Cake and Punch + OOT guests = OK?

thesummersky

Hey Knotties,

From my understanding, a cake and punch reception is a proper way to host guests as long as the ceremony and reception don't occur during mealtimes. We were planning on doing this, but taking a look at the finalized guest list, it seems that quite a few of our guests would be flying in, or driving 4+ hours should they decide to attend our wedding. Is it still appropriate to host a cake and punch reception? 

Inkdancer

It is absolutely fine to do that. If you have your ceremony at 2 pm and reception at 3, it will be clear to them that it isn't a meal time.

An invitation is not a subpoena--if they do not want to fly in, they don't have to.

thesummersky

Inkdancer said:

It is absolutely fine to do that. If you have your ceremony at 2 pm and reception at 3, it will be clear to them that it isn't a meal time.

An invitation is not a subpoena--if they do not want to fly in, they don't have to.

My FI said something similar to this. I just wanted input from others who have dealt with or thought about this. Thanks!

Edited: I was missing a word.

lyndausvi

Cake and punch receptions are perfectly okay.  

That said, as I host I could not host a C&P reception with a lot of OOT people.  I would just horrible that they took the time to fly and/or drive, maybe take time off only to spend a hour or so with us and get a piece of cake**(see below)  IDK, I try and be a good host.  4+ hour drives means meals times are involved getting to and from the wedding.  I just couldn't do that.  

Personally thinking I feel C&P are more appropriate for a lot of local guests who will take a few hours out of their day to be with us, then go home.  I just feel C&Ps don't take into consideration how people are not born and raised and never leave their home towns anymore.  People are on the move. That is my own hangup and not an etiquette thing.  Etiquette wise it's fine.  

Breakfast, brunch, lunch with sandwiches are good ways to be able to host on a budget.

GL.

** ETA - C&P receptions tend to be only an hour or so.

[Deleted User]

You are being proper, but can you put on your invitation after the ceremony details "followed by a cake & punch receptions at...."

This way your OOT will know that you aren't going to be providing a full meal and can decide for themselves if they want to come or not or can plan to budget to go out for their meal afterwards.

thesummersky

@lyndausvi I am also concerned about being a good host. I'm thinking now that we'll provide heavier appetizers along with the cake and drinks we were planning.

Maggie0829

Like Lynda said, etiquette wise, what you are planning is fine.  But if a large portion of my guest list was from OOT I would be having something a bit more grand then just a cake and punch reception. Not saying that a cake and punch reception isn't nice, but if you are asking a lot of your guests to travel to your wedding (flying and driving over 4 hours) then, IMO, you need to host something a bit more substantial.

lyndausvi

thesummersky said:

@lyndausvi I am also concerned about being a good host. I'm thinking now that we'll provide heavier appetizers along with the cake and drinks we were planning.

I don't mean you are being a bad host if you only have a C&P, it's just IDK?  It's just not something I would be comfortable doing.

STARMOON44

I personally would not feel comfortable inviting lots of out of town guests for cake and punch. I just wouldn't do it. I think this is a better option for something local. Especially since cake and punch is generally 2 hours post wedding in a church hall. I'd want to spend more time with guests coming from far away.

CrazyCatLady3

I agree with PPs.  If you are on a budget, I would look into doing a brunch reception, or maybe BBQ somewhere with an iPod for dancing.

sarahufl

I agree with PPs. I once went to a C&P reception for my cousin that I drove 8 hours each way to attend. It also lasted 2 hours from start of ceremony to end of reception. It was beautiful and nice, but I felt like I spent A LOT of time and money going to just be occupied for 2 hours. It was a family wedding, so we made our own after party once it was over and had a great time, but it was a lot of travel for not a lot of being hosted.

The sister of the same cousin had an awesome breakfast reception a few years later. I think the entire thing cost them less than $5k (no alcohol, no dancing, etc) and it was a lot of fun.

grumbledore

thesummersky said:

Hey Knotties,

From my understanding, a cake and punch reception is a proper way to host guests as long as the ceremony and reception don't occur during mealtimes. We were planning on doing this, but taking a look at the finalized guest list, it seems that quite a few of our guests would be flying in, or driving 4+ hours should they decide to attend our wedding. Is it still appropriate to host a cake and punch reception? 

While it is perfectly fine, as an OOT guest, I would not be thrilled to travel for a very short party, even if I loved you.

Inkdancer

grumbledore said:

thesummersky said:

Hey Knotties,

From my understanding, a cake and punch reception is a proper way to host guests as long as the ceremony and reception don't occur during mealtimes. We were planning on doing this, but taking a look at the finalized guest list, it seems that quite a few of our guests would be flying in, or driving 4+ hours should they decide to attend our wedding. Is it still appropriate to host a cake and punch reception? 

While it is perfectly fine, as an OOT guest, I would not be thrilled to travel for a very short party, even if I loved you.

This is very true. You may want to mention "cake and punch to follow" or something like that on the invitation, so people know what to expect.

whitney37354

DH & I were invited to the wedding of DH's high school BFF, two hours from our home.  We left our baby with DH's parent's & had a couple hours alone on the drive over.  We left early to find the church, then went to Arby's for lunch, because it was an afternoon wedding.  It was a C&P reception, & there were only a handful of us who were OOT guests.  It wasn't a problem.

AddieCake

I agree if most of your guests will have substantial travel, it might be best to have more than just cake and punch.

grumbledore

whitney37354 said:

DH & I were invited to the wedding of DH's high school BFF, two hours from our home.  We left our baby with DH's parent's & had a couple hours alone on the drive over.  We left early to find the church, then went to Arby's for lunch, because it was an afternoon wedding.  It was a C&P reception, & there were only a handful of us who were OOT guests.  It wasn't a problem.

IMO, there's a huge difference between a two hour drive and flying somewhere or driving 3 hours or more.  Also, for an lengthy reception, I would rent a hotel room for the night if I were traveling that far.  For a C&P, if it were going to be over mid-afternoon, I would just go home.

Guests need to know what to expect.

I would drive two hours for someone close to me for a ceremony and C&P reception, but I wouldn't for someone not close and I wouldn't drive 3+ or fly.

indianaalum

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable hosting just cake and punch if I knew most of my guests would be traveling great distances, but that is just me. I would probably make sure my guests felt plenty full when they are done with the wedding. Also, cake and punch weddings are shorter. If people fly in and/or drive far distances, you would want  to make sure the wedding lasts a while, as well

I don't think a guest should have to spend more money attending my wedding than it took for me to host the entire wedding. but that's just me.

I did once travel out of state for a wedding where I was not fed. Most guests were also out of town. no appetizers, nothing. I don't even think it had cake. I think it simply had some wine. I had a blast because I was with all my friends, however, I remember it to this day (10 or so years later) as the wedding that did not feed me a thing. People do remember these type of things

netskyblue2

If you DO want to host more than just cake, tea sandwiches might be a fitting, and not very expensive, addition.  You could probably have something made up at a grocery store's deli department if they do catering.

larrygaga

I think to be polite you should say the cake and punch think on the invites. And perhaps end the reception right before dinner. Or you could do a meal option that is cheaper, like sandwiches. Maybe a soup and salad bar, too. 

a13049

As mentioned before, etiquette wise you are fine. If a c&p reception is what you can afford I wouldn't side eye you. However, if I traveled 4 hours and you had an over the top designer gown, tons of fresh floral arrangements and other high priced luxuries I would be out off because clearly hosting your guests isn't a priority. If you have a reasonable wedding and reception with c&p, I would be happy as a guests.

I also agree that I personally wouldn't host a c&p reception because over 3/4 of our budget is spent in entertaining our guests. When we have birthday party for dd our family travels 2 hours and I still feel like I at least can host sneak for them, be it hotdogs and burghers or pizza. But that's more a personal choice than an etiquette issue.

CMGragain

Miss Manners' daughter had an afternoon garden wedding with tea sandwiches, cake and punch.

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

Miss Manners' daughter had an afternoon garden wedding with tea sandwiches, cake and punch.

But did Miss Manner's daughter have a good portion of her guest list coming from OOT?

grumbledore

CMGragain said:

Miss Manners' daughter had an afternoon garden wedding with tea sandwiches, cake and punch.

But did Miss Manner's daughter have a good portion of her guest list coming from OOT?

This. I think we all agree that, in principle, it's perfectly fine and polite to have a cake and punch reception (assuming it doesn't fall over a mealtime). The issue is that the OP has said most guests are traveling, which is why she's asking if it's ok in that particular situation. A lot of posters so far, myself included, would not be comfortable with that, as hosts or guests.

Jen4948

grumbledore said:

CMGragain said:

Miss Manners' daughter had an afternoon garden wedding with tea sandwiches, cake and punch.

But did Miss Manner's daughter have a good portion of her guest list coming from OOT?

This. I think we all agree that, in principle, it's perfectly fine and polite to have a cake and punch reception (assuming it doesn't fall over a mealtime). The issue is that the OP has said most guests are traveling, which is why she's asking if it's ok in that particular situation. A lot of posters so far, myself included, would not be comfortable with that, as hosts or guests.

I agree.  The wedding reception itself can be cake and punch at the proper time of day, but my inner hostess would want to serve more than that.

thesummersky

Thanks for all of your input! We're now looking into other food options. BBQ and sandwiches are on the list to get quotes for - would ya'll consider pizza to be a solid option if was presented nicely?

Edit: I added an unnecessary word. Silly me.

Inkdancer

thesummersky said:

Thanks for all of your input! We're now looking into other food options. BBQ and sandwiches are on the list to get quotes for - would ya'll consider pizza to be a solid option of if was presented nicely?

If someone served me pizza at a wedding I would do a happy dance and so would my FI.

labro

thesummersky said:

Thanks for all of your input! We're now looking into other food options. BBQ and sandwiches are on the list to get quotes for - would ya'll consider pizza to be a solid option if was presented nicely?

Edit: I added an unnecessary word. Silly me.

My BFF is having a small reception with some limited food options and heavy hors d'ouvres. They're having a "gourmet" grilled cheese station. I'm totally going to be standing by that table all night long and I am not ashamed at all...nope.

Jen4948

thesummersky said:

Thanks for all of your input! We're now looking into other food options. BBQ and sandwiches are on the list to get quotes for - would ya'll consider pizza to be a solid option if was presented nicely?

Edit: I added an unnecessary word. Silly me.

Absolutely!  I love pizza period.

missnc77

What time does your ceremony start and reception end?

afaber24

It sounds like you're in the clear etiquette wise. But just to give you something else to think about...What will you and your new husband do after the cake and punch reception? Will you go home, make a pizza, and call it a night? Or will you go to a restaurant with your parents? I would not be very happy if I drove 5+ hours for cake and punch and then had to cruise through McDonalds on my way back home or order room service at a hotel if I was staying the night.

A lunch time reception might be a better option to give a meal and still give people time to get home that night.

wrigleyville

Grilled cheese, pizza, chicken wings - all of these foods would thrill me to pieces.