Friend keeps assuming he can bring a date.

climbingsingle

I sent a STD to a good friend of mine addressed to him and his girlfriend. They've since broken up. He keeps making comments about finding a date. I bean dip him, but he brings it up almost every time. I don't know why he's so set on bringing a date - he will know a very large amount of the guests at my wedding. We've been friends for over 15 years. 

But, he is a good friend of mine. If he really wants to bring a date, I can let him. Is is that big of a deal? No. 

However, it's irritating as fuck that he's just assuming I'm inviting him with a guest. Shit, there are members of my family I'm not even inviting because we're trying to keep our number relatively small. 

grumbledore

That is annoying.  You either have to tell him no now, or choose to let him bring someone - I wouldn't let the assumption linger.

climbingsingle

You're right! And because I don't like uncomfortable conversations, I will let him bring a date. 

lyndausvi

I'm not saying this is right..... however ....some people will equate that you gave him a plus one option by inviting the now-ex.   Us knotties know better, but it's clear not everyone does.

Then add in people like me.   I am/was all pro-substitutions, so in my case he would have had a correct assumption.   I actually did not care if a guest brought someone else.   As long as they were happy I didn't care.   

And there lies the problem.   People like me are all "sure, of course".  Others are all "Hell to the no. I don't want no flavor-of-the-month I haven't met at my wedding".  It's no wonder people are confused and/or make assumptions. 

melbelleup

lyndausvi said:

I'm not saying this is right..... however ....some people will equate that you gave him a plus one option by inviting the now-ex.   Us knotties know better, but it's clear not everyone does.

Then add in people like me.   I am/was all pro-substitutions, so in my case he would have had a correct assumption.   I actually did not care if a guest brought someone else.   As long as they were happy I didn't care.   

And there lies the problem.   People like me are all "sure, of course".  Others are all "Hell to the no. I don't want no flavor-of-the-month I haven't met at my wedding".  It's no wonder people are confused and/or make assumptions. 

You are just like me. As long as they're happy and I was already planning for a plus one for them, sure, have at it!

climbingsingle

I mean, if he even had someone in mind, I don't think it would bother me as much. It's that he keeps saying, "I have to find a date for your wedding." It's like dude - you're not even casually seeing or talking to anyone. You don't need to be searching high and low for someone to bring. Just come and have fun! 

lyndausvi

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I mean, if he even had someone in mind, I don't think it would bother me as much. It's that he keeps saying, "I have to find a date for your wedding." It's like dude - you're not even casually seeing or talking to anyone. You don't need to be searching high and low for someone to bring. Just come and have fun! 

My BIL kept saying the same thing.   The week before I still didn't know "who" he was bringing. More annoyed because I needed to print the table cards.  I ended up  just printed his table card BIL + guest.    He ended up bringing a friend of SIL (who brought the other 3rd of the friend-trio).  So in the end he came and enjoyed himself without a true date.  

Whatever.

ElcaB

I seriously don't understand why people feel they need dates for weddings. 

In the event you don't know anyone except the B&G, sure, I get it. But when you have mutual friends or know the family well, what's the big deal?

lyndausvi

ElcaB said:

I seriously don't understand why people feel they need dates for weddings. 

In the event you don't know anyone except the B&G, sure, I get it. But when you have mutual friends or know the family well, what's the big deal?

while we did give everyone a date, I don't get it either.  No singles on my side brought a date.  There are so many of us to meet, so many questions on getting to know the date (how long have you  been dating, oh, must be serious if they are meeting the "FAMILY" blah, blah).  Yeah, no. Bringing a date is way more stressful than attending alone in my family.   LOL

vulpiepop

It's really up to you. You addressed it to him and his now-ex by name (I'm assuming) so you're in your rights and wouldn't be rude to politely explain to him that the wedding will be intimate and the invitation was for those named and aren't transferable. If you've budgeted for said-ex, his plus 1 wouldn't add to your costs though (well, most likely. If you have an open bar and the plus 1 pounds down 20 bottles of beers and 10 glasses of cocktails, that's coming out of your wallet).

I, personally, am of the stance of no-substitutions but I'm also having a very intimate, small wedding which is mostly family and only a very few of our very closest friends and their SOs, but that's just me.

climbingsingle

Yup, I definitely addressed it to his ex by name.