Chit Chat

Oh, for boot's sake.

After consulting my sister/MOH, I purchased my nieces' flower girl dresses for them to wear to our wedding. 

I'm very close with my sister, although she can be really bossy and controlling at times. Without consulting me, she decided to buy my nieces purple cowboy boots to wear to the wedding. When I told her it doesn't fit my vision (there is absolutely nothing country about our wedding), she started yelling at me. She said yelled, "You only get to choose what the BMs wear. You don't get to dictate what the flower girls wear, too!" 

I don't feel like I'm dictating anything. All of our BP's wedding attire was chosen after consulting the BP, so it's not as if I'm marching around shouting, "You will wear this dress! You must get those pants!" I feel really bullied by my sister. Am I overreacting, or is she out of line? How do I proceed?
image

Re: Oh, for boot's sake.

  • Uhm, actually, yes, you do get to dictate what people wear, as long as you (a) consult their budgets and modesty requirements and (b) pay for anything you require beyond the basic dress. 

    So, yes, your sister is being a bitch, but I think what you have to ask is if this is a hill you want to die on. How bad will the boots look with the FG dresses? 

    At the end of the day, if it matters to you, fight your sister on it, but first figure out if you're fighting over the boots themselves or what they represent (your sister being a bitch).
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • um, you are not overreacting.
    image
  • Ugh, I hate cowboy boots and formal dresses.  Sorry to those of you that have that as part of your vision, it's just not for me.

    If she is going to be a huge pain in the ass over the shoes, you have to decide if you really want to make childrens' cowboy boots your Waterloo. . . to borrow a phrase from the WW board.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I'm just trying to picture what flower girl dress would look cute with purple cowboy boats...

    *head shake*

    If this were my wedding, and someone I loved - I would talk to them. It just wouldn't fit what we want at all. BUT I'd try to do it in a calm yet strong way. Meet her for lunch without the girls and say "Hey sis, I know you came up with this idea but it really doesn't fit with their dresses and the bridal parties attire. Could we discuss another option? Do the girls have any black or silver shoes at home they like?" I honestly might even offer to pay for their boots since she has already purchased them...but I don't think that's a must at all.
  • Here's an idea - could the girls wear the boots to another wedding-related occasion, like a shower or the rehearsal?



    Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • Purple cowboy boots??? Yikes. You are not overreacting. 
  • I mean, I don't know if I would make this a hill to die on, but I'd be upset. You bought their dresses, there is no reason why you can't decide on the type of shoes in this case. 
    image



    Anniversary
  • I love purple and I love cowboy boots, but yes it will most likely be a little obnoxious.  However they are little and can get away with it.  We say all the time you pick the bridesmaid dresses but if you want them to wear a certain shoe you need to buy it. Since you did buy the dress for her I would give you the green light to request a different pair of shoes. Try to compromise with sister--maybe they can wear the boots to the reception but ask they wear something more formal for their dress for the ceremony and pictures.    Find some affordable options for her to choose from and let them wear the boots later.
    image

    Anniversary
  • No, you're not overreacting. Not at all.
  • ElcaB said:
    After consulting my sister/MOH, I purchased my nieces' flower girl dresses for them to wear to our wedding. 

    I'm very close with my sister, although she can be really bossy and controlling at times. Without consulting me, she decided to buy my nieces purple cowboy boots to wear to the wedding. When I told her it doesn't fit my vision (there is absolutely nothing country about our wedding), she started yelling at me. She said yelled, "You only get to choose what the BMs wear. You don't get to dictate what the flower girls wear, too!" 

    I don't feel like I'm dictating anything. All of our BP's wedding attire was chosen after consulting the BP, so it's not as if I'm marching around shouting, "You will wear this dress! You must get those pants!" I feel really bullied by my sister. Am I overreacting, or is she out of line? How do I proceed?
    You 100% get to decide what the flower girls wear - they are in the wedding party.  And since you are paying for them, budget discussions don't even come into play here.

    That said, you only get to pick their shoes if you want to pay for those too, otherwise I'd just let them wear whatever, but purple cowboy boots is a pretty bold choice, so if it doesn't fit with what you've picked, tell her no.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yes you do get to dictate. That's very disrespectful of her. If she still insists to push these boots tell her that the girl is not allowed to participate. If you really don't care, just let her wear the boots. There has to be a compromise.
  • Can you buy mary janes/sandals/whatever normal footwear for them, and ask that they wear those for the ceremony/photos, and then they can put on whatever shoes they want? 

    Honestly it's not a hill I'd find worth dying on though. I can't tell you what any flower girl's shoes were in any wedding I've been to. Including the one where my sister was the FG and I was a BM. 
    image
  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think you're all right; it's not a hill I want to die on. At the same time, I cringe picturing my sweet nieces in their adorable dresses and purple cowboy boots. Ew. 

    I think I'm going to let it rest for awhile, then bring it up another time and just calmly tell her I'd really appreciate it if the girls wore something dressier for the ceremony and photos, then after that they are more than welcome to cowboy it up during the reception. 
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards