H is being an asshat *long*

NavyBlue143

Backstory: 3 weeks ago I stopped taking birth control. I have PCOS. I am awaiting my appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist to see what I can do to improve my chances of conceiving. I had a miscarriage 5 years ago. The father was ex FI.

The past two days I have been having stomach cramps and nausea. H commented this morning that I might be pregnant. I laughed and said we aren't that lucky, that a vicious stomach bug was making its way through my school right now and I had probably caught it. He snapped at me "Way to be optimistic baby, that makes things better. Way to be positive." I told him I had only been off bc for 3 weeks and even with Metformin it would probably take some time for my body to start self regulating and ovulate. It was most likely a stomach bug. He popped off that he was sick of me harping on my PCOS and bitching about how hard it would be to get pregnant. I have the occasional frustrated pout, but this was not one.

I got mad and said you lose a child and tell me how to feel then.

I'm trying to be optimistic about my chances, but at the same time I am prepared for this to take time and possibly medical assistance. I am also aware that because of my condition, my chance of miscarriage is higher. Being aware of that and preparing for the possibility of that pain all over again does not mean I'm not hopeful I'll get pregnant quickly and it will be perfectly healthy. He understands very little about my condition or how many conditions have to be right for ANY woman to conceive. He seems to think it should just happen immediately.

Anyway, then he stormed off, ate breakfast in the bedroom and then went outside to do yardwork. I sat on the couch stunned for awhile and then went to my parents' house for Easter lunch. He was supposed to go with me but still hadn't spoken to me or come in. I told him I was leaving. I came home last and we said three words to each other and I went to bed.

For the record, I am not pregnant. I took a test. I haven't even ovulated yet. Regardless, I don't think his reaction was warranted at all. Was it?

Maggie0829

NavyBlue143 said:

Backstory: 3 weeks ago I stopped taking birth control. I have PCOS. I am awaiting my appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist to see what I can do to improve my chances of conceiving. I had a miscarriage 5 years ago. The father was ex FI. The past two days I have been having stomach cramps and nausea. H commented this morning that I might be pregnant. I laughed and said we aren't that lucky, that a vicious stomach bug was making its way through my school right now and I had probably caught it. He snapped at me "Way to be optimistic baby, that makes things better. Way to be positive." I told him I had only been off bc for 3 weeks and even with Metformin it would probably take some time for my body to start self regulating and ovulate. It was most likely a stomach bug. He popped off that he was sick of me harping on my PCOS and bitching about how hard it would be to get pregnant. I have the occasional frustrated pout, but this was not one. I got mad and said you lose a child and tell me how to feel then. I'm trying to be optimistic about my chances, but at the same time I am prepared for this to take time and possibly medical assistance. I am also aware that because of my condition, my chance of miscarriage is higher. Being aware of that and preparing for the possibility of that pain all over again does not mean I'm not hopeful I'll get pregnant quickly and it will be perfectly healthy. He understands very little about my condition or how many conditions have to be right for ANY woman to conceive. He seems to think it should just happen immediately. Anyway, then he stormed off, ate breakfast in the bedroom and then went outside to do yardwork. I sat on the couch stunned for awhile and then went to my parents' house for Easter lunch. He was supposed to go with me but still hadn't spoken to me or come in. I told him I was leaving. I came home last and we said three words to each other and I went to bed. For the record, I am not pregnant. I took a test. I haven't even ovulated yet. Regardless, I don't think his reaction was warranted at all. Was it?

Maybe he is just as worried and frustrated and everything that you are feeling as well, but is trying to be optimistic about things and you pretty much dashing his hopes and then having an outburst is kind of his version of pouting over the possible difficulties that lay ahead.  Remember it is not just you that may be having difficulties in trying to get pregnant, he too will be going through it with you and is probably wanting to have a baby just as bad as you.

I think that both of you may have just had a bad day.  I think a little conversation about all the possibilities that could rear their ugly heads in the future is needed and a reminder that you need to support one another through this and even if you or him have outbursts you still need to be able to communicate and move forward.

HisGirlFriday13

I can see both sides. On the one hand, I can see him being excited about wanting to have a baby with you. On the other hand, I can see your side that you know it's going to be hard to conceive, you know the conditions weren't right, you know the heartbreak of losing a child. 

That being said, I do think he over-reacted. I don't think men truly understand what goes into getting pregnant. It's like they all remember the take-away from high school sex ed -- 'It only takes one sperm to get her pregnant, boys!' -- but didn't pay attention in biology class to learn that yeah, it takes one sperm, but that one sperm has to encounter VERY favourable odds.

I don't think there was any reason for him to be as snappish as he was about what you said because (from your post) it sounds like you were being cheerful, not melancholy, about it. 

FWIW, every time I have ANY possible symptom of pregnancy, DH immediately jumps to the conclusion I'm pregnant, and it always takes me much explaining to convince him I'm not.

emmyg65

Wow, he was really out of line. Now that you've both had some time to cool off, it might be a good time to start a conversation. "I understand that you were frustrated, by I've been living with PCOS for a long time and I'm concerned about our path to having a baby. When you react like that, it makes me feel like you don't trust me (or don't understand, or we're not a team—basically however you feel). It would mean a lot to me if you'd learn a little about the condition. Here's a (link/article/brief book) so we can both get on the same page."

Infertility is hard enough without also having relationship issues. Good luck!

LakeR2014

NavyBlue143 said:

Backstory: 3 weeks ago I stopped taking birth control. I have PCOS. I am awaiting my appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist to see what I can do to improve my chances of conceiving. I had a miscarriage 5 years ago. The father was ex FI. The past two days I have been having stomach cramps and nausea. H commented this morning that I might be pregnant. I laughed and said we aren't that lucky, that a vicious stomach bug was making its way through my school right now and I had probably caught it. He snapped at me "Way to be optimistic baby, that makes things better. Way to be positive." I told him I had only been off bc for 3 weeks and even with Metformin it would probably take some time for my body to start self regulating and ovulate. It was most likely a stomach bug. He popped off that he was sick of me harping on my PCOS and bitching about how hard it would be to get pregnant. I have the occasional frustrated pout, but this was not one. I got mad and said you lose a child and tell me how to feel then. I'm trying to be optimistic about my chances, but at the same time I am prepared for this to take time and possibly medical assistance. I am also aware that because of my condition, my chance of miscarriage is higher. Being aware of that and preparing for the possibility of that pain all over again does not mean I'm not hopeful I'll get pregnant quickly and it will be perfectly healthy. He understands very little about my condition or how many conditions have to be right for ANY woman to conceive. He seems to think it should just happen immediately. Anyway, then he stormed off, ate breakfast in the bedroom and then went outside to do yardwork. I sat on the couch stunned for awhile and then went to my parents' house for Easter lunch. He was supposed to go with me but still hadn't spoken to me or come in. I told him I was leaving. I came home last and we said three words to each other and I went to bed. For the record, I am not pregnant. I took a test. I haven't even ovulated yet. Regardless, I don't think his reaction was warranted at all. Was it?

@NavyBlue143 I'm sorry you had to go through a miscarriage and as someone who has lived with PCOS since I was 14, I can understand your worries and fears in regards to conceiving, especially having already had a miscarriage.   That being said, I think you might be being a little hard on your FI.  

As PP, previously stated he may have been trying to be optimistic in regards to the pregnancy, and if he's looking forward to a baby as much as you, you can't fault him for it.   Also - don't dilute your outlook by following the assumption of 'I have PCOS - it's going to be a b*tch to get pregnant, and then who knows what will happen.'   Try and stay positive.  This will not only help your relationship with your FI, but it will also help your own mental and physical well -being.

Having PCOS is not easy, but it does NOT necessarily mean you will not conceive or that you will have a difficult time conceiving.   Try to aim for the positive side and most importantly keep an open communication with your FI.  Make sure he's aware of the possible hiccups having PCOS brings to the table and be open to his support.   It's hard on him too.   Best of luck!

Maggie0829

I'm sorry but I really disagree that he was out of line.  Again, if he knows all the information maybe he was just trying to be optimistic about the possibility and OP shooting that down repeatedly could have made him really upset and disheartened and really drove the point home that this could be a difficult road.  Is he never allowed to get upset about it?  Is OP the only one allowed to get upset and maybe pout every now and then?

Look I am not saying tantrums or whatever are good, but they happen and it doesn't mean that he was out of line or overreacted.  People get upset and it doesn't seem like he started screaming at her and throwing things.  He got upset and went to cool off.  People get upset differently and it doesn't make him bad a person.

OP, have you and him ever discussed your health issues fully and what they may mean for conceiving?  If not, you really need to.  If he doesn't have all the information then he cannot fully understand what you are going through.  Again, I really think a conversation needs to happen, maybe even in the presence of your doctor so he can ask questions and get answers directly from the professional.

HisGirlFriday13

Maggie0829 said:

I'm sorry but I really disagree that he was out of line.  Again, if he knows all the information maybe he was just trying to be optimistic about the possibility and OP shooting that down repeatedly could have made him really upset and disheartened and really drove the point home that this could be a difficult road.  Is he never allowed to get upset about it?  Is OP the only one allowed to get upset and maybe pout every now and then?

Look I am not saying tantrums or whatever are good, but they happen and it doesn't mean that he was out of line or overreacted.  People get upset and it doesn't seem like he started screaming at her and throwing things.  He got upset and went to cool off.  People get upset differently and it doesn't make him bad a person.

OP, have you and him ever discussed your health issues fully and what they may mean for conceiving?  If not, you really need to.  If he doesn't have all the information then he cannot fully understand what you are going through.  Again, I really think a conversation needs to happen, maybe even in the presence of your doctor so he can ask questions and get answers directly from the professional.

I think the difference is what kind of over-reaction they each had. It's one thing for him to be upset because he feels like she's dashing his hopes. It's another for him to pout the whole damn day, not go to Easter brunch with OP's family, and then not speak to OP when she got home.

There are normal ranges of reactions to anger or upset or disappointment; pouting for an entire day isn't one of them. 

FiancB

That being said, I do think he over-reacted. I don't think men truly understand what goes into getting pregnant. It's like they all remember the take-away from high school sex ed -- 'It only takes one sperm to get her pregnant, boys!' -- but didn't pay attention in biology class to learn that yeah, it takes one sperm, but that one sperm has to encounter VERY favourable odds.

*****************STUCK************************

This. I think sex ed really focuses on drilling into all our minds that if you let a penis anywhere near a vagina, you WILL get knocked up and it's not true and it takes some time to get it into people's heads that it's usually not that easy. The average couple tries for 6 months and anecdotally that seems to be the case out of people that I know. PCOS certainly won't help. 

I think he was pretty mean and nasty about it, but we do all have our weak moments. I am honestly more concerned about him giving the silent treatment than his outburst. How do most disagreements go? I just worry he isn't able to communicate effectively or maturely. That said, it probably isn't yet quite time to be actively TTC so while it's great that you're being proactive and seeing a doctor for it, other than that I'd try to not worry about it too much at this point. I would guess he probably isn't crazy about hearing about a past pregnancy you had with someone else, either. 

Have you had some premarital counseling? I think it sounds like a good idea to work through "how to fight" as well as have a discussion about how hard to try to get pregnant (are fertility treatments an option?) and what if you can't (are you willing to adopt?)

Maggie0829

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I'm sorry but I really disagree that he was out of line.  Again, if he knows all the information maybe he was just trying to be optimistic about the possibility and OP shooting that down repeatedly could have made him really upset and disheartened and really drove the point home that this could be a difficult road.  Is he never allowed to get upset about it?  Is OP the only one allowed to get upset and maybe pout every now and then?

Look I am not saying tantrums or whatever are good, but they happen and it doesn't mean that he was out of line or overreacted.  People get upset and it doesn't seem like he started screaming at her and throwing things.  He got upset and went to cool off.  People get upset differently and it doesn't make him bad a person.

OP, have you and him ever discussed your health issues fully and what they may mean for conceiving?  If not, you really need to.  If he doesn't have all the information then he cannot fully understand what you are going through.  Again, I really think a conversation needs to happen, maybe even in the presence of your doctor so he can ask questions and get answers directly from the professional.

I think the difference is what kind of over-reaction they each had. It's one thing for him to be upset because he feels like she's dashing his hopes. It's another for him to pout the whole damn day, not go to Easter brunch with OP's family, and then not speak to OP when she got home.

There are normal ranges of reactions to anger or upset or disappointment; pouting for an entire day isn't one of them. 

But people deal with being upset differently.  If I get mad at H he knows that I need some time by myself and that I really won't feel like talking to him because I need time to process my thoughts. H on the other hand gets upset and in about 15 minutes is over it.  We understand this about each other. I just don't think him getting upset and needing some time alone and not really wanting to talk a lot is him overreacting.  He was probably just dealing with a lot of heavy feelings.  Being upset about possible difficulties in having a baby is completely different then if OP had shrunk one of his favorite shirts.  But thinking that he is an asshat because he doesn't handle things the same way OP would is not right.

HisGirlFriday13

Maggie0829 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I'm sorry but I really disagree that he was out of line.  Again, if he knows all the information maybe he was just trying to be optimistic about the possibility and OP shooting that down repeatedly could have made him really upset and disheartened and really drove the point home that this could be a difficult road.  Is he never allowed to get upset about it?  Is OP the only one allowed to get upset and maybe pout every now and then?

Look I am not saying tantrums or whatever are good, but they happen and it doesn't mean that he was out of line or overreacted.  People get upset and it doesn't seem like he started screaming at her and throwing things.  He got upset and went to cool off.  People get upset differently and it doesn't make him bad a person.

OP, have you and him ever discussed your health issues fully and what they may mean for conceiving?  If not, you really need to.  If he doesn't have all the information then he cannot fully understand what you are going through.  Again, I really think a conversation needs to happen, maybe even in the presence of your doctor so he can ask questions and get answers directly from the professional.

I think the difference is what kind of over-reaction they each had. It's one thing for him to be upset because he feels like she's dashing his hopes. It's another for him to pout the whole damn day, not go to Easter brunch with OP's family, and then not speak to OP when she got home.

There are normal ranges of reactions to anger or upset or disappointment; pouting for an entire day isn't one of them. 

But people deal with being upset differently.  If I get mad at H he knows that I need some time by myself and that I really won't feel like talking to him because I need time to process my thoughts. H on the other hand gets upset and in about 15 minutes is over it.  We understand this about each other. I just don't think him getting upset and needing some time alone and not really wanting to talk a lot is him overreacting.  He was probably just dealing with a lot of heavy feelings.  Being upset about possible difficulties in having a baby is completely different then if OP had shrunk one of his favorite shirts.  But thinking that he is an asshat because he doesn't handle things the same way OP would is not right.

But the difference is you understand each other. It seems like OP and her DH don't have each other's fighting/disagreeing styles figured out yet, and that's a problem. @FiancB raises a good point about communication styles.

DaisyMaeMommy

I don't necessarily think he was out of line, but he could've expressed himself differently.

He's only human though, and it seems to me that he's obviously having a hard time with what is going on. Men don't really seem to understand the possible difficulties behind getting pregnant, especially someone with PCOS.

I agree with Maggie, I wouldn't consider him an asshat.

Maggie0829

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Maggie0829 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I'm sorry but I really disagree that he was out of line.  Again, if he knows all the information maybe he was just trying to be optimistic about the possibility and OP shooting that down repeatedly could have made him really upset and disheartened and really drove the point home that this could be a difficult road.  Is he never allowed to get upset about it?  Is OP the only one allowed to get upset and maybe pout every now and then?

Look I am not saying tantrums or whatever are good, but they happen and it doesn't mean that he was out of line or overreacted.  People get upset and it doesn't seem like he started screaming at her and throwing things.  He got upset and went to cool off.  People get upset differently and it doesn't make him bad a person.

OP, have you and him ever discussed your health issues fully and what they may mean for conceiving?  If not, you really need to.  If he doesn't have all the information then he cannot fully understand what you are going through.  Again, I really think a conversation needs to happen, maybe even in the presence of your doctor so he can ask questions and get answers directly from the professional.

I think the difference is what kind of over-reaction they each had. It's one thing for him to be upset because he feels like she's dashing his hopes. It's another for him to pout the whole damn day, not go to Easter brunch with OP's family, and then not speak to OP when she got home.

There are normal ranges of reactions to anger or upset or disappointment; pouting for an entire day isn't one of them. 

But people deal with being upset differently.  If I get mad at H he knows that I need some time by myself and that I really won't feel like talking to him because I need time to process my thoughts. H on the other hand gets upset and in about 15 minutes is over it.  We understand this about each other. I just don't think him getting upset and needing some time alone and not really wanting to talk a lot is him overreacting.  He was probably just dealing with a lot of heavy feelings.  Being upset about possible difficulties in having a baby is completely different then if OP had shrunk one of his favorite shirts.  But thinking that he is an asshat because he doesn't handle things the same way OP would is not right.

But the difference is you understand each other. It seems like OP and her DH don't have each other's fighting/disagreeing styles figured out yet, and that's a problem. @FiancB raises a good point about communication styles.

I agree that they need to have better communication, but I think it is horrible that everyone thinks he overreacted when it is apparent that none of us, including OP really understand how he reacts to certain situations.  To jump on the "yes he overreacted" bandwagon is ridiculous.  Maybe OP overreacted.  Maybe no one overreacted.  This really comes down to two people who handle getting upset differently and need to work on learning that.  I also think that OPs DH may not be fully informed in what is going on with OPs health and the possible pregnancy issues that may lie ahead.

NavyBlue143

The thing is, I have told him what my disease may mean. That I don't ovulate on my own, that miscarriage chances are higher, my hormones are out of whack, it could take longer to conceive, and it may just never happen. He knows all of that. I told him when we first started getting serious that there was a chance I could never have my own children. He was ok with that. My condition has always been an open conversation. We have discussed it often. He just doesn't remember or comprehend, I guess.

I have never approached it as if it would definitely be an ordeal. Just that it might take some more time and effort. That's all. And that's just being realistic. I don't know anybody with my condition who just ended up pregnant the first month of trying, but I do know several who only had to take Clomid for awhile and had healthy pregnancies. I also know a few who were told it would take a miracle. So while I am hoping for the best, I am not going to pretend nothing can go wrong either.

Also, we are not actively trying. Just not preventing. And I know you cannot get pregnant of you don't ovulate, which I haven't, so for him to expect prgnancy right off the bat when my system isn't even moving yet is way too much pressure.

abbyj700

I'm sorry for the both of you. Anything that can make conceiving harder when you want to just sucks. And add in a miscarriage that only affected one of you - that just makes things even harder. I'm so sorry for your loss. I could hardly imagine how that feels.

BUT I am with @Maggie0829. While he didn't react perfectly - who would in that situation? And the negative attitude you seem to be saying you've had would really bother me. He's trying to be hopeful, he's excited to have a baby with you. Snapping at him, telling him over and over how it's not going to happen - that's not going to help. As long as he is clear on the medical side of things - it will be helpful to both of you to stay positive. The number of times I've heard about women having issues because they were adding extra stress to their bodies over trying to get pregnant is insane. 

Relax. Talk it out with him. Make sure he's informed. And move forward.

pinkshorts27

NavyBlue143 said:

The thing is, I have told him what my disease may mean. That I don't ovulate on my own, that miscarriage chances are higher, my hormones are out of whack, it could take longer to conceive, and it may just never happen. He knows all of that. I told him when we first started getting serious that there was a chance I could never have my own children. He was ok with that. My condition has always been an open conversation. We have discussed it often. He just doesn't remember or comprehend, I guess.

I have never approached it as if it would definitely be an ordeal. Just that it might take some more time and effort. That's all. And that's just being realistic. I don't know anybody with my condition who just ended up pregnant the first month of trying, but I do know several who only had to take Clomid for awhile and had healthy pregnancies. I also know a few who were told it would take a miracle. So while I am hoping for the best, I am not going to pretend nothing can go wrong either.

Also, we are not actively trying. Just not preventing. And I know you cannot get pregnant of you don't ovulate, which I haven't, so for him to expect prgnancy right off the bat when my system isn't even moving yet is way too much pressure.

Knowing and really knowing are two different things. He may have knew in his head before but maybe during that moment it just started to sink in (what I would call heart knowledge)?

For example: I knew FI would propose soon, but when he did I was still emotional. I knew I would graduate, but after my last grade was posted, I felt relieved and emotional. My mom knew I was going to leave home, but got emotional when helping me pack.

NavyBlue143

Also, we do not fight like this. Ever. We talk out arguments like rational people, or agree to revisit a topic when our heads are cooler. This is not normal.

And he is allowed to be upset at the circumstances. But he is not allowed to call my realistic response pessimism. I am not shooting down his hopes constantly as someone suggested. I went off bc 3 WEEKS ago. We are not even actively trying yet until I see a specialist.

shaylagirl

Actually, Maggie's suggestion of taking him to speak with a doctor is fantastic. 

I MADE DH go with me to speak with my GP prior to having my IUD removed so he could ask questions about the things which concerned him about my getting pregnant.  If there was a question he'd asked me in the past and he forgot to ask, I asked her so there was clarification.  I needed him to know and understand getting pregnant could take time (even without a health issue), and I needed him to understand for himself anything that could be troubling him.

I do agree you both over reacted to the situation, which is why I think perhaps going and talking to a doctor is a good idea.

Good luck TTC. 

CMGragain

I think both of your should apologize to each other and start over. 
Back in the day before home pregnancy tests, I had visited by OBGYN five times with negative results.  The sixth time, I sat in a room of very pregnant ladies, waiting for results and crying.  The nurse was very concerned.  She said "Do you WANT to be pregnant?"  I looked up, and I suddenly realized that she thought something was wrong in my personal life.  I nodded the affirmative.  "Well, that is good, because you are!"  I felt so foolish.
I am a Christian.  I believe that God will make it happen when it is supposed to happen.

Maggie0829

NavyBlue143 said:

Also, we do not fight like this. Ever. We talk out arguments like rational people, or agree to revisit a topic when our heads are cooler. This is not normal. And he is allowed to be upset at the circumstances. But he is not allowed to call my realistic response pessimism. I am not shooting down his hopes constantly as someone suggested. I went off bc 3 WEEKS ago. We are not even actively trying yet until I see a specialist.

But this is a huge thing in both of your lives.  This isn't like typical fights over who does the dishes or who takes out the trash or whether or not you can afford a couch.  A child is life changing so the fact that you may have issues in that department will most likely lead to larger and more upsetting fights/disagreements because there is a lot more stress involved.

And again, you say that he is informed, but he must not be that informed to think that you can already be pregnant.  I really suggest that you and he talk to your doctor so that he can get the answers that he needs straight from the horses mouth.

But like another poster said, this may have just been the point where the fact that this may not be an easy road really sunk in and it hit him hard.  Give him the benefit of the doubt and just have a nice calm discussion within about his feelings about all of this.  I know with my H he tends to hide his emotions about things so you really never know how he may be feeling or you think he is fine with something when he really isn't.  Your H may be hiding is true emotions about this to maybe protect you and maybe act as your solid rock through this.  But that is not healthy for either of you.

doeydo

I think he may be in denial about what you having PCOS really means.  

NavyBlue143

abbyj700 said:

I'm sorry for the both of you. Anything that can make conceiving harder when you want to just sucks. And add in a miscarriage that only affected one of you - that just makes things even harder. I'm so sorry for your loss. I could hardly imagine how that feels.

BUT I am with @Maggie0829. While he didn't react perfectly - who would in that situation? And the negative attitude you seem to be saying you've had would really bother me. He's trying to be hopeful, he's excited to have a baby with you. Snapping at him, telling him over and over how it's not going to happen - that's not going to help. As long as he is clear on the medical side of things - it will be helpful to both of you to stay positive. The number of times I've heard about women having issues because they were adding extra stress to their bodies over trying to get pregnant is insane. 

Relax. Talk it out with him. Make sure he's informed. And move forward.

I'm sorry, when did I snap at him? And when did I say I have been saying ad nauseum that it will never happen? I have told him it may be difficult. I have answered questions when he had them. Those answers included the facts that many women with PCOS have trouble conceiving and the reasons why as far as science knows. I have never treated a question as stupid or snapped at him about them. Answering questions about the possible complications when he or a friend asks about them are not chronic negativity.

larrygaga

I think men have an extremely hard time understanding what pregnancy is like. I feel I understand it better than most fathers, and I've never even been pregnant. Just from the fact that I am a lady with baby making parts. His reaction was pretty bad, and you probably need to express how sad that makes you. I don't believe you did anything wrong, at all. I would rip my FI a new asshole if he ever said anything like that to me. Remind him how he is supposed to be there through sickness and health. Also remember that men don't get it. 

What's that saying? A woman becomes a parent the second she's pregnant, and a man becomes a parent the second he holds his child. Pregnancy is pretty weird for guys. 

OliveOilsMom

I have been reading "PCOS and your Fertility".  It has been a great resource for me and I think that your H could also benefit from it.  I will be turning it over to my H when I finish reading it. 

If you haven't considered it, a nutritionist might help as well.  One thing the book recommends is eating a more balanced diet.  Cutting back on white flour and sticking to whole wheat, eating more nuts, yogurt, and vegetables too.  That is just some of the basics it recommends. 

The book also goes into the different fertility treatments that could be an option if pregnancy doesn't occur naturally, which could also be helpful for your H to read about.