Purple Wedding Dress - Tell Guests?

kittenkaboodle

So I think I have decided to wear a non-traditional wedding dress.  Instead of white, it will be a beautiful purple gray floor length dress with ivory lace and a short train.  I am thinking the bridesmaids will wear ivory dresses.  We are having an outdoor wedding with a vintage feel with about 100 guests. 

My first question is if anybody has any suggestions on whether or not to make my dress choice public knowledge before the wedding?  I kind of like the idea of my dress being a surprise.  The bridesmaids and the fiance know, but should I tell the families?  I know my mother will not care (she wore green to hers) and I do not believe anybody will be upset, just maybe a little surprised.  

My second question is if I do not make the purple dress public knowledge before hand, how can I discourage people from wearing purple?  I personally do not care if somebody else has on a similar colored dress, but I do not want any of the guest to stress over it or feel awkward.  Also, I have zero concern about people knowing I am the bride.  Not only does everybody already know me, but I should be wearing the most formal dress.  I already have a spot on the wedding website guiding people what to wear (this section was requested by the groom's father, plus I seem to always wear the wrong thing, so it seemed nice to give people a heads up).  The general gist is that it is a backyard wedding on soft grass, no full suits expected, but you can if you want to, and khakis are more than fine.  Will it be misconstrued as bossy if I suggest for people not to wear purple?  Again, I don't really care, but I would hate for somebody else to feel bad about it.

Thank you in advance for any input! 

ElcaB

kittenkaboodle said:

So I think I have decided to wear a non-traditional wedding dress.  Instead of white, it will be a beautiful purple gray floor length dress with ivory lace and a short train.  I am thinking the bridesmaids will wear ivory dresses.  We are having an outdoor wedding with a vintage feel with about 100 guests. 

My first question is if anybody has any suggestions on whether or not to make my dress choice public knowledge before the wedding?  I kind of like the idea of my dress being a surprise.  The bridesmaids and the fiance know, but should I tell the families?  I know my mother will not care (she wore green to hers) and I do not believe anybody will be upset, just maybe a little surprised.  

My second question is if I do not make the purple dress public knowledge before hand, how can I discourage people from wearing purple?  I personally do not care if somebody else has on a similar colored dress, but I do not want any of the guest to stress over it or feel awkward.  Also, I have zero concern about people knowing I am the bride.  Not only does everybody already know me, but I should be wearing the most formal dress.  I already have a spot on the wedding website guiding people what to wear (this section was requested by the groom's father, plus I seem to always wear the wrong thing, so it seemed nice to give people a heads up).  The general gist is that it is a backyard wedding on soft grass, no full suits expected, but you can if you want to, and khakis are more than fine.  Will it be misconstrued as bossy if I suggest for people not to wear purple?  Again, I don't really care, but I would hate for somebody else to feel bad about it.

Thank you in advance for any input! 

No one except you needs to know what you're wearing the day of your wedding. There is no need for you to tell people you plan on wearing a purple/gray dress unless you want to. 

How do you discourage people from wearing purple? You don't. No one will feel awkward, trust me. As far as your section of the website for guest attire, generally you shouldn't include anything specific. A heads-up as to where the ceremony will be located is enough for people to decide what is and isn't appropriate. 

Maggie0829

kittenkaboodle said:

So I think I have decided to wear a non-traditional wedding dress.  Instead of white, it will be a beautiful purple gray floor length dress with ivory lace and a short train.  I am thinking the bridesmaids will wear ivory dresses.  We are having an outdoor wedding with a vintage feel with about 100 guests. 

My first question is if anybody has any suggestions on whether or not to make my dress choice public knowledge before the wedding?  I kind of like the idea of my dress being a surprise.  The bridesmaids and the fiance know, but should I tell the families?  I know my mother will not care (she wore green to hers) and I do not believe anybody will be upset, just maybe a little surprised.  

My second question is if I do not make the purple dress public knowledge before hand, how can I discourage people from wearing purple?  I personally do not care if somebody else has on a similar colored dress, but I do not want any of the guest to stress over it or feel awkward.  Also, I have zero concern about people knowing I am the bride.  Not only does everybody already know me, but I should be wearing the most formal dress.  I already have a spot on the wedding website guiding people what to wear (this section was requested by the groom's father, plus I seem to always wear the wrong thing, so it seemed nice to give people a heads up).  The general gist is that it is a backyard wedding on soft grass, no full suits expected, but you can if you want to, and khakis are more than fine.  Will it be misconstrued as bossy if I suggest for people not to wear purple?  Again, I don't really care, but I would hate for somebody else to feel bad about it.

Thank you in advance for any input! 

If you want to keep your dress a surprise then keep it a surprise.  If someone asks you can always tell them that you are going a non-traditional route.

You cannot tell guests how to dress or what colors to stay away from.  Unless they are wearing a huge purple gown I don't think they will feel odd if they are wearing a similar color as you.

For your wedding website I would remove any talk about attire.  Letting them know that the wedding will take place on grass is fine (especially for the women..heels + grass = not so fun), but don't talk about clothes.  People will wear what they want to wear regardless of what you say.  And recommending clothing choices to adults will always be seen as bossy.

Let your invites speak to the formality of your event.  Your family can also spread the formality of your even by word of mouth.

kittenkaboodle

Thanks Ladies. 

 It never would have occurred to me it would be an issue but one of the last weddings I went to a friend wore a lavender dress and the bridesmaids dress were purple (they looked nothing like my friends) and my friend stressed all night about what the bride would think. Plus, a friend has already asked what color the bridesmaids are wearing, in an effort to match the wedding but not the bridesmaids. Before this, I never realized this was something some people cared about. Then I had a brief moment of paranoia that I may have been considered a rude wedding guest in the past. 

I will talk to the groom's father about taking the attire portion off the wedding website. This was something he emphasized, but it's our wedding right? I think he's worried because the last family wedding he went to there was lots of confusion among the whole family and lots of emails about what to wear.

Maggie0829

kittenkaboodle said:

Thanks Ladies. 

 It never would have occurred to me it would be an issue but one of the last weddings I went to a friend wore a lavender dress and the bridesmaids dress were purple (they looked nothing like my friends) and my friend stressed all night about what the bride would think. Plus, a friend has already asked what color the bridesmaids are wearing, in an effort to match the wedding but not the bridesmaids. Before this, I never realized this was something some people cared about. Then I had a brief moment of paranoia that I may have been considered a rude wedding guest in the past. 

I will talk to the groom's father about taking the attire portion off the wedding website. This was something he emphasized, but it's our wedding right? I think he's worried because the last family wedding he went to there was lots of confusion among the whole family and lots of emails about what to wear.

I know a few people who are concerned about 'matching' the BMs.  I went to a wedding once where I wore a color similar to the BMs but the bride didn't care and neither did I.  My dress was different and my hair certainly wasn't done as nice as the BMs (oh and I also wasn't standing up front while the couple got married nor was I at the head table so no one thought that I was in the wedding).

As for your wedding website, unless your FFIL has control over it you can change whatever you want. If he asks why you changed it you tell him that it is rude to dictate attire (even nicely) to adults.

emmyg65

If people have questions about what to wear, they'll ask you. No need to put it on your website.

winelover123

I didn't wear white either. I think most people knew beforehand and avoided the color that I wore, but there were a few people there in the same color. It was fine. If you do tell people beforehand, if anyone is bothered by wearing the same color as the bride, they'll avoid it. If you want to keep it a surprise, it's not a huge deal. 

kittenkaboodle

@winelover123 Thanks!  It's good to hear a first hand experience. 

vanessanini

Purple color represents elegance, noble, charm and mystery, even romance. When bridesmaid puts on the puple tone dress, these connotation will appear spontaneously.