As a way to save for something fun. That's it, though.


    I wasn't ever asking if I should do it. I was simply saying that I hadn't heard of it before. My coordinator brought it up. Apparently it's a big pinterest thing.
  • Pinterest is THE WORST!

    iloveotters2014
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ookoeq said:
    Hello all! I find this post very interesting. I guess I am doing everything WRONG or RUDE in your eyes. But hey, its my wedding. I would like to address both things.

    Dollar Dance: I am an African American bride from Ghana. It is common to do this. No one is obligated to do the dance, give money, or anything. Usually an aunt or uncle would just start it. Its not like the MC will say "Hey everyone its dollar dance time." I don't expect for anyone to start it or for everyone to join in, but I will NOT object if an aunt would like to wipe my brow with a couple of bills lol

    Honeymoon registry: I asked my planner what we should put on our registry. We live together, we have all new stuff already, we really don't need anything from a typical registry. We have set up a honeymoon registry and it is open for their donation. I know some people will still buy a gift, which is more than welcomed and appreciated!

    I feel like many are really "tight" about this topic. I just laugh sometimes but hey, to each their own!

    Congrats to all the brides out there! I'm super excited! 76 days way! YAY!
     
    So, you know what you are doing is rude, yet you dont care? awesome. This is an etiquette board, this we follow proper etiquette. You sounds very immature and gift grabby in this post. You wedding day is supposed to be about marrying the person you love most, not being able to squeeze a few extra dollars out of your aunt and uncle.
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    buddysmom80ashley8918KeptInStitches[Deleted User]
  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    NO

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    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

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    buddysmom80ashley8918[Deleted User]
  • The first Honeymoon Jar on Pintrest was for the Bride and Groom to keep in your home or homes as a place to put your change to save up for your own honeymoon. Not sure who got the bright idea that you needed to put this up at their wedding but the majority of people on Pintrest have just gone with it.

     *Formerly ctexasgurl26 and mrsridings061513*

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