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What did I just do?!

FSIL (22) just got accepted for a fully funded PhD!  So proud/excited for her! It's a great school halfway across the country.

Her lease is up at the end of this month and she doesn't move until mid-August. She's got a fellowship at her undergrad through early August and has been looking for an apartment in the area, working from the assumption she wouldn't get into school anywhere. Their mom lives with her and will likely move out of state with FSIL, though that could change.

FI and only started speaking to his mom about 6 months ago after not speaking to her for years (she's a trouble-maker). His brothers have always spoken to her but not allowed her to stay with them. She's now recovering from ovarian cancer and on disability so FSIL helps her while working. FSIL is amazing but doesn't earn enough to save any so we know she'll need help. We're not in a position to help because of the wedding and some necessary house expenses. None of his brothers will offer...

So we just invited them to live with us through August. FI, his 15 year old son and I live in FI's 3 bedroom/1 bathroom house. It will be a VERY tight fit. Plus, FI and I work from home.

We can handle 3 months, right?
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Re: What did I just do?!

  • Wow,  good luck with that.  You do not even have work as an escape.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Sometimes we do unpleasant things for family. It won't be easy, but at least it's a finite amount of time. Congrats to you FSIL.

    FSIL (22) just got accepted for a fully funded PhD!  So proud/excited for her! It's a great school halfway across the country.

    Her lease is up at the end of this month and she doesn't move until mid-August. She's got a fellowship at her undergrad through early August and has been looking for an apartment in the area, working from the assumption she wouldn't get into school anywhere. Their mom lives with her and will likely move out of state with FSIL, though that could change.

    FI and only started speaking to his mom about 6 months ago after not speaking to her for years (she's a trouble-maker). His brothers have always spoken to her but not allowed her to stay with them. She's now recovering from ovarian cancer and on disability so FSIL helps her while working. FSIL is amazing but doesn't earn enough to save any so we know she'll need help. We're not in a position to help because of the wedding and some necessary house expenses. None of his brothers will offer...

    So we just invited them to live with us through August. FI, his 15 year old son and I live in FI's 3 bedroom/1 bathroom house. It will be a VERY tight fit. Plus, FI and I work from home.

    We can handle 3 months, right?

  • I know! The lack of escape will be tough...

    It's such a great opportunity that we want to support her in any way possible. It would just be nice if we could throw money at the situation!
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  • 3 months isn't bad, as long as it's ONLY 3 months.  These things have a tendency to stretch on.

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  • That's my fear too. His sister isn't an issue, it's his mom. FI and I agreed that she's not allowed to stay longer than that.
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  • I think it is sweet that you guys are doing that. Congrats to your sister!!!
  • You're a braver (or nicer or kinder or something) person than I am. There is no universe in which I would invite any of DH's relatives to live with us for any period of time whatever -- especially someone we previously hadn't spoken to because she is a known trouble-maker.

    Best of luck with that.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • His sister, not mine. I love my sister but wouldn't invite her in...

    I'm not sure if I'm brave or stupid. I was lucky to have parents who could help me out during some of those scary phases. She doesn't- and her big brother/my FI has always been the person who's tried to do that for her. I'm worried about having so many people in the house but at least know that FMIL will be better behaved with FSIL there.

    Plus, FMIL adores me because she credits me with being invited back into the family. I'll take what I can get!
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  • jdluvr06 said:
    After all the stories you've told us I don't think any sane person would invite your dh's relatives to stay with them.
    Now I'm scared about how my posts are interpreted..

    I love his family! I'm not as close with FMIL as I am with FSIL but I love the family. They are VERY different from my own family but they're loving and inclusive- with just enough dysfunction to be interesting. There are cultural differences and some serious etiquette faux pas but they're good people. His ex is batshit crazy and a handful but the majority of the family is amazing!
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  • jdluvr06 said:
    After all the stories you've told us I don't think any sane person would invite your dh's relatives to stay with them.
    Now I'm scared about how my posts are interpreted..

    I love his family! I'm not as close with FMIL as I am with FSIL but I love the family. They are VERY different from my own family but they're loving and inclusive- with just enough dysfunction to be interesting. There are cultural differences and some serious etiquette faux pas but they're good people. His ex is batshit crazy and a handful but the majority of the family is amazing!

    Oh no! I didn't mean I thought your FI's family was nutty. I was talking about @hisgirlfriday13 dh's family. She has shared some crazy stories about them in the past.
  • @jdluvr06- thanks for clarifying! I was afraid that I had said something horrible without intending to!

    @HisGirl has told some crazy stories!
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  • God bless you sweetie! I couldn't have anyone live with us for 3 months and our house is way bigger than yours. I suggest that you and you FI schedule date nights once a week just so you can get away and have some alone time. If may help you keep your sanity!
  • jdluvr06 said:




    jdluvr06 said:

    After all the stories you've told us I don't think any sane person would invite your dh's relatives to stay with them.

    Now I'm scared about how my posts are interpreted..

    I love his family! I'm not as close with FMIL as I am with FSIL but I love the family. They are VERY different from my own family but they're loving and inclusive- with just enough dysfunction to be interesting. There are cultural differences and some serious etiquette faux pas but they're good people. His ex is batshit crazy and a handful but the majority of the family is amazing!




    Oh no! I didn't mean I thought your FI's family was nutty. I was talking about @hisgirlfriday13 dh's family. She has shared some crazy stories about them in the past.

    @jdluvr06- thanks for clarifying! I was afraid that I had said something horrible without intending to!

    @HisGirl has told some crazy stories!

    The truly sad part is they're all true. I'm gonna write a novel some day, and DH's grandmother is gonna be a main character.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • 5 people, 3 bedrooms and ONE bathroom?  For 3 months?  No way, I wouldn't do it.

    I would also prepare for what you're going to do when FMIL doesn't leave in 3 months. 
  • 3 months will not be that bad-- just make sure you guys set boundaries. It is his mother and all but it is still your house, so boundaries must be made and make sure you and your fiance get your space here and there even if it is just a date night alone.  when my H and I lived with his mom, we survived--but definitely had to take little weekend getaways here and there.
    image

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  • jdluvr06 said:
    After all the stories you've told us I don't think any sane person would invite your dh's relatives to stay with them.
    Now I'm scared about how my posts are interpreted..

    I love his family! I'm not as close with FMIL as I am with FSIL but I love the family. They are VERY different from my own family but they're loving and inclusive- with just enough dysfunction to be interesting. There are cultural differences and some serious etiquette faux pas but they're good people. His ex is batshit crazy and a handful but the majority of the family is amazing!

    Oh no! I didn't mean I thought your FI's family was nutty. I was talking about @hisgirlfriday13 dh's family. She has shared some crazy stories about them in the past.
    @jdluvr06- thanks for clarifying! I was afraid that I had said something horrible without intending to!

    @HisGirl has told some crazy stories!
    The truly sad part is they're all true. I'm gonna write a novel some day, and DH's grandmother is gonna be a main character.
    I'd buy that book.
    image
    image

    image


  • I have a feeling that if you studied our family trees, HisGirlFriday and I would be related!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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